What you are about to read, if you so choose to peruse
beyond the title, is a verbal vomiting of my thoughts and emotions of where I
am, both mentally and physically as a person, a polaroid of my NOW…
I apologise firstly for the lack of grammar and possible
waning of structure to this prose but as aforementioned this is ME, spewing out
words as I attempt to release the pressure I have self-imposed upon myself,
that grows and festers with compounding negative interest. Thoughts that plague
the mind with every second of every day, through sleepness nights and seemingly
endless days as the clock ticks, forever adding to my mental list of inactions
and inability to honestly face my demons
and respectfully give the people I should be caring for, my eternal love…
something that has sadly diminished as I have slipped into an emotionless
mindset. Unable to FEEL. Unable to GIVE.
I have become a void, a blank space, black hole or unexplainable enigma
within myself and even though I DO actually know the answers to my
self-questioning, I find myself powerless to action such simple motions that
will inevitably begin my positive resurgence and have me back in the ‘land of
the living’’……born again and at the ready to take on all of life’s challenges
set before me, knowing that I have the strength and resilience to conquer all.
A strength, ….. more personal trait, wielded with confidence as if an ethereal
weapon , that has protected me for my forty year existence thus far.
….and more importantly take off and discard all the masks that I have
sported through life’s lies up until now. Masks that have had me imprisoned all this time due to
socio pressures and public non-acceptance. Faking happiness with a smile and over-exaggerated
positivity. Never able to be honest and true to anyone……………. particularly
MYSELF.
I AM DONNA. I AM PROUD and transitioning from male to female at the age of 42 years young. For the last 14 months I have lived and breathed as whom I believe to be the true me, Woman. I have left behind and mentally burnt all my previous 'male' stuff in the way of self cleansing and continually grow into ME, growing stronger ,more comfortable in my skin and confidently brush off the ogling, leering and/or disgusted mufflings from the shallow minded, all with a cheeky grin... and I feel empowered. The most positive observation I have made is that there is an amazing amount of acceptance towards me and my journey...BUT THAT DOESN'T HELP ME GET BACK MY KIDS
