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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Paw Prints Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?
  • replies: 1029

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when ... View more

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find. Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim. My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others. A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know. So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better. For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself. Paw Prints **I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

Doolhof Three things to be thankful for today
  • replies: 4816

Some days it is really hard to find anything to be thankful for when we feel overcome by the darkness and fog of depression. If I look hard enough, I can find something to be thankful for. I would like to encourage others to write down three things t... View more

Some days it is really hard to find anything to be thankful for when we feel overcome by the darkness and fog of depression. If I look hard enough, I can find something to be thankful for. I would like to encourage others to write down three things they are thankful for, and to realise there is a sense of hope available to us all. Sometimes it is just a little hard to find! So my three things for today are: 1: The lovely singing of birds in the morning as they welcome in the new day 2: The ability to read and write 3: A lovely hot shower. Wishing all the "family" in BB Land a day full of noticing the nice things in life. Kind regards to you all, from Dools.

CMF Meditation, Manifesting, Gratitude & The Law of Attraction
  • replies: 495

Hi everyone, Not sure where to start so hope I can express myself clearly and maybe with others' input we can expand on this. I'm interested in people's thoughts/ experience with meditation, manifesting, gratitude & the law of attraction. I've recent... View more

Hi everyone, Not sure where to start so hope I can express myself clearly and maybe with others' input we can expand on this. I'm interested in people's thoughts/ experience with meditation, manifesting, gratitude & the law of attraction. I've recently started using the Smiling Mind app to meditate when going to sleep and sometimes when feeling a little anxious, like tonight. It is something i thought i could never do as my mind rarely stops, however, with persistence, I find I enjoy it. I guess i tend to have a negative mindset which I am determined to change.I always felt uneasy about thinking positive things as i thought i would jinx myself, and that whenever I made a positive comment or felt happy it would go wrong or something negative would happen. So i refrained from allowing myself to be too happy, I guess to 'protect' myself. Recently i have been feeling happier, stronger, expressing gratitude and taking note of when things have come to me when i needed them. Coincidence, or answers to what i put out to the Universe? I like to think the latter. A work colleague one day told me to manifest something i wanted, put it out to the universe , so I'm trying. Example, recently we needed to measure the floor space at reception so we could calculate how many people we could have in at one time. I needed a tape measure, which i did not have. At that moment our handyman walked into the office. Guess what he had? I am getting into the habit of practising positive thinking instead of thinking/expecting negatives. If something 'negative' does crop up, it can be dealt with, it's not the end of the world. I look for the positive in every negative situation. I am becoming more aware of being grateful for little things, things like getting a good car park at work, a warn cosy bed, a tidy house. I feel when i am expressing gratitude I am putting positive thoughts out into the universe and I notice more positives instead of focusing on negatives. Late last week we had internet issues at work and a colleague i found a little annoying. I've been feeling very drained, agitated, negative for a few days. This morning things were not running smoothly for me. A result of my negative mind perhaps? Little things became a big deal, my morning was crap. If i look back, it wasn't really an issue, i just did things in a different order which gave me more relax time this evening. The Law of Attraction, positive thoughts, positive experiences. What are your thoughts? cmf x

blondguy Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!
  • replies: 4005

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-) I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the las... View more

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-) I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love. Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place? I am in a dark place, how can I love myself? I dont deserve to love myself I am depressed...How can I love myself? I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself? I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I? I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later' When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask. I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome Thankyou so much Paul

AzureHorizon Feeling Trapped: Depression, Anxiety, and Finding My Way (Cross-dressing, Uncommunicative Marriage)
  • replies: 1

## Reaching Out - Struggling with Depression and Anxiety Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and wanted to reach out because I'm at a bit of a loss. I've been living with depression for a while now and take medication to manage it. Lately, though, wit... View more

## Reaching Out - Struggling with Depression and Anxiety Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and wanted to reach out because I'm at a bit of a loss. I've been living with depression for a while now and take medication to manage it. Lately, though, with the pressure at work, it feels like I'm barely staying afloat. The depression and anxiety team up to really mess with my mood and sometimes even my work performance. It's like being trapped, and it's hard to see a way out sometimes. I'm married, and my wife knows about my depression. The thing is, I don't think she quite knows how to help. Maybe it feels overwhelming for her. To cope, I've turned to some things that aren't necessarily healthy – like looking at pornography and occasionally cross-dressing. Cross-dressing, in particular, can help lower my stress, but it's not something anyone in my life supports, especially my wife. We've had arguments about it before, and while I stopped for a while, the urge keeps coming back. The problem is, I can't really talk to her about it openly. It just opens old wounds and makes things worse. Lately, I've noticed her spending more time focusing on her faith – she's Catholic, and I'm not. I've been in Australia for 25 years now, having migrated from India. I don't have any family here, which adds another layer of isolation. Honestly, I'm just looking for some answers. Has anyone out there dealt with something similar? Any advice on managing depression and anxiety, especially when work adds to the pressure? Thanks for listening, and I hope to hear from some of you.

Guest_50030126 I can't cope being alone - I use drink to cope with how I feel
  • replies: 0

Hey, This is my first time posting and I'm hoping this is the right place to say this. I am 33, work long hours in advertising. Have wonderful friends, my family is in another country but I am loved.I just can't seem to feel the same way about myself... View more

Hey, This is my first time posting and I'm hoping this is the right place to say this. I am 33, work long hours in advertising. Have wonderful friends, my family is in another country but I am loved.I just can't seem to feel the same way about myself and I really don't understand how to do it. I hate being on my own, nothing really brings me joy. I distract myself with work, or alcohol in the evenings. I've tried everything - writing, cooking, excercise classes, painting, reading, therapy, medication etc. tried watch tv etc but nothing calms my mind in the evenings when I'm alone - so I turn to drink.I am told that I need to love myself and should enjoy being on my own but I don't and I feel like it's getting worse and worse recently. I can't let go of my ex either and I know I put too much emphasis on how he feels about me. If he loves me and is happy with me, that gives me all my validation. Having his attention is an addiction in itself.I just am really lost, feeling so lonely and sad but have no motivation to talk to my friends, or ask them to come and see me. I have so many messages to reply to and it's too overwhelming so i'm hoping this forum might help.I want to know to love myself, be happy, and when it gets to the evenings not just drink myself to sleep or to quiet my mind. I joined this today, and downloaded Daybreak. But I'm worried about this evening and how to get through today where I don't have work or not drink.

quirkywords Be Yourself but who am I?
  • replies: 1874

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be... View more

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on. I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change? The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more. Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions. I will limit myself to two questions . Can you be yourself without changing? Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself? Quirky

Ggrand Small achievement you managed to do today....How did it make you feel? Did it help you feel better today?
  • replies: 473

Hi everyone.. Their are days when just getting out of bed is a huge achievement...Other days we can achieve things like washing up the dishes or clothes, sweeping the floors, mopping the floors..very mundane and automatic robot like chores for the me... View more

Hi everyone.. Their are days when just getting out of bed is a huge achievement...Other days we can achieve things like washing up the dishes or clothes, sweeping the floors, mopping the floors..very mundane and automatic robot like chores for the mentally well...They do these chores without even thinking about them...for people struggling with their mental health..these are huge tasks... Very often I’ll get my vacuum cleaner out to vacuum ...then it will sit their for days, me looking at it, walking over it...until I can get motivated enough to vacuum..after I do find the motivation to vacuum...I am pleased with myself... Right now I have a small foot cycling peddle machine, sitting on my front veranda..I got it out last week..to start exercising..it’s still their, I’m still looking at it...My thoughts each night is I’ll use it for a few minutes tomorrow.. My car hasn’t been washed getting close to a year now I think...Today I did managed to wash it....and discovered that it has a nice shine on it.....I did it...I achieved something positive today..which made me feel better in myself... Have you achieved a little something today...and how did it make you feel...If you want to share that achievement it might make other people a bit more motivated to achieve something they need/want to do.. Looking forward to hearing about your achievement....and how it made you feel.. Little steps and achievements can lead to bigger steps..and bigger achievements... My kindest and most caring thoughts...everyone. Grandy...

Lauryn21 How do I return to work after breaking down crying.
  • replies: 3

I’m just started a new job in the past 3 weeks and it’s a big jump in workload and starting a new job is very overwhelming. also in my personal life a lot has happened, I’ve lost a family member, moved, studying and have a lot of big assignments due.... View more

I’m just started a new job in the past 3 weeks and it’s a big jump in workload and starting a new job is very overwhelming. also in my personal life a lot has happened, I’ve lost a family member, moved, studying and have a lot of big assignments due. I don’t think I’m coping. With everything happening I have broken down twice now at my new job an hour in and had to leave as I get very flustered and embarrassed. Im also getting micromanaged by a person I work with and I’ve never been good at trying not to take things personally and feel like I’m really inferior in this new job. Any advice would be helpful as i now feel like I just want to give up and I’m so scared to go back into work to face the judgement after crying and panicking in a ball of anxiety.

Soberlicious96 Restless, Irritable and Discontent
  • replies: 4

Sometimes I get restless irritable and discontent, even though my life is going great. I have so much to be grateful for, I really do. But it's like I get this 'itch' for more. Like I want to do something more, and I want it now, but I don't know wha... View more

Sometimes I get restless irritable and discontent, even though my life is going great. I have so much to be grateful for, I really do. But it's like I get this 'itch' for more. Like I want to do something more, and I want it now, but I don't know what it is. I start looking at online courses, or starting a new hobby or something ...... but it's always something I can get quickly ...... like I used to get that quick fix from a drink or a drug. I haven't HAD ANY (alcoholic) drink or (illicit) drugs for a long time now, nor do I desire that. But I feel like my disease .... or, as I've heard others pronounce it as dis-ease - as in, away from ease - is trying to sabotage me and get me back into the gutter, one restless, irritable and discontent thought at a time. I've also heard people call it alcoholISM, not alcoholWASM. As in, I may be recovered, but I'm not cured. I fully believe that that is the eternal condition of the disease and that the 'R.I.D. feeling may never bee totally gone. And it's times like this that I fully get that ISM bit ..... because even though I don't want to drink or drug, I want to eat. Just something, anything, but I can't decide what it is, because I'm not actually hungry, I'm 'bored' ...... I've got the RID's and want to rid myself of that feeling. I'm probably not alone in having these feelings either ...... I just identify it, for me, as being the core of my dis-ease, drinking or not. If that makes sense anyway. Distraction helps though; I cleaned my teeth. Why is that important you ask? Because it helps to deter me from wanting to dirty up my teeth with food! And I write. .... or, in this case, type. ...... I've also brought some little things on eBay which I've wanted for a while, looked at buying lego, looked at short courses in Mental Health First Aid (which was a module in a Diploma I did years ago and really enjoyed it, although also found quite challenging). Oh, and watched MAFS!!! Wow, has THAT got some interesting stuff going on! I suppose at least I'm aware of what is going on, and I know what to do about it. I only know two ways of living; the way I used to live before recovery (drunk, alone, angry, scared and confused) or sober, reliable, mindful, useful and grateful. I know which way I prefer and will go to ANY reasonable lengths to maintain and grow in that way; sober and with my dignity intact. Anyway, thanks for reading. I feel better now. xo