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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight The reality of ill directed positivity
  • replies: 5

Many readers here will recall the turning point in my life in 1983, when I attended a motivation speech that instantly changed my negative life to a positive one. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/30-minutes-can-cha... View more

Many readers here will recall the turning point in my life in 1983, when I attended a motivation speech that instantly changed my negative life to a positive one. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life In the following 28 years I've utilised that new found strength to enhance my life. Most situations that confront me I can overcome. However, it has a few drawbacks and I'd like to share them with you. Being positive is not always a solution. Eg we can approach a situation that makes us anxious, like family or relationship conflict however being motivated will not replace counselling. We can be anxious about the invoice we'll receive from a mechanic about our broken down car, positive frame of mind cannot lower the amount to pay. (Positivity is best directed at what can be achieved like overtime or a second job) Positivity can be a means to sugar coat. The best example I can recall is a salesman I know. When he broke his record for cars sold in one month he was determined to break that record the next month. The pandemic caused him to not achieve that goal. He told himself he failed and wasnt positive enough. (Positivity is best used in a realistic way that's within your control) Positivity in some isnt obvious. When motivated some of us can ooze it, display it. Others are calm achievers that dont mention it. For them action speaks louder than words. (Positivity can be hidden) Charity begins at home. Some people, eager to help others in their community, neglect their own welfare at home. While helping the down and out is a good thing that doesnt mean we should prioritize our objectives. (Fulfil home needs first) Mental illness needs measured effort. For some of us depression can be debilitating. Using motivation at a time when you cannot be motivated can be more damaging as you feel more of a failure when you dont succeed. (timing of motivation can be beneficial) https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation Being positive is great, it transforms you and makes you feel worthwhile and happier. Using it for some challenges can be a waste of time as it is glossing over the solutions. Use it wisely, realistically and never give up....it can be an amazing tool. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/being-positive-what's-the-secret- TonyWK

romantic_thi3f Can we share our strategies to cope with Christmas and the New Years?
  • replies: 13

Hello! I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I know I'm not alone in it, but Christmas isn't the 'greatest time of the year' for me. I tend to struggle a bit because all the tv ads make me feel like I should be really happy and making a gi... View more

Hello! I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I know I'm not alone in it, but Christmas isn't the 'greatest time of the year' for me. I tend to struggle a bit because all the tv ads make me feel like I should be really happy and making a giant roast for my adorable and loving family and that's just not the case at all So I thought, if maybe Christmas isn't great for others either, maybe you can share ways that you get through it? One of the things that I've been doing is a lot of journalling and gaming to distract me, and I've also made up a few code words so that when I'm away I can try and sneak out for 5 minutes. I also bought myself a Christmas present as well (Majorly into jigsaws lately) which feels really nice. Looking forward to seeing all of your ideas. rt

car10001 coronavirus
  • replies: 1

hi just have a small concern about high coronavirus as am living in a small house thats not big enough to quarantine separate or not be affected because of a house member if either they or you come into close contact with a positive case or someone g... View more

hi just have a small concern about high coronavirus as am living in a small house thats not big enough to quarantine separate or not be affected because of a house member if either they or you come into close contact with a positive case or someone gets sick and goes to get a test and has to isolate. reason for feeling that the current home even though am happy living there isnt suitable for me to either not suffer because of a house member if they get sick or come into close contact and have to isolate or for me to isolate separate from members because either coming into close contact or getting sick which is unlikely without facing extended quarantine all because you couldnt isolate seperate because of house not being setup properly is because am at a age and point in life where am wanting own space and independence and to be able to isolate separate from other house members if coming into close contact so you dont have to take chance and face extension because you couldnt isolate separate or not suffer because of a household member because you would have another building wether it was on same property or had your own part time place to start with and wouldnt be living in same building as the others plus itd have a kitchen and bathroom. you probably already know that if someone in your house has to isolate the rest are supposed to (thats how it used to work) unless you can separate even if on same property wether the isolator separates or you separate so you either dont have to do it as well or dont have to take chance and face extension because you werent able to separate. you probably already know also that if someone in your house quarantines and isolates at home that the isolator or others should try stay elsewhere for duration or be prepared to do it as well and possibly face more than required time if you cant separate. also get concerned because of living with a person thats known to get sick and you never know if or when they have to get a test and because you live there particularly because you share the same amenities with that person and dont have your own self contained space it affects you and youre also at a point where youre wanting your own self contained space and somewhere to quarantine separate in event you need to without facing extension. am in no hurry to get out current home just want to get shed space sorted and somewhere to have own space and to have people over

white knight Literature- using your mind
  • replies: 4

You dont even have to know how to spell nowadays to write! Spellcheck takes care of that. So I'm suggesting that writing be it poetry, novels or fantasy, thriller or crime, give it a go. It's distracting, research can be amazing and it can be persona... View more

You dont even have to know how to spell nowadays to write! Spellcheck takes care of that. So I'm suggesting that writing be it poetry, novels or fantasy, thriller or crime, give it a go. It's distracting, research can be amazing and it can be personal. Here is two of my 300 or so poems that might inspire you. SOCIETY OF SAND I'm sitting on a desert upon sand of friend and foe Cant find a piece of turf where I cannot stand on toes. I collect a handful of grain Then watch as it escapes Just like some friendships a barren temporary landscape. I create my own oasis by weeping on a weed but the sand around me laughs because it doesnt have a need. Till lately it be my friends that helped me walk the land they holding me up under my feet -supportive grains of sand. I begin to sink so slowly as a few gather my precious hide the quick sand laughing so loud a proud man says goodbye. And as I become one of 'them' my heart now granulled and dry I try to weep to water the weed but sand has no means to cry. Damn it ! I struggle so be damned if I be like them I crawl out of the society of sand - to remain the man I am.... TonyWK LEGS OF SPOKE How can I let them know? When the dark exceeds the glow When the sun hides behind the clouds Silence they hear...but I scream so loud. Some stand beside a 6 foot hole Shake their heads and see its toll They ask how he could have dropped Out of the circle -a forget me knot Yet they seem to see clear and there is hope When they sight a person with legs of spoke A crippled girl pushing her chair A man be manic- there's no one there. "Storm in a tea cup" hurts so bad Like the cyber crow who remains so glad Keeps flying and in full flight Achieves his art...in the middle of the night For some in power see it their way Even at the side of a 6 foot grave Shake their head and call out "why" "Why on earth- he didnt have to die". So kind some be they reach out so true Smile away "we want to meet you" Bring along your vintage car and your smile" But leave - what's behind your dial. So we laugh and dine and all's ok Leave at home come what may If I be saddled with legs of spoke They'd lift me around- bloody good bloke. But as my mind hurts so bad Cannot hide my feelings- mad? Can no longer be bloody good bloke Sometimes I wish..... I had legs of spoke...... Have you considered literature? TonyWK

Joe_L Can't seem to work normally and now I'm studying
  • replies: 5

Hey all, I've been working for a while but I've been having panic attacks from stress especially since starting uni. I've always had trouble staying in a job long term, I do qualify for a disability payment because of my diagnoses that I assume is th... View more

Hey all, I've been working for a while but I've been having panic attacks from stress especially since starting uni. I've always had trouble staying in a job long term, I do qualify for a disability payment because of my diagnoses that I assume is the cause of all the panic attacks I've been having. But I feel like I would just be being lazy and not really worth that sort of support. Any advice?

MissJ94 On the way up?
  • replies: 5

I feel like things are finally on the way up for me. I had my weight loss surgery last week. Was successful in my two week pre op diet, have been great since surgery and really sticking to my postop diet which is basically just cottage cheese, yoghur... View more

I feel like things are finally on the way up for me. I had my weight loss surgery last week. Was successful in my two week pre op diet, have been great since surgery and really sticking to my postop diet which is basically just cottage cheese, yoghurt and soup! Ive really surprised myself on how disciplined ive been with this process. Im also surprised that despite having 80% of my stomach cut away, my medication for bipolar is still having its effect! I was told that the medication may need altering and that weight loss might be slower but i feel like things are going well so far. Ive had so much motivation since the surgery. Motivation to get back to working, earning income again, to get healthy. I even loved my time at the private hospital so much that im actually considering going private for my next baby! This weight loss surgery, it wasnt just to lose the weight. It was to resolve other issues too, mainly to do with fertility. So im hoping that in 12-18 months ill be set to start trying for that baby ive been longing for for so many years now. Its my next biggest step in life! Its exciting that things are getting back on track. But it also makes me worry, what if these feelings are bipolar related and ill just come crashing down at any moment? That thought freaks me out!

white knight Mental illness ruining your life?
  • replies: 2

Having any type of mental illness is initially daunting. The journey begins with either astonishment or relief. The steep learning curve is a challenge, some expectations of others for support is needed but there never seems to be enough explanation ... View more

Having any type of mental illness is initially daunting. The journey begins with either astonishment or relief. The steep learning curve is a challenge, some expectations of others for support is needed but there never seems to be enough explanation nor contentment to keep us happy. I found that realisation came a year or two after diagnosis. From then on my mental illness became an obsession, after all, this was a major life event, something I couldn't visualise and loved ones quickly lost interest. I needed a reality check, some self assessment of sorts. Apart from all of these steps one challenge was over and above all others- to get my life back by not allowing my illnesses to dominate my thinking. Being a talker doesn't help. I'm torn between wanting to limit myself from human contact, clubs etc but needing human company. Nevertheless, I had to accept that many things I'd previously focussed on like hobbies and sports... had drifted away, essentially they had been replaced with an obsession. Major changes were made. We purchased a motortrike, a camper trailer. We ventured to beautiful places where in tranquility I'd write poetry, began following my footy team and channelled a lot of my thoughts on mental illness towards Beyondblue rather than sharing them with loved ones. In my experience all obsessions are destructive in some form. Getting an obsession into perspective allows you to focus more on living life. It might not be possible at this time for some people that suffer greatly with their condition disabling them. For those souls be patient and wait for your mind to mend, an opportunity might well come along, then grab it and re-enter the beautiful world we occupy...there's a lot of living to do. TonyWK

Shep_71 I'm new here. My wifes an alcoholic
  • replies: 10

I'm heartbroken. My beautiful wife who i love very much is an alcoholic. I'm angry at myself because i never saw it coming. We used to socially drink together but she was always more keen than me. This has come like a freight train. Thinking back, th... View more

I'm heartbroken. My beautiful wife who i love very much is an alcoholic. I'm angry at myself because i never saw it coming. We used to socially drink together but she was always more keen than me. This has come like a freight train. Thinking back, there was a change in her behaviour towards me. She appeared emotionally disconnected. We've always been so close but lately she's been distant. I noticed 3 evenings running she would come back from work drunk. I thought she was drinking at home but there were no bottles. I secretly took her office keys and and my world fell apart when i found a 4 tier filing cabinet full of empty wine bottles, cans, beer bottle and a stash of new bottles. I just sat in her office and cried. I worked out she was finishing work at about 3.30 and drinking until about 430 The next day i deliberately paid her an impromptu visit at work during these times. She acted pleased to see me but was clearly rattled. She tried to hide the pint of wine on her desk by leaning to one side hoping i wouldn't see it. I don't know why i needed anymore validation. Tonight she came back from the pub with a friend and she could barely walk. She tried to pick something off the floor and went headfirst into the wall. She was angry with me when i tried to help. She went to bed but when i checked on her she had a bottle of wine next to her bed. Anyway enough waffling from me, I'm just venting. I don't know how to handle it. I have been in touch with alanon and have been advised to simply love and support. I'm utterly broken. She's beautiful inside and out and a great mum to our 4 kids.

Kazzl Helpful books and resources
  • replies: 103

Hi everyone Members often refer in their posts to books and other resources that have helped them. This thread is a place to list those books so all members can find them easily. The titles might include scholarly, mass market and self-help books, sp... View more

Hi everyone Members often refer in their posts to books and other resources that have helped them. This thread is a place to list those books so all members can find them easily. The titles might include scholarly, mass market and self-help books, specialist websites or blogs, podcasts, vodcasts or print or online journals or magazines. Please note BB has a list of websites and resources under Get Help, so maybe check there first for online resources. (Also note that we cannot include live links to online resources.) To make things easy to find, please put the category of the content first in bold, then the title of the book and then, if you want, a brief comment. Please note that anything listed here reflects the member's views only. Publications and other resources are not necessarily endorsed by beyondblue. Happy reading!

car10001 borders re opening making friends during restrictions
  • replies: 5

hi with the coronavirus restrictions am finding it hard to get together sort of because of that. what is a way to get together or make friends during the restrictions or both. when place you live at which youre happy doing at moment isnt big enough t... View more

hi with the coronavirus restrictions am finding it hard to get together sort of because of that. what is a way to get together or make friends during the restrictions or both. when place you live at which youre happy doing at moment isnt big enough to have self contained space what would you do until youre able to buy your own. sometimes just feel isolated and like its going to take a long time to go back to before Thanks