Don’t want life to end but keep thinking about it ??

Rose.8 · ‎27-03-2022

Hi,

I'm currently really struggling I’m not sure where to start… Yesterday I was supposed to have my first psychologist appointment but I accidentally overslept and missed it and I was so upset I felt so stupid like how did I let that happen and it really tipped me over. My sleep schedule is beyond repair, my bedtime is 6am and all I do is cry when I think about sleeping and then having to wakeup.

I have a casual job, it’s not hard 3 times a week really easy stuff not stressful but every time I think about working or having a shift I get a dreaded feeling in my stomach and don’t want to go, I also go to uni 2 times a week but I’ve missed 3 weeks worth of class because I can’t wakeup, can’t get out of bed I have panic attacks thinking about needing to work and go to uni, I feel stupid, when I do go I’m exhausted I’m on the verge of tears all day in class or through my whole shift. All I think about is going home and I’m checking the time every minute wishing the day was over. I did really love what I was learning and I want to continue uni and I have friends there but for some reason it’s just so exhausting.

ive been hurting myself, and recently I’ve been daydreaming about everything ending? I don’t want to die.

I don't know what to do, I have an amazing boyfriend who supports me but I can’t keep dumping my thoughts onto him, I feel like the only reason I havnt hurt myself really bad is because I have him. Sometimes I think to myself though, how can I can get a valid break from everything?

I also don’t have an appetite I think it’s because I sleep all day and when I’m awake I don’t have the energy to make myself food so I just don’t eat, I did have a meal today when my boyfriend was over but other than that not much, and now I have a raging headache.

it feels good to type this out, I haven’t been this honest with anyone because I feel guilty and embarrassed …..

I'm lost please help

Sophie_M · ‎27-03-2022

Dear Rose.8

Thank you for posting in our forums. It takes a lot of strength and courage to post. We would like you to know that you have that strength.

We hear that you are running on very low energy, with very little reserves left. One of the biggest ways we get physical energy is from food and water, so we strongly encourage you to eat some more, and to drink more water.

We know how hard it gets when we start feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes, giving ourselves permission to take a short break, is one of the best things we can do for ourselves, and the people we love. It can help us recover and reenergise ourselves.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.

geoff · ‎28-03-2022

Hello Rose, I'm sorry you missed your appointment, but can I suggest that you ask your psychologist's secretary to give you a ring that day and before your appointment or alternatively ask them to ring you for your session and have it by phone.

Taking a break from uni can be your first relief and to concentrate on doing one thing at a time, rather than two or three things may be a start for you.

Can I please get back to you but plase know that we want to help you as much as we can.

Geoff.

white knight · ‎28-03-2022

Hi Rose

Geoff mentioned a crucial topic, balancing too many things at one time. Some of us cannot do that without ramifications, so think about that please.

I dont really like mentioning it but my only attempt on my own life occurred at 39yo 27 years ago. One week prior to my marriage ending. 2 small kids etc. I knew in a short time I'd lose my full time fatherhood, dog, neighbours, my home. Where would I gather the will to keep going?. Since that "escape" I vowed never to go down that path again- no matter what!. But "actions speak louder than words", for words to ones self for reassurance is simply not enough. To refuse to go down that road again meant radically changing my life in any way that would prevent a reoccurrence.

Changes possible-

Abandoning higher education
Moving house
breaking off or confirming relationships particularly severing toxic ones
changing jobs or hours worked
No shift work
Valuing good quality sleep
Financial issues- consider bankruptcy
Stand up to tyrants or moving on
Get a pet and/or a hobby
Create or return to a conventional routine of normal hours. use your alarm.

In my case post my marriage I lived in a caravan park and devoted my spare time to exercise. It wasnt quite enough to satisfy that radical measure so I bought a block of land and built my kit home. That made my life so busy I moved on from my grief much quicker.

I also decided to value life. This was a crucial but simple no cost step. Someone once said- "if you watch a flower bloom from beginning to the end...you will appreciate.

So I had a few links below. These could help change your life. Yes, they can be that powerful. Just read the first post of the next links

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-do-be-radical-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/suicidal-thoughts-and-self-harm/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-do-be-radical-(part-2)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhrtbBrMQ1Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpfuMFsBgNk

Maharaji Prem Rawat has many youtube videos.

I wish you well, please repost anytime. I'm glad you are here.

TonyWK

smallwolf · ‎28-03-2022

Thank you for sharing part of your story here. It takes a lot of strength and courage to post.

And... I have also missed an appointment. I felt stupid as well. Give them a call and explain what happened and you might be able to get a new time. Also, at the moment, where I live masks are required so I tell them I prefer telehealth appointments which makes it hard to be late, as they call me.

While you missed that appointment, you might also want to the contact student services at Uni to find out what options you have. When things were really bad for me (about 2 and a bit years ago) and I was studying, I took off 4 terms to "get better". That part is still a work in progress. Just a thought.

That strength and courage (mentioned by Sophie) you have will help you to work out what steps to take?

geoff · ‎29-03-2022

Hello Rose, how are you going at the moment, as many good points have been suggested, just wonder whether you can associate with any of them.

Geoff.

Rose.8 · ‎31-03-2022

Thank you for replying to my post I really appreciate it.

I’ll Check out the links you added.

I’m definitely considering taking a load off by either taking a break from uni or work.

financially I’ll be ok if I take a break from working, I still live with my parents and they will 100% support me, also, knowing me if I drop uni I’ll probably never go back and I really want to push through my course as that is my goal. I just feel like a burden to them and those around me.

Rose.8 · ‎31-03-2022

Hi Geoff,

I’ve had a better couple of days but I know all the bad feelings are going to hit me again as it usually just goes around In circles of me feeling ok and then randomly feeling like the worlds caving in around me.

ive booked another psychologist appointment so hopefully that helps me moving forward.

thanks for the help

geoff · ‎31-03-2022

Hello Rose, as much as you want to finish uni, please remember that you can always go back to it if you need that important break.

If I can just say to you, that sometimes people push themselves through to achieve what they started out doing, but at the end wonder why they have, this happened with me when I wasted three years going to uni, when all I really wanted to do was something else, but my parents wanted me to have a qualification.

Please keep in touch with us.

Geoff.