I want to ask for help
I will admit I have done very little work since my last post. I have all the assignments due tomorrow and I'm having a lot of fun procrastinating.
I have not solved things yet but I have found somewhere else to sit and I don't see her very much now.
I'm surprised you like the elective system at my school. Most of the schools in my are get one elective in year 7, two in 8, 3 in 9 and 10 and then pick them all for 11 and 12. Reading your post, I am now extremely thankful that M.A.T. isn't a thing here. I can't imagine being able to practice self defense in front of others.
Commerce is pretty easy as long as you try. A lot of the kids in my class just talk and never listen to the teacher. Needless to say, none of them are doing very well.
People often talk to me and then they see their friends and run off as if I'm not there. Later on they'll act like it didn't happen until their friend shows up again and they're gone. I don't really have class friends. I often sit with one girl but she mostly talks to another girl who I don't particularly like as she often takes my stuff and just uses it without asking (I sound like a five year old who's annoyed because someone used her rubber, but it really frustrates me for some reason)
My day was quite boring. I went home after second period because I felt quite sick so I've spent most of the day lying in bed trying (failing) to be productive. I just need to make it through tomorrow and next week and it will be the holidays.How are you?
Sending good vibes
Dear April and Neerja~
I'm writing to you together becuse you are both friends and have a fair bit in common - or so it seems to me. I'd like to help make your lives good enough you did not have such frequent suicidal thoughts and so the idea of your parent knowing becomes less important.
I'm not sure what's the best way to start, so I'll try and limit what I say to one thing in this post. If you have suggestions sing out.
Wearing a jacket to hide your body, or simply thinking you are not attractive due to weight is no way to be. I'm overweight (yes I tend to look a bit like my avatar -except for the teeth), but think little about it as the people around see the me inside.
You two are not as fortunate, mainly becuse you are dealing mostly with people that have not grown up.
I mentioned this before, but will explain it a bit further, you might have not realized everything they know about.
It is not your BMI that is so important to start off with
The Butterfly Foundation deals in those underweight true, but also anyone who feels their body size is a cause of self-dislike or distress. They are pretty flexible and experienced,
You can read about things there , but I'd suggest when you get a little time free you ring them or web-chat and talk things over, it seems to work better than just reading.. It's not an instant fix - what is? - but can in time make you a whole lot happier and more confident. (They are good, other people know this, so expect to have to wait)
I know very well this is just one thing that you think is wrong, but if you try one at a time it will be a start, maybe even something to hope for, whats the Chinese saying " The longest journey begins with a single step"
Would you like to give it a go?
They are at:
General info on getting help::
1800 33 4673
They only exist to be of service to people like you, no other reason, and being in contact is no big thing.
And no April you do not sound like a 5 year old, you sound like somebody who has an acquaintance who is consistently rude to you and is upset as a result. Frankly I would be to, even though I am older.
I'm pleased Emmen dropped in, some of her troubles sound a bit familiar, plus she has got though them to better times, there is hope.
Sumo Cat is awake and just blinked, I guess he is sending his regards
I am really sorry you felt the same way.
I feel the same way, with people being my friend only for a certain purpose, then move on. It makes me feel so worthless and an idiot.
I got my test results back, I am really disappointed with it. I got 68% for y10 measurement post-test. It makes me hate myself even more.
I am really glad you have been doing a little better than before.
How has today been?
Sorry for the late reply.
I really hope you feel better. Sending you strength and hugs.
I am really really sorry you went through so much.
My parents are so similar, they find hanging out with friends, having friends, going on holidays, going outside and other things so unnecessary. I feel caged too. My parents know about the thoughts and stuff from my school counsellor, but they think I am faking it for sympathy because 'I don't look like someone who will be 'sad' as they buy me things.' They think I am pretending and I don't have those thoughts. For my and my parents' relationship, cultural and generational differences play a big role in it too. They see things so differently than they are seen here and don't want to understand. Mental health is seen differently in my culture.
I am really glad you gained financial independence when you were in university.
Like your parents, I think my parents have good intentions too. But, sometimes they can be rude, unsupportive and not understanding.
Wow, writing performing and visual arts! I bet you are extremely creative! That is amazing!
I will try to find something that works for me. But, everything feels like an effort, there is no motivation.
Thank you for your support. I hope you and your family are doing well.
Take care 🙂
I am really sorry for the late reply.
How did your assignments go? Does everything feel like an effort, like there is no point?
I am really really glad that you have found somewhere else to sit, which is really good. 🙂
The M.A.T. program was a struggle lol, but the teachers were pretty inspiring in terms of the way they explained life situations and ways to manage them.
That is such a relief about commerce, business management is pretty similar.
My "friends" are the same too. You do not sound like a five-year-old, it is really annoying. In year 7, I had trouble saying 'no' to people due to this everyone took advantage of me. They ruined my things, they took my stuff without asking and it kept on happening until I stopped trying to be 'liked' by people and spent time alone most of the time. I understand you, it is frustrating. Have you tried telling her, that she should ask? (sorry I know that is not helpful and not really something you would want to do)
I am really sorry you felt sick and finding it hard to be productive.
Today was the last day of school today, which I am glad. I found out that I got 68% for the dumb y10 measurement math test which was the one I was scared about, I am so disappointed with it. For remote learning, I got an award during the online assembly, guess what happened, during the in-school assembly today, everyone else who got the award during the online assembly, received awards and everything but someone else got my award. They changed it, to someone else. See, I don't deserve anything and I am this trash idiot. I guess I will always be that way.
Luckily, today is the last day of school so I can take a break.
How are you feeling today?
Sending you strength, hope and hugs.
Your friend, I am really glad you are my friend and thank you 🙂
I don't know if things will ever get better and have less frequent thoughts.
People see me as an idiot, from the inside and the outside.
I have used the Webchat from the Butterfly Foundation before. I didn't find it really helpful. They told me to use KHL, that they were mainly for eating disorders and gave me information sheets. It felt like a rush too. I didn't feel like they understood me.
I was glad to, hearing about Emmen and how much she learnt and she saw better times.
How is Sumo Cat doing?
I hope you and Sumo Cat are doing well.
Dear Neerja - and April if listening~
I'm glad Emmen struck a chord, she has had a hard time in her youth and has a different life now -plus I like her dove and olive branch avatar.
With the butterfly foundation I've got sort of mixed feelings, I'm sorry you got that response, but on the other hand I'm glad you have the perseverance to try things, and according to what they write on their website it was a very reasonable thing to have a go with.
I can speak from my own experience with the next thing I wanted to mention, and that is a safety plan using the BeyondNow app. I've found if careful thought has gone into filling it out then when my mind has been too full to even think or plan it is easy to reach for, literally a no-brainer, and helps bring me down to think of other things.
It's free, goes on a smartphone and can be found here:
Look, if I'm telling you what you already know then my apologies, however I'm going to talk about it for a minute anyway as it can be a bit subtle.
It has all the various sections including emergency numbers which is much as you would expect. There is one area though you get to fill in in advance with things you have enjoyed, distracted you, given you some peace of mind or a sense of proportion.
I've the addresses of YouTube clips of comedians, music of all sorts including Lois Armstrong (yes, I know, ancient), books, activities and more.
That tends to work BUT trying to fill out that bit by myself was a disaster, I could not think of any of those sorts of things, but with the aid of someone that knew me very well got it to where it is today - effective.
That's why I'm going on about it as I doubt you would realise how much difference that one section can make when you are really overwhelmed . If you find one particular thing not that effective, then change it for another as soon as you can.
Sumo Cat, as usual expected doorman service first thing of a mooring to go out the front door, no doubt motivated by a call of nature. However normally he then sits on the top front step and surveys the world in a patch of early morning sun.
Today cold -and no sun, it was not "the door into summer" he expects, so Sumo retired back to bed until meal time.
He is now sitting beside me having a wash on his blanket.
April. Do your two cats sit and binge-watch with you too? Sumo likes looking at the iPad Mrs C is using and sits on her lap to do so.
Hi Neerja -
Sorry you didn't get what you wanted for your test, it can be very upsetting. I hope you can find friends or activities that make you feel amazing, which you are. I know in high school it is very important to have good friends and, on the other side of that, it can hurt so so bad to have friends who don't seem to value what you can offer. Sometimes unfortunately people are only interested in social climbing and attention and don't value good friendships. Do you have any friends out of school?
Have you got any online friends etc? I hope you feel better and I'm sorry it hurts to have your test results, it seems like it just added to feeling down. We all get bad results, I failed a uni assignment last year which I took really badly.
Thanks for asking, I'm feeling a fair bit better. I have tried the butterfly foundation and had one good experience and one bad experience. Did you ever try?
i hope you are feeling better and having some nice moments too x