My friend took her life

[Lucette]

Today I found out that my friend had taken her own life yesterday. No one really knows yet and I feel like I’m just numb and that it hasn’t set in yet. She new so much about home and I wish she knew she could have told me. Maybe she would still be here. She was going to go beauty school and she was going to dye my hair. I keep thinking that she will turn up to our classes.

she was one of the first people I came out to and she never got to come out to everyone else. She knew about what was happening in my life and she told me about her past issues. She was such a sweet person. And I hate saying that she “was”. I hate it. She should still be that nice person who made everyone so happy. She should get to leave school and move to a bigger city like she wanted to. She should have gone to semi formal and had Christmas.

I wish she knew that we loved her. I wish she talked to me or anyone. I love her and I don’t want to admit she’s gone. It’s not fair. She didn’t deserve to feel like this. And as someone who has been thinking about ending it for ages I wish she had told me I couod have tried to help her.

I love you Ashley I hope your ok now. Know that everyone loves you and you going to be so incredibly missed. I love you with my whole heart. Goodbye angel ❣️🕊

[Sophie_M]

Dear Lucette, 

We are so sorry to hear about your loss. How devastating. 

We can tell from your post that you had a very good bond with Ashley, and it must be so difficult knowing that she has gone this way. 

We're glad that you expressed your feelings on this forum, and we hope that the support that you receive helps you to feel better, even if only slightly. 

You might want to consider getting in touch with  Griefline - 1300 845 745. GriefLine provides counselling support services free of charge to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. It might be helpful to talk through these feelings with a professional. 

You might also want to consider engaging with your school counsellor if you don't see them already, and they might be able to support you through this difficult, grieving period. 

You also mentioned struggling with your own thoughts of suicidal ideation. If this increases or becomes more severe or intense for you, please do not hesitate to contact helplines such as Kids Helpline or Lifeline. 

Kids helpline (1800 55 1800) are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. You can find out more about their services here: https://kidshelpline.com.au/ 

Lifeline (13 11 14) offer crisis support services. You can find out more about their services here: https://www.lifeline.org.au/

We are here for you; please continue to post as you see fit. 

[geoff]

Hello Lucette, it's easy to tell that you loved her so much and I'm sure she did for you, and sometimes when people are so depressed, love is not strong enough for them to overcome their problems, there is no light at the end and for some reason, they are unable to express how they feel, and only know from experience, but I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

Ashley would have loved you with all her heart because she knew you loved her and my sincere condolences in every way possible.

Please look after yourself.

Geoff. x

[Sophia16]

Hi Lucette,

I am so sorry for your loss. You must be feeling so devasted and aggrieved. I hope you are feeling okay and taking care of yourself. I can see that you loved her a lot. May she rest in peace.

I know she is watching over you and wants you to pursue your life and achieve all your dreams.

Please stay safe and I am here to chat if you need me.

[second time]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I loss my best friend from speeding-car accident about 15 years ago, I still miss him friends get you on levels family often doesn't and vice versa.

My brother took his own life a little under a month ago, my animal brain still struggles to understand he is gone he was the only constant in my life. Our mother was bedridden from M.S. and and died when we were young, our father took his life when we were even younger. He was my older brother and even tough it was annoying some of the time, he always looked out for me. We were very different people but our hardships created a strong bond. He would never talk of the pain he buried deep inside and our past. He has taken pieces of my puzzle with him being 3 years older, memories he never shared, I was so young I don't really remember mum and dad.

The worst thing is he also has left two children behind. I feel so broken inside, I know he probably was in a suicide trance but when I was in the long dark place suicide was never an option as it hurt me so much to think I would cause him the pain our dad did to us, yet he has done that to me. Will I ever get out of this broken heart, will I become so miserable that my wife and child will leave me, and nobody would want to be near me, I couldnt blame them. I thought I had good tools I had gathered in this familiar dark space, I just dont seem to be able to find them at the moment.

We cant blame ourselves for what we did or didnt do to the loved one who left. If I pushed my brother to talk, that could have made him do it earlier. We just have to find our breath and find strength in the smallest of moments and let that moment slowly grow.

[Chris_Tas]

I'm extremely sorry to hear of your friends loss.

You clearly had a strong bond together which no doubt was highly valued.

Thank you for sharing with the community.

Chris

[Chris_Tas]

My sincere apologies.

I of course meant loss of your friend.

As someone who has experienced suicidal thoughts (and attempts) I assure you that no blame is on your behalf.

I'm sorry once again on my typo and your loss.

Follow the advice given to you by Sophie etc if you need support, BeyondBlue counsellors are extremely helpful.

Chris

[Lucette]

Thank you all for replying and telling me some of your experiences. It’s starting to get a bit better but randomly something makes me think of her and I just crash. Simple things like there was this pair of earrings that she loved and I thought they were so cute but I didn’t want to have them bc she had them. So I bought them today for me and my friend to wear as somthing to take with us. I just wish she had stayed

[geoff]

Hello Lucette, when someone passes away there will be items you see in public, at home and from what other people are wearing that remind us of the person who has just passed away, unfortunately, it's unavoidable but certainly brings back memories.

Hopefully, these thoughts slowly fall away, but they won't let you forget who you have lost.

My sympathy.

Geoff.

[Isabella_]

Hi Lucette,

I can see you're in a lot of pain, I'm so sorry for your loss..

Grief is probably the hardest thing you can go through. There's no right way to feel/think/act.. Let yourself go through the motions. I really hope you're taking care of yourself as best as you can.

I'm really proud of you for sharing your story with us here. We're always here for you whenever you want to chat or vent. It's not fair that the world lost her the way it did.

We can all see and feel the love you have for her.. There's no doubt in my mind that she feels it too.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️