I seem to have lost my heart
Sorry to read that your expectations and desires in life have not been met so far. It can be really hard to know that people are happy to use you just for sex and not want any kind of relationship. I am really sorry this has happened to you.
There have been times when I have had to learn all over again to like and love myself. There is a thread here asking that question, about do we love or like ourselves. Many people, even those in relationships, find it hard to accept the life they have and like who they are.
Can you think of some aspects of your life that you do like?
Can you think of something you would really like to do?
Are there any clubs or groups you would like to join where you can meet people with similar interests?
You mentioned you work, are there people at work you could go out with socially to the movies perhaps?
Do you have any pets at all?
What could you do tomorrow that might help you feel a sense of achievement, or is something different to do?
Not sure what else to write to try to be of help and support to you.
Regards from Dools
I hear your pain, and understand what you say. I also believe that everyone deserves to be loved, to be happy and fulfilled. I'm sorry you're feeling like this at the moment.
I never thought I could be true to myself, but now after 20 years of marriage and coming out to my wife - who is a wonderful person - I do actually believe that there is a guy like you describe out there for me, just as there is for you.
I haven't explored yet, and I'm scared too, but I do believe that I will find that someone. It may not be today, nor tomorrow, but I do feel it to be true now. I know that I've got to be patient, I'll probably find when I'm least expecting it to, and in the most unlikely of places.
Sometimes you can search and search, but the thing is right there in front of your face the whole time. Obviously we don't know your situation, but don't shut yourself off or people out. Just breathe, pick yourself up and put one foot in front of the other. Maybe that person is just around the corner. Don't give up on him. He could be feeling the same as you right now and if you both stop caring enough - well you may walk past each other.
Mate, be positive. Enjoy what you can of each day, relish even the small things.
Greetings, thank you for taking the time to respond, I’m afraid that there is very little satisfaction I get out of life, there are no groups, or clubs, where I live, not that I have the time to attend social gatherings, my years of going to the Sydney gay club all but destroyed my willingness to participate, if I don’t find it boring, I find it to loud and fake, as if everyone is trying to fulfill some aspect of themselves in an invented world of their own illusions, I have no pets, and can’t afford the time or expense in keeping one, I work in a school, and I don’t mention my sexuality there as no one has ever asked, I do like myself, I’m kind, smart, funny, not to bad looking and 34, I’m bound and obligated to my family as my brother relies on me to look after my nephew,I can’t move out, am often poor after expenses, don’t drive, and feel trapped, I’m passing my course in education with praise and high marks, but I feel nothing but ambivalencetowards it, been out since I was 19, have heard all the reassurances before, iv looked for a boyfreind my whole adult life, but nothing has ever come my way, I feel like giving up the search as the pain of hope, searching, and waiting are to painful to bare.