FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Managing Borderline Personality Disorder

AGrace
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi,

I was looking through some of the posts and couldnt find any related to Borderline Personality Disorder. 

I was diagnosed at the end of the year along with Anxiety and Depression. I was hoping to reach out to anyone in a similar situation to get some advice on how to deal with living with this condition.  I left my employment last year so I could focus on my health which has been useful but now I feel anxious about ever being able to go back to work full time, having children, and doing day to day things whilst managing my illness. To add to this, not doing those things leaves me feeling a little useless. 

Does anyone have some advice, or personal experience with this?

Thanks. 

98 Replies 98

xmin
Community Member
Hello again, 

Well, I'll try to be brief. It's kinda hard to know where issues start and end and overlap, but I guess it does link to my bpd a little. I recently came out of a relationship that ended because my partner had issues with someone who was one of my best friends at the time. With no choice other than to end the relationship, I chose to end my friendship. Being out of the relationship now gives me perspective to see exactly how unhealthy the whole thing was, and I realise that I sacrificed my mental health to be with someone who wasn't willing to compromise. I also lost a friend who was a huge part of my social life and support and all that. My psych said that part of bpd is difficulty dealing with loss and separation, so that might be why I had so much trouble letting my friend go. 

Bicycle shopping is....frustrating! I can't believe how hard it is to find the type of bike I want in Sydney. I vaguely entertained the thought of cajoling someone into coming with me on a road trip to Melbourne in hopes of finding something there. And even then it wouldn't be a sure thing. I checked out a store today and it wasn't what I want. I have one more store lined up for the next Saturday I'm free. After that, I might have to wait three months for my original choice to restock. Gah! 

It's about an hour fifteen from door to door. I usually just go on my phone to pass the time. I'll read my borderline book on the train once it arrives- but I've decided I probably want to wrap it in brown paper or something as I'll be a little embarrassed to read it in public. I know I probably shouldn't worry and no one will be looking at me but that's how i feel. 

I used to do squads when I was younger, haven't gone regularly since then. I'm supposed to stay away from chlorine as well for my skin, so I poked around and found a saltwater pool in the city I'm going to try and force myself to go to soon. 

I have tried! I'm surprised at how many of them don't know how or aren't interested in bike riding. What happened in their childhood?!? I have taken a look at meet up.... but I'm a little scared of going by myself to a new social group. Obviously if I had a friend who would go with me I wouldn't need to go to the group so much. So there's the catch. I am going to try and meet up with that friend that I lost contact with, and if things don't work out I'll force myself to go to a meet up. Or something. 

Kind wishes to everyone πŸ˜ƒ

Hi Lady Hawke,

thanks for your post. I'm so sorry you had to wait so long for a diagnosis. You've done incredibly well to persist in seeking answers.

I agree with you, it is often a difficult condition to diagnose. I think too that because there is so much negative stigma around bpd many doctors are reluctant to diagnose it, which in my opinion doesn't really help the situation.

I was diagnosed at 33 but had difficulties much sooner. It was only at 29 I learnt how to express myself truthfully, and started therapy and being open about my internal world and difficulties. I have recovered from bulimia and sought treatment for anxiety, depression and all sorts of interpersonal issues. The bpd diagnosis made a lot of things make sense. These days I don't cling to the label bpd too strongly - maybe see myself more just with mental illness in general.

How are you doing at the moment Lady Hawke? Are you in some sort of treatment?

and great profile name by the way, where does it come from? I adore birds including eagles - I guess they represent freedom to me - so I see your name as being a female hawk flying high. But maybe it was something to do with Bob Hawke? I hope it's ok to ask.

Kind wishes to you,

Christina

 

hope4joy
Community Member

Hi xmin,

thanks for your post. I'm really sorry to hear about your relationship ending - and it being a double loss with your friendship too. I think anyone, bpd or not would find that very  painful and hard. I'm glad you made the choice for your own health.

Wow, your bicycle shopping seems like quite an adventure! Have you checked gumtree and eBay for the bike you like? I met a friend's friend a while back who puts together bicycles in his spare time, was about $50 I think, people order the bike disassembled to save money. So maybe that's an option.

Salt water pool sounds great. Will have to look around for one in Brissie, I miss swimming. I'm very slow but just love water. Sounds like you were pretty good in the past.

Good luck with reconnecting with that friend. I find friendships and socialising hard work at times, but really thrive off company sometimes. New groups are daunting. I want to try to grow some more friendships at uni this year - to the point where we catch up outside of uni.

Running out of words so might stop here for now, nice chatting, Christina πŸ™‚

Hi hope4joy

You might need to read my posts closer. I said "It is known that those with BPD often never get treatment and then when they do they don't stick with it". The key word is often. And Chronic BPD which I believe my mother has (or NPD) is different as all illnesses are. I've also done a lot of reading on this topic and this fact arises a lot.

If you google the words- "children of BPD mothers" you will read articles that point towards the many illnesses children can be left with if they have a parent that has chronic narcissistic characteristics.

 I also said "if you seek treatment and stick with it, then you get all the accolades from me for your effort." This because in my case my mother destroyed our family because she didn't and wont get treatment. You can read more by googling "Topic: BPD mothers and their sons- beyondblue"

Also if you google "helping someone with borderline personality disorder" you'll read about the difficulties family members face with such a complex illness if untreated. Hence my accolade comment. If these don't refer to you then, you have little to be concerned.

You are right there is a lot of literature that refers to BPD behaviour in a destructive sense (with human interactions) and that often some never get treatment and when they do they don't stick to it, we shouldn't ignore that, these are facts for some- not all, or many not every case. I was not intending to hurt you in any way and if fact praise anyone that gets treatment for this and any illness but the symptoms for this one is clear for many ...but perhaps not for yourself.

In fact one of the most well known doctors that has investigated BPD is Dr Christine Lawson. I covered this inside my thread (google) "Topic: emotional blackmail- likely extreme BPD- beyondblue" This thread was intended if one has been subjected to abuse by means of emotional blackmail.

Remember hope4joy, if someone with chronic BPD did read this thread and has never sought treatment, I'd rather state the known facts and hope they do get treatment. Nothing personal at all.

Tony WK

Hi Tonk WK,

I feel that we are talking on two different wavelengths, it seems you didn't hear anything I said and to be honest I find your comment that I might need to read your post more closely, as rude.

It seems we have a difference of opinion. I believe that everyone with mental illness, including chronic bpd, and no matter what offence they have committed, deserves empathy. If it were simple to get better I imagine that this forum would not even exist, as everyone would have good mental health. But there are often many obstacles to receiving treatment, and sometimes people do not have the resources or support they need in order to change. We are the blessed ones having self awareness and supports and many other 'goodies' that help us try to improve and change and grow.

I find your comments inappropriate for a thread where people with BPD are seeking support. By comparison, I don't think it would be in any way helpful for me to go posting on all the depression threads "my mum's untreated depression ruined my life, so hurry up and get better or you will ruin your own family, although chances are you wont stick to the treatment".

I'm sorry that you had a difficult upbringing Tony. And I appreciate that you blame your mum for your difficulties. I also accept that bpd, like all mental illness, has a profound effect on those people nearby, especially partners and family members. Please just don't fuel the stigma that already exists around bpd, its hard enough as it is.

Kind wishes,

Christina 

Hi Christina,

I'm sorry you feel that way. I wasn't meaning to be rude at all, that wasn't my intent. My clarification eg using the word often, means my comments does not refer to everyone.

I think that the victims of those with chronic BPD or NPD that have ended up with illnesses springing off that are just as important as the sufferer. We should include these people of whom most have illnesses, in our discussions.

I'm sorry I think there is no reason I cant be truthful. As for "no matter what offense they have committed they deserve empathy", yes, if they seek treatment. I've proved in my case that no treatment means no future harmony, but again, that doesn't mean in every case.

I hope this helps

Tony WK

Chris_B
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Christina and Tony (and others reading), there's some really good points being made here. 

I think it's important we acknowledge the profound impact that any form of mental illness (not just BPD) has on the person experiencing it, and those close to them. It's a tough road, as the many threads here will attest.  It's especially difficult when someone who is unwell won't seek the help on offer, and that's where peer support forums like this can play a part in helping someone to move forward.

That said, our own experiences will shape the way we see things. It's also important that we don't generalise, or confuse BPD with other forms of mental illness.

BPD can be a challenging condition to live with, but we have many members here who are navigating those hurdles daily and sharing some great insights about what's worked along the way. Your post at the top of the page was just one great example, Christina.  I hope you'll keep posting encouragement for newer members who come through to discuss BPD, it comes up reasonably often here on the forums.

hope4joy
Community Member

Hi Chris B,

thanks for posting here and for eloquently finding some middle ground and similarities in what Tony and I were both discussing. I also appreciate you highlighting the positives that some people achieve in living with the symptoms of bpd. In the past it was considered a condition with little chance for recovery, but much has changed since that time, and bpd is now a condition that people can have yet still live a meaningful positive life in line with their values.

I think it is important that people have a bpd thread to tap into. Many people with bpd have co-occuring depression and anxiety and it was my depression that drew me to this forum. And at the same time there can be something empowering in connecting to others with the same diagnosis - for both help but also to overcome the isolation and stigma that can surround bpd. 

Kind wishes, Christina 

xmin
Community Member
Hi again Christina, 

I have looked into gumtree, but the idea of shopping around and having to visit a bunch of strangers to get the right fit is too much of a hassle for me. If it were something easier to purchase I might consider. I also don't trust myself to put it together properly, my experience with bicycles is limited strictly to riding them =).

I'm having a little trouble interacting socially at the moment. I find myself highly irritable and easily annoyed these days, but I manage to bite my tongue and push through. 

I received a reply from that ex-friend the other day saying she wasn't able to meet up and I did have a little breakdown at work. It's settled down now though. Sounds like a good plan! Have you managed to connect with many people so far? Are there any clubs or societies you'd want to join? Uni can be a great place to socialise and work together. 

So I've gotten my borderline book and am diving into reading it. At first I was getting really enthusiastic, but when I hit the part where it discusses more severe cases of bpd I was a little overwhelmed. I am lucky that my case is not too extreme, but it saddened me to read of others who weren't as fortunate. 

xmin

Ladyhawke
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi xmin and Christina,

​Many thanks for your interest and concern. I'm slowly starting to resurface from latest bout of depression; out of bed and able to move about. I should be back on track by the end of the week and will respond to you both then.  

I really hope you are both doing OK.

Some of the posters on this site have mentioned a dedicated section for those with BPD. That may take a while to get going, however, I have found a dedicated site in which those with BPD can connect with others.

I registered to use the site and from what I've seen it appears to be OK and seems to be quite popular with many user.

Google: Borderline Personality Support Groups