Staying well

Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

replies: 1775

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when ... View more

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find. Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim. My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others. A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know. So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better. For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself. Paw Prints **I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

what are some long-term self-care strats?

replies: 17

taking breaks and ambient noise doesn't seem to cut it anymore, i need something else because i still feel so moody even with my unproductive hobbies (videos games and youtube)

Take a swim of empathy

replies: 4

I would guess that many of you are empaths. The Community Champions here are, no doubt and a high percentage of members are also. So what is the advantages and disadvantages of being an empath... and what is it exactly? "Empath" isn't an official psy... View more

I would guess that many of you are empaths. The Community Champions here are, no doubt and a high percentage of members are also. So what is the advantages and disadvantages of being an empath... and what is it exactly? "Empath" isn't an official psychological term, but it's generally defined as a person who is highly attuned to the emotions of others. Empathy is an essential skill for all kinds of relationships. But people with very high levels of it may have a hard time setting boundaries between themselves and others. I think that hits the mark. But metaphorically I would say that I'm living in a bath of empathy where there are no enemies, no danger but the water there that I swim in are made from built up tears over nearly 70 years. The deeper it gets the more at home I feel. If I climb the ladder to mix with others then I'm subjecting myself to dangers. However I like other empaths are really emotionally alone most of the time and we yearn to dive back in, back home, it seems that when life is a blur a translucent vision of beautiful things like birds, dogs cats, wildlife ... all harmless wonderful things, thats where love is. The penalty for being an empath is that your state of mind isnt other peoples problem. "Normal" people are quite happy dealing with each other, emotional - rarely, ready to defend and prepared to attack verbally or worse is part of day to day life. They watch you swim and recall when a loved passed or a pet and quickly they return to sipping their wine or drowning but in beer. Maybe they dont drink so they might take a deep breath and get on with it!. For us empaths we reach the side of the pool and observe the fallen. We get out of out comfort station and built a dam wall to save them slipping into a place they might not return or sit on a log listening or lifting them.. the crowd still mingle and we direct them that way ... they turn and we are gone... submerged. Being an empath is a unbelievable feeling of emotion that take us where few can go, an emotion level that is amazingly sad, amazingly so unbelievable its hard to describe but one thing is certain for many of us... we wouldnt have it any other way. In the words of Stephen Fry "if I was reincarnated I would want my bipolar, I wouldnt know how to live any other way.... TonyWK

Small achievement you managed to do today....How did it make you feel? Did it help you feel better today?

replies: 518

Hi everyone.. Their are days when just getting out of bed is a huge achievement...Other days we can achieve things like washing up the dishes or clothes, sweeping the floors, mopping the floors..very mundane and automatic robot like chores for the me... View more

Hi everyone.. Their are days when just getting out of bed is a huge achievement...Other days we can achieve things like washing up the dishes or clothes, sweeping the floors, mopping the floors..very mundane and automatic robot like chores for the mentally well...They do these chores without even thinking about them...for people struggling with their mental health..these are huge tasks... Very often I’ll get my vacuum cleaner out to vacuum ...then it will sit their for days, me looking at it, walking over it...until I can get motivated enough to vacuum..after I do find the motivation to vacuum...I am pleased with myself... Right now I have a small foot cycling peddle machine, sitting on my front veranda..I got it out last week..to start exercising..it’s still their, I’m still looking at it...My thoughts each night is I’ll use it for a few minutes tomorrow.. My car hasn’t been washed getting close to a year now I think...Today I did managed to wash it....and discovered that it has a nice shine on it.....I did it...I achieved something positive today..which made me feel better in myself... Have you achieved a little something today...and how did it make you feel...If you want to share that achievement it might make other people a bit more motivated to achieve something they need/want to do.. Looking forward to hearing about your achievement....and how it made you feel.. Little steps and achievements can lead to bigger steps..and bigger achievements... My kindest and most caring thoughts...everyone. Grandy...

Worry and anxious

replies: 2

Love to know others tips on this. Most times before one of our adult children..still at home will have an important event or go away on a holiday, I stress that there general health will be well eg: no cold/flu etc...so they can enjoy their trip or s... View more

Love to know others tips on this. Most times before one of our adult children..still at home will have an important event or go away on a holiday, I stress that there general health will be well eg: no cold/flu etc...so they can enjoy their trip or special event. I know my mum always said to me 'stay well...if you are not well you won't be able to enjoy yourself as much'. Any help would be great for this mum to break this awful cycle. x

Health Crisis

replies: 2

My neighbour’s niece is having a health crisis, possibly cancer and is in hospital. I have spoken to my neighbour about this. I have not seen the niece in some months but I worry about her. I know they are not my family but they have always been nice... View more

My neighbour’s niece is having a health crisis, possibly cancer and is in hospital. I have spoken to my neighbour about this. I have not seen the niece in some months but I worry about her. I know they are not my family but they have always been nice to me and I want them to be well. Not sure where to proceed from here.

Finding peace and feeding your mind

replies: 2

Some members have sought tranquillity in their lives but simply don't know where to start. If they think camping is the answer I can vouch it certainly is a start. However- it can take time to wind down Eg we headed off with our caravan three days ag... View more

Some members have sought tranquillity in their lives but simply don't know where to start. If they think camping is the answer I can vouch it certainly is a start. However- it can take time to wind down Eg we headed off with our caravan three days ago. First day I vomited, then it intensified and now I'm OK, this happens every trip caused by moving out of my comfort zone sparking anxiety. Now we're settled on a riverbank but for me I need to mentally go much deeper. This might give you my meaning- WHERE A FAMILY USED TO TREAD There's something about Australia that runs a chill up and down ya backWhen we stroll along the rivers where the colonial whips would crack And those same chills would come and go like bushies about to wedLikely the sandy foundations of a shingled hut, where a family use to tread So it's not just a stroll but a magic left behindAnd the ancient owners hunting ground where the river forever windsFor there's that depth of green and gold and the need to build and settleAnd the colonial wife with grit beside a steaming kettle We didn't just build our shacks nor conquer every rocky craggWe plough virgin land behind a determined draughty nagAnd the miners cottages sprang up where Eureka found its wayAnd the swaggies filled every wagon track without a map nor means to pay For this great land of Aussie pride is a gem we embrace with lustLet's remember the gold diggers that dug but only found the dust There's something about Australia that runs a chill up and down your backWhen we stroll along the rivers where the colonial whips would crack TonyWK But we're not all poets. What I'm eluding to could include merely appreciating one breath of air, valuing the sun on your face, and steak on a campfire or the absence of humans those that don't contribute towards your well being "Staying well" also should include "seeking ideal conditions to enable you to be as well as possible then staying well" which is governed by the frequency of your vacations. Sometimes we need to feed our minds to guide it to what is an individuals ultimate peace. What is your method? Do you relate? TonyWK

Good food for better mood

replies: 2

Hello everyone, I think that we all experienced how a good feed can make us feel better but we do need to keep it in healthy levels and that can spoil the good feeling. I'd like to share my experience with food and how we managed to get that great fe... View more

Hello everyone, I think that we all experienced how a good feed can make us feel better but we do need to keep it in healthy levels and that can spoil the good feeling. I'd like to share my experience with food and how we managed to get that great feeling of full stomach from hearty food while keeping our weight under control. Some time ago we started putting on weight due to health issues and just purely from getting old. I've never used to have weight problems while my partner has struggled all his life that by the way never ever bothered me. But I didn't like myself putting on weight and was worried that it could get out of hand and the earlier I'll deal with it, the easier it'll be. So we did some research on how to lose weight while still being able to get a good fix that we both love. We came across intermittent fasting and it sounded really good to us so we thought we give a gowhile adjusting it a little bit to our liking. We needed to lose weight first so had to go a bit hard on it to start with. Our target was one kilo a month, we thought that it was sustainable and not too painful. We didn't want to put ourselves off dieting. So we decided to have one big hearty meal every two days. Anything in between just to have tiny small bites just when the hunger gets too much, it could be anything. We just have a little bit of cheese, some nuts, piece of fruit, slice of bread and sometimes even a glass of water can take the edge of hunger away. It took us a year to get to the weight we were comfortable with. I lost 8 kilos, my partner lost 12 kilos. He always has to be better at everything! haha Now, we just keep our target weight, we do one hearty meal every day and have tiny meals the rest of the day to manage the hunger. When our weight goes up, we have a day off and go back to tiny meals and the weight goes down again. I love how we are able to have a good feed and get that comfortable feeling that everything is ok while keeping our weight under control. Here's couple of more tips:We bought a proper scale and got into habit of weighing ourselves every morning so we can see what food does what. One kilo fluctuation is ok but anything more than that needs to be fixed. We hunted for recipes for food that we really like. Now with the internet it is very easy to find recipes for food that we missed from childhood or anything we felt like eating. We still like our takeaway now and then but not as much as we used to. I think it would be great for everyone to share our stories, food or recipes that make us feel better. PS Please try to watch the weight as it can spoil the fun.

Alone at 70

replies: 4

As you can guess I'm 70, but oddly find myself totally alone with no one to talk to. I've lived most of my adult life in NSW, but I have no family in this state by a bizarre twist of fate. Closest I have is a nephew in Melbourne and a daughter in Tas... View more

As you can guess I'm 70, but oddly find myself totally alone with no one to talk to. I've lived most of my adult life in NSW, but I have no family in this state by a bizarre twist of fate. Closest I have is a nephew in Melbourne and a daughter in Tassie who I very rarely hear from. I've also had 5 failed marriages, last one of 10 years ending last year after I packed her off back to the USA. Short version is she stayed in bed 23 hours every day doing nothing, got addicted to painkillers and even after doctors warned her off it and then proved there was nothing physically wrong with her, the GP still wouldn't force her off it. By that stage she had become abusive. I had 1 friend of 8 years in this small town but she passed away last month totally unexpectedly. The only other close friends are in another town, and any contact has to be done by me. So, life is frustrating, and I only see people when I go shopping each week. Have a couple of good neighbours but rarely see them as they work and don't seem to be around much on the weekends either. So, there's my lot, and I'm wondering, why bother? Not sure this is the right place to post, so feel free to move it.

Meditation, Manifesting, Gratitude & The Law of Attraction

replies: 734

Hi everyone, Not sure where to start so hope I can express myself clearly and maybe with others' input we can expand on this. I'm interested in people's thoughts/ experience with meditation, manifesting, gratitude & the law of attraction. I've recent... View more

Hi everyone, Not sure where to start so hope I can express myself clearly and maybe with others' input we can expand on this. I'm interested in people's thoughts/ experience with meditation, manifesting, gratitude & the law of attraction. I've recently started using the Smiling Mind app to meditate when going to sleep and sometimes when feeling a little anxious, like tonight. It is something i thought i could never do as my mind rarely stops, however, with persistence, I find I enjoy it. I guess i tend to have a negative mindset which I am determined to change.I always felt uneasy about thinking positive things as i thought i would jinx myself, and that whenever I made a positive comment or felt happy it would go wrong or something negative would happen. So i refrained from allowing myself to be too happy, I guess to 'protect' myself. Recently i have been feeling happier, stronger, expressing gratitude and taking note of when things have come to me when i needed them. Coincidence, or answers to what i put out to the Universe? I like to think the latter. A work colleague one day told me to manifest something i wanted, put it out to the universe , so I'm trying. Example, recently we needed to measure the floor space at reception so we could calculate how many people we could have in at one time. I needed a tape measure, which i did not have. At that moment our handyman walked into the office. Guess what he had? I am getting into the habit of practising positive thinking instead of thinking/expecting negatives. If something 'negative' does crop up, it can be dealt with, it's not the end of the world. I look for the positive in every negative situation. I am becoming more aware of being grateful for little things, things like getting a good car park at work, a warn cosy bed, a tidy house. I feel when i am expressing gratitude I am putting positive thoughts out into the universe and I notice more positives instead of focusing on negatives. Late last week we had internet issues at work and a colleague i found a little annoying. I've been feeling very drained, agitated, negative for a few days. This morning things were not running smoothly for me. A result of my negative mind perhaps? Little things became a big deal, my morning was crap. If i look back, it wasn't really an issue, i just did things in a different order which gave me more relax time this evening. The Law of Attraction, positive thoughts, positive experiences. What are your thoughts? cmf x

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Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

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