Everything is just going in circles

[Patent]

Hi, I just need to vent for a bit

Im in the middle of my uni but everything is going sideways. Im an international student but I failed my course. Im trying to talk to someone in my uni to help me to go back and finish my course but I cant even go out of my house. I kept trying to schedule a meeting but something always happens and i keep canceling my appointment. I failed because for the last semester I wasnt able to do anything. I got scared of going out. Im having a hard time to talk to other people (strangers mostly) face to face. Its more like Im afraid of trying to start up a conversation with them. I dont know why but when Im outside alone I get really anxious/scared. And in my mind i keep talking to myself to keep myself calm.

Now because of that, I just keep procrastinating everything. It now led me to failing to extend my passport, fix my visa, fix my uni, fix my life. And i just keep lying to everyone i know. I keep telling them everything is okay, but for real i cant even live properly. Its not like i dont want to fix my life, but everytime I start to think doing something about it, i will feel really anxious and really disturbed that i will not be able to do anything. And it just repeats everyday. Have problem, be bothered by it, be depressed, calms myself, tries to think/fix it, more problems, be anxious again, depressed, calms myself again and so on. Plus i have social, personal, academical, financial, emotional problems and compulsive liar. And then now I got covid which really dampens everything again.

Most of the time i think about the s-word and there are times i tried it but never really finished because i know what will happen afterwards. But you know sometimes it feel really pleasing to my mind. Like boom. Done.

I feel really pathetic thinking and writing all of this. i just dont know anymore. I just want a way out of everything. Run away from all responsibilities and the rest. Its a life I did not even want and it just seem endless.

But thanks for listening, its my 1st time sharing this and Im not sure if i posted it at the right spot.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Patent,

Thank you so much for a brave and honest post. Being far from home and facing a lot of pressure in education can be a really lonely and isolating combination. 

I cannot help but notice some shame and frustration in your words, Patent. Avoiding the help of others, or contact with them might suggest the setbacks in education are really playing on your self-worth? Agoraphobia and social anxiety are struggles that many share with you, Patent, and I know that many in this community will want to help soon! Please consider talking to your Uni counsellors and support team as a first port of call, but remember you can reach out to us at anytime, 24/7 on 1300 22 4636, or consider using our webchat if that is more comfortable. 

You can also talk to you local Doctor about some options - and please, never forget, your lecturers and tutors want you to do well, and will listen to your struggles in these matters. 

Please reach out soon!

Regards,

Sophie M. 

[geoff]

Hello Patent, let's try and help you out of all of this, firstly you can extend your passport online, and may be fix your visa by going to immi.homeaffairs.gov.au, so google this.

As you are an International student are you allowed to defer your course, which you may be able to do 'under compassionate or compelling circumstances'.

These are 2 issues you can do at home, but as important as these, you need to see a doctor who can begin finally begin the help you need using a 'mental health plan' which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions per year and can provide them with this printed out or write down what you feel you are suffering from, this helps them understand without you having to say much at the beginning.

You shouldn't have to worry, because it's happened with most of us, but as soon as a connection is made, makes it slightly easier for you.

Doing this has been courageous of you and is always the first step into talking to people on the site, as it's anonymous and no one knows who you are.

There's more to discuss when you are able to.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Patent

Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for trusting us with your story.

I really feel for you. It’s very hard to live away from family in another country (I left my country of origin for Australia when I was 27) and even harder when you’re not feeling well.

I think Geoff has given you some great advice. I’m not going to repeat but just share some other thoughts with you.

Procrastination is a really common challenge and I want you to know that you are not alone with it. I can fully understand how the situation you’re in has evolved and I know right now it just feels like too much. I want to suggest that you “chunk it down”.

When I get overwhelmed by life I shut down and procrastinate too. I find it easier to get started again with what I have to do if I focus on one small task at a time. Small goals, one step at a time. Be kind to yourself.

You might like to start with your university counseling service. See if you can hold the meeting via computer or phone. Everything will be confidential and they have helped many other students, so please don’t hold back.

If you can get some MH help and support now it might make everything else a little easier to deal with.

Please remember that we all experience challenges in life but it’s a temporary situation that will pass. And it’s okay to ask for help.

If not the counseling service, then perhaps your family. Do you think it would help if you asked someone to come and support you? Mum? Dad? Sister? Brother? It’s okay to be unwell and family support could really help right now.

Hang in there. Post any time.

Kind thoughts to you

[Mickii]

Hi Patent, I am really glad you posted in this forum. I have found the people here are so supportive and understanding. Firstly you need to know you are not alone. I know it must be incredibly hard being away from your family, but even though we don't know you personally we are all here for you to talk too. Ok..firstly before I retired I was a University Academic, and I know that most lecturers will be understanding of your situation so don't worry about that. The important thing is ask for help. OK...that is hard, but it is worth it. My strongest advice is to see a counsellor...and I have personally found that the ones on the uni campus are usually excellent in understanding the stressors of being a student. They may be willing to do a phone session that might be easier. Do you have friend who could help you, maybe go with you to an appointment? I can not stress enough that the important thing is to ask for help, because once you do things will get better. You want feel alone, and there will be ways to help you work through all your stressors. Whenever you feel sad please come onto this page and talk to people....it has helped so many of us and now we are here to help you.