FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

I'm gay

Rusty123
Community Member
I think to be happy I got to come to terms and realize this is me I attracted to men, it just very hard to admit it to others, I had a few secret relationships with a few guys and my ex wife knows I am this way. How can I come out and be open to everyone, maybe get a decent biyfriend
8 Replies 8

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Rusty123, welcome to the site where we do have discussions with all types of people, whether they are straight, gay, lesbian or bi, it makes no difference, you're still human like everyone else, we all have family, friends and work.

I've known guys who have been friends to come out and tell me about their sexuality, it doesn't change anything about them, I don't dislike them, why should I, they're the same person and the topics we talk about are no different, so don't be afraid.

Take it at the speed you want it to happen.

Geoff.

Rusty123
Community Member
Thank you I a big step for me to say this I been fighting these feelings for ages, I been in a relationship with a man before it about time I told everyone my real sexuality without hiding it or denying it.

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Rusty123, you can't hide how you feel because that's worse than anything else.

Real friends won't care a bit and those who discriminate against you aren't friends at all.

Geoff.

Hi Rusty, it must be terrible to keep yourself hidden this way and to fear you won't be accepted for who you are. Geoff has offered some great support, he is right. Your real friends will not reject this side of you, not at all. In fact you might be surprised how accepting people are. My brother in law is gay and waited until in his late 30s to come out. We all suspected though, and even tho his side of the family is very macho, boys don't cry etc., when my BIL did come out they all just said 'ok'. Not a huge deal at all in the end. But for the many years preceding when he pretended to be straight he suffered anxiety, depression, stayed in unhealthy relationships with women (not surprising), was on medication etc. had to suffer through set up after set up with women he of course would never find happiness with. Now he is happy and truly his real self. He's not afraid to dress/act how he wants as he was before, because he feared being 'detected'.

I hope you do tell people and feel a weight lifted off you. Good luck.

I did that with my 1st wife I had kids to her, but I was seeing a guy it got 2 much so I said to her I like men and I am sleeping with this guy, at one stage I told her that I thought her brother was hot, she didn't believe me, when we separated she would not let me see the kids

I not really ģay I weñt though a lot with my ex wife and her mother I think at that stage I used sex with a man as a tool, a way of survival I was always told bt them I was not good, a criminal and never be able to support myself or anyone, just them words make me think I was worthless and i can only be supported if I go with another man even though my sexual preference is a women, that was hell for me

Hi Rusty123, you sound really confused and it sounds like you've been through a lot. If it helps you any, I'll say something that I've said to people in a number of threads here when this issue has come up. There are three parts to sexuality, orientation (what identity or label you choose for yourself, such as 'bisexual' or 'gay' or 'straight'), attraction - how you feel inside about members of the same and/or opposite sex, and behaviour - what you actually do.

It doesn't sound like you're really comfortable with labels, that's fine. All the messages we get in society tell us that being gay or bisexual is not 'normal', and there is strong social encouragement to not be either of those things.

Attraction is a complicated thing. You can feel sexually attracted to men but prefer romantic relationships with women. When it comes to your attraction, you can be attracted to both men and women. From what you're saying, you've been involved with men too much for there to be no attraction there.

It sounds like the main thing you're lacking is love and respect, and not seeing your kids must be hard. What do you want to happen next?

I feel that I not attracted to men or have any sexual interest in men, it like when i depressed i feel comfort thinking about being gay but in reality i cannot bring myself to it, if I ever got ask to engage in any sexual activity with a man I get to scared and say no, I seem to question my sexuality when I depressed or on mind altering drugs that increases my depression.

When my mood is good i never think about this, I went through some sexual abuse with men that have left scares i guess and never will fully recover.