Blending in with kids that aren’t my kids

[blade_spg]

I have been in a relationship for 4 years and my partners children 1 female 19 years old and 1 male 21 years old, we don’t get on at all. My partner is the middle person and the kids and I do not speak a word to each other. My partner and I bought a house and we all tippy toe around each other. The son plays music that is annoying to me for the volume level. My partner says ‘just turn off’

I love my partner, I am unable to show her my love physically as I squirm knowing her children are in the house.

I have contemplated leaving this life numerous times, I know that is weak, to move to the next as I am so sick of this life………….

thank you for reading.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Guest, 

It sounds like you are going through a really stressful time at the moment, we are so sorry to hear that things are so distressing in the home. We can hear that you are finding it hard to balance your relationship with your partner and the relationship with their children. It can be really difficult when such an important part of our life is causing us stress, thank you for reaching out for support. 

We have sent you an email to check-in but thought we would say hello here as well to offer some other options for support.

We are concerned that you are feeling so low and want to offer a few options for seeking support. 

We think that it would be great to call our phoneline 1300 22 4636 to talk to someone about how you are feeling. The team are great at offering practical tips in the moment, as well as helping to find longer term solutions i nthe community. You can also call our friends at Lifeline 13 11 14 - they are kind, friendly and understanding too. 

If you feel unsafe at anytime it is really important that you call 000 straight away as this is an emergency.

Thank you for being brave and posting your story, it is an incredible act of courage and you never know who will read this and find support in knowing they are not alone in their own situation. 

Please feel free to update us on how you are going if you are comfortable. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[Aaronsis]

Hi blade.spg

Welcome to this space, I am so pleased that you have found yourself here to share how you are feeling and to get some support. Being in a relationship is alot of work when things are going well, to maintain and to ensure each person gets their needs filled and that things go smoothly, however when things are not going smoothly that is even harder..and when essentially the issue is not between you are her at all. This must be so very frustrating and I am so sorry this has lead you to feel like you have no choice but to leave this life.

Can I tell you that you are not weak, and your feelings and how you live in the house and in the relationship is very important. This is a tough time.

I can give you some tips on what I believe may help the situation, and firstly I think what I would do is write myself a list, of all the things that I find annoying and all the things I don't like. I would then put a solution next to that point, if you can think of one. See I feel like when having conversations like this is more helpful to have some solutions rather than dumping a whole heap of "problems" on people.

I think a conversation is required here to let your partner know how badly this living arrangement is impacting you. I am sure it is impacting her too in that she feels so torn between her partner and her children. If you can share with her some of your concerns and then also show her some of your suggestions for a solution that may really help, and help her too. Saying to "just turn off" does not work and is not helpful so you also need to mention that to her too. Also, these are not small children and should be able to consider the other people living in the house, especially if they are not contributing and living there as dependents.

This is your home and you have the RIGHT to be happy there.

I think also making it clear it is not a choice for her in that she has to choose you over them, it is a discussion as to how you all live together harmoniously.

I hope that you are safe blade.spg, but if you are not please call 000 and have an ambulance come to you. I am just so proud you have reached out here today and to let us know how you are feeling.

Also I just wanted to say that it is actually ok if you don't get along, no one is forcing a relationship with you and the kids, but there must be respect and peace and you all must be able to live together considering other people in the house.

I hope to chat some more to you.

Hugs

Sarah