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New here, first forum post, feeling blue
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Hello Cam1313 and welcome to the forums,
It's ok to vent. This is a safe non judgemental place and we've been there too. So please don't worry about doom and gloom. I think when we don't see a way out of our problems it is easy to feel hopeless. Depression just enhances this feeling too.
You have managed depression for a long time. Do you still see anyone to help you with this? Maybe it is time for a review of your medications or to try something new? I know in myself making changes to help myself seem possible in writing but I find it almost impossible to act if my mental illness isn't managed first.
You mentioned your teeth and I can understand how this would impact on your self esteem. I smashed my front tooth as a teen and flat out refused to leave the house or go to school until it was fixed. Luckily my parents could afford it. But teeth are important to me now because I know how awful it feels to be embarrassed.
Even something like going for a job interview would be intimidating if you are always conscious of your teeth. What options have you looked into? The one option I don't see written about often is dental schools. Are there any in your area? Check out the universities websites. There might be an option for discounted services.
You also said you don't drive (no judgement from me by the way. I didn't drive for ages either) so what does that mean for you in terms of access to services or even places like community halls or libraries or rec centres? Getting out and mixing with people doesn't have to cost much. Even becoming a regular at your library you'll meet other regulars. The notice boards advertise community events. Easy to say but very hard to do when you are self conscious.
There is a thread here in the staying well section by Quirkywords about challenging your inner critic. I wonder if you may enjoy reading to see you are not alone in struggling with low self esteem. I hope you can keep writing. You do sound very low right now.
The helpline below is a good idea if you need more immediate support (1300224636) otherwise feel free to join in on any thread that interests you. You're very welcome here Cam.
Nat
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There's no need to go digging up the past and dwelling on it if you're not getting any useful insights from it, you can't change the past. It sounds like money is a major issue for you because you can see things you would do with more money that would be life-changing, like fixing your teeth, getting your own place, maybe moving somewhere where there are more gay people to give you a chance of finding a new relationship.
If you've got limited resources, it's pretty hard to try and fix everything all at once. If it were me, I would start by focusing on the one thing that seems to be the top of the priority list and work toward that. Having a goal and a plan really helps, as does all the daily wellbeing stuff like eating well, sleeping properly, and execise. Your confidence will slowly start to get better as you go. What do you reckon?
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Hi Cam1313 and thanks for writing back.
I was glad to see Marcus' reply to you because I was a bit stumped and overwhelmed too and didn't know how to help.
I like how Marcus said to focus on one problem. Just one. Would it be reasonable to say your teeth are causing you pretty major distress? If you're self esteem is rock bottom (and the teeth contribute to this) and it is at a point you're unable to leave home to help yourself I think this is a good place to start.
I don't want to give you a pile of dentistry options that you've already tried and make you feel worse. You mentioned the fees are unaffordable. What about searching for a clinic which will offer a payment plan?
I do think a good place to start would be booking a long appointment with a bulk billing GP. Your teeth are obviously a major concern if you're unable to eat let alone the anxiety caused. I keep wondering what is covered via medicare but I just don't have this knowledge.
You could also ask for a new assessment of your depression. Not all meds work for everyone. It can be trial and error unfortunately. Having bad symptoms from one doesn't mean none will work for you. Similar to how Marcus mentioned how there are so many types of therapies. It does take a willingness on your part to keep trying as difficult as that can feel.
I hope you keep talking. Your thread has been moved out of the social zone which is good as it contributed to the lack of replies sorry.
By the way you can call me Nat 😊 there are a lot of CCs on the forums. We're just volunteers with a mental illness too.
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Hello nat, thank you for your response, I found your genuine concern for my wellbeing very touching, and it really lifted my mood, sorry about my problems, I seem to have let them overwhelm me, I’m going to focus on one thing at a time, and check out if I can get a payment plan for my dentistry, while going for drivers license, my depression seems to mediate between manageable and utter misery, but reading your encouraging response has givin me the drive to get on with life, I thank you so much, I was in one of my dark places when first I wrote my post, feeling much better now, I have so many issues, it’s hard to know where to begin, I’m embarrassed to say I have went years without feeling human touch, never known romantic love, iv had two relationships, and both ended horribly, I wonder if it’s even worth it at this point, all the men iv ever known seem sweet to begin with, but after sex, they toss me away, and disappear, maybe it’s just a guy thing, I don’t know, makes me feel used and makes me think I’m unworthy of love, it’s always been a big fear of mine to go through life, and never actually live it. Just venting again, my apologies, I’m sure if I can get my life sorted, I may find love yet, I’m hopeful.
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Good to see you a little more hopeful today. You're definately not alone. The forums like anything have their limitations but once you begin venturing around and finding your way here you'll realise you're not different. Unique as a person but there are always people who will relate to and empathise from experience to what you're going through.
One example... Apologising 😊. We all do it. Sorry to vent. Sorry to bring others down. Sorry to be hopeless. I've said those words many times here. Others do too. But this thread is yours. It is a safe haven to talk about and work through any issues you wish to. There is no need to apologise for hurting and being afraid.
There is a really lovely thread by BlondeGuy (his name is Paul) you might find helpful. I do. It is easy to think you are alone feeling unworthy of love. This thread (it is a long long one) proves otherwise. Low self esteem is rampant.
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/do-you-love-yourself-your-thoughts-are-welcome
I'm glad you're taking it one goal at a time. Did you consider the GP? I know I'm nagging sorry but it does help to have a medical professional on your side too.
Thanks for the compliment. I've started a new med and have to regain some confidence on the forums so it was lovely to read that.
Hope to hear your progress when you feel able to (any reply is a positive response... It means you're keeping on trying 😊).
Nat
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Cam1313,
Hi. By way of a background, I sent and email to my psychologist after seeing my psychologist; was talking about events in my past and how they effect me now. I could not put my finger on what binds all the negative events together, but when I read this...
I’m like a sponge, absorbing all that happens to me, never letting anything go
Wow! That was exactly the words I was looking for. Thank you. It may seem obvious, but sometimes cannot see the wood for the trees. (My life... I will be talking about that with the psych on Mon.)
If you are on ADs and they are not working for you, talk to your GP about that. My medication changed (by psychiatrist) after I told her about the side-effects I was getting. Might be worth considering.
Lastly, you don't have to the apologize in your own thread - if you need to vent by writing it here, please do. Writing in my own thread can be helpful to myself, by allowing me to reflect on what happened more logically. And depending on what I write, might get some feedback that is useful.
Hope some of the above was useful to you. All the best,
Tim
Tim
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