Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 96

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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Feeling like a terrible person

replies: 17

So I’m not in a great place. I’m fortunate to have a great psychologist. I have been working with her for a fair while now. I feel like I trust her but I’m still incredibly stuck, and freeze and space out in sessions. I have managed to discuss some things but on the whole I feel like a complete failure. I don’t trust myself or my own thoughts, and I feel like a hypochondriac or attention seeking drama queen. I think I’m making things up, or dramatizing it. I emailed and said as much last night. That I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve help. Its just that things aren’t clear or keep changing in my mind, and it was all so long ago - I never said anything, I excelled in so many areas, I was fine for so long, it just doesn’t make sense. now I’m in this spiral of what a horrible human being I am for acting like a victim and I just want to disappear.

Struggling to update my safety plan

replies: 5

Hi, I lost my post I’ve worked through my suicide prevention plan for a few years and about 6mths ago I felt that I have it under control. Now my life I changing rapidly and I don’t have my safe spaces, safe persons etc. I mover too far away, and I s... View more

Interactions with health professionals

replies: 23

I've recently had some negative interactions with health professionals, mostly in the emergency department of the hospital, related to my mental health and specifically around SH. These have left me feeling quite traumatised. I am doing better now as I have spoken to my psychologist about these experiences but I am wondering if anyone else has had these experiences? It was quite upsetting because it took a lot of courage to seek help when I needed it and to be that vulnerable and then made to feel like a waste of time and space was hard.

School holidays and feel so depressed having no mum friends

replies: 2

Hi everyone, im finding these school holidays so isolating and lonely. Not sure if it’s because we have spent most of the last 2 years in lockdown and this adds to it or not. I’ve got 2 autistic children and looks like my 1 year old also has autism so we can’t leave the house so easily. We have no backyard as we moved into our new build house, so we are essentially stuck inside 4 walls all day everyday. My husband works long hours, or works away or nightshift with his own business. It makes for some super long days just watching the clock. It’s not so simple as going for a walk or a bike ride or a playground as we need both parents here to help. my father passed away from a cancer battle almost a year ago and my dog also passed around the same time. These deaths along with the birth of my daughter all around the same time made me realise I essentially have no friends. No one really cares. I totally understand, we can’t attend birthday parties, we try and usually have to leave early as the anxiety is too much for the kids, can’t do play dates with lots of kids even play dates in our home is hard. I can’t ever catch up with just the mums for a kid free night as my husband is always working. so I totally get and can understand why I can never make proper friendships. But jeez it’s lonely. it’s school holidays once again and here we are with not a single play date request for either child. Look I get why but I’m also so sad for them. They are so beautiful and wish they had friends that understood them and wish I did too. I’m literally going bat shit crazy sitting inside 4 walls all day long. Think I’m suicidal, I’d never do anything coz if I did there would be no one to look after my kids, I also can’t get help at an inpatient facility as again no one to help. My mum lives in the same suburb but I can tell her I feel this way as she would message everyone in her phone to tell and I can’t ask her for help with the kids as she whinges that they will mess up her house or she is exhausted or she loves to give me a play by play of autistic behaviours she has observed. I just feel so exhausted and depleted. I feel so lonely and like I don’t fit in anywhere. I’m also trying to find a new school for our kids as the current one is not suitable and we feel maybe a complete new move would be best and start fresh down the beach somewhere. It’s just all a bit much right now and I feel so lonely and so depressed. not even sure any of this made sense.

Suicidal and Anxious

replies: 1

So, I’m 20 years old and dealing with some sort of eating disorder, every time I put food in my mouth, I feel sick. I’m not trying to lose weight but now I’m extremely underweight, the doctor’s say its psychological maybe ARFID. I tried to see a hypnotherapist, but they cancelled my appointment that I had been waiting months for. I’m also failing University and in massive debt with no income, I study all the time, but I still fail the subjects I can’t tell my parents about it. I’m supposed to be a genius I got A’s in school, but I got 20% on my last exam even though I answered all the questions. I suffer from anxiety and get panic attacks all the time in public, I try breathing slowly but it never works. I’ve never had a girlfriend in my life and I’m 20. For these 5 reasons (eating disorder, failing uni, broke, panic attacks and loneliness) I get suicidal thoughts every day. When I’m trying to go to sleep, I spend 30 minutes thinking about suicide. I’m agnostic but I hope there’s an afterlife because I won’t be around much longer at this rate. This is a copy and paste so I don’t have to rewrite everything on each site I use.

Hating my life

replies: 3

I’m new to BB. I just hate everything. I’m depressed still and have no friends and no SO and can’t even get a date (been using online dating for two years and virtually nothing came out of it except one relationship which lasted only two months as he had anger issues. I just want to meet a guy who is the rigs kind of man for me and be a Mum. The idea of not achieving these things makes me feel like I’ll not want to go on once that time comes. I am now 40 years old. I’m having a lot of suicidal ideation over this, but also over other things like having depression, several anxiety disorders, Complex PTSD, being socially Isolated and having no friends and feeling apathetic most of the time. I also have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) symptoms at the moment which makes everything worse. I don’t really see the point in living. I just can’t find meaning in my life. Oh, I’m new to BB. Can anyone relate a lot to my post? Thanks in advance, and best of luck to everyone on these forums. Trina

I’m stuck and scared

replies: 4

Hi everyone, I’m sorry about this vent post. I just feel really lost. Please stay safe and take care of yourselves! If you get triggered easily, please scroll. HUGE TRIGGER WARNING!! Please stay safe. I’m 15 years old, and I’ve had depression for 3 years. I got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety when I was 12. I started doing self-harm then too. I feel like I’m slipping away. Like I’m drowning in an ocean full of my own tears. I’m just watching my mom trying to fix her broken child. Watching her spend all this money on this broken porcelain doll. Trying to glue up every little piece. I’ve been to every counsellor. Every doctor. I’ve told them about the voices in my head. About the tendencies. Every time I walk past an object that I could use, I start breaking down. I cry over tiny, little things. I’ve changed my anti-depressant medication 3 times. It even made me put on 30 kg. I’ve tried everything, and I just feel like nothing is working. It’s like I’m running out of time. I’m running in a pointless circle. But my legs are broken. I look into the mirror, but I don’t recognise myself. I just see a broken porcelain doll. That my poor mom is trying her hardest to fix. Those tiny little pieces scattered all across the floor. She’s picking them up and gluing them together. Watching her break. I’m really stuck here, I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. Then again, I’m sorry about this post. Please drink lots of water and take care of yourself. I love you!

Therapist dependency - Am I a bad client?

replies: 19

My therapist made it clear we have issues with our professional relationship. I came out from my first trip in a mental health ward and had a support worker who visited me twice every week and was there for me between these meet-ups. From then, I was transferred to a community mental health team and assigned a therapist who only saw me once a week. I used to have breakdowns mid-week, and would attempt to call or email her and ask for calls for support. Most sessions, I was unable to speak truthfully due to anxiety, and would send clarifying messages after. Overtime, she began to say my calls were not helpful, and overall gave off a vibe that I shouldn't call her. She was always busy, so I was very anxious to call. Eventually, she said no to all texts and emails based around therapy, which had become my only way to communicate truthfully to her. I tried to suggest other options, like maybe some kind of personal chat room for our sessions (which were almost always calls during COVID times) but she said it wasn't allowed in any text format. She said it wasn't "therapeutic" and was crossing boundaries, even when it was me trying my hardest to be a helpful client. I know I am dependent on her, and she said so too. I brought up the possibility of dependent personality disorder, but she didn't really...focus or continue that conversation. (Not diagnosed with it). She never really helped me understand my dependency, or work through why it was there, or come up with alternatives or anything. Is it my fault? Was I acting out of turn and being a bad client? Cause that's how I felt every time she told me my emails were out of line and ignored my texts trying to explain. Should she have focused more on trying to help me cope with these dependent emotions? I feel like she sort of just...cut me off. And maybe that's the only way, but it didn't help me to get over it at all. This experience happened earlier this year, and since then I have only become more meek around her. I never say no or assert myself, I blame myself for everything the time. I never want to bother her, seeing her makes me want to cry. I feel so angry that this was allowed to go for so long, but I hate myself for feeling anything negative toward her. The whole thing has given me a LOT of self-loathing. We tried a new psychologist, and I immediately had the same problems. Are there therapists who can help me deal with this specifically? (Sorry for such a long post ;-; It's very complicated)

I hate everything

replies: 9

I’m 26, depression diagnosis at 18. I got worse after taking medication, and better after stopping, so go figure. It’s been 7 years since I was medicated, and I’ve had some good times since then. But it fell apart lately. I was living in the city and while I wasn’t enjoying it, I had some people around me. But I lost them. I loved someone; I watched them love someone else. So I did all those things you’re supposed to do. I got fit, I picked up some hobbies. I even moved to a small town, because I felt like I’d be happier in nature. But all I’ve done is made myself miserable, and fit, and busy, and living in nature. I can’t enjoy any of this. We just had Christmas, and I’m on a low income, so I spent all this money and it still felt not good enough. Then I got all these presents I don’t want, because I live in a small bedroom in a share house with nowhere to put anything. Then I feel bad for not appreciating what people got me. Then I feel exhausted for having to hide all those feelings and pretend I’m fine. I feel angry that I’m on a low income when I have a bachelors degree, that the housing market is screwed up for any single person my age, so I have to sit in this tiny room with all the things people keep getting me that I don’t want. I feel lonely in this town, where I have no friends, and I miss the people I lost, and I can’t really talk to anyone at all. My job is supposed to be about helping people, so I can’t just break down. But I feel like I’ve got no one at all. Nobody knows I’m feeling like this, because there’s no one I can trust with these feelings. I don’t have a plan or anything. I’m not in danger. Life just feels so very burdensome. When I was younger I could hope for something different. But now, I feel like it doesn’t get better from here. I’ve had my heart too broken to trust. Everyone is settled into their own worlds and own relationships that don’t include me. Everything is so tasteless and colourless and flavourless that even if I had a nice life, I just can’t bring myself to enjoy anything anymore. I’m so tired of having to support myself all alone in a world that sees me as another sponge to squeeze work and money out of. I’m so tired of the effort that has to go into existing, without even a best friend or SO to feel safe with and make it feel worth it. I’m just living for me, and I don’t like living. Living is irritating.

Excluded. TW: Suicidal Ideation and Self-Harming.

replies: 6

I am often excluded. I opened up to one of my netball teams in particular about the fact that I experience anxiety, only to be ignored and kicked off of the team. This isn't the first time a netball team have kicked me off of their team and attempted to bully me out of my passion. What disgusted me the most about this netball team in particular is that another chick I previously played with openly admitted to me that she suffered from anxiety and yet she still gets to play. Disgusting. My mother wants to exclude me from going out as a family with my father to have lunch with him. Going out for lunch seldom occurs nowadays as they consider the playing on the poker machines more important than their own daughter's hungry stomach. I pay board every fortnight and mum claimed that it goes towards the important things like paying the bills, when in reality she blows it on whatever she damn well wants to blow it on. She also blames me for everything, like when her and my father fight when he has been drinking. Whenever I try to involve myself in family conversation between her and my dad, she doesn't want my input, and basically tells me to shut up, or, as you already know, excludes me deliberately. I know that my father is suicidal like myself and my mother told me flat out that if he does anything to himself, she will blame me. I was also bullied out of my role as a volunteer working with animals (cats). Again, I was passionate about this. I stood up to a bully who told me I was an irresponsible pet owner, as well as being bullied by someone who was part of their cult who used very abusive and sexist language towards me. This was 100% uncalled for as I had done NOTHING wrong. I was also threatened with security. Growing up, I had to watch my mother suffer from severe anxiety. She was couch/bed ridden. This was all due to the fact that she was raped by her father for most of her life, and bullied at school. I did NOT deserve to live through all her problems. I also have never been good enough for another family member of mine. When I spoke with her openly about the fact that my own grandmother, her mother, threatened to get a Maori woman to assault me to oblivion. I feel like I don't have a purpose in life. I think about suicide often, but I am too scared to act upon it, so I resort to self harming.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 96

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

Feeling like a terrible person replies: 17

Struggling to update my safety plan replies: 5

Interactions with health professionals replies: 23

School holidays and feel so depressed having no mum friends replies: 2

Suicidal and Anxious replies: 1

Hating my life replies: 3

I’m stuck and scared replies: 4

Therapist dependency - Am I a bad client? replies: 19

I hate everything replies: 9

Excluded. TW: Suicidal Ideation and Self-Harming. replies: 6