Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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Been on here before...guess its a merry go round

replies: 7

Well I am 46, my wife took our son and left 10 months ago. I see my son every second weekend. Breaks my heart but...that's all I get. I have since had a few dates, a couple of FWBs etc, till I met someone I cared about, someone I could and was me around.......guess I fucked up again as she left in tears saying I love to much. Lucky my son is here tonight.....I can't do this shit anymore. Last time I spent a week in psych ward.... Feel worse now, just needed an outlet sorry

Triggers leading to ANGER leading to suicidal thoughts

replies: 37

Hi all, It's been a scary week. This week I got very close to taking my life. I made a choice to call the helpline instead of taking my life at the time and they and my husband, together, got me through that night. Since then the suicidal thoughts have been plaguing my mind on and off and it's exhausting. There is a pattern. Things trigger me - something someone has said or written to me, or my daughter (and to a lesser degree my son's) behaviour, are the main ones (they both have special needs and get very loud). A small thing seems to trigger this feeling of absolute RAGE inside, which leads to the suicidal thoughts and takes me down a spiral of despair feeling like its all too hard, it isn't worth it anymore.. It's horrible and scary. Is there any way of stopping the rage over such trivial things? I really am scared I will hurt myself. Thank you for your help.

What can I do now?

replies: 37

I've been struggling with depression for 6 years (since I was 12). I made a vow 6 years ago, that I would not live to see my 18th birthday, and that day is just 1 year away. I feel sad and tired all the time, I have no energy as getting out of the bed for school can take me over an hour on bad days. I don't eat properly, I skip lunch and breakfast nearly every day. I am also socially awkward, which is why I've always resorted to online forums as I mentally cannot speak to people about "these" things. I don't trust my parents, I keep everything from them. From a young age, I've always wanted to be a doctor, however the last few years have proved to me that I am incapable. I cannot focus on my work, and I have spoken about ADHD to my parents but was brushed off. My mum calls me autistic, and tells my younger sister to never end up the way I am. That said, I am a Mensan if that even means anything, so I know I'm not retarded. I have severe anxiety, which can act up at any time. This includes social anxiety, performance anxiety, situational anxiety and haphephobia. When I get panic attacks I feel suicidal. I feel like I could just impale myself on a fence. Sometimes I see, hear and feel things. One night I was in bed, my curtain was the translucent kind. It came suddenly, I felt something watching me yet I couldn't move to turn around, I was paralysed. I felt like I was going to die, and this thing was about to burst through my window at any moment. I doubt it was sleep paralysis, because I am certain I was awake. There was a time in primary school when someone told me the stories about Bloody Mary. For months afterwards, I was seeing her bloody face everywhere, especially at night when I felt like she was creeping up on me. I was afraid to go into a room alone in case she suddenly burst out of somewhere. Sometimes I can go into a trance, where I feel like a robot being controlled by another being. Feeling like I'm watching in third person. I haven't told anyone about these problems, apart from some online friends who I have no real contact with and are too far to reach me. I can't talk to people, physically and mentally can't. I know it's a problem. I don't talk to people because I know they'll try to help me, which makes me feel "weak" (my mum is the cause of this problem, but I can't change it now. Its ingrained into me). There is more I would like to write, but it won't fit. What can I do? I don't plan to live to work. Life is a curse.

Thoughts but no action

replies: 2

I just wanted to vent a bit. I have lots of thoughts but no plans of action. Like on the surface I am doing okay, I have a wonderful partner, we have a safe apartment, we can pay our bills and have 2 cats. But I dont have a job, im studying something that is really challenging and takes up a lot of my time. I cannot sleep at night but during the day I sleep so much (my class is in the evening 3 nights a week) and I just eat. I always feel unwell, whether it be a headache, period pain, some sort of neck or back pain, stomach issues or the onset of a cold. And if its not physical, something within my social life or whatever happens and it sends me back to bed. I have no motivation and I am stuck in a loop. Unfortunately I have run out of cash and cannot afford to see my psych/psychiatrist until I finish my course and get a job. I am about 5 homework assignments behind in my course and finding it really challenging. Tonight I had to leave my class early because my instructor started making jokes about strippers and I found it offensive. (I dont like humor that punches down) and the other people in my class said I didnt need to get offended. But i did. I feel that everything would be better if I didnt exist anymore. My partner wouldnt have to look after me when they come home from work and deal with the fact that I never clean and they wouldnt have to support me. I wouldnt have any money stress anymore. I feel like a burden on a LOT of people and constantly seeking validation from people. I always wonder what they would feel if I wasnt around anymore because they always make me feel awful, so in a way I want them to have guilt for not giving me what I want. I assure you that I am safe though, I have the thoughts but no action plan. I love my partner very much, but I feel like he could do better than me. There is a high chance that we wont be able to have kids as well and that is playing on my mind, but I push it to the back because I am studying at the moment. Thank you for reading.

Another fellow person who is thinking very much about welcoming death

replies: 2

hey all. i am a fellow person in the same boat as you guys. I have autism, BPD, agorophobia, and MDD. i have reached out to health professionals. they always say they will call me back. i never hear anything. I got to my GP, he gives me random anti depressents that make my situation much worse, and cause big stomach aches. i have had to take myself off them. I feel like the GP is not listening. i told him about the issues with my medication, well that particular type. i have been on them for over 2 years, and they have done so much more harm than good. they made me psychotic in nature. they are awful. i wanted to do the right thing, and i had high hopes that medication may help. Recently i have moved into a caravan park, in a single studio room. I like my space. its small, but its a home. i was living in a tent before this. unfortunately it does come with downsides. there are allot of drug users here. like 80% of people are either on "oxy's" as they like to brag, lyrica, marijuana, speed, or god knows what else. people are often loud, obnoxious, rude, egotistical, they get into physical fights, they are loud at early ours of the morning, the other night a woman started breaking down and screaming on the top of her lungs at 10:30 at night. i was upset and could not get back to sleep. i have enough sleep issues as it is. i have had 6 hours sleep in 2 nights. One guy keeps knocking on everyones doors at all hours during the day or night. he does not care. he is persistant, arrogant, makes underhanded remarks, and annoying me. have tried explaining to him these behaviors are anti social and inappropriate. he just keeps doing it on a daily basis. i have stopped speaking to him or opening my door when he knocks. i feel my privacy is being invaded. these units / rooms are already so close together, you can hear peoples tv and music at night. its doing my head in. i am trying so hard to get back on my feet mentally. i used to be an alcoholic, i am not anymore. i used to abuse marijuana. i dont touch it anymore. although , i have wondered about going on the medical marijuana program, but no one will help me, because their views, over ride my need for proper help. anyone care to share input? TY

So tired

replies: 5

I don't have anyone else to say this to. I am just so tired. Physically and mentally. Physically I want to sleep all the time, my iron levels are very low. Mentally I'm tired of being here. Tired of dealing with myself and everything else. I'm just n... View more

I really don't know what to do anymore

replies: 1

TLDR of my past year: COVID took my job, my house, and my happiness away and I had to move back with my shithead father. My mother continues to choose my brothers' narcissistic girlfriend over me and hasn't talked to me in months. My cousin had a wedding yesterday and I wasn't invited. I am the black sheep of the family due to being disabled. My father is an ableist bigot who is racist (I have a lot of Asian friends and every time I mention anything that could be remotely Asian he starts mocking the accent and the language (i have asked him to stop it hundreds of times but he doesn't)) and homo/transphobic which is completely against my views. He is controlling (I cannot bring anything into the house be it food, makeup, anything without being questioned like a criminal), tone-deaf, misogynistic and just awful. I am Autistic with ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder with Self Harming Tendencies, Depression, Anxiety, PTSD and have an eating disorder. Long story short, I am very messed up. I don't have in person friends and, as I've already said, I don't have family support. I get screamed at in my house for breathing incorrectly, and then he plays the victim and "I don't know why you're so mad at me" YOU LITERALLY JUST SCREAMED AT ME AND CALLED ME A CHILD FOR HAVING AN AUTISTIC TICK WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHY. I am studying Education and have my first prac next semester and I don't know how I'm going to do it. I can't get out of bed, I cry at least once a day, my self harming keeps getting worse, I have no money and Centrelink won't help me as apparently 9 psychological and mental disorders "isn't disabled enough for assistance". Every day that I wake up I am sad that I didn't die in my sleep. (I am early 20s). I was on medication and doing so much better when my liver failed and I can no longer take any medication at all. I am in therapy but seeing her once every two weeks feels like it's not enough but again, no money. I can't afford to see her more often. I am just so confused and upset and have no idea what to do. What even can I do? Nothing. That's the answer. I can't do anything. I can't be sad because I get yelled at by my father. I can't tell him anything because he just yells at me, tells to grow up and get over myself. I have a doctor, a psychologist and a psychiatrist but no one seems to be helping this numbness and emptiness I feel. I don't know what to do.

my life of OCD and Depression

replies: 5

so i guess long story short i suffer from OCD with god whenever i did the sin of lust i would have to do a ritual that was difficult to do however i got married so that sin wouldent applied since it was sex in married however for some reason in my head my mind says that the children i have with my wife will be the chosen ones and i have to have them. however we already have one kid and i cant handle having another one nor do i want more than 1 so i havent done my ritual and my anxiety is going through the roof at any given time the world will fall thats my thought process at the moment and it scares me im feeling like suicide is the only way to stop the thoughts i have a plan on how to do it but i dont want to die... anyway i hope you are all having a good day anyway just wanted to share my thoughts and short story

No future

replies: 2

Last year I had to go on Centrelink payments as all my work fell through due to Covid-19. Before then, I had put up with being chronically underemployed and constantly broke than deal with C'link's punitive, unhelpful brand of bs. Now I'm stuck in a small country town looking for 15 jobs a month (which will rise to 20 next month) where there aren't even 5 suitable jobs a month in this area that I could do. I have two volunteer jobs that I’m currently doing but as I’m under 55 this basically counts for nothing. I have a roof over my head at the moment, but the mental grind of doing this pointless Jobactive busywork, combined with constant job rejections, sleep issues, anxiety, Covid anxiety, depression, menopause symptoms and the realisation that I'm likely to be homeless in a decade is really making me wish that I wasn't here anymore. I explained all of this to my new doctor and all she did was stick me on a low dose of anti-depressants (which are affecting my memory and making me blank out in the middle of conversations – really handy when you’re in the middle of a job interview) and send me off to a community counsellor who provided little practical help. All the things that usually pull me out of a downward spiral are not working and I currently feel no hope for a future.

Blending in with kids that aren’t my kids

replies: 2

I have been in a relationship for 4 years and my partners children 1 female 19 years old and 1 male 21 years old, we don’t get on at all. My partner is the middle person and the kids and I do not speak a word to each other. My partner and I bought a house and we all tippy toe around each other. The son plays music that is annoying to me for the volume level. My partner says ‘just turn off’ I love my partner, I am unable to show her my love physically as I squirm knowing her children are in the house. I have contemplated leaving this life numerous times, I know that is weak, to move to the next as I am so sick of this life…………. thank you for reading.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

Been on here before...guess its a merry go round replies: 7

Triggers leading to ANGER leading to suicidal thoughts replies: 37

What can I do now? replies: 37

Thoughts but no action replies: 2

Another fellow person who is thinking very much about welcoming death replies: 2

So tired replies: 5

I really don't know what to do anymore replies: 1

my life of OCD and Depression replies: 5

No future replies: 2

Blending in with kids that aren’t my kids replies: 2