Just give me a break!
I wish there was something I could suggest that could make some positive difference, I really do. It's a truly horrible place to be, where you're at. Of course, I don't have to tell you this, as you're feeling it so deeply.
Do you know what the reputation of the new specialist is like and do you know how long you have to wait to get some results? In my opinion, it's not being at all dramatic to say this is life threatening, the urgent need to experience some sense of progress right now. Are you willing to walk into that specialist's office, expressing your desperation for progress? As a mum, I wouldn't hesitate to do this for one of my kids, which sometimes leads me to wonder why I wouldn't consider doing such a thing for myself. Why are we prepared to do what it takes for our child/children but we don't always represent our self with the same kind of desperation, determination or ferocity?
Based on how hard you've tried, I wouldn't say it's you that's failed. I find it hard to tolerate people who fail us Kitty. I especially can't stand when such people turn it around on us. Sometimes there can be a wake up call when we come across a whole different type of person, someone who goes above and beyond. They don't just basically do their job, they do far more because it's in their nature. Such people are determined to not fail others and I have the greatest respect for these people. They're good for our mental health, our self esteem and our spirits. They're the miracle workers of this world. I hope this specialist is one of those. If he/she is not, would be tempting to ask them if they know someone who can do a better job. Very cheeky, indeed 🙂 Have you considered looking into the latest research in regard to the blood disorder? Certain researchers aim for discovering breakthroughs, new revelations.
Good morning Kitty88,
Just a little something I wanted to share with you today.
Do not speak badly of yourself, for the warrior that’s inside you , hears your words and is lessened by them.
You are STRONG and you are BRAVE. There is nobility of spirit within you. Let it grow.
So everything is hell right now, I tried to end my life last week and ended up in hospital then running away. I since have tried lying low so I wouldn't get taken back and today spoke to my psychiatrist and told him everything. He wants me to go back into hospital but I can't. I know I need help but at the same time give up!
Im exhausted... I feel like crap, things never get easier and I'm done trying... I'm so freaking worn out it just isn't even funny anymore
Im sorry to hear that you tried to end your life but I’m really glad that you are still here with us because you can and will get through this.
I believe that everything in life happens to us for a reason sometimes when I am challenged by life I look for the lesson.
Life is always trying to teach us something and sometimes we question our path but in time we can look back and see why we were put on the path we have been on.
Can I ask why you feel you can’t go back into hospital?
Im sorry you are feeling exhausted I understand that this feels really hard.
But what feels hard will grow us internally once we decide to face our fears.
Keep trying Kitty88… don’t give up.