FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

How to disagree respectfully? All ideas are welcome.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

I have noticed especially in social media but also in real life, that people find it hard to disagree with respect.

We have seen politicians being personal and rude to each other just because they have different opinions.

I don't think it is possible for us all to agree with each other but it is necessary for us to discuss our differences without attacking the personality of the other person.

How do you disagree with people showing politeness and respect.?

I encourage you to share your ideas, even if you find it hard to disagree respectfully.

I feel for our mental health it is important for us to be aware of how our comments may affect others.

Quirky

80 Replies 80

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Quirky and everyone ☺

Excellent thread I'm just tagging for now.

🌱

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Quirky

Excellent topic!

In general, I believe when we're in agreement about something it's typically because it's relating to or confirming our own beliefs. Basic example:

  • I have been led to the belief that this colour is 'blue'
  • I have been led to the belief that that thing up above us is called 'sky'
  • I have been led to the belief that those fluffy looking things are called 'clouds'

So, if you've been taught to believe the same things and the sky happens to be blue today, with a few clouds, then we're in agreement. If someone else has been taught the sky is green with 'puff puffs' then we're likely not to agree πŸ™‚

When a disagreement comes about, what I like to do is question a person's beliefs (seek an education about their way of thinking). They may actually help me change my mind in some cases. Whilst this does sound like a rather calm approach, some things really do get my back up. In this case, sometimes it's simply best to change the subject, so as not to near the brink of anger and insanity.

I believe disagreement comes about because we have learned a different way of thinking from someone else, based on a variety of experiences.

Take care

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Quirky

Tonight I looked back at what I'd written and had a laugh. Not only have I stated much of the obvious but it's a bit rambling to boot πŸ™‚ Not sure quite where my head was at, at the time.

For me, how I handle a disagreement comes down to the nature of a person a lot of the time. If they're an egotist, I tend not to engage too much, as it typically ends up being a pointless exercise about them, more than anything else. If the person is open minded, I believe disagreements can lead to mutual education, even if it simply comes down to having gained a greater understanding of each other's mindset.

As far as the serious egotists go, if they wish to arrogantly and disrespectfully push their point I can't help but have a little fun. If they flat out insist 'You're wrong!' my response may be 'If it makes you feel better, I'll let you believe that'. Or if they're rude and insulting the whole way through the conversation and end with words of frustration such as 'Let's just agree to disagree', I have been known to say 'If that works for you that's good but what works for me is the fact that I'm right!' Yes, a little antagonistic but still amusing to some degree. My theory is...if I have a choice between having a bit of fun and being seriously degraded by someone, I prefer to end the conversation with a smile on my face.

πŸ™‚

Hello everyone,

Demon blaster thanks for dropping by.

The riding if I read all my posts after I had posted them I would stop posting!!

Your 2 posts add to the discussion.

I think for me it really depends who is disagreeing with me that really determines how I respond.

i often say let’s agree to disagree .

I know some people who find it hard to understand why someone would have a different opinion to them and they just keep at you until you say enough is enough.

Maybe but saying right or wrong some of the friction may be avoided.

Thanks again The rising .

Quirky

Hi Quirky

I agree with you Quirky, as my response to someone disagreeing with me depends a lot on who the person is.

In my professional world ...

If I respect the person and their skills and experience, I am more open to really istening to their views. If I trust the person, I will not only listen but give them the benefit of the doubt that they may know something I don't. If the trust is mutual, being open and honest helps.

I often find that sharing information leads to them sharing information. And once everyone has the same information, robust and constructive discussion can occur. Doesn't necessarily mean there will be agreement but often it clears enough of a path to move forward.

I guess the same principles should apply in personal relationships but emotion can get in the way. For me, it's a lot harder to disagree with my husband or child than a respected work colleague.

Great topic. Kind thoughts to all

Hi Quirky and everyone ☺

I've reached a point in my life where I still want to be heard and understood as I imagine most do but not be arguing as such with people.

I'm slowly reading through this, another excellent thread darl πŸ‘ and agree that the reaction if a comment is delivered with disrespect and tone I too find it very hard to not react in same. Yes it escalates a situation but if we're respectful they don't have a right to treat us with contempt.

What I'm doing these days is if it's escalating, saying to the person I don't want to argue which seems to be working but talk yes. Also to argue discuss debate with intelligence not nasty hurtful comments. It's one of my rare times I can stay on point to a degree.

Lifes so much easier if we can discuss in a civil manner without agro.

When I approach someone I try very hard to be diplomatic and gentle which with friends usually that works out ok because they usually know I'm not coming from a bad place.

However there are and no doubt will always be people that get stroppy and wont listen to reason.
I'm afraid walking away although it's a good option isn't in my make up, I'd rather stand and word it out, many times by doing that it's taken a frustratingly long time but I've managed to settle them a little and both get our points across.

I haven't yet read through but started. May I ask how people approach as in I try tact but not always successfully.

These are some ways I try. I'd be interested in hearing other approaches.

β€’ With due respect I don't agree..

β€’ Not wanting to get into an argument

β€’ Not at all wanting to hurt you but something I need to talk to you about.. I also say the truth, that I care love whichever or like them

β€’ I see things differently

β€’ I disagree. Can get walls up but its to the point

β€’ Or I just say gently in conversation what I think

A lot depends on how well we know the person. Some people you can just say it and no grief others as we know it can take some work.

Hope in your days you can find some light ☺

hi all,

Summer rose, thanks for your contribution.

I think trust is important when listening to someone you disagree with.

Sharing information is a great of looking at conversations and listening to different viewpoints.

Demon blaster, thanks for sharing your ideas. I like your list of how to diffuse a situation by expressing how you feel.

You see things differently, is a good thing to say instead of saying you are wrong etc

When someone says I am wrong I get defensive. If they said I see some things differently to you , I would not feel agitated.

Quirky .

Something happened recently on comments to a blog on another website.

A blog was written about a very sensitive topic and there was a warning given. The first commenter shared her opinion that maybe the topic was not suitable for the website, it was purely this persons opinion.

Nearly everyone started attacking as they wanted to defend the blogger. People felt the first comment was trying to silence the blogger but it was one person saying how they felt uncomfortable.

The respect went to the blogger but hardly anyone had respect for the first poster.

So how can we remember that even when someone says something against our values and belief as long as it is not illegal or immoral, to let that different view be heard with attacking the person personally.

Quirky

Quirky hey

Yip I've been often ganged up on with anger when people disagree. I'll take my part of blame that my walls go up when people show disrespect or anger. Dig my feet in more out of defence. Hurts

I learnt from my late SIL πŸ’— about saying I see see that differently, I thought very tactful. She was talking about disagreeing with someone else.

Any day I'd rather talk something out but that's SO common and one of the few reasons it really irks me when people follow rather than have their own mind and say so.

The person was trying to be respectful by the sounds. Poor thing. Although if its the bloggers personal space I could see how they'd feel they're being told not to talk kind of but it didnt need to be addressed in anger esp when shes trying to help potential other readers.

Thanks Quirky for a lovely comment at Grandies I think.

Hope you're travelling well hun.

Thanks always for interesting topics great conversation and how you are ☺⚘

Demonblaster

Thanks for your kind words.

I know that mean Quirky can come out when people disagree with something I feel passionately about.

I have to calm down take a few breaths and realise that a person has a right to their opinion no matter what I think of it.

I know this is hard especially online when it is easy to get outraged so easily.

DB how are you, I know you care for so many people online that I hope you take time to care for yourself.

I may not reply to many of your posts but I do read them and am grateful for the supportive care you show others.

Quirky