I want to ask for help
I tried using the Beyond Now app, but I didn't find it that helpful, there were many sections that I didn't know how to fill. The hardest one was "my reasons to live". I don't know, I know my reasons not to live but not the other way around.
Lois Armstrong is a good choice and to be honest no one is ancient, lol.
Sumo Cat sounds really cute, loyal and thinks about a lot of things! My neighbours' cat stands in front of our front door during the afternoons, she looks through our window, spends time in one spot; thinking and relaxing in the sun, fights with other cats but I have also seen her walk around with the other cats.
Hope you and Sumo Cat are doing well,
I don't have friends outside of school, because I stay home most of the time and my parents don't let me go to their parties and their home. I don't have social media too.
I am feeling a bit better about the test results, kind of forgot about it lol.
I am really sorry you took the results of your uni assignment badly.
I am really glad that you are feeling a bit better and I think you are amazing and really supportive, you write sweet words to so many people here, which we all appreciate.
I tried the Butterfly Foundation webchat, 3 times, I didn't find it that helpful.
I hope you feel better; sending you hope, happiness and strength.
Sumo Cat and I are OK, and as usual in front of the wood fire, it is cold outside.
Sorry about butterfly foundation, 3 times is enough. School break sounds better:)
Look, the advantage of Beyondnow comes right when your brain has almost shut down to one course of action, killing yourself, and there is not much brain power left for anything else. You probably don't want to deal with a crisis line, any more than I might have at times.
It is easy to reach for right there on your phone.
I agree, there are a number of sections, come are no-brainers like who to contact, crisis lines etc, some are harder. Things I can do myself, and reasons to live are the two hardest. To be truthful I left reasons to live for a long time blank. Now I have several things including humor, they grew there over time
Things to do myself is, as I mentioned hard. I could not think of anything that would give me a lift. Logic won't, only mood -at least for me. So it had to be things that made me in a better mood, even if only a little bit. That's why I had to have help, someone who could say "Do you remember when you ..."
I think the first one my partner reminded me of was superb wrens hopping along the ground, and it went on to all sorts of things, digging an echidna out of the edge of the road so he would not get run over, with him resisting by scrabbling furiously to bury himself, on to comedies and lots more.
PAOLO CONTE - It's wonnerful - Via con me is other ancient one:)
It is not a complete fix and I'm not holding it up as such, it is just another thing I have that helps at times.
Glad your test results are fading from view.
Cat-fights are a worry, Sumo is not that good a fighter and came home one day with a scratch in the eye from the cat over the road. Fortunately thanks to the vet all healed perfectly.
That's the thing about mental health problems. We never "look" the way people expect us to. I remember being described as cheerful and bubbly in school - it was absolute rubbish because I was screaming for help on the inside all the time. That cheerful act was a mask that helped me get through society, I don't think anyone knew the real me during those days at all. Your parents may not believe you, but you are fortunate to have found this forum where everyone believes and wants to support you. And I really want to add that despite all you're going through, I am sincerely impressed at how mature you are and how you're reaching to April and supporting her as well. I am glad you and April have found each other here 🙂
About parents, I honestly cannot say much except that it may not be easy for them to change their thinking if those ideas are so deeply and culturally ingrained. My parents were not from the country I grew up in and I guess their manner of parenting would have been normal in another country, but not in the place I grew up in. Mental health was pretty much a taboo subject in our culture (their culture? I don't even see myself as really being a part of that culture since I've never lived there!), so springing that upon them would have been hard for them to digest. I'm guessing it's similar for you? The good news is that I have had some success talking about mental health with them the past few years, but I also think part of my success here is because they see me as an adult now and actually listen to me.
It's okay to feel like you have no motivation. Go easy on yourself. Sometimes all you need now is to watch TV. Now that the school holidays are here, what are your plans? I hope you have something relaxing planned for yourself.
I want to respond to something you told Sleepy21: I feel the same way, with people being my friend only for a certain purpose, then move on. It makes me feel so worthless and an idiot. Not all friendships will be deep or lasting, and that these have nothing to do with you. It's just the way life is - you'll meet a whole bunch of transient people and then a rare few will pop up and they'll stick with you for many years. (All my real friendships were formed only in uni.) So don't get disheartened by this, your worth is not determined by the people who choose to or choose not to speak to you.
I am really sorry you had to deal with crisis lines many times.
I am really glad that your reasons to live increased overtime. I can tell you have a great sense of humour, especially with the three little pig jokes!
The wren and echidna, sound like really beautiful experiences!
I feel like for "things I can do myself" could be watching a comedy show or just watching tv. I think it is pretty relaxing and I don't really have to use much energy for that.
I never heard of Paolo Conte and Via con me.
That sounds really painful for your cat, but I am extremely glad he/she healed.
My neighbour's cat loves to fight. She seems like a cat that likes to watch the day go by and quiet. But she is really energetic. Except when it is warm, as she sits on our backyard swing and swings there. When I was younger, she used to always hang out with this other cat, I think it was her sister. But one day, she wasn't around (her sister), it looked she was crying and sad. For weeks, during any weather, she stayed in one spot. So I used to sneak milk from my house and give it to her.
How has today been for you?
May your day be bright and joyful.
The forums have been really helpful for me. Its a place where I can safely take down the mask, and actually talk about how I feel and after 4 years I was able to do so. I am really grateful and appreciate that through this forum I have met people who are supportive and kind. Without this forum, I would have been bottling up more things.
You are so right about how wearing a mask, helps with getting through society.
Yeah, it's similar for me too. I haven't been to my parent's country many times but there, mental health is seen differently. Whenever my parents talk about me, it makes me feel so weak and stupid. I know I am, but they seem to add on.
I am extremely glad that you had success in getting your voice heard and understood.
During these holidays, I have been pretty much wasting time, watching tv and eating. I know, it sounds so lazy. But I am starting to read the next English novel for term 3. I am reading 12 Angry Men.
I have been getting tired easily and been sleeping a lot, lol. I really have no motivation or energy to do much.
It's hard because there is one point where you feel you have a friend and then they leave. Currently, my 'friend' hangs out with me and we are in the same class, but whenever someone from higher up the hierarchy lol, talks to her, she acts like she doesn't know me and starts following and copying them. There is other person, who talks to me and she is really kind however she has other friends and I don't want to be a barrier for her and her other friendships. In front of them, she acts like she hardly knows me too.
How have you been going?
May your day be bright and joyful.
Please try to remember the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. Anyone who does not consider your welfare properly is no real freind. Surprisingly there are real ones out there.
Maybe you can get hold of the 1957 (not the earlier TV version) version of 12 Angry Men starring Henry Fonda (maybe your library may have the DVD). It will bring it to life for you even though old fashioned back and white, failing that the Jack Lemon version (1997) which is on colour.
It is one of my favorite movies, the book can be subtle in places and sometimes the motivations of the characters not clear. The movies being them out. Then when you read the book you have the character and their strengths and weaknesses in your mind rather than just people arguing.
Sadly I can only find clips on YouTube, not the full movie. Talking of YouTube:
Will give you Via con Me, (come away with me) though I think it is only special to me because my first wife liked it, I'd be most surprised if you thought it any good. You have your own special memories.
Most of us wear masks, it smooths things for a while, no award questions, not being noticeable. I, like many, did this for a long time. Still do a bit. It was not all good. As time went on I felt more distant from people, becuse I knew they did not understand me, and if I had to wear a mask to hide me that implied what was inside was bad - which was untrue, though it became harder and harder to convince myself of that.
So the fact you trust enough to take it off here is a great thing, good for you, good for us.
OK, I'll give you another 3 little pig joke, last one but fair warning -it is in bad taste! (I'll not let Sumo read it)
I'm glad you feel so positively about the forums. It's always good to have a space where you can freely share your thoughts without judgement 🙂
Neerja, you are most definitely not weak and stupid. Not at all. It's easy to internalise these negative things that we hear being said about ourselves, but reality is that for all our weaknesses, we have equal strengths. Having the will to want to recover, coming to this forum and sharing your story, lending support to other members going through difficult times...these are not things weak people do. You show great emotional maturity and you're clearly an intelligent person who knows what her options are. Sure, we may feel weak at times. But your situation, on anyone, will take an emotional toll. Unfortunately, our mental health is very much linked to our physical bodies. So feeling depressed will lead you to feel tired and unmotivated (i.e. weak).
I love your lazy plan! After all that time in school, you certainly deserve these lazy days. I've been lazing a lot these days - I feel like sleeping all day, especially when it's cold, the only inviting thing seems to be my bed! Either that, or I'm watching Netflix all wrapped up in a nice, thick blanket!
Wow, 12 Angry Men! I've not read that book and I've been wondering what book I should read next...seems like something I should look into! Croix's suggestion of watching the movie is interesting - you could do that too if you start getting bored with the book.
About that friend, do you suppose it's linked to her own feelings of inadequacy? Perhaps she craves acceptance too. When someone higher in the hierarchy talks to her, she could feel important in a way she doesn't usually feel. I'm not saying it's right or that she's being fair to you, but all people have their problems. And sometimes, we just have to accept that this is the way people are. As for the other friend, it's possible she may think her different friends won't get along with each other for whatever reason (maybe she feels like she is herself being a different person in front of them than she is with you?). I don't think you're being a barrier against her other friendships. If she chooses to spend time with you, it's because she values your friendship.
I am so sorry for not having replied. My laptop's power button broke and I was unable to turn it on. A lot has happened since then. I've finally left my group and found a group to sit with. I'm friends with some of them, and the other ones don't seem to mind I'm there. Unfortunately, the teacher I had for sport has stopped doing it, and I won't have him as a teacher at all now.
I finish school tomorrow which I am very much looking forward to. Do you know what you're going to do with your holidays? I have no idea what to do with all the time. I like to pretend I am going to be productive and do something like actually using my skateboard or painting but in reality I just mess around and watch tv which isn't all bad.
The girl who takes my stuff is one of those people who will ask if they can borrow a pen, and when you say yes, they use your whole pencilcase. It's something I can put up with, but it just can be annoying sometimes.
It is absolutely awful that they changed the award. I am shocked that they're even allowed to do that. You can have a virtual award of 'a very kind person who is very supportive and absolutely definitely not trash'
I am very sorry for disappearing for over a week. I hope you have been well.