Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Help needed

Community Member
Hi itโ€™s a long story so I will keep it short as possible I am a farmer and also work in a hospital as a cleaner I have worked hard 7 days a week for 35 years, we opened our farm up to foster children so we. could teach them farm life something they would never experience ,we done it for ten years had two in permanent care one is still with us one 16 year old girl done a runner and took off and has made up false allegations against me no charges have been laid yet I went to court 2 months a go I now have to go back in four days I I am so scared canโ€™t sleep properly sever anxiety I have never done a single thing wrong in my life have thought about suicide nearly every day I have even googled the fastest way to die,two people I worked with both committed suicide 4 years a go. I love my family and the foster child that Is still staying with us knows her twin sister is lying, I am so scared I will go to jail for something I didnโ€™t do so suicide really is the only way out for me, who is going to believe a 57 year old man what do I do the stress is so bad itโ€™s effecting my work.
182 Replies 182

thank you Demonblaster, i appreciate all your replies, yes i will be standing up to make it law that all this is told in training not what could happen its what does happen not hidden from Foster carers the true facts, if the organization want foster carers they need to tell the truth and stop hiding it, we are just one of dozens of cases where foster carers have been stitched up i have spoken to people who had allegations made against them they said if they were told that in training no way in hell would they of started foster caring, the lady that lost her husband said she was abandoned by the organization as soon as the allegations were made, exactly the same as us the organization doesn't want to know you they don't care how long you were a foster carer all they want is baby sitters for children so they can continue making money, Then you have Legal Aid who know quite well someone with 11 intervention orders is playing the system but they continue to fund it biggest waste of money i have ever seen.everyday is a struggle for me but i keep it hidden from my family i dont want to put anymore stress on them its bad enough.i just want this to be over its wearing me down fast. Thank you everyone

Hi Farmer thanks you're welcome ๐Ÿ™‚

I read your post and will be back matey.

Not sure when. If you like keep talking Farmer we're listening.

Hope some good things going on amongst it all.

Oh so glad you're going to go further with it all.

See you later ๐ŸŒฟ

Hi Mr Farmer I'd ask how you're going but sadly I know the amswer.

I've said it before and mean it matey I and I'd imagine many others too admire your strength to keep going with such frustration and deep pain to deal with.
So many emotions would be circling yet you push through.

I get you wanting not to put more stress on your loving family. It's good of you and considerate.
I'm concerned though it could be to your detriment being an extra load you're carrying taking their stress on top of yours.
A thought which of course is entirely your call is to talk to them about how you're feeling because you need as much support as possible. They might feel they can help you more by knowing.
This could lighten your load. Being in this together it could open the family to discussion. They might be feeling same.

You'll always have here of course. A shame it's not the same as real life (real life)

Fantastic you're planning to initiate the urgent need to close the ridiculous totally unfair gap in the law.
We have a long way to go with law in many areas unfortunately. Fortunately though there's people like you who are prepared to do the yards to contribute towards making change.

Another add I feel although may not happen is compensation for victims for their cruel verbals against innocent people. Isn't that along the lines of slander. I think that's high court but in the same vane.

Sounds like you're in touch with a few who also might know of a few people that have been/going through same.
It'd be a long process I'd think but a worthy one that so many people could benefit from by avoiding this grief and others like your friends wife could see some form of justice.
I'm so glad but didn't want to say before this also could be in honour of your friend his and other families.

It potentially tho hard might help getting it all out mentally. As in unload a deal of your anguish and pain after this nightmare settles opposed to having to deal alone in the aftermath of it all.

Farmer hold on budz.
Remember if thoughts come through don't think any further on them.
Then think about a better future good man. You certainly deserve it and your family. โš˜


Hi Thank you once again it is a hard road and the thoughts do keep coming back I try and block them I know this sounds silly but I keep thinking the fastest way to die but I try and block it out, i feel anxiety all the time. i have been married 36 years and not once have we argued but now we seem to argue over nothing i know its just me,i need to stop it it's hard to sleep of a night I am just stressing way too much, i need to stay positive block all bad thoughts out of my head if i end it whos the winner she is , she will move on to someone else and make their life hell on earth.i was told any allegations and lies by a foster child the organisation has nothing to do with you again because they don't want their business tarnished because that's all it is, we were also told we were entitled to legal aid but another organization i won't mention got it stopped that's why we couldn't get it you don't realize how bad some organizations are until you have to deal with them, oh well i will keep as strong as possible and see what happens.

Hi Farmer680,

We are sorry to hear that you continue to struggle with this difficult and painful situation and these dark thoughts. We can hear how overwhelming this situation is and that the stress of it is affecting your marriage. We would again strongly urge you to seek professional help as it is really important that you take immediate steps to keep yourself safe. We are getting in touch with you privately to offer some extra support.

We hear that you have found the strength to manage these dark thoughts so far and we hope that you continue to be able to do so. We would urge that you get some professional support to lighten this burden. You don't have to do this alone.

Remember that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Feel free to keep the community updated on how you are going with everything.

Dear Rarmer man ๐ŸŒฟ

A very caring post from our good lady Sophie.
I feel too matey that as Sophie suggested the best thing to get through is getting onto some professional help.
To do that if you see your GP they can get the ball rolling.

Sleep deprivation which is no wonder with the burden you're carrying you poor man totally adds and creates more stress that you certainly don't need.
Could you get something to help you sleep and to ease the anxiety and depression from your GP.
You need to give yourself every chance to get through this.

Sadly matey I get why you're feeling that way and know exactly what you're talking about with the thoughts.
It's frightening being so low.
It seems like there's no options but there is Farmer. It doesn't seem like it but you do have the strength to pull back up and yes please keep at dismissing the thoughts.
Also if you can draw on that energy to reinforce why it's not an option.

Your family love and need you.


Your friend and many more taking their lives.
No Mr Farmer not that way.
It'd totally destroy I'd say many people who care and love you.

Us here. We want you to get through and have your life again.

I have no doubt there'd be people going through this as well following your story.

You later hope to try to get much needed change to the system

No! She can't win. She's taken enough from you all.

It can't get much worse than how you're feeling so that I feel means the future holds better for you.
I know it'd be near impossible to see that at the moment but there has to be better than this.

I might know what organisation and yes it's very disturbing.

Talk when you need to here good man.
We're listening and do care ๐Ÿ™‚


Thank you itโ€™s been horrible we have court again on Monday the police did say they wonโ€™t be representing her anymore but she told her lawyer she wants to keep going with it itโ€™s never going to end it could go on for years I have been arguing at home for no reason itโ€™s the worst time of my life and my families life why are the good people worse off itโ€™s seems the bad people are better off they get everything for free lawyers they get paid not to work ect and the ones like us who work around the clock get no hand outs we just want her to go away and never come near us again I am so nervous I have never done a thing wrong in my life been driving 39 years still have full points on my license, never had a parking ticket either so all this is big for us when that evil person has destroyed us she will move to the next poor family someone has to put a stop to her ASAP sorry itโ€™s getting bad for me I will try my hardest to stay strong I promise

Hey dear msn ๐Ÿ˜Š

You poor guy going through so much. I feel deeply sorry for you're horrid situation it's just so unfair!

I'll be back over the w/e matey it's late and have a funeral tomorrow for a very good friend.

Will always when I'm able be back โ˜บ

Ok matey remember anytime you want to talk

Catch you later dear Farmer ๐ŸŒฟ

Thank you we have court on Monday just a night mare the dark thoughts are trying to come back I need to try and stop them when will end anxiety is so bad how can one person do this I pray to GOD it will be over on Monday this canโ€™t go on anymore

Hey Farmer680,

We're so sorry that you've been feeling anxious and still struggling with dark thoughts. It sounds like this whole process must be really draining for you, and please know that our supportive community are always here to offer their kind words of advice and support. We'd also encourage you to reach out if these feelings become overwhelming, or if you'd like to talk things through before court on Monday. Our understanding counsellors at our Support Service are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636, as well as our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14. You never have to go through this alone, or keep these feelings bottled up inside. 

We hope you continue to update your friends here on the forums on how you're going, whenever you feel ready to.