Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

Quirky asked what we think of the quote No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

I think rather than asking whether or not it is true we need to ask what the purpose of the quote As others have pointed out there is truth in it but our background including MI & previous experience can make us very vulnerable to what others say or do but we are the ones who listen or believe what others say.

The purpose of quotes like this is to empower us to make us stop & think & remember we can't change what others think say & do but we can & should control how we react to it.

Perhaps the message from this quote for us is that we have the right to feel good about ourselves & we need to do whatever we can to treat negative comments more appropriately. Threads like this are an example by providing support & encouragement to tame that negative critic that feeds on the negative comments from others.

Let us all keep encouraging each other to tame those rotten ICs & learn to stop giving consent to others to make us feel inferior.

[quirkywords]

hello all,

Elizabeth wrote,

“ Perhaps the message from this quote for us is that we have the right to feel good about ourselves & we need to do whatever we can to treat negative comments more appropriately. Threads like this are an example by providing support & encouragement to tame that negative critic that feeds on the negative comments from others.

Thanks Elizabeth for your comments, and reminding us to treat negative comments appropriately. Encouragement and support for each other is very important.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

I have just been thinking how weceither treat ourselves or let the voice of our inner critic treat us fra worse than we would allow anyone else to treat us.

Why is that?

Do we lack confidence, so we get into a rut and believe the lies of our inner critic that we are worthless. If a friend was being bullied we would jump in without hesitation and stick up for our friend.

Yet we allow ourselves to be bullied by our negative thoughts 2

How can we stop this vicious circle?

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi Quirky,

It feels like forever since I've caught up with you (am so sick of colds and being unwell physically as well). Your post came at a curious time (my mind is in a strange, 'im too exhausted to give a crap what my critic has to say' moment) so I figured maybe it would be helpful to share this...

I'm sure you're no stranger to reading about unhelpful thinking styles either. Being able to recognise that the thoughts from my critic are unhelpful and biased doesn't help me stop being hurt/influenced by the thoughts usually though.

But today is different. I'm on prioritise mode. Am drained and even getting out of bed has been too much. Feels like a flu arrgh. The point is it has made me realise I CAN choose not to care if I need to.

Which makes me wonder... Physical illnesses are no less exhausting than mental ones. So why don't I go into priority mode when I'm unwell mentally?

It made me laugh just now imagining cutting off my critic mid rant with "I'm too busy to deal with your crap right now".

Curiously, in a self help class I went to ages ago the teacher told us changing unhelpful thought patterns takes time and constant effort. She explained it like a well worn bush track. Once the track is there it becomes the easiest path for our minds to take. Establishing a new path is hard work but eventually it will become well worn and the easiest path in our mind.

Would love to hear what you think.

Right. I'm drained again. Back to bed.

❤ Nat

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Nat,

Wow, thanks so much for your very honest and thought full reply. As I was reading your words carefully, I was nodding and saying to myself , yes that’s what have I thought before.

I too have a cold and feel exhausted and have a bit of vertigo .

in answer to your question I feel the reason we don’t prioritise ourselves when mentally ill is obvious to me. It is because in our society people give us time and sympathy and care when physically ill but often others as they do not we our mental illness they expect us to keep going regardless.

So I find it hard to see that others do not take my physical tiredness seriously because everyone around me seems to be sicker and I am not seen as sick enough.

What I know if I get run down it affects my mental health so I try ignore others who are ignorant about my needs.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

I was reading an article about how people who don’t like themselves and have an inner critic had critical parents and a difficult childhood.

I was wondering what others think about this and whether they can relate to them

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

I wonder how people cope with a loud persistent critic.

How do you try to whiten the voice.

I have tried writing down the negative voice of my critic and the context so iI can see a pattern.

.If I am not feeling well I listen to my critic more.

Do you find exercising helps the critic go away. I find If I walk very fast and get puffed th e ridiculous is too tired to talk!!

Does that make sense?

Quirky w

[Elizabeth CP]

I think people who have critical parents & a difficult childhood are more likely to have a negative critic BUT this is not always the case. I had very loving supportive parents but I think being bullied as a child left me with poor self esteem & a nasty self critic. Some people develop MH issues even though they had no trauma & had good upbringing.Blame our genes.

It is useful to recognize what helps us to maximize our mental health in the same way we do what we can to maximize our physical health but we shouldn't blame ourselves for our MH issues. .

[quirkywords]

Greetings to all.

Elizabeth,

Thanks for your thoughtful comments.

I too had loving parents but as was common at the time , saying positive things about yourself was seen as being boastful and even arrogant. Sayiing things that were negative was seen as being realistic and helpful in developing one’s character.

I agree that having insights into our MH and working out what helps us to cope is important but blaming ourselves is very destructive and futile.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone and ignoring inner critics,

Mary wrote a while back

Language can mess up even the best intentions.

I have been thinking about tha nadvyhe more I think about itbtne truer it feels.

The question how can I put that into Practice?

i am often in trouble for my words being misinterpreted no matter how much Inhave edotted the. In speech and written word.

So what do we do to make sure our language matches our best intentions?

Any ideas appreciated?

I thought keep words positive but even they can be understood in a another way.

Quirkyb