I want to ask for help
Sigh, my post posted itself before I finished,so I'll continue...
I was wondering about art and why you said others were amazing, though I agree false praise makes things irksome.
Yours may not be OK - to others, it may not be OK to you , but in that case there is a reason, maybe you are exceeding your skills in a particular medium, pencil and paper for instance, or maybe you do not end up saying what you want and have to try a different approach.
I found a pastiche of existing photo clips worked best for me, once I had enough photos a thought would emerge and I'd try to make it by cutting digital sections out of each photo, trying to make longing , or contentment or some other idea. One was of a long wide beach that took up almost all the image, with a small figure in the center by the water's edge facing inland, "Overwhelmed". As I can't draw it was a way that did not remind me of what I could not do.
The settings for all NFs songs you mentioned are varied, still prefer Outcast, I find the clip visuals so close to what he is saying and what I've felt, then again that's just me. Do you have one closest?
That cat of yours has character, and probably thinks having staff following him is status:)
Yesterday, I finished 12 Angry Men. It was beautifully written. It shows a representation of how prejudice can impact our perception towards others and our decision making. It shows how sometimes you shouldn't follow the majority, choose your own path and let the majority follow you. The experience of reading this book becomes even better if you watch the movie whilst reading.
I really enjoyed this book, I think you will enjoy it too! But I still want to know who was the actual defendant of the crime. I guess it is open to our interpretation, lol.
I really liked the article! I love how the author ended the article, it was so powerful.
How has today been for you?
I hope you are doing well.
I am really sorry for the late reply.
Wow, an extra two weeks is really good! Lol, my teachers will make the test early so they can mark it during the holidays. That is a really good idea to study for the test a few times a week!
I enjoy reading sometimes (depends on my mood lol), but I don't really have many books in my house. My parents don't see the point in buying books. I know this is going to sound stupid, relaxing increases my suicidal thoughts.
Do you enjoy reading?
I feel comfortable talking here because I know that you and other people here have gone/going through similar things, I feel safe. Thank you so much for being here. :).
I find it hard talking about my suicidal thoughts because I am just paranoid that they will reach me, call an ambulance or somehow contact my parents. Just like my school counsellor.
I agree death won't matter in the long run. I am praying every day for God to take me, I am sick of life. No one will even notice I am gone.
I am just tired for no reason, lol. But there are times where I can't sleep and spend hours staring at a wall.
Closing eyes and focusing on breathing is a really good idea, I am going to try it. Thank you 🙂
Lol, my parents will never give me my own room and we have 3 empty rooms.
I bet your cake looked and tasted amazing! And not like a 10-year-old. I wanted to say, it is normal to feel frustrated and it is not like throwing tantrum. Sometimes with all the things going through, people may feel overwhelmed and feel angry and irritated. I always get angry at the stupidest things too.
I think you are much more courageous, awesome at baking and an amazing person than you think you are. I think you are a wonderful person and we need more people like you!
Is your laptop working better?
How are you doing today? I really hope you are doing well.
The suicidal thoughts are the same, but yesterday they were higher than today. Seeing your reply, really helps me too.
Thank you for being here and being my friend. Your replies are really helpful. Your kindness and compassion makes me feel less alone.
May each day be bright, filled with happiness and laughter and wellness.
I have the website version, although most of the questions I left blank because I didn't know how to answer them. If my parents saw me have the app, they will call me "mental and crazy" and say "are you serious? we buy you so many things and you are thinking of death and downloaded this app. I wonder what would have you done if we didn't buy you anything." "That's why you need psychologist help, oh my children are mental." I am sick of hearing these things, so its best I just hide things from them.
Wow, you were a policeman and a uni teacher! That is amazing!
The article was really good.
But criticising myself helps me. It reminds me to not enjoy things, to not be positive and to not give myself hope, which is good and I think helpful as it makes me aware of what a trash person I am. I deserve to blame or criticize myself, with all the mistakes I have made, with the way I am and other stuff that has happened because of me. But thanks for your kind words.
Maybe I might find a close friend later on.
This feeling of loneliness is painful and at times overwhelming.
It made sense. Thank you for your kindness.
Your pets sound cute. I really love the names you have given them. Sumo Cat and Foxy Dog both sound awesome!
How many pets do you have?
I hope you, your family and pets are doing well.
That is annoying when your entire post deletes.
Me being dumb or stupid could impact the amount my parents trust me. It impacts how people treat me.
Sometimes it is hard to cope with these circumstances.
Did you have suicidal thoughts too?
I think you will really enjoy 12 Angry Men. I like movies if it is a play, like 12 Angry Men but I prefer reading books more as you can use your own imaginations for the descriptions in the book. What do you prefer, books or movies?
I just want to have some time away from my 'friends'.
How are you going?
I hope you and your family are doing well.
I'm glad you enjoyed hte book, htat is waht they are there for, thogh as time goes on hte audience shifts and htey become too strange to be enjoyed.
the defendant was
" a nineteen-year-old Hispanic youth from the slums who is charged with first degree murder of his father."
In the book, TV show, stage play and subsequent films I think I remember he is intended to be innocent, but like the jurors, the audoence of he time wold have been quick to jump to hte wrong conclusion, so it is a journey for everyone.
-sigh again, internet jumped before I finished and edited.
Nobody can read 12 Angry men, understand the mindsets of the jurors and be stupid. Sorry, have to disagree.
Yes I was a cop, then tutor and lecturer. A long life but do not forget how it has been.
I don't think anyone can fill in all the blanks in Beyondnow by themselves, I could not and the answers only became apparent as time went on -and in my case with help from another who could see "me" when I could not.
Books come free from libraries (even on-line, as well as audiobooks (free) from such place a Librivox
who have around 14,000, all public domain and downloadable no charge. I listen to science fiction/fantasy.
Might be a way of reading without your parents buying. I know you said that reading might increase suicidal thoughts as you relaxed. Is that every kind or just some?
All our animals get names, and eventually they come to think of themselves as human (or better in the case of cats). They all have their characters and personal preferences though there is always a pecking order.
The electric heater in the kitchen is the favorite possie. You can sit on it, keep warm and see what everyone is up to (the TV is on top of the fridge so we spend a bit of time there). Plus if you have nasty disposition you can swipe passers-by.
Since Nasty-Cat has passed on up to that big electric heater in cat heaven we have not been to animal rescue to find another, but this is due to COVID, not preference.
Animals help make a house a home. We used to have orphaned wallabies for a long time, however in the end cost (particularly fencing to keep them in and everything else out) got too expensive. Now they were bad-tempered and often had scraps to see who was top-wallably.
Only with each other though . Used to jump up on my table to be scratched (and see what I was eating/drinking:) The last one was called Thistle Hopper because she was so prickly.
Reading to your replies to April and Croix, there were two things that really gave me goosebumps because that was exactly what I used to do and think during those days as well -
I am praying every day for God to take me, I am sick of life. No one will even notice I am gone.
But criticising myself helps me. It reminds me to not enjoy things, to not be positive and to not give myself hope, which is good and I think helpful as it makes me aware of what a trash person I am. I deserve to blame or criticize myself, with all the mistakes I have made, with the way I am and other stuff that has happened because of me.
I know that feeling of wanting everything to end because you feel your life is trash and that in some way, you are to blame for your circumstances. And it's really hard when people tell you otherwise, when you cannot see any light in life at all. I suppose this is why I think it's important for you to have a goal (or an "escape plan" of sorts - e.g. think of the life you want to have and plan how you're going to achieve it). It's a form of hope, but not as "fluff"-ish because it's something you can actually focus your mind on achieving. Your life may feel like trash today, but one day in the future, you could be the reason someone else feels loved and supported. Isn't that a good reason to keep living? The future is yours to make, and you certainly sound like a person who'd give a lot of comfort to the people around her, as you are doing in this forum. So please remember to also see this positive side of you and remind yourself that there is a lot more to you than the upsetting circumstances you're in. You deserve far better things in life; the fact that you are living with this doesn't mean it's because you were a bad person.
I thought of borrowing 12 Angry Men, but then I chanced upon Love in the Time of Cholera. The title seemed interesting since...well, we are living in pandemic times. I've heard that novel was also made into a film, so I'll see if I feel like watching it when I'm done with the book. I generally prefer reading but for the past few years, I've not even found the time to read much!
What makes you think you are not good at art or not smart? It's certainly okay to be not good at art or not smart, but if someone thinks you are good, why do you disbelieve them? Things like art are subjective - one person may think a certain artwork is really good while another might hate it...
I see Croix is talking about Banksy. May I use this opportunity to introduce an artist I've recently discovered - she's pretty amazing since she illustrates mental health struggles. Think you and Neerja may like it. Check out Spectator Jonze: https://spectatorjonze.com/illustrations/
How are you?
I like the way balloons can mean anything. To NF, they symbolise his burdens, anything that gives him grief, and they formally represent drug addiction, however to many, they symbolize freedom. I'll be honest, before I had heard of NF, all they meant to me was thin plastic balls filled with spit and air.
I now realize that it sounds like I'm allowing my cat to drown himself. The bath is not filled with water and the plug is not in so he doesn't have to worry about falling, however somehow he manages to get his entire body soaking wet and tracks little paw prints all through the house.
I like the idea of putting photos together. I don't have many but I could walk to the shops and print some. Being the person I am, my first thought was 'I'm bad at cutting things out' which is just stupid becuase why on earth does that matter?
I am not one for music videos, however I may take a look. I like to interpret songs in my own way. A song I like 'Affection' by scruffpuppie is completely different to the way I see it. Affection is about someone in a relationship who does not want to leave, but no longer feels affection. The way I see it is someone who wants to die but is scared to leave. It's dumb but I like doing it.