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Name and Pronouns

Community Member

I'm a closeted agender. To my family, I'm out as nonbinary with she/they pronouns, but I've never heard them use they. I get that she is part of my pronouns, but so is they. It's there to be used. Use it.

Which is why I'm afraid to tell them that I want to use she/they/he pronouns, let alone that I want to change my name as well. I tried telling one of my friends that I want to change my name, and they said that he loves my name but whatever I feel best in is better, which is okay but not exactly what I wanted to hear, you know?

I'm running out of people to turn to and I'm feeling less like myself everyday. I want to start wearing a binder but my mum said that we would talk about that later and never got back to me. I don't know if she forgot or if she's avoiding it, and I don't know which possibility is worse.

I don't really know what the point of this thread is. I just needed to get this out somewhere safe and supportive. If you've read this, honestly, thank you.

2 Replies 2

Hi Namenotfound, 

Welcome to the forum, it is so great to have you join us here. Navigating such discussions about gender with loved ones can be tricky. Speaking about pronouns and name changes can be hard for others to understand and we recognise your trepidation with this topic. We acknowledge that it can be difficult to wait for our loved one’s acceptance and how heartbreaking/isolating it must be for you.  

Have you considered contact Drummond Street. They offer support for the LGBTQI+ community through their Queerspace program. The service is for community, by community. They offer counseling and advocacy.  You can contact them via their website https://www.queerspace.org.au/ or phone 9663 6733.

You are not alone and we are here to support you. This space is for everyone to have a safe and support space where people can connect. Please continue to visit us on this forum.  



Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Namenotfound,

I'm really sorry to see you feeling this way. Truth to be told, I personally am not well versed to the LGBTQI+ community, but I hope I may offer some perspective from someone who's not well versed to the LGBTQI+ community. From what you've described, it seems your family is supportive of you coming out to be nonbinary with she/they, and that they've chosen to use "she" as it could be because, the older definition of "they" is used to refer two or more people in a given scenario. So it might be a bit awkward for them to use the "they" pronoun.

About your name change, I feel the friend whom you've told about your name change, is being supportive of it. They want you to feel what's best for yourself, and no matter what name you choose, or whether you choose to change your name or not, they will respect your decision and support you. I'm happy to hear about what sort of answer were you expecting to hear from them, and anything else that you'd like to share.