I want to ask for help
I am really sorry you had a difficult day.
Would you like to talk about it? It's okay if you don't. Whenever you do I will listen 🙂
I don't know how I feel about my hair, lol. It is dead and thin. I find it really hard to tie up my hair without seeing what I am doing. One day I didn't look, I went to school and someone was like to me 'did you wake up and come to school'. Lol.
Today, was alright I guess. The start of this week went awful, I had an argument with my mum, then I cried during the night, had trouble sleeping, had those thoughts and then I was tired; I went to school and I had a math test, which didn't go well. I studied, but I was so tired that I couldn't concentrate or think. I bet I did awful on it. It shows how dumb I am and how I can't manage situations well. But the end of this week went pretty well; the thoughts are lower, and my sleep is good.
How has your day been?
Lunchtimes are pretty short, so I don't really get much done during the time the art room is open. But whenever I finish my work early or I get left out, I do draw, it makes me relaxed and distracts me from the things that go wrong. But sometimes, I am really tired of everything, so I find it better to just sit and not do anything. I just don't have that motivation to do things, I know I sound really lazy.
Wow! The frozen fountain of ice sounds wonderful! Nature is absolutely breathtaking.
If you saw me, you would call me ugly and fat too, just like everyone else. I know how I ugly and fat I am.
What is The Invisible Man about? I never heard of it, sorry.
I am really glad, that the mountain of those thoughts is starting to melt.
I hope you are doing well,
How are you? Did you do anything interesting recently? If not that's fine, I haven't done anything interesting in ages.
It's the end of the weekend and I have my english, drama, science, commerce and hsie assignments due during the week. I did not do any work over the weekend and I'm seriously regretting it. I just need to get through the next two weeks (I think) and I'll have made it to to the holidays. Once I've made it through the holidays, I'll get two weeks of school in which I don't have any assessments and then I'm back to stressing out.
You have a very nice way of writing. 'it makes the surroundings seem magical, glistening and beautiful. I feel like the silver drops add colour to a colourless life'. It's just very pleasant to read.
My parents aren't very good when it comes to body image. I don't think I'd ever talk to them about it. I know what you mean. Being called pretty doesn't mean anything. I know I'm ugly so I don't want to think about how I look. I don't know if that makes sense.
I'm not going to tell you you're pretty, I have no idea what you look like. Instead, I will tell you that you are the kind of person who doesn't need to be pretty, because inside, you are absolutely gorgeous (I don't mean you have nice organs, I mean you have a nice personality and you're very intelligent but I'm sure you knew what I meant). I really hope other people see you the same way I do.
I have a few people I can talk to. When I'm at school, I can talk to him, and when I'm at home, I can talk to everyone on here which has been a great help. Thank you so much for being here.
Dear Neerja -and April~
How much you believe a person depends on your judgment of them
Two people who you know have been through hard times and basically said outside does not matter, inside does. That is becuse what is of value is on the inside.
That's hard to accept. It is much easier to look in a mirror or believe some idiot from school.
Drawing, even quick sketches are good, it helps express your feelings, even if no one else sees.
April you have a lovely way of supporting. Giving support is a funny thing, the results may not become apparent for a long time, lying buried until the time is ripe for them to come out.
Can you ask for an extension on your assignments?
Oh, nearly forgot. The Invisible Man is rated R as it is sort of SciFi with violence. A man makes his wife's life miserable, when she leaves him he stalks her wearing a suit that makes him invisible. It has a happy ending though I found it a little violent for my tastes.
I honestly think every woman is pretty in her own way. April when you write about your parents being bad with body image, just wanted to say that sucks. It doesn't help so much. It can be hard to tell ourselves we are okay and good enough, sometimes we need to hear it.
You are both beautiful and shine from the inside out. I'm wandering if either of you have heard of a show called Shrill? It is about a young woman with body image issues and I found it quite empowering. She's very overweight but I found her absolutely stunning and endearing. it's a very body positive show!
Hey Neerja, I'm sure your hair is beautiful and I hope you can find some nice things about your appearance. Is there anything you do like about it? It's okay if you don't want to answer but was just wandering if you ever can notice anything that makes you feel confident. Personally I think being fat is not an issue and can look great and i'm sick of skinny-obsessed society.
Lately I've had a very hard time, I stayed in my apartment alone for a few days and didn't barely move off the couch, for fear and anxiety. I'm struggling and feeling a lot of self-loathing. I hope next week will be better. Thank you for being here.
If it's not a roadblock what is it? I can only see two options and I will admit, it feels like I've already chosen which one, I'm just waiting for the right time. I want to have one good day, one day where I am happy, and then I can leave. Luckily for you, my school and anyone else who knows me, I highly doubt I'll have a good day anytime soon.
I do have good moments but I just feel so empty afterwards. I've found myself getting through most of my classes by imagining different deaths and funerals. It's not the usual daydream but it gets me through, even if it's not pleasant to anyone else if they ask what I'm thinking about.
I don't know what would happen to me if I told someone. Am I high risk? Am I no risk? What the hell is all this risk stuff? Even if I communicate through someone else, my parents will talk to me. They will push me to talk to them and take away my privacy. I don't know what the process is, but I do know my parents will be there to prevent me from getting better.
I though the butterfly foundation was for people struggling with eds or dysmorphia. I don't know if it counts if I'm actually fat, that's not dysmorphia, it's just me being fat.
I have two cats, both of which like to grab my sheets with their claws and slowly unmake my bed. I am glad Sumo has returned to his blanket.
I've never heard of Shrill. I understand the idea of body positivity, but my current weight isn't healthy. I've checked my BMI and it's way above the highest recommendation for a teenager. I don't want to be positive about my body, it's disgusting and if I start being positive about it, I won't be able to lose any more weight which I need to be a properly functioning teenager.
I'm probably not much help, I'm a kid in highschool, you are living in your own apartment, but I hope you're doing a bit better now. Even if you're not leaving your apartment or even your couch, you have been extremely helpful to me and I think Neerja would say the same for her.
I know what you mean about imagining different deaths and funerals, I do that every day too. I think for me, it was most triggered during this teenage health Reach Seminar, they were talking about being in a coffin and people saying nice things about you and how you want to be remembered. The way I saw it was being in a coffin, no one coming to my funeral and everyone talking about the mistakes I have made. What do you think triggered it for you?
Wow, you have a lot of assignments. I have, hums, english, math and science. Does your school give extensions?
I am really sorry you are stressing out. Is there a teacher you could easily talk to for extensions?
Is Commerce good? I am thinking of doing it next year and I am really unsure about doing it.
Has your school started to think about year 10 subjects?
I know what you mean about not wanting to think about own looks.
I more than 100% agree with Croix, you have a lovely way of supporting. I see you as kind, supportive, honest, understanding, loyal, non-judgmental, sweet, generous, really really really smart and i can keep listing more things.
You have many many qualities and you are an amazing person. I am really grateful that I have a friend like you. I don't know if I am a good friend, that's why I tend to lose so many friends over time and no one likes me. But thank you so much for being my friend. I really appreciate it. 🙂
I didn't do anything interesting, sorry.
You have a very nice way of writing too 🙂
I am really really glad you have people to talk too and thank you for being here and starting this thread.
Thank you April,
I hope you are doing well,
I think you are beautiful and shine from the inside out.
Sorry I haven't heard about Shrill too.
I really don't like anything about myself. I am this unwanted, ugly and fat kid that no one likes and I don't like myself too.
I am really sorry you are going through such a hard time, and have been staying in your apartment by youself, please know you are not alone here and we are all here for you, just like you are here for us.
I agree more than a hundred percent, that you have been extremely helpful. Thank you for being here with us. 🙂
I hope you feel better.
Sending you strength and hope,
How has your day been today?
The movie sounds really good, maybe when I am older I will watch it, lol. Just 3 more years, lol.
You are right about quick sketches.
It is easier to believe the mirror and what others say. But what they say is true. I know how ugly and overweight I am.
I hope you are doing well.