Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

CHloe glad you has some good days.

COngratulations for your a win dancing. Being highly commended. I hope you are very pleased after your hardly.

Grandy, all I have tried and others have if you scroll back, is to be tough with your IC?

EVeryonee has a shower it is not about deserving it, it is hygiene I would lock IC away and go into the shower and enjoy the shower.

As for undermining your a hievementand my critic does that , I say I am proud I did this, I am not going to listen to my critic. THis is my time to be pleased with what I achieved.

Grandy it is hard that is why I started this thread. It needs constant. surveillance of our inner critic so we lie mwnt it starts undermining us.

I keep trying, sometimes Tame it but over times I weaken.

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi Quirky and the many others reading and joining in 😊.

Quirky I think it is normal for threads to ebb and flow. Sometimes it takes a new member to find and revive a thread and then a whole lot of new members get to enjoy it. No need to overthink it.

I like your last sentence about weakening over time. I think that is where I'm at. Weakened. I told my husband yesterday he has no idea the amount of energy it takes to keep the critic voice at bay. He doesn't experience this so he doesn't understand. I told him I can fight for a while and then I get run down and tired and the put downs begin. Then I feel useless and my own voice replaces the critic. I mentioned before my critic is quiet. She is quiet because I am doing her job for her.

Fighting is hard. We often talk about managing not fighting to conserve energy. How can you manage an inner critic? Elsewhere Mrs D suggested building a sense of self esteem and liking yourself. But how? Any ideas?

❤ Nat

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Nat, I was sure I thought I had written a reply but maybe I forgot to send it or I imagined I did.

i know I am my critics voice but is easier to deal with the negativity being an outside influence.

can you quieten the critics voice and be that strong voice of reason we have seen in discussions with your critic.

i think pepper talked about a voice of reason and not a critic.

I suppose I aim for not being negative to myself as opposed to having self esteem. So try not to put myself down .

Quirky

[startingnew]

Hi guys

I hoping someone might relate.

How do you shut the IC up when physical pain is the one making it louder? The reason being as right now im limited in what i can do as ive got a serious injury. A very frustrating one at that!

I mustve been off in lala land today as i all of a sudden said 'shut up' outloud and forgot i was amongst people. Oopsy. It didnt help anyway so am open to other suggestions to quiet down those thoughts?

[quirkywords]

Greetings to all,

Starting New,

sorry I did not see your reply, as it was hidden amount my pages.

A good question . For me when I am in physical pain my Inner Critic (IC) is quiet as I am focusing on my pain and nothing else andI tend to scream and complain a lot when alone!

I know that does not help you.

So is your IC criticising you for being in pain, for not being well or the usual telling you how you mess things up etc. ?

I am not much help, could you have a chat with your IC nad explain how much pain you are in and you will not listen to any more complaints while you are in pain and IC can go away.

I had to smile when you forgot you were not alone and said shut up, I have done that too, whe I talk to myself, and said in aloud voice Will you stop that now, and every customer i my shop looked at me!! I said I was talking to the computer!!

Maybe others will have more helpful suggestions.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Hello there Quirky.....don't think I ever asked you....what is it, that your IC is saying to you? what does it say you are doing wrong, or should be doing instead etc.? How is it criticising you...in a specific area, or just yourself in general?

Is there an area or facet of yourself that IC really approves of and praises you for? If so, do more of that!! xx

[quirkywords]

Moon and everyone reading,

That is a great question. Ia m thinking you don't have an inner critic.

It depends on what I am doing. Sometimes when I am reading other people's posts my inner critic says.

"Why can't you write helpful and detailed posts like other people?"

" Why are you so disorganised" and on a really bad day "Why do you mess everything up?"

Just an example , but it is harsher and stronger and more repetitive.

My inner critic never says anything kind though other people say they have a kind critic.

Quirky

[startingnew]

Hi Quirky

Please tell your ic to shush.. your posting is fine and also i dont mind hearing different perspectives so share away. I also appreciate your help.

My ic likes to make a point of how useless and worthless i am esp when in pain because i need to reduce what i do quite alot.

Hm chatting, ill have to go back towards the start of this thread and have a look how you and Nat have a convo with yours.

Lol Quirky very good cover up! I couldnt think of a cover up i just went red and had to get out!

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Starting New,

I think we need to stand up to our IC , if IC says we are useless, you can point out all the things you do, like you are very supportive of people on this forum, and in Real life I guess you are very kind and compassionate.

It is interesting how we can tell others' critics to shut up but not our own.

Quirky

[startingnew]

Hi Quirky and thank you

Icould give that ago just have to start believing those things. The environment i live in isnt supportive and well it makes things worse tbh with the things theyve said/do say to me despite my best efforts to be kind and caring so its feeding my IC. 😒

We are good at helping others but often not so good at helping ourselves. We are our own worst enemies sometimes!

i going to go back through and resd back over some suggestions and what others do. Might make a list in case i get stuck again and can try a few of them out 🙂

Thank you xox