Partner left me

[Chris 21]

Hi, I am Chris, I suffer depression and have done for a long time, sadly my partner is my life, I mean my life, left me in September after 27 years sighting issues over our relationship… it is breaking my heart, everyone says it gets easier with time, however it’s getting harder for me…. I I have been self harming to help with the pain, however it doesn’t help .. even attempted to take my life 4 weeks ago, she says she is broken and no longer wants a relationship … it’s made my depression worse , I am 46, have no friends as I isolated myself with depression … I have 2 wonderful kids whom make me want to live but I can’t concentrate , constant crying, headaches intermittent eating … being sick … I know she won’t come back she has made it clear … but I can’t go on without her, she has been there for me since I was 19 …. Now when I need her most she deserts me.

I am at a loss with what to do, my GP has me on mood and depression tablets they do not help .. make me drowsy and sleepy but doesn’t take the pain away as said 2 months and pain gets worse I have no family …. I just wanted to air, thank you for reading this if you choose.

chris

[Sophie_M]

Dear Chris_21, 

We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling so broken-hearted and depressed. It sounds like you are feeling lost without your partner in your life. 

Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. 

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

If things become too distressing and overwhelming for you, and if your thoughts of suicide increase, please remember that there are always crisis support services available such as at Lifeline (13 11 14), Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), or emergency services (000 – Triple zero) if you find yourself to be in immediate danger.

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Chris 21,

I’d like to extend a very warm welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear about your break up. You are left devastated and hurting after your long term partner decided to leave.

Sophie has supported you with some amazing advice. I’d also encourage you to seek some professional support. You visiting your GP was a good step forward. Perhaps you could go back, explain how you feel and ask for a referral to a loss support counsellor who could support you through this most difficult time?

The common understanding of grief is when somebody dies, however, a separation/divorce can be nearly equally strong. You are experiencing constant crying, struggling with depression, headaches, intermittent eating, feeling sick, you can’t concentrate… These are common and expected among people who are experiencing a significant loss. I know it’s very, very hard for you now but it has been only two months or so. The wound is still very fresh. Be kind and patient to yourself as you need it more than ever.

I am really glad you reached out here and “aired” the things out of your chest. This is sometimes the best you can do to start with.
I am also wondering how would you feel about trying some grounding techniques (during times when you feel your worst) followed by relaxation techniques? Remember to breathe, don’t rush it, just let your body follow the natural rhythm. Focus your attention on breathing and how it fills your body with life supporting oxygen.

It is also good that the thoughts of your children keep you going. They must love you very much and I am sure it must be very hard also for them to witness your separation and what you both are going through.

Please come back to this forum as often as you feel like. Venting is a good start, somebody is always here to listen and genuinely try to support you.

Thinking of you and always ready to chat more.

[Petal22]

Hi Chris21,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im really sorry that you are feeling this way I understand it would be difficult for you.

Sophie has given you some great contacts please call them and have a chat.

Im sorry that you attempted to take your own life I understand this is very sad.

Chris21 please stay here with us, please go back to your gp and tell them that your medication isn’t working and that you need more professional help…… did you do a mental health plan together?

Was your gp aware that you tried to take your own life?

I understand that you have two beautiful children try to focus your love onto them they love you too and want and need you in their lives.

[geoff]

Hello Chris, I'm sorry for what's happened to you as I can certainly relate after being married 25 years and know exactly what you've said.

What helped me was to move away from the place you're living in, there are too many memories there that trigger different reactions, so items and furniture have to be divided up, can I suggest that you not to be home when she comes for her items.

Is there any possibility that you can still have contact with your wife, just to have a general chat about how your kids are going etc, because if you keep asking her to come back at this point, talking with her may end and that's not what you want.

It's an awful situation you're in and you have my total sympathy.

Geoff.

[Chris 21]

Thanks for the replies, it got too much last night and I was taken to a secure unit, I am allowed my phone….

I have never felt pain like this in my life, my mum died when I was 23, this is 100 time’s worse … I am in a secure unit at a hospital as I speak … they claim they can help.. I don’t think I will be out for 1 or 2 weeks they have said …. As I need meds to kick in and work ….

Thanks for the kind thoughts and prays..

blessings to all.

[Banksy92]

Hi Chris21,

I'm really sorry to hear all you've been dealing with. We welcome you to the forums and will try to be as helpful and supportive as we can for you during this unimaginably hard time. This community is a safe space, everyone is welcome and wants to help each other. Please share with us how you are going as much as you can and are comfortable.

I also agree with the other comment which asked if you had discussed a mental health care plan? In my darkest hours and hardest points in life, I have found incredible support from seeing a professional psychologist regularly to work through it. Would you be open to this?

I've heard medication can take a little while to take effect, but it can be really helpful. I hope it kicks in and you are feeling more yourself soon.

Thinking of you.

[Chris 21]

Hi Banksy, I was admitted to a MHW last night, not permitted to leave , they are putting a MHP in place I assume, but they don’t grasp, I can’t get over my partner, I assumed it would get easier, but it hurts more everyday, now I am stuck in this place I feel million times worse .,, the MH Nurse rolled her eyes when she see me crying if to say man up. …

[Petal22]

Hi Chris 21,

Im sorry to hear that things got to much last night.

Im glad to hear you are now receiving medical attention.

Hang in there things will get better.

[Banksy92]

Hi Chris, how are you feeling today?

Please know that your feelings are completely valid while you process this loss. I understand your difficulty, waiting to feel better but still hurting so deeply but if you hang in there a little while longer, it gets easier.

A MH plan will be a great support to you - I hope you are able to see someone soon to talk through how you're feeling and make a plan towards feeling stronger and happier. As the medication takes effect this may also really help.

Do you have access to pens and paper in the facility? Perhaps you might like to try journaling as a way to process your feelings. When I have been weighed down by depression or intense anxiety, writing out my feelings really helps.

Have you ever tried meditation or deep breathing exercises? This is also a really helpful tool to calm the mind. If you have access on your phone, maybe try one of these Youtube videos for a guided option: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W19PdslW7iw

Or, on your own you can try closing your eyes while sitting or lying down, breathing in slowly to the count of 5, and out slowly to the count of 5. Doing this for 10-15 minutes can have a great impact on your mood.

Let us know how you're getting on.