Staying well

What I have learnt from the past & how to apply it in my current life

replies: 4

One of the things I have noticed talking to my psych is how much what I have learnt from earlier experiences is still impacting my life now. Some of this is appropriate but in some cases it is no longer working for me. In this thread I want people to... View more

One of the things I have noticed talking to my psych is how much what I have learnt from earlier experiences is still impacting my life now. Some of this is appropriate but in some cases it is no longer working for me. In this thread I want people to share what they have learnt if at all. Reflect on how it can be adapted to suit your life today to help keep you well What needs to be abandoned because it is not helping you in your current circumstances. My example. As a young person I learnt to be very careful with money because we had little due to circumstances outside my parents control (losing a house in a bushfire & then long term serious illness of both parents). I learnt to save & make do. Being careful with money is useful as it means we can spend our money on what is most important & go without things which are less important. Sometimes I am too careful. I need to spend money on things which will improve our lives. For example sometimes picking the cheapest accommodation is false accommodation if we aren't comfortable & can't relax. Perhaps I need to be prepared to pay someone to help me with things like repairs rather than struggling to do it myself & ending up stressed & feeling dissatisfied by the results. I hope others can share their ideas or comment on what I have shared. This way maybe I can motivate myself to make needed changes.

Dilemma thread.

replies: 48

This thread is all about dissolving confusion by posting a dilemma say a family feud, workplace incident, what reactions are best and so on. This will give members opinions from other members on what they would do. Here is my first dilemma- Im an ath... View more

This thread is all about dissolving confusion by posting a dilemma say a family feud, workplace incident, what reactions are best and so on. This will give members opinions from other members on what they would do. Here is my first dilemma- Im an athiest. Yet I feel I'm tolerant. When my wife and I visit another couple in their 70's, they hold hands at the table to say grace. Thats ok. However, in general conversation like discussing depression its "just have faith in the lord and all will be healed" comments that ruin our friendship The dilemma- just go along with it? Push my views that it isnt realistic. Or drift away as our compatibility isnt there. We've been friends for 45 years. I'm even in their will as they have no children Thanks...whats your dilemma? Tony WK

Learning to Be Gentle to Yourself

replies: 30

Hi Everybody Sometimes our thoughts can be our own worst enemy where finding some peace from depression and anxiety. I have listed a few tiny little helpers that if practiced can help us help ourselves find some true calm in our lives. If you have ha... View more

Hi Everybody Sometimes our thoughts can be our own worst enemy where finding some peace from depression and anxiety. I have listed a few tiny little helpers that if practiced can help us help ourselves find some true calm in our lives. If you have had any joy in changing your thinking to bring even a little peace of mind please post as many will benefit Delete the word 'hate' from your vocabulary. Using the word 'dislike' is less mentally draining and non toxic (word substitution) Many people dont take time out to do absolutely nothing..being super busy sounds good but not for a 'tired mind' Fighting depression/anxiety will only make the illness worse...calm and true acceptance of symptoms will reduce their severity/impact Help a person doing it tougher than you....by phone...face to face...or the forums (if your energy levels permit of course) Book frequent appointments with a GP/counselor....not infrequent...you deserve to heal..and have peace of mind Treat yourself when you have had a good day...you have earned it.. Avoid overly critical and negative people....they will only hinder recovery Walk slow...Talk slow...Think slow... I hope everyone has a great week and thankyou for taking the time to read my post. Kind Thoughts Paul

Intellectual stimulation and wellbeing

replies: 12

Hi all, I feel we often (understandably) talk about our social, emotional, physical and creative needs but what about our intellectual needs? Sometimes I feel this is overlooked... I personally feel, for many of us, there is a need to feel intellectu... View more

Hi all, I feel we often (understandably) talk about our social, emotional, physical and creative needs but what about our intellectual needs? Sometimes I feel this is overlooked... I personally feel, for many of us, there is a need to feel intellectually challenged/stimulated. I feel discontented and restless if this need isn’t met especially lately as my brain seems to be starting to fix itself (so to speak). So I was wondering what do you do to feel challenged or what do you do for intellectual stimulation? All thoughts welcome... I’ll be back later at some point to add some of my own ideas. Kind thoughts, Pepper

Being "reasonable" in arguements

replies: 4

I have always been intrigued by a jurys verdict based on the guilt of an accused person "beyond reasonable doubt". "Reasonable" is a mental line depicted to be drawn by an individual. If doubt is beyond that line then guilty should be their vote. How... View more

I have always been intrigued by a jurys verdict based on the guilt of an accused person "beyond reasonable doubt". "Reasonable" is a mental line depicted to be drawn by an individual. If doubt is beyond that line then guilty should be their vote. However, in a relationship, when tempers flare the ability to reason drops, emotion shakes it about so much so that there is no place for the calm that reason demands. Try talking calmly and promote reason while the other person is emitting steam from their ears and its a lost cause. Reason can also be unreasonable! Some people have a knack of expressing they are being reasonable when they are using that claim to dominate the other. "I'm trying to be reasonable but you aren't, you are being arguementive"....is actually also being arguementive in itself! To be really reasonable one should collectively also be- calm, listening, fair, considerate, willing to flex and put forward positive solutions. When two people are in this state of mind the chances of agreement is very high. But we cant both be in that zone of reason at the same time all the time. We should wait. Patience has a role. Emotion levels rise and fall and with the person carrying the extreme symptoms of mental illness, its even more important to - wait until high emotions subside (which usually isnt long), wait until you are both alone and wait UNTIL THE OTHER PARTY CONSENTS TO SUCH A DISCUSSION. Its quite common to find one party insist on a "reasonable" discussion NOW! Which isnt reasonable considering emotions of the other at the time. But while we judge others for how unreasonable they are let's not forget that your own zone of reasonability is not the same as your partners zone. If that is respected and accepted, you are indeed reasonable and you are showing great respect. That my friends is your goal to planting the seed of relationship success. If your partner isnt on a similar plane of reason then dont lecture, lead by example. It has a more powerful message a leader can display. Tony WK

The art of listening

replies: 11

Sounds automatic right? Not for many. How often do you talk or argue and you feel you aren’t being listened to? Yep, I know that feeling well and let’s be fair, others feel the same about us. I have a philosophy on listening if you care to read on. S... View more

Sounds automatic right? Not for many. How often do you talk or argue and you feel you aren’t being listened to? Yep, I know that feeling well and let’s be fair, others feel the same about us. I have a philosophy on listening if you care to read on. See, we all know that forums have their negatives. Recently a car forum had a debate. It was that some other new comers to that forum ask a question and got answers but those posters didn’t return to the forum to thank the responders for their answers. The responders felt the new members were rude by not thanking them. My theory is this- that you don’t answer a members question to get a thankyou. While it is courteous to offer thanks when it comes to forums people are busy, stressed, forget,forgot their password/user name have problems etc and for what ever reason they don’t log on again. However numerous other members that logged on would benefit from the advice given so it isn’t wasted. So my idea on “listening” is such that the other party has a need to express themselves so much, to empty their thoughts so much that they are not accommodating your words. Is it a case of this need to dump their mind of thoughts rather than being rude not listening to you? If that’s the case they aren’t intentionally being rude. The rudeness is from your perspective not really reality. So its more of a reason to allow them to dump their thoughts and if so you might as well listen intently on what they are saying. Then begin to respond and if needed, if they interrupt, kindly and calmly without intimidation, remind them that you allowed them to speak without talking…then say what you want to say. There are other factors involved in this listening/interrupting issue. We have a “flight or fight” inbuilt persona that we automatically engage when in conflict. For some of us the challenge of listening is difficult but the rewards can be great. Suddenly your partner is taken back by your question “is anything wrong, I’m wanting to listen” and then actually listen. Loving someone isn't so straight forward. Getting to know your partner to the degree that you are almost inside their mind watching the cogs turning is only possible by observation and listening...which means little talk for some period of time. Make no mistake, this act of listening if done with determination is likely the greatest gift you can provide to your relationship. The wonder is, that if done regularly most times the favour is returned...harmony! Tony WK

How I finally beat depression

replies: 2

Hi all, im chris 25 year old male from Ireland living in Melbourne. for the past year I have had sever depression to the point that I was suiciudal everyday. U will see my story in my previous post depression in Melbourne. I am basically reaching out... View more

Hi all, im chris 25 year old male from Ireland living in Melbourne. for the past year I have had sever depression to the point that I was suiciudal everyday. U will see my story in my previous post depression in Melbourne. I am basically reaching out on here to help other people that are battling the disease and I'm here to tell them that I took control of my life and beat it so u can to, no matter how hard it seems now but belive me things will get better, I know when I was severely sick and I was hearing people saying it would get better soon that I never belived them. so I started medication on Christmas day after trying every other possible solution including seeing a naturopath for 3 months (waste of money and was never interested in my sickness she was only interested in the money) of course the first couple of weeks on medication was hard but it was no way harder than the way I had been feeling the last hole year. I totally changed my diet, I cut out all gluten and sugar and went paleo, again this was tuff but noting like what I had been tru. I started dragging my self to the gym every night even when it felt impossible I put the work in. I also got acupuncher every week from a women I found online that deals with depression. As week and week was going by I wasn't really feeling much better to be honest then weeks started to turn into months and the dark cloud was still there day in and day out. But then my sleep started going from 2 hours a night to 5-6 a night and then to 7-8 this was the first healing process because I hadn't slept a full night in over a year. So I pushed on with the diet, the medication, the excersie, and every thing else. Then I was haveing one good day and 3 bad days then 2 good days and 5 bad ones it was up and down every week but I kept the faith and hope, then I started to have 5 good days and only 1 or 2 bad ones. While I still get days where my mood is low and unbalanced I am no where near as sick I was last year. I finally love my life again, me and my girl are great again and I'm back at work full time. I just sit and thank myself for not giving up because I tought I was going to. I pushed on day in and day out not really even feeling alive just feeling like I was trying to break tru glass. I am not saying I am 100% depression free but I'm about %75 and I will keep pushing till I get to that 100%. I done this on my own with no family here or no friends as im from overseas. I had no one and I did it so u can to

I’m lost and don’t know where to turn

replies: 1

I’ve suffered depression and anxiety for over 40 years and recently been diagnosed with social anxiety, dependent personality disorder and disthymia at the very least . I had my own business I’d worked at for 16 yrs and was happy enough making decent... View more

I’ve suffered depression and anxiety for over 40 years and recently been diagnosed with social anxiety, dependent personality disorder and disthymia at the very least . I had my own business I’d worked at for 16 yrs and was happy enough making decent money and working hours I wanted leaving time for my passion golf . To cut along story short my girlfriend at the time started working with me and after a while it was too easy to just put things off til tomorrow and go home or go to lunch etc well this soon snowballed out of control and jobs weren’t getting done . That relationship ended but the wheels were in motion to my not working at all , my anxiety stopped me from facing clients I hadn’t been servicing and it was easier to just not face them hence where I’m at now 3 years later still not working , can’t or not wanting to but needing to for my own sake , my relationship and financially . I don’t know where to turn to or where to start to try get my life back because right now it’s void of anything . This brings me to my second issue and not a proud one but still it’s there , I have way too much spare time on my hands and when I’m feeling down ( most days ) I need a buzz or high which is a hard thing to find when you have disthymia I resort to online activities with other women for that , again not proud but it’s there and not going away without help . I have great support from my fiancé and my guilt is massive but sometimes the craving for a buzz outweighs the guilt . I hope that someone here can get what I’m about and give me some advice or tell their story so I know I’m not the only person going thru this crap . Regards greg

Struggling this week

replies: 2

hey all I find when work or life stresses me out, I have stomach issues and anything I eat runs right through me. I returned to a workplace 2 months ago for a 6 mth contract and I work offsite most of the week. I have been dealing with bitchy and jea... View more

hey all I find when work or life stresses me out, I have stomach issues and anything I eat runs right through me. I returned to a workplace 2 months ago for a 6 mth contract and I work offsite most of the week. I have been dealing with bitchy and jealous co-workers, over the top workload, isolation and unsuppuportive management. I had been doing quiet well until this week. I've had 2 days off work due to the stomach issues/not wanting to deal with work. I've been asked to provide a med certificate (which I know is normal practice) and goddamnit I don't want to talk to a GP about how stress affects me physically and depression rearing its bloody head AGAIN. I do not mention to work that I have depression. Obviously my coping techniques need a rejig. I needed a vent. Perhaps I need to type out what is going on in my mind rather than bottling it in and waking up at 2am with nightmares about work. Any helpful ideas would be great. Karen

Recognising anxiety and depression?

replies: 2

Got the email today for blue voices and one thing mentioned in there related to ideas and something else. While I have not my this/my idea forward... It relates to recognising MI in the workplace. And how easy or hard is it? For example there by have... View more

Got the email today for blue voices and one thing mentioned in there related to ideas and something else. While I have not my this/my idea forward... It relates to recognising MI in the workplace. And how easy or hard is it? For example there by have been days when I was at Uni classes and another student would ask me "are you ok? You don't seem yourself today" and this was from someone who I did not talk to that often. And others don't seem to notice or pick up on it. Do we actively trying to hide our MI from others? Do people know what to look for in their friends behaviour? What steps or education is needed so that people can seek the help they need before it becomes a bigger problem?

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A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

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