Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Managing Borderline Personality Disorder

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member


I was looking through some of the posts and couldnt find any related to Borderline Personality Disorder. 

I was diagnosed at the end of the year along with Anxiety and Depression. I was hoping to reach out to anyone in a similar situation to get some advice on how to deal with living with this condition.  I left my employment last year so I could focus on my health which has been useful but now I feel anxious about ever being able to go back to work full time, having children, and doing day to day things whilst managing my illness. To add to this, not doing those things leaves me feeling a little useless. 

Does anyone have some advice, or personal experience with this?


98 Replies 98

Hi CatAttack,

This is my first post which I felt the need to write as your story sounds very similar to mine. Regarding your diagnosis, I am not even sure what it is as I too am supposed to be the same except that a few years ago I was Bi-polar and before that Manic Depressive. I was told they are all the same thing and have given up trying to understand.

Your work is such a good idea and every happy moment is a blessing. I count my blessings every day and feel so selfish because I am so miserable most of the time. I wonder if you go out when you are not working? I hate leaving my flat but so enjoy being anywhere else. I would be interested to know what you do when you are not working and if you have a special place which relaxes you. I find that taking a snack to the river is calming. May even bump into someone, one never knows. 

I hope to find a post from you soon with some news. Will keep you in my thoughts.



Hi Gyspy_pom,

                              Thanks for your thoughts on my post. To be honest I was having a very bad day and I felt so alone that I ended up signing up to this chat room. I normally wouldn't do anything like this but as I said it was a bad day and sometimes the only people to talk to are the one's who have experienced similar things. To answer your question I do go out when I'm not @work but it has taken a long time for me to get to this point. I shut myself off from everyone I knew so badly that when I was ready to start living again they were nowhere to be seen. I can't blame them, some tried very hard to reach out to me but I pushed them away even further. Getting back to your question I love the beach. It feels so open and free and I love seeing the dogs splashing around in  the water, running around on the sand and I often picture the dogs @work who are locked up day after day getting the chance to do this. It's often hard to explain to people the connection I feel with my ''babies''. I see them in their cages and I know what it's like to wish for nothing more than to be let out. Having being hospitalised quite a bit it has shown me how much we take our freedom of day-to-day living for granted. Being able to go for a walk or to have a shower without someone watch you or even to eat dinner with a proper knife and fork (not plastic) is so important that I feel very much the same way the dogs seem to. I don't pretend to know what they feel but I know what I feel and sometimes it is like I'm suffocating. I want so badly to be normal but I don't know how to be. I hate that I'm 30y/o have no one special in my life, don't have children and I don't even have a career. My sisters are married with kids and have great jobs. Everyone says that my time will come but I often wonder when that will be - and if that will be too late.

Please take care of yourself. Keep going to the river as you seem to enjoy that and remember that even when all else feels tired and done something new comes round the corner.

                      Much thanks, CatAttck

Community Member



I am trying to find the borderline groups in Victoria but can not find them on shack which is what the mentioned links to.  Can someone pls help me ta Ros

Community Member


its really nice to see a thread on here about BPD, something I was diagnosed with about 3 years ago. I've done an intensive DBT group and been in counselling and so many other things, and luckily so many of the symptoms have markedly reduced, especially my ability to cope in healthy ways with strong disturbing emotions. And I hardly disassociate anymore which is great. But my depression seems to linger and linger and at times get very much worse. I'm quite confused about the best way to treat depression with BPD, have been reading up on it. Just wondering if anyone has suggestions on what worked for you? Treating the depression alongside BPD?

Thanks, Christina 🙂 


Community Member

Hi Christina,

I experience depression alongside BPD, it is a symptom of bipolar II that I manage. The highs and lows can linger and stay with me for weeks at a time challenging my ability to focus and concentrate on things I need to get done. The depression also brings in self harm thoughts that linger on the outskirts of my thinking - though without intention. I also get teary and soppy and feel like I need hugs. My lows are kind of like a wall that sits inbetween what I'd like to do, and my motivation to do it and at times it seems inpenetrable.

Over the past few weeks my mood has been low so I've reached out to others for support. It's starting to lift now, but work as fallen a bit behind in the mean time - which I'm now playing catch up with with a presentation due tomorrow (procastination).

I plan ahead and put things in place to look forward to. If it does get to hard, I'll give myself the day off to rest.

I'm not on meds at the moment but it they are something that I would consider if my mood doesn't lift to a point where I can't apply myself consistantly.Talking to one my support network helps as well (something I did today actually). Music is something that helps lift my mood and I'll put on a record or at work, my iPod.

Like you I've read up on both and it does help me to understand the condition more objectively - it helps remind me that it is an condition; its not how I choose to be.

Have you spoken to your medical team about it at all? What have they told you? What have  you tried that has worked in the past to help lift your mood?

livelife xx



Community Member

Hi Ange,

its really nice to find your words here. Wow, I really hear you about describing that wall of depression/ low mood, that can seem impenetrable between what one would like to do and the motivation to do it. I sometimes use the expression that the hurdle was simply too high. For example when I'm depressed I can catch up with old friends but the hurdle is too high to meet up with new folks - or if I force myself I can do it but typically I'm sort of frozen inside and don't connect or enjoy it. I really hear you about the power of planning ahead... this impacts my mood greatly, and also impacts my motivation and drive to get out of bed each day, and occasionally to simply take some time out. 

You asked about what my doctors have said and also what I've found has helped lift my mood. To the first part, my psychiatrist reckons that I'm progressing well but that therapy to help BPD can take 6 or 7 years - I'm 2 years in to roughly weekly sessions. I know i've seen lots of positive changes in coping skills but am not sure that 4 more years of therapy is the way forward. In total I've done counselling and 'personal growth' stuff since early 2010... which for me feels like an eternity! I've also just started on an anti depressant, something i've resisted for years, but i figure it is time to properly give meds a chance to see if they can help lift my baseline. The problem with my GP and other people in my life is that they often see me as high functioning and cannot appreciate how much emotional distress and isolation I have at times, I guess I put in a wonderful facade. 

And as to what works to lift mood? Something as simple as a nice social engagement or two on each weekend helps. An art project has really helped on a few occasions in the past when I didn't want to interact with others. Forcing myself to do more and more socialising each week has helped. Increasing my yoga practice can help. I guess trying to be kind and forgive myself can help, forgive myself for being depressed and being in a rut. I guess at the moment I feel somewhat stuck in how to move forward - I don't want to go back but have little willingness to go forward. I hope I find this willingness soon. I also hope this post hasn't read as too bleak. You mentioned Ange that you've had a rough few weeks. Where are you at now? Anything you are doing that is helping raise your mood? Do you know what triggers your lows?

Kind wishes, Christina 

Community Member

Hi AGrace, 

I was diagnosed with depression, then anxiety, and finally most recently bpd. The very little I'd heard about it was scary, more so than depression or anxiety. Still coming to terms with what it all means and trying not to feel like my future is stamped out before me, in a doomed to repeat the same mistakes/fall into the same bad patterns way. 

Community Member

Hi xmin,

I've also been diagnosed with bpd (and anxiety and depression) and i just wanted to share that while there is still terrible stigma and negative views around bpd, there is also strong research that recovery is possible, and i've been lucky to find some doctors that support this view. So please don't get help from people who have out of date limited views of bpd. Also, i found much of the literature talks about bpd in negative stigmatising ways - so for a while i decided to only read books on overcoming trauma instead - as bpd can also be called complex trauma. I found the trauma books really resonated and were much more compassionate and respectful and affirming. I'm not sure what city you're in but there are some bpd support groups in some states.

Kind wishes, Christina 

Community Member
Hi Christina, 

Luckily my psychologist addressed those points in my session, she said to try not to focus on the negative stereotypes. I'm feeling a little up and down about it. I'm mostly scared about being able to maintain a long term relationship, especially as I've recently become single. I thought about it, and I'm not sure how well I'd do in a support group. I'm not really a people person, haha. 

Thanks for your kind and supportive words!

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi xmin

​I was diagnosed with BPD around the middle of last year. I had already been in treatment for major depressive and anxiety disorder for 20 years, so when I received the diagnosis of BPD, it really came as a shock, although it did explain why I had had certain issues to deal with during my life. Like many others, I had a very negative stereotype of BPD.

In terms of treating the BPD with my depression, I was prescribed a low dose mood stabiliser by my psychiatrist,  which has given me some relief from the mood swings.

I spent quite a deal of time researching the disorder and asking my psychiatrists many questions. I found a number of books that were very helpful and very positive in their approach. One I turn to often is: 'Borderline Personality Demystified: An Essential Guide for Understanding and Living with BPD' by Robert O. Friedal, MD. It is readily available online from any major book supplier.

There is a great deal of information available on the disorder. I found the more I educated myself on what I was dealing with, the greater control felt.

Hope this has helped you a little.