Staying well

What is something genuinely insignificant that has been bothering you lately?

replies: 13

It could be anything: maybe someone you don't know too well has been more distant than usual or maybe you're growing concerned about something that you feel is simply a small health problem. Maybe you've just lost an object and you've been struggling... View more

It could be anything: maybe someone you don't know too well has been more distant than usual or maybe you're growing concerned about something that you feel is simply a small health problem. Maybe you've just lost an object and you've been struggling to find it for a while. Feel free to rant about something small that has been bugging you, even though it may feel unimportant in comparison to other struggles you or someone else has been dealing with lately without feeling bad for complaining about it.

Supermarket shelves

replies: 16

We as humans have control over many things. And we have no control over other things. I can vividly recall words yelled at me as a child "Tony....have some patience". These words were justified in one sense..I'd woken up at 3am on Christmas day and o... View more

We as humans have control over many things. And we have no control over other things. I can vividly recall words yelled at me as a child "Tony....have some patience". These words were justified in one sense..I'd woken up at 3am on Christmas day and opened up all my presents and in the process woken up everyone else. My problem was, I didnt know how to find patience and for many years I was tormented by this. How do I find it? Do I develop it? Do I study for it? What I didnt know as a child and in early adulthood that anxiety had a lot to account for my lack of being able to wait. So anxious, Christmas morning early wake up was uncontrollable. No words aimed at my behaviour would have made any difference...medical intervention was the only way.Fast forward my later adult life and now I realise, being an anxious person I was going to hit a brick wall eventually be it marriage breakdown, work related conflict or other crisis.Those traumatic events were triggers that exploded my illness I didnt know I had What does this mean? We read almost daily someone we have compassion about,write about a situation they have found themselves in, say a work situation. This happened, then this, then that, leading to that happening. Often a situation of injustice in the mind of the confused who is the victim. So why did this person get involved in this particular situation of trauma and not someone else? I'm suggesting that in some situations of hype or disagreement, those with a mental illness might find themselves falling into such a conflict easier. Why? A lot of reasons depending on the individual. But those with a mental illness can have traits like sensitivity leading to over reaction, withholding anger due to abuse, less wise due to poor mental growth or enduring depression due to pride etc etc. Things like patience, tolerance, wit, etc do not arrive naturally in some of us and we will not develop these important qualities by just being told to get them. They are not purchasable on supermarket shelves. But some are obtainable. They can be developed by means of therapy, learning and maturity through aging. Aging gives up wisdom through experience, tolerance through acceptance learned from years of human gatherings. Wit is one that would be harder to achieve. So, if you find yourself in crisis after crisis, you think your life is full of bad luck and incidences. You might have an underlying illness. You are unlikely to find stability unless you get professional help. Tony WK

Anyone failed a drug test because of antidepressants

replies: 3

I am looking for new work and in the industries I have worked in a pre-employment medical and drug testing is very common. I got a bit of a history with depression and take medication as prescribed, no illicit substance issues. I applied for a job an... View more

I am looking for new work and in the industries I have worked in a pre-employment medical and drug testing is very common. I got a bit of a history with depression and take medication as prescribed, no illicit substance issues. I applied for a job and answered the very invasive medical questionnaire the employer had made honestly. They were initially very keen on me, even trying to get me into a team lead role. l but now have gone quiet after the medical. I of course can't prove anything and not care to to be honest... But what's my best action going forward. Taper off the meds and lie during future medicals? Has anyone not declared you are on an antidepressant and had it picked up on and questioned during a medical? I figure it's a risk but can't find an instance of this happening. Just looking to try and have a happy life like everyone else, find some decent work and not have depression make everything else about life worse than it needs to be.

DNA what you cant change

replies: 13

We often get members here that seek change. Maybe they dont like themselves. Maybe they are told by someone they are useless. Maybe they dont fit in? So sooner or later we try to change but how much of us is changable?. If we know what is changable w... View more

We often get members here that seek change. Maybe they dont like themselves. Maybe they are told by someone they are useless. Maybe they dont fit in? So sooner or later we try to change but how much of us is changable?. If we know what is changable we'd concentrate on that and not waste our time on the other stuff -correct? Some athletes or rulers say "you can do anything you put your mind to". Its great to be positive but not healthy to be unrealistic. I was 92 kg at 17yo. I think I'd be disappointed if my goal was to be a jockey. So here is my take on that- Changable to an achievable level - some mental illnesses like mild anxiety - traits like punctuality, over reaction, dishonesty, criminal intent, nastiness, lifestyle, addictions, goals and challenges, negative to positive thinking, stopping intrusive thoughts. Fitness, eating habits. Personality changes that take a long time with great effort - worry, depression, anger, some drug addictions, alcoholism, narcissism, effect of cults, violence, hoarding, deceipt, denial, commitment, cruelty to animals, grandeur, greed, reactions, foot in mouth, careers, commitment, DNA rarely if ever changable - vulnerability, some serious mental illnesses like autism, BPD, bipolar, schizophrenia..., humour, observations, sensitivity, emotions, physical abilities, natural talents, kindness, grief processes, So, if we are bipolar we'd be wasting our time and energy roaming the world finding a cure. Better to seek out up to date medical treatment to reduce the symptoms as well as assistance from others, group therapy and peer groups like here on this forum. With DNA areas we must find acceptance by making that our goal. Time and again I read about "I've had it with this bipolar" yet it isnt curable. Thats ok if its just venting but as a person with bipolar that has tried for many years to accept my illness and to achieve my goal of being as well and as stable as possible with this disorder...Im pleased because I also know that improvement beyond this is unlikely. There are limits to what we can achieve. DNA. Its inground in our makeup. Its our nature. Google Topic: the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue Tony WK

Compartmentalizing your time

replies: 12

We often talk about acceptance of our illness, as being part of ourselves. This acceptance once accomplished, is a huge step forward in our recovery towards existing in a society that for us is challenging. I've found that carrying out procedures lik... View more

We often talk about acceptance of our illness, as being part of ourselves. This acceptance once accomplished, is a huge step forward in our recovery towards existing in a society that for us is challenging. I've found that carrying out procedures like meditation, muscle transitioning exercises, mindfulness, and the like used to be carried out on a needs basis. If under stress- do some deep breathing, my heart rate is high- do some muscle sanctioning exercises and so on. But there is a problem...that is a needs based routine, a little like bandaging a cut rather than preventing the injury in the first place. I've found it is of great advantage to put in place a routine of these techniques as a preventative rather than a remedy. As an example my muscle mentioning exercises have been a nighty ritual for several years now. Just prior to sleep I tension up each set of muscles for 15 seconds. The bonus is I fall to sleep easily, the prevention is that it assists in preventing a racing heart and anxiety. So, try introducing routine processes into your daily schedule. No different to those who regulate their time for religious prayers or hobbies or study. Preventative measures for our illness demands the same time allocation. Do you have set times for relaxation etc? TonyWK

Loneliness- a remedy of mind

replies: 8

Loneliness is a worse feeling than what some people know. For those not lonely we can think- “just join a club”. But what is the heart of the problem? All of us at some point feel sorry for ourselves for what we haven’t got- in this case the company ... View more

Loneliness is a worse feeling than what some people know. For those not lonely we can think- “just join a club”. But what is the heart of the problem? All of us at some point feel sorry for ourselves for what we haven’t got- in this case the company of friends, a loving partner or family. What we can do is “switch our mindset” to turn that manner of thinking on its head. How? Well, instead of thinking what you have missing in your life, think about what you have. Its spelt out in Ralph Mctells song Streets of London. The lyrics are not meant to ridicule but to highlight what might not be obvious to us, the beauty of the world. We see a bland horizon but dismiss the wattle bird gathering nectar, we think about our money problems that we can’t pay for entertainment but mind fog stops us from finding joy in the sun rising. Loneliness can remain even in marriage. A life of appreciation is a life of calm. When we appreciate what we have and not focus on what is missing- then we can no longer feel lonely or deprived. Rich people can be unhappy. A homeless person can be rich but denied money. As the song “Streets of London” says “carrying her home in two carrier bags” or “lying on yesterday’s paper carrying yesterday’s news”. There is poverty out there, untreated mental illness and sadness. So if you are lonely open your possibilities. Yes try searching for groups and like minded people for company however, inner peace is an internal change that will be your ultimate fulfilment and that comes from a change of mindset. google to read more beyondblue topic switching mindsets beyondblue topic inner peace the glory of being YOU Beyondblue topic the balance of your life beyondblue topic want to be a hermit? beyondblue topic Ostracised-who’s fault is it? youtube Prem Rawat the perfect instrument TonyWK

DOES WHAT YOU ARE DOING SUIT THE REAL YOU?

replies: 4

Hi Everyone I was talking to a friend this morning about a certain comment I had made earlier, when he said 'Yes but that's not the real you". That and the subsequent conversation got me thinking about a course I did years ago, by a company that want... View more

Hi Everyone I was talking to a friend this morning about a certain comment I had made earlier, when he said 'Yes but that's not the real you". That and the subsequent conversation got me thinking about a course I did years ago, by a company that wanted all its employees to be on the same page so the speak, with values aligned as closely as possible. So what is a value? We ended up agreeing that it is a principle or standard of behaviour, and judging what's important in life. I often refer to the term "Moral compass", that is how our thoughts and morals help to guide us through life. They are an intrinsic part of you that reveal what you do and how you do it. Once you form a set of values, they kind of become what you stand for. When you don't stick to your values it can feel a little weird and you will probably reflect on that later. Someone may even pull you up on it like my friend did at the start of this post! If you don't get on with someone and are always clashing, it normally comes down to a clash of values. Recognising that can be useful in understanding what's going on with the relationship issues. So I really feel that deciding on personal values is quite important, and letting them guide you through life. Some examples of values may include honesty, openness, caring for the environment, being positive, being a role model to kids, being a good listener and so on. Just wondering, has anyone thought much about what their personal values might be, and tried sticking to them? Or found it difficult to do so? I look forward to hearing what you think! Regards, The Bro

Boredom, break free with action

replies: 10

Most of us have gone through periods of boredom. I mean it is hard to break away from the routine of doing nothing, work, drive home, chores, more chores, TV, computer...still overall boredom. How do you break that lifestyle? Ok, on the odd occasion ... View more

Most of us have gone through periods of boredom. I mean it is hard to break away from the routine of doing nothing, work, drive home, chores, more chores, TV, computer...still overall boredom. How do you break that lifestyle? Ok, on the odd occasion we don our runners and start a get fit campaign. We'll tell the world that we are going to lose weight and we walk/run a few kms a day...then it falls away, back to the sofa. A few facts about all this struggle. As people with mental illness We need to acknowledge that we have a harder time sticking to a routine. If you accept that, then you wont feel such a failure at trying to turn things around. Routine doesnt sit with us very well and takes far more motivation than those without a MI. Obesity often is, a real challenge. Again we can accept that we humans are all built differently, different DNA. Again acceptance has its place- we should accept that we will never be a model figure so stop trying. We can also accept that good effort is enough that it should make us content within ourselves. If obese, we should also approach the topic of abuse from other people. This is covered in the inspiring thread by our champion Quirkywords see below- https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/does-putting-on-weight-affect-your-mental-health#dSng0fdQq0GYEMviqmf3Jg Back to boredom. Often when a problem arises we can tackle it in a conventional manner first. Eg. Stamp out the boredom with filling your life with activities. This can include conventional methods like- hobbies, sports, passions, clubs, self regulated social media, games on the computer. Hobbies and sports are the answer for most people, even barracking for a team on the TV and attending matches. Hobbies can include both indoor and outdoors. But I have learned that people either have a passion or dont, eg a passion comes naturally. A past partner of mind had no passion yet I had model airplanes which I built indoors in comfort and flew them outdoors among club members. I also read magazines on them and painted them myself etc. It took up a lot of my time. She ha dno hobby resulting in a huge problem and frankly I had no answers but what I've mentioned here already. It also proved to me that other people cannot find the solution to this issue except suggest they pursue some conventional time filling methods. Whatever you find that breaks the boredom cycle action of any sort will be more productive than no action at all. TonyWK

R U OK Day - Let's start the conversation!

replies: 3

Hi everyone, In the spirit of R U OK Day happening later this week, I thought I'd kick off the conversation and ask what is 1 thing you can do this week to make sure you or someone around you is feeling okay? This year, R U OK day is a little harder ... View more

Hi everyone, In the spirit of R U OK Day happening later this week, I thought I'd kick off the conversation and ask what is 1 thing you can do this week to make sure you or someone around you is feeling okay? This year, R U OK day is a little harder for all of us, as we a struggling in lockdown and no one is really feeling "okay". So I challenge you to dig a little deeper and ask are yourself or your loved ones are you really okay? Remember that it's okay NOT to be okay and acknowledging that you're struggling is the first step to getting help! I'll start us off: every day this week I'm sending a text message to 1 friend or family member to see how they are doing and ask if they are going okay! I know it's really hard to maintain social contact at the moment, but I think one little message can go a long long way at the moment Looking forward to hearing from everyone!

Changing meds

replies: 5

Hi - I'm new. I am a middle-aged woman with depression. I've had depression for 30+ years and been on and off medication over the last 15 or so. As well as the stress of lockdown, I am experiencing unpleasant symptoms with menopause and going through... View more

Hi - I'm new. I am a middle-aged woman with depression. I've had depression for 30+ years and been on and off medication over the last 15 or so. As well as the stress of lockdown, I am experiencing unpleasant symptoms with menopause and going through relationship counselling. I gave up drinking a few years ago - it was a great thing for me to give up because I had been treating alcohol as an escape hatch. It was pretty unhealthy. At the moment I am changing medications so effectively have been unmedicated for the last week (time weaning off old one, waiting for new one to kick in). It is hellish. I am having some side effects from the new meds (insomnia is the worst) without yet experiencing relief. I know I just have to be patient. I have a great GP who is really supportive and helpful. She has referred me to a menopause specialist and helped with a mental health plan and this new medication. Objectively I have so much help and so many resources available to me - I feel such guilt for being so miserable and numb, but I can't shake myself out of it. My concentration is shot so it is hard to distract myself, even with TV (and work is terrifying). I am trying to be positive. But I am so scared - I don't know how to get through the next few days.

Pinned discussions

A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

replies: 715

All discussions