I want to ask for help
Are you teaching your cat to tap-dance, there were an awful lot of the same key in that message, do you happen to have a translation?
Sumo Cat is far to dignified to scramble over keyboards, prefers supervisory duties.
As for being a D/S, I’m not sure I want to say much at the moment, I do remember when someone was going to be incarcerated for a while I found a home for the person’s dozen pet rabbits, bit of a record really.
I think you are wrong about being de-sensitized, except on TV. All that happens is that people handle it in different ways and can appear calm cool and collected when they need to be.
I’m afraid I’ve no idea if those movies or books are streamed or in your library ATM, have my own copies
As for seeing meaning: true, humans do it, however I’m not sure if they make it up out of wishful thinking, even if they do we can enjoy our lives and take satisfaction from love and accomplishment and even sacrifice. I’m not sure one needs more.
We seem to be getting rather philosophical, practically I’d rather have Sumo Cat beside me than not - even if it is only for a while.
I do know what you mean about time going fast. I'm at school on a monday morning and suddenly I'm lying in bed on Sunday with only vague memories of what happened throughout the week. It's quite annoying. Does this ever happen to you?
My sister got into uni to study how the brain works. I can't remember the exact course she's doing.
On friday the teacher was telling us about poisonous gases and someone in the class told us about how her dad accidentally gassed her with the lawnmower. She almost died, but the way she told the story made it funny. The teacher got incredibly mad at us for laughing because 'death is serious, she could have died. you just use humour as a coping mechanism' and the thing is, maybe we do use it as a coping mechanism. Maybe we find dark things funny, but it's much better than only seeing the bad things in the world. What's wrong with seeing death as what it is - a natural part of life that shouldn't be seen as a terrifying unknown.
I read faceless last year and it's such a good book. I like that it isn't all sunshine and rainbows. It shows reality. It's not one of those books where she immediately gets up and loves herself and her life.
My favourite book is probably The Lovely Bones. It's about a girl who is murdered and finds herself stuck in the 'inbetween' which is between earth and the afterlife. She watches her family slowly unravel and break apart. It's a very dark book and I cried a lot while reading it. The movie is really good as well.
My dad isn't a big part in my life. He doesn't talk much so I don't really know what he thinks.
I just feel kind of off. I had left my old group because someone was really awful to me, and now she's just joining my current group because everyone hates her. I seriously do not like her but I can't tel her that because she'll just start hurting everyone else. I also have to do a duologue with the kid in drama who makes sex jokes, never does any work, is very racist and loves to make fun of me for being gay. I have to perform a pice with him in front of both drama classes.
How are you? Have you caught up on your schoolwork? My HSIE teacher gives us new work before we've finished the current ones so I'm quite behind as well and I don't understand atoms at all because my science teacher wastes the lessons yelling. It's not going to be a very realistic performance. Do you ever have to do group projects?
Thank you so much
Your very good friend forever,
My cat can't tap-dance unfortunately. When you hold down a key it continuously types the letters. He just took his time walking. I think he was just hungry. He always is, even though he eats his and his brothers food until he throws up.
Treat is anything but dignified. He spends his time sitting on my bed staring at me and if he feels I'm not talking to him enough, he will give a short ear-piercing meow. He likes to stick his face all the way into his dinner and will rub his chicken and gravy covered face all over my poor sheets.
Someone I know has rabbits and they're very sweet. I love how small their mouths are.
I read about a philosophy professor who asked his students what they though was the meaning of life. He then told them that he believed there was no meaning. This seems sad, and funny coming from a philosophy guy. He then tells them he believes everyone should create their own meaning. Do you have one?
Even though I constantly go on about our impending doom, I still care. I don't know why, I can't help it. I still like eating a cake I've just baked or lying in bed with a cat next to me. I don't want to care, but I do.
I find the meaning of life inside me, it comes out is affection and love, just as it does for you with Treat, with humor, with books that at least in the instance of Lovely Bones, give hope there is both justice and reward. In dong something well, giving and receiving love and kindness, and in the belief that some things just exist as examples of perfection in their own right, a male superb wren, some paintings, some humor, some .. all sorts of things.
OK, they are all centered around my impressions, but humans can only see things from inside themselves.
Your philosophy professor should read Sartre's Nausea. It basically says the same thing.
Treat sounds like a cat with character, if not overly fussy on table manners, and what else are sheets for (from a cat's point of view) than giant napkins.
I guess I value and cherish such things, even if meaningless to others.
Sumo Car shares one thing in common, complains if not given the attention he rightly deserves, after all what else are staff for?
I am really really sorry for replying so late, it has been over a month and I am really sorry. I know I am a terrible friend. I am deeply sorry.
I was sick for some time and I recently had surgery.
I really missed our friendship. I hope that we are still friends and I am really sorry again.
I feel the same way, I can hardly remember a thing, you are right it is quite annoying.
You are right, we do use humour as a coping mechanism, I guess it de-intensifies things. I agree with you, death shouldn't be seen as terrifying unknown, it's a natural thing that we are all going to go through. In my religion, they saw that you shouldn't cry in a funeral, because dying is a natural and normal thing to happen to everyone.
Have you read Pieces of Sky? I think you will like it.
The Lovely Bones sounds amazing! @hen my school reopens I am going to try to find it.
I understand what you mean about your father. My father is usually in his room, closed, by himself and always on his phone. He says it is part of job, but, he doesn't know anything that is going on in the house. All he does is make jokes, sometimes about my suicidal thoughts. He would be like, "I wonder if you are having suicidal thoughts now.", "you don't need this, who will use it after you." He thinks it is all fake. My mum is the complete opposite after the phone call from the counsellor, she never mentioned the suicidal thoughts ever again.
I am deeply sorry that you feel off. It must be really annoying to leave a group because of someone and then that person coming to your new group. Were you able to tell her that you don't like her joining the group you are in? Doing a duologue with that person must be really hard, how did the duologue go? Were you able to change partners? Sorry I know I am not any help, but I understand how you feel.
I am doing ok, after the surgery I was able to walk and sit up finally. I have actually fallen more behind in schoolwork, I have to finish the assignments during the holidays. Because of remote learning, I don't have to do group projects... I hate group projects, lol!
It must be really annoying and overwhelming to have so much work being added on. Haha, you are right your science teacher's performance isn't a very realistic performance.
How are you? How is school going?
I hope you are doing well.
If you ever want to talk, I will always be here to listen.
Thank you, April for being my friend and I am really sorry
Your grateful friend forever,
Dear Neerja -and April if you happen to be listening.~
Sorry to barge on a post addressed to April however quite frankly I' very happy to hear from either of you and that makes me forget my manners. Also don't worry too much if you are a bit slow posting, You reply when you feel the need to.
Best medical tool is the phone, my partner was on the the phone straight off the next morning and did not stop talking-ever:) Mrs C says she talks when she's nervous, all I can say is the poor lass must have been nervousness for the last 25 years, She says I'm too quiet, so I guess we match.
Any idea how long you will have to remain there? At least to have the wound dressed I guess,
Do you feel ok?
I hope you feel fine really quickly
How are you?
Please don't apologise 🙂
Hehe, you and your partner do match.
I got discharged from the hospital, I think its been a week or two. The wound dressing has been hard.
It feels weird in hospital. I wonder how will it feel be there there when I die.
I feel ok I guess. I feel different, I feel confused and numb all of the time.
Its been over a month since we talked. It's really nice to talk to you again. 🙂
I hope you and your family are doing well,
I'm ok, sort of. Every winter, and we do have very cold ones, my breathing is affected ,and I end up with infections and normally a stint in hospital. Can't say I like the hospital environment, even though everyone does there job with efficiency and sympathy, its just so limiting.
Plus people's drips ringing for attention all night.
I'd much sooner be at home surrounded by the things I like and being supervised by Mrs C and Sumo Cat.
Your right, Mrs C and I are a good match.
I think at your age I would find it sterile and not as friendly as you might think, but that's just me.
You said a couple of things, "I feel different, I feel confused". they must be very difficult to explain, would you like to try?
Your are right about that too, you are my friend
Winter must be a really difficult season. It sounds really hard.
Do you when you are getting discharged from hospital?
I bet that Mrs C and Sumo Cat would love to have you back at home.
You are right hospitals are limiting and the drips ringing for attention. And if you have the drips in your room, they wake you up at weird times.
It's hard being there by yourself.
When I was there, hehe, I dropped the nurse call button and I needed help, but couldn't get it because I couldn't move. That wasn't fun, haha.
Sorry I was unsure when you said, "I think at your age I would find it sterile and not as friendly as you might think, but that's just me."
I don't know how to explain it. I just feel different, like I don't feel many emotions anymore. I always feel confused and like my mind is thinking about something, but I don't realise what it is. I don't feel like doing anything and I have so much schoolwork to do during holidays. I am always tired and always have an headache. No matter how much sleep I get, I am still feel the same. It takes me a while to fall sleep. The death thoughts have been the same, they make tired and I don't know what to do about them. Faking being happy makes me tired too. There is no place where I can be myself, where I can talk about the death thoughts except here. My school counsellor avoids talking about death and she makes everything sound easy.
I hate Kids Helpline, Headspace and BeyondBlue's webchats, they don't help. They all start of by saying, we have "x minutes today" and then expect the person to open up in those x minutes and then at a really weird time during the conversation they will say bye and give information sheets. I don't think anyone would read the information sheets and say I am going to try this, when there is no hope in trying things. I know that there are other people who they have to talk to, but they can't just always give information sheets and not finish conversations or not answer questions or by making the chats seemed rushed. I am always scared to tell them about my sucidal thoughts because I am scared that send someone check in and I don't want that. To be honest, I haven't talked about those thoughts in depth with anyone.
I have stopped using all of the webchats, its been months now since I have used them.
Thank you for being my friend 🙂
How has today been for you?
I hope you, your family and Sumo Cat are doing well.
I guess I did not make it clear, I sometimes do end up in hospital in winter, but not this one so far (🤞). Mrs C goes to a lot of trouble to give me a warm house and I don't get out that much, not even the garden, then again neither does Sumo Cat. He grizzles to have the outside door opened first thing of a morning, in 5 minutes he has decided it is far too cold for a cat of his delicate breeding and comes back in the warm.
Actually his fur is so thick I think it must be just the tips of his ears and his nose that feels it.
I guess you need to have the call button stuck where you are always going to reach it. No it is not good being by yourself in your own ward/room with isolation which you know will go on for hours becuse of the routine.Do you have something you can do in those times?
I'm wondering if for you hospital might be a chance to rest from the tangle of thoughts, responses and being on guard you normally have. The world can be a lot of pressure and the way though very obscure. -Am I on the right track?
I'm glad you told me about those chats, I'd not realized they are timed like that. As for info sheets, there is a lot on the BB site already, however reading dry information is not something everyone wants to do. You are like I was and did not discuss my suicidal thoghts with anyone for a long time, partly in case people overacted and I ended up in hospital, partly because I did not think I was the sort of person that should admit to them - I was wrong of course.
I think that for you to talk about them you need the right person, who does not panic, or offer solutions, but just listens with as much time as is needed. Even having some sort of time limit is OK (everything seems to have one) if you are secure that you will be able to resume no hassles. I get 50 mins with my psych and know I can go on the next time, so it sort of falls into place.
Why do anything abut the death thoughts? You said you did not know what to do with them. For now let them be nudged out by other thoughts as they come along and wait for the right person. - What do you think?