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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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amd1953 Tell It the Way It Is
  • replies: 1

If you don't like someone, you have two choices. First, you can choose to cut them out of your life completely, never have anything to do with them as long you both live. Ignore them in silence. The second method is much more malicious because you se... View more

If you don't like someone, you have two choices. First, you can choose to cut them out of your life completely, never have anything to do with them as long you both live. Ignore them in silence. The second method is much more malicious because you set out to brand them and perhaps even ostracize them from a community or neighbourhood. Let's use a hypothetical and say that you might be the sort of person who loves nothing better than to dig up dirt on people and then spread that newfound knowledge as gossip. There might be something about this person that you don't like so you think everyone should know what you know. You like to share so you tell someone else, and it mushrooms from there. The rumours might be true and then again, they might be pure fiction. How is anyone to know? How will this person be judged? Does it really matter? Well, yes, of course it matters. But there is not much you can do to stop human gossip. It is, unfortunately, a fact of life. No matter how good you believe yourself to be, there is always the possibility that someone, somewhere will choose to bring you down to their level of existence. They are told or they discover some tasty little snippet of information, and they will use it to poison minds against you. Perhaps these people hate themselves, perhaps they have nothing better to do than work behind the scenes and gain a bit of satisfaction from what they are doing. Who knows? Perhaps one day they will realise what they are doing. One final thought. I have never heard anyone prefix a slander by telling us how imperfect and vulnerable they are. I will never hear anyone say, "Look, so-and-so has done this but hey, I'm not perfect myself." It is all done to promote themselves and their hidden life agenda. As several people have said already; it is a control and power trip that fuels their spite and hate.Regardsamd1953

Bonnie B Feeling a bit like a fraud!
  • replies: 1

I have recently had some minor-ish emergency surgery that has resulted in me having a wound that is taking its time to heal. Now, I wasn't bitten by a shark, or had burns to 90% of my body or had to have surgery to remove a cancerous lesion. It reall... View more

I have recently had some minor-ish emergency surgery that has resulted in me having a wound that is taking its time to heal. Now, I wasn't bitten by a shark, or had burns to 90% of my body or had to have surgery to remove a cancerous lesion. It really was minor in the big scheme of things but the wound is stopping me from going to the gym weekly and stopping me doing my regular aqua aerobics class, it has to be packed and dressed every two days by the community nurse. And I need to make sure that it stays dry and clean at all times. Today I was in tears after I had the dressing done again because its been so slow to heal. It's really starting to get me down, but, as I said, it really isn't a biggie, so why do I feel so miserable? I've been giving this some thought...... While I had to have some previous surgery after I had my first child (38 years ago), I'm now nearly 65 years old and this is the first time that I've really felt that my body has let me down. And I know that my age is against me when it comes to wound healing, but as I am a fairly healthy person (no diabetes, heart disease etc) I really wasn't expecting that I'd still have the wound nearly one month after the surgery (it's healing but very slowly). So, I'm venting here, because I feel a bit like a fraud when I admit to feeling down in the dumps, over something, that is relatively minor. There are heaps of people going through a whole lot worse that me, who really do have the right to feel down about their circumstances. Thanks for reading my post!

amd1953 A Lifetime of Bullying
  • replies: 11

This is something that I have lived with since my early teens. It is something that happened to me so long ago that you might think that it has faded from memory. The fact is, that what happened then, some fifty to sixty years ago, is still as fresh ... View more

This is something that I have lived with since my early teens. It is something that happened to me so long ago that you might think that it has faded from memory. The fact is, that what happened then, some fifty to sixty years ago, is still as fresh in my mind today as it was then. As much as I have tried to push it away from me, it seems to hang over me like a noxious cloud. I remember everything. I have forgotten nothing. I know their names and I see their faces. I feel the physical blows raining down on me and I hear the abuse that went with it. To them, I was some wild animal captured in a cage for their amusement. Poked and prodded, punched and spat on. I've had it all done to me. Punched in the stomach and punched in the face for no reason at all other than to give them all a sense of power and control. Yes, it did happen a long time ago and yes, in a strange way, I have forgiven them. What choice do I have? There is one thing though that I wish I could do and that is know what sort of men are they today. Do they have families and would they accept the same kind of public punishment to their children? If they have any kind of humanity in themselves, I think I can guess most of the answers. There is an innate cruel streak that runs through us like a dormant cancer. For those who can control their anger and their prejudices, the problem is held in check. One only has to consider the domestic violence statistics to know what men are like. They are even worse when they are younger. But it is all swept under the carpet and nothing is ever done to address it. God help us all, I say.

amd1953 I Want To Break Free
  • replies: 1

Freddie Mercury certainly had the right idea, of breaking free. Breaking free from the chains that manacled him to the world of conventional thought and actions. But it was only a song. Freddie was a born entertainer with a wonderful voice but in the... View more

Freddie Mercury certainly had the right idea, of breaking free. Breaking free from the chains that manacled him to the world of conventional thought and actions. But it was only a song. Freddie was a born entertainer with a wonderful voice but in the end, he was only playing to an audience. Some of us have done and are doing the same thing. I used to be like that but no longer. Pampering to everyone else's whims and fads in a futile effort to gain acceptance and admiration from complete strangers who otherwise have no bearing on your life at all. Strangers who would turn on you in the same breath that they would praise you with. If they ever did. And you toe the line because you are worried about what people might think about you. Well, my advice to anyone, is let them think what they like. Allow them to think the worst of you because nothing you can do will change their attitude. Some people are continually searching for someone to put down just to make themselves feel better. They need scapegoats to kick and mock. It is innate. It is the selfish gene. The building block of hate and spite. They don't have to like you and you don't have to care!

KazumiMatakashi Sex Addiction
  • replies: 7

It's not easy to say this... In fact, I don't even know where to start or where it all started. Usually it's the men that get addicted to sex, while women get addicted to love, attention and affection. Usually addictions are a way to fill a void and ... View more

It's not easy to say this... In fact, I don't even know where to start or where it all started. Usually it's the men that get addicted to sex, while women get addicted to love, attention and affection. Usually addictions are a way to fill a void and start as simple coping mechanisms...But somehow I found myself trapped in a loop and I am suffocating and can't break free!As child I was exposed to sexual violence, neglect and abuse. I was raised without a father, by a mother that never accepted me and never shown me any warmth... I started having sex very early. and by now I had sex with over 1000 men, only a handful of which I remember. I feel empty, isolated and cold like a shipwreck... I am torn between craving true love, emotions and warmth, and between needing my fix. And the cycle repeats - I get drunk or high, I open the door to a new man - I ask them questions at all... I want to stop, but I feel like I can't.

amd1953 Memory, Hold the Door
  • replies: 2

One of the best memories of my childhood are the long walks I used to go on with my grandfather. This was in England during the 1950's and 60's. We lived in a small village in the heart of the Devonshire countryside and, being surrounded by rivers, w... View more

One of the best memories of my childhood are the long walks I used to go on with my grandfather. This was in England during the 1950's and 60's. We lived in a small village in the heart of the Devonshire countryside and, being surrounded by rivers, woods and fields, gave life an almost magical feeling. The feeling that nothing would ever change. But of course, it did. Life has a habit of changing when you least expect it and you try to hold on to it for as long as possible, knowing full well, that it will only exist in your mind. It all sounds a bit sad really, but one consolation is that you got to live through it. You had the privilege of enjoying something for a fleeting moment in time that nobody else knew or cared about. The memory of sleeping in a huge four poster bed in a manor house and wishing that you could stay there forever. Impossible to value in a material world and yet it means the world to you. You do have the memory of better times. Times when the world stood still and all you could hear was the sound of the wind through the trees and the birds singing. The smell of damp earth and woodsmoke. Blue skies and white fluffy clouds straight out of a picture book. All gone forever. Beautiful times that made me feel special with an innocence destined to fade all too predictably. Even sadder, I can feel those memories slipping away slowly from me too. Memory, hold the door.

ladybird22 I've been running from my inner pain for years and can't run away anymore
  • replies: 6

Hi there to everyone. Sometimes the first step is to just write it down, but it feels like a monkey is on my shoulder saying "stop being a burden on others". But I'm going to ignore that negativity and I know it does help a little by writing it down.... View more

Hi there to everyone. Sometimes the first step is to just write it down, but it feels like a monkey is on my shoulder saying "stop being a burden on others". But I'm going to ignore that negativity and I know it does help a little by writing it down.So im a mature lady who's life has gone in so many 'unwise' directions I'm still spinning..I've had 42 addresses just in the state of Victoria, I can feel another anxious change of address coming on. But other than financial side of things, I know I can't cope with the stress of it anymore.My grown children want me to "settle down" somewhere as naturally their concerned for their ageing mum. Due to some poor decisions in my past I've lost my homes to my 'exes'..So then I went back to renting at various addresses and became anxious about how my later years would be? Then I met a nice man a few years ago and I realised I was 'enticed' to help him build HIS new home. Of course he wanted me in the picture. I've stayed with him for a few years out of a need for a roof over my head. But now I'm just so unhappy and felt TRAPPED into a place like a prison.He isn't 'physically' abusive to me, but im not coping with his baggage (,pets, family etc) I totally dislike the area I live in and have no independence. Of course I'm grateful that I'm not out on the street, but my mind feels like it's shutting down. I'm shutting down from people, experiences, exercise etc, not interested in anything. Depression and anxiety once more, the story of many sad chapters of my life I don't want to go back on SSRI meds just so I can live under the same roof as somebody. I moved away from my grown children and my grandchildren some years ago to be with my ex and I'd do anything to have some family support near me now. I'm far away from friends n family, feel isolated and hopeless. That's just the start.. thanks for reading so far. A few kind words of encouragement would be appreciated. Thank you

WatcherG Surviving Life
  • replies: 4

Hi all - been on and off the forums for a long time (over a decade) and thought I would reach out again... so frustrated with life, and all the books, websites, etc that always talk about getting better, and how if you just change how you interact wi... View more

Hi all - been on and off the forums for a long time (over a decade) and thought I would reach out again... so frustrated with life, and all the books, websites, etc that always talk about getting better, and how if you just change how you interact with people all will be well. What if you have tried all that, and nothing ever changes? I am a middle age man, married, kids, have a job - but I have struggled with anxiety, depression, a dissociative disorder, and being a highly sensitive person my whole life. All the information tells us that if we meditate, practice mindfulness, engage with specialists, surround ourselves with positive people, that all will be well. What if you have tried all the usual answers, and nothing seems to work? I don't expect for my life to improve, I really am just wanting to find a better way to survive. The people in my life (family and co-workers - I have no friends) do not understand and blame me for being who I am. Just finished reading a book (another one) on being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and I totally understand what the means and the ways it affects my life. But all the "solutions" discussed rely on the people in your life understanding you as a HSP - what if the people who surround you don't want to know, or if they listen for even a moment, don't care or will not change? For financial and family reasons I need to stay where I am (I simply can't afford to leave my family or my job) and part of me understands that is not the answer - but what is? I really just want to find a way to survive my life, with the vague hope that one day it will get better - can anyone point me in some direction?

Elisabeta Men's mental health
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, I'm wanting to hear more specifically from men who struggle with their mental health.Please feel free to add on some extra information or don't answer them if they are too direct. Sorry if anything comes across as being naive, I'm just a... View more

Hi everyone, I'm wanting to hear more specifically from men who struggle with their mental health.Please feel free to add on some extra information or don't answer them if they are too direct. Sorry if anything comes across as being naive, I'm just after some insight into this and would like to understand it better. 1. Why do men seem to isolate themselves? 2. When isolating yourself would you like it if someone reached out to you? Or gave you some space and time? 3. Why is it that men seem to turn to anger when going through a difficult time?4. Would men like to be more open about their feelings with people and loved ones? Or do they feel like they need to 'man up'? 5. When they don't respond to calls or messages are they choosing to ignore their loved ones or are they just overwhelmed by everything and need time and space? 6. When going through a difficult time is it common not to seem interested in a loved ones day/hobbies/personal life etc? Not that they're not interested in these things but are they more focused on their own stresses that they can't seem to see what others are doing/going through?7. What are some things people have done that you have appreciated when you've been going through a difficult time?Or, something you wish someone did to help you through?Thank you

white knight BULLYING
  • replies: 20

Part of my strategy of "staying well" is to tackle some things differently. Rather than relying on my instincts, that have clearly let me down over the years due to over reaction from my sensitivity, I would ...take a breath and use the advice of my ... View more

Part of my strategy of "staying well" is to tackle some things differently. Rather than relying on my instincts, that have clearly let me down over the years due to over reaction from my sensitivity, I would ...take a breath and use the advice of my psych and good friends on how to respond. I've been a target of bullying for near 10 years now. Forums havent been around long in the scheme of things and if you are an up front person with some vulnerability, the chance a predator will spot you, hone in on you and harrass you is high. My usual reaction to these people was- throw a rock back at them immediately and fume for days, constantly logging in and waiting for another response so I could reply with more rock throwing....after all (I'd think to myself) he needs to be taught a lessen. I'm right here and he is wrong. The best response would have been to ignore the bully....as everyone says...but that was never enough clout for me. This time, two days ago I would put that to the test. A female member of the car club I'm a member of, has had a simmering dislike for me. That's ok, that happens with a few hundred members. I've been aware of it from others telling me and have tried to tread softly on the clubs Facebook page. Out of the blue she posted a nasty comment levelled at me. Now, since I've had a few bullying members and that I havent handled them well, I have a mentor. Yep, 59yo large strong guy with heaps of experience in life...has a lady that I call my "parole officer"....labelled as such by me in a joking manner that she adores. My mentor read the comment and suggested that the bully would be seen as the aggressor. nother member, unaware of the connitations of the bully's intent posted a cartoon that shows Charlie Brown laughing alongside his dog Snoopy, also laughing. So I posted a reply...."is that cartoon of me and my dog". Not only had I ignored the bully's nasty remark I'd caused many members to laugh at my own post thereby swaying attention away from the bully's statement. It worked. Several posts following these comments and all were responding to my comical post. The bully has gone quiet. People didnt give her the attention she craved. She was "out of line". She will lose popularity as time goes by if she continues to hold a grudge. The committee have contacted me individually to acknowledge how well I handled it. Bullying hurts us. We can be really sensitive at times and feel we have our backs to the wall. Dont feed the sharks. Tony WK