FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

I’m completely lost

Nothing_Left
Community Member

I’m a 49 year old man. My 25 year marriage broke down. I moved out of our huge detached house with pool into a 2 bed unit. My boys aged 19 and 21 have made it clear they want nothing to do with me now. All my family is overseas. I have no friends here at all even after 16 years. And I mean none - there is nobody I can call or talk to. I have no social life at all. I miss my pets too.

other than getting up and going to work I have nothing. I’m not living, I’m existing, so what’s the point? I’ve even jumped on dating sites just to try and find a connection with someone but have had zero luck.

what Is the point in carrying on. I’m dreading the long weekend. It will just be 4 days sat at home on my own seeing and talking to nobody instead of 2 days which is hard enough.

I feel like I’m done and nobody will miss me anyway. I’m totally lost and permanently sad.

7 Replies 7

jonjr
Community Member

My dear friend

I have been where you are and understand how isolating and alone it can feel. Its a big change in your life and often we find it difficult to adjust. Your boys will come around they need time to adjust to. Mine didn't speak to me for months after i left and it is hard. With a long marriage we seem to share friends as a couple and unfortunately they always seem to side with the wife "don't know why" Its not healthy for anyone to stay in a bad relationship and theirs never a good time to leave. you can always talk here or ring the help lines and will always be valued. Do not give up on yourself and remember you control how to move forward.

On the weekend why don't you simply go out, go watch a movie or go to a bar or plan a walk. Its hard to activate that ok i can do this feeling when we feel low but we did it before we where married and you can do it again. If we want to meet people we have to seek them they will not just come to your door. If your not feeling up to it then you can always talk here or phone one of the help lines it can really help.

I myself joined a mens club with people of the same age and with similar problems. and it really lifted me and i made some good friends along the way. It takes time but you can do it and letting others help along the way is a great place to start and guess what you already have by reaching out and that the hardest bit to do

Wish you all the best

Lambent
Community Member

Hi Nothing Left

10 weeks ago I posted something very like your post on this forum. My marriage of 31 was fracturing, I had moved out of our beautiful home and was (and still am) living in a small rental and my two grown sons and my wife were seemingly happy to see the back of me. In particular, I felt extremely anxious about being in a unit all alone. Those first few weeks alone were really tough, I won’t lie to you. But you can survive this. You have to prioritise your mental health above everything else. Call the help line (1300 22 4636) and just talk to someone. Download the Headgear app and do the 30 day challenge. Right now, you have to take it one day at a time. Plan some small things for the long weekend: a long walk, visit to a gallery. Something you used to like doing but maybe have stopped doing lately. You will find, slowly, that you do have something left. I have even come to value my independence. And I’m starting to get reacquainted with myself after many many years. I don’t know what the future holds with my wife and family but today was ok. And I’ll be up to the challenge of tomorrow. Pick up the phone. Everyone deserves a second chance.

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Nothing Left, in one way or another I join Jonjr and Lambent in being in the same position as you, and no it's certainly not pleasant and feel very sorry this has happened.

I know missing your pets is devastating and wonder if being in a flat you are allowed to have a pet, I live in a 2 bedroom flat and allowed to have my dog, otherwise I wouldn't be here.

If you can, there are many ways to purchase an animal, and you can have a puppy, then you can take it to puppy school training, there you can meet other people, all with loveable pups.

My two sons didn't want much to do with me, but after a while I kept on trying to contact them, one son was much easier than the other and finally, now both of them are very close to me, with one being my carer and because your both your sons aren't talking to you, you can try and persevere with them, depending on what's happened.

You can, if you want to connect with the 'Mens Shed' who have people who have been in the most awkward positions, you can talk to.

If this was suggested to me I probably wouldn't have done anything, but instead, I was able to build up my confidence and every one has a different way of doing this and may be puppy school may do this, and there are people like me who wants someone to walk my dog for me, every day, second or third day.

We are all with you, every step of the way, and talk with us, you have friends here that have been through what you are dealing with, and sincerely want to help you.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Nothing_Left
Community Member

Jonjr, Lambent and Geoff,

Thanks for your time and kind words. I appreciate what you’re saying, I’m just sick of people (not necessarily you) saying “give it time” and “there’s light at the end of the tunnel”.

honestly I can’t see myself going anywhere - all I can imagine seeing is happy families and groups of friends. I can’t face that.

I thought about a pet but I can’t leave it alone in a unit all day, it isn’t fair.

I’ve no idea what to do. Today I’m just going to try and get through the day without breaking down at work. That’s it really.

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Nothing Left, understand and definitely accept what you have said, because when you are really depressed, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, there never was for me and for people to say, 'you'll get better', this needs time and in some way patience, but with depression there isn't any patience, it means being up then down, triggered by something new at will and by anything.

Some work places are pet friendly and normally fall in love with a puppy at work.

Geoff.

I knew this weekend would be tough but I’ve really plummeted in the last two hours. As expected I’ve seen and spoken to nobody so sat on my balcony looking at the shopping centre over the road I thought I needed to get out so I went to get some shopping. Big mistake. Families and friends all out together. Me? Just a ghost. I came home and walked to the park to feed the ducks. It’s my quiet place to sit and think and what do I see? More families, groups of friends.

I’m so low and I’m feeling like if I didn’t exist nobody would care and hardly anyone would even notice.

now I’m sat at home wondering whether I’m brave enough.

i Don’t even know why I’m posting this. I guess you guys understand even if you can’t help.

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Nothing Left, just because you see families and/or friends in a group doesn't necessarily mean they are all happy and shouldn't be compared to how you feel being alone.

Have you considered that some of these people only wish they were in your present position.

Geoff.