Loosing the ability to live the life I want - Staying positive vs Adjusting expectations

[LostCyclist]

10 months ago I cycled into a car at 53km/h. By all intent and purpose the ambo's said I am lucky to be alive.

I understand I am a survivor...much like many here, we all are after some point in life. I don't want to just survive though.

I was cycling upwards of 1000km a week. I love cycling. It is my passion and my escape and everything that keeps the rest of this ordinary world in check. It was my way of socialising, it defined me as a person, and everything else in life was geared toward being able to be on the bike.

I have, over the time since the accident slowly degraded to sitting here now not riding at all. I have chronic whiplash. Some days are better than others but even the good days I find myself standing beside my bike looking outside and, whilst feeling nauseous, also feel any motivation to try to ride disappear and with it any happiness.

I'm struggling to find reason to life, struggling to continue to hope that things will get better, struggling to put on a good face and not break down and cry. If I'm true to myself this is all I feel like doing. Crying. I've never been good at allowing myself to breakdown though. I've always held these emotions behind a wall of composure.

When I reach out to friends, they don't quite understand the loss I feel, the seriousness of it all.

I hate where this path is leading. I can't cycle, I'm getting fat from what is both eating to try and feel I have energy and probably also emotionally eating, and feeling trapped in just working and coming home to do nothing.

I know everyone's story of recovery is different. Everyone's timeframe individual along with thresholds and the most they will recover.

But how do you stay positive in a downward spiral?
How do you (or should you) accept how things are now, when you know what they were and what they need to be to be happy?

I watched a movie (Me Before You) the other day about a guy that in a nutshell ended his life because he knew that he could never live the life that he knew he needed. Selfish maybe? It was an extreme case with him being a quadriplegic but has me questioning if it was selfish at all. When the injury causes constant pain and when there is no chance to ever be and do what it is that you need.

When it feels like a step forward one day and a step, or two, back the next, and what you want to do and be moves further and further away, how do you stay positive? How do you keep going?

thanks

[Nibs]

G'day LC,

A bit difficult to answer for me. I have been in a similar circumstance years ago.

I assume you are younger being able to cycle that distance. I loved long distance running and sprinting. I threw up many times. Just a passion. Wasn't great at the sport but I often put in a good account of myself.

Well, now I have other responsibilities, children, loving wife and pets. I currently focus on those things. It has changed my mental and physical appearance.

I don't know what other responsibilities you may have but I urge you to focus on those and get good at them. Sorry to hear about your whiplash. That's terrible pain at times.

You may find it takes time to physically heal. I did. But years later I went back into training. Wasn't 100 percent but still enjoyed the long runs. I sincerely hope you can get on you cycle and take up the sport again, takes time. My best regards and wishes to you.

Nibs.

[therising]

Hi LostCyclist

Have just finished reading a book by Joe Dispenza and must say it is rather mind-blowing stuff. He has an amazing way of simplifying the complexities of the sciences. In his book 'Becoming Supernatural' he takes the mind/body/spirit dynamic and explains it in the form of neuroscience/epigenetics/quantum physics. Again, he does seriously simplify it all in an East meets west kind of way (regarding how we function).

The reason I mention this man is because, although he began his career as a chiropractor, the thing that led him to explore all possibilities in regard to the power of healing (physically and mentally) was a serious cycling accident, a number of years ago. It changed his life forever and set him on this particular path, helping others overcome mental and physical trauma.

He's a truly inspirational guy who has devoted much of his life to educating people. I have all four of his books which have never failed in providing a great sense of education and enlightenment. Thought he might be someone to make some positive difference in your life.

Take care of yourself LC, as I continue to wish for the guidance you so much deserve and need at this time in your life

[Elizabeth CP]

I recently watched Insight on SBS on Demand. The Episode was called Turning Around or words to that effect. If you look up Insight on SBS on Demand on the internet it should be easy to find. The host interviewed a number of people who had experienced life changing trauma & then discussed their journey since then. Most were similar to you in the way they struggled to cope with the drastic change in their life but they also looked at the different things each person had eventually done to regain a meaningful although different life. I thought it well worth watching.

My husband became blind following surgery several years ago. For some time he was very angry & felt he had nothing left to enjoy in his life. Fortunately I was able to help him link him in with Vision Australia so he could get support & learn to manage with his blindness. I realise it is not the same as your situation but there are similarities.

It takes time to adjust to a new life & new way of doing things.

Sometimes you need others to help & support you to learn to overcome the problems or to learn new ways of doing things.

Over time you can find ways to do things which you enjoy. For example we both loved bushwalking. Now we still bushwalk but I act as a guide. It takes longer & we can't go as far as we used to but he can still enjoy it. He's learnt to appreciate the experience through his other senses.

What I'm trying to say is you are not alone. It is a tough journey that you are on but you can find things to do which make life worth while even though it may take time to reach this point. Don't give up

[Beetle]

Hey Lost cyclist

hear you.I am in the same boat. Since an accident 7 month ago I cant do what I love either: . Being active in the outdoors was my way of staying sane. Really outdoorsy like no phone reception, camping under the starts alone, 8 hour hikes on my land and sitting in waterholes that only I can access. Owning a piece of land where I can hike for 8 hours without people was my dream. I only enjoyed that dream for 6 month before the accident. Like you I got whiplash and also a traumatic brain injury. My emotions are high wire, I get terrible migraines and dizzy spells. I'm confined to my house as I often collapse if my brain gets over stimulated So for me this is only existence.

Yesterday I had one of my many very suicidal days. Somehow with some help of certain substances, my brain injury Facebook group, and a chat to BB councilor I am still here.

Nobody knows if I ever get better as the doctors have no idea how traumatic brain injuries pan out. Its up to me to research and find stuff and to push for therapies. That's bloody hard as I struggle to do my household and don't get any help. Then I get overwhelmed and bang I get suicidal and the cycle continues.

Sorry for rambling. Just wanna say I know where you are at. I learned/trying to learn to only do tiny goals each day. each hour. Yeah I know it sux. I'm usually the woman saying : "lets hike up the mountain, then whippersnip the driveway and plant them 10 trees." So now I have to say: : ok lets wake up. "tick". Ok done. Lets make breaky. Ok "tick". Breathe "tick" Lets go to the letterbox and get the mail " u o fuck I'm dizzy as hell and headache is killing me" ok "tick" but gotta lie down. You get my drift?

I can do this "life" for a few days then I get the shits and I imagine my farm like you eyeballing your bike and go" this is ratshit, this is no life".i want to go on my farm now!!This wont work.

There are only two options: trying to accept what is now. seeing the positives now and to keep pushing for help to get better.

I have to cling on the hope. Because if there is no hope there is only death. And then no hope no more.

So lets both breathe. Look at the sun, warm and beautiful. Look at the sunbird nesting on my patio, how cute. look at the trees in the wind, how majestic. Look at your friends how precious.

I hear you. I feel you. Lets fight together. Life is a bitch. life is unfair. But hell we gonna life and give that bitch hell.

Sending hugs.

Beetle

[Beetle]

The link to isnight. I'm watching it later. Thanks for that. xx

https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/video/1303478851677/insight-rebuilding-your-life

[Guest_543]

Hey,

I tried to write an extensive reply but hit the word limit. Since I can't give this the detail it deserves I'll keep it really simple. If you don't have a psychologist you should seriously consider getting one. There is CBT for challenging unhelpful thought, mindfulness (ACT) for help with accepting emotions, and potentially exposure therapy for getting back on the bike if your health allows. Also you can get a plan for getting better.

Of for some reason you can't see a psychologist look in to the happiness trap book, or the CBT one by burns. I have been in a similar situation and the above helped.

[LostCyclist]

Hiya Nibs!!

Maybe a little younger 😉 but feel twice my age. Struggles of the world? lol

Yes I agree that like business, or a relationship, putting all your eggs in one basket isn't wise. Granted I have work and my mum, but ultimately I live to ride...its even got a hash take #livetoride lol

Having a better day today...and I live in hope that the next is better but know it generally isn't.

Glad to hear you are still able to, or were able to afterward, get out and knock some rubber onto the pavement and running track.

Apprecaite very much the kind and supportive words. And mostly just being an unknown ear to unload onto and yell back in the black ether.

Hoping all is well with you and wishing you all the good things life has to offer.

Very kindly
Luke

[LostCyclist]

@therising

I've needed a new book to read...and time is something I have...so might hit the library tomorrow and see if they have it. I'm starting to explore new treatments, after a year one really needs to. Not to say anything will work and time may be the best cure...or not...but at the least its something to focus on and place some hope into.

A worst I'll have a broader understanding of things and it is always interesting to hear (somewhat sadly) about other cyclists' experiences. Though overcoming is overcoming, regardless of what it is you are working through right?

Appreciate the reference and direction on Joe's books. And for reachign out and offering your kind words and well wishes.

Hoping you are here from working through your own demons...and if not, that you also find as much support and care in these filled forums to keep you company on your own journey.

But hopefully this isn't the case and TheRising is TheRisen 🙂

Much thanks and Love
L