Recovering from setbacks

[BenD]

Hi everyone, 

Just wanted to get peoples opinions on how to maintain mental health gains (particularly related to anxiety) in times of adversity? At the moment I'm struggling a bit financially (I'm a student), have physical health problems that need addressing which also make working tough and am trying to keep up with commitments to friends and family. More specifically...

1. Physical problems (past back and lower limb trauma resulting in chronic pain) make working hard when you're unqualified and often need to work more physically demanding jobs for money.

2. Usually I can just rest if I overdo it, but at the moment I have a mate who I suspect is living on or below the poverty line and needs work so I offered to get him a job labouring in my Aunties backyard. I need to be there because they don't really know each other and so it wouldn't be appropriate for him to work there without me.

So I don't want to let him down, I don't want to push my Auntie who has been good enough to give him work in the first place but I know I am doing all this at my own expense (pain wise and time wise).

On top of a few other smaller curve balls that life throws at you sometimes this has made me feel a bit worn out.

I think perhaps that I've neglected looking after myself a bit which in turn has made me more prone to believing criticisms leveled at me (from other people and from the irrational side of my brain).

Any ideas?

[Zeal]

Hi Ben,

I am also a student, and I have fairly mild scoliosis. I get lower back and neck pain, which can make me feel fatigued and headachey. I am tall (for a girl) and slim, and one side of my back has more muscle than the other, so I get back pain when I study or sit for too long. I sometimes even get back pain when I walk to the bus stop or carry my shoulder bag for too long. I have found massages to be helpful. Unfortunately they are expensive, so I only get one every now and then when I have babysitting money or when the pain is particularly bad. You could try going to a cheaper Asian massage place, but I am not sure if the massages are as therapeutic. It's worth a try though, as some of the cheaper places employ well trained people.

I'm sorry to hear about your back pain, and your lower limb trauma. I imagine that would be really painful, especially with labouring jobs. You could try for a retail job, though being on your feet all day may still result in some pain. What about admin work? You could try getting an admin job at a physio clinic - that way you could ask for advice! That would be perfect, though I'm aware that not many of those jobs are necessarily available!

You are such a nice friend to think of your mate before yourself. Hopefully your Aunty will start to trust him and feel comfortable having him there, so you will be able to stop supervising or supervise less often.

I have found that my anxiety is worse when I am sleep deprived. This may sound obvious, but being overtired can hugely affect how you think and feel. Make sure you're getting no less than 7 hours sleep on most nights. Eating well is important. Having snacks throughout the day helps me. Some people skip meals when they feel they have overindulged at other times, and this can just make you ravenously hungry and on-edge.

Try to do mini-meditations. So for instance concentrate on what you're doing in the shower. Focus on how your scalp feels when you massage shampoo through your hair, focus on the simple task of lathering soap on your back etc. Also, if you are studying and can feel you are tense, try relaxing your posture, letting your shoulders fall down and back, and ensure your back is supported. Some chairs are badly designed for people with back problems. If you need to, roll up a jumper or find a long, small cushion to place between your lower back and the chair to support your back's arch.

I hope your pain and anxiety are manageable,

SM

[BenD]

Hi SM,

Thanks for the response, it means a lot. I suppose its getting to the point where I need to explore other work options - that physio admin idea could have merit. I don't know about your situation but I imagine it somewhat similar to mine in that you have probably had a fair few physio appointments over the years to try help your body get better. Could be valuable for them to have someone who's been a patient as well, for a different perspective.

As for my friend, think my Auntie is starting to trust him, it was just a few hard days of work that needed my help to get started. Hopefully he'll be OK to work alone soon.

The other thing is that I thought I was used to the pain - but sometimes it's so bad that it affects my mood and in turn makes me impatient with other people. Do you get that feeling ever?

Thanks for taking time to respond.

Ben

[Zeal]

Hi Ben,

Thanks for responding! I'm glad to hear that your friend and Aunty are feeling more comfortable together.

Having mood swings or being grumpy and frustrated about pain is sometimes inevitable. When I get back neck/back pain, I pester my Dad to massage my back, and 'crack' my back, as he's the only one in my family who knows what to do. So, sometimes I get annoying when he's not in the mood to help out.

Yesterday I came home after a long day - I spent five hours with the girl I mentor, went home briefly, then went to have dinner and see a movie with a friend. I got home just before midnight with this intense headachy feeling and a very stiff neck. I knew if I went to bed like that I would wake up feeling terrible, so I plonked myself in front of my Dad who was watching TV, and pretty much demanded that he help. He did, and there were so many tight "knotty" spots and pressure points.

I then pressed on tension spots on my neck myself to loosen the muscle. The lady who I sometimes go to for massages said that it's fine for untrained people (like me) to press hard on painful areas with your fingers until you can feel the muscle relaxing under your touch. Then I went for a warm shower. After those three things, I would say my pain subsided by about half.

Thanks again for replying to my post 🙂

SM