I kissed my friend (whose the same gender as me) and now she doesn’t want to talk about it.

[DarkHorse_66]

Hi Forums,

I’m new here, so sorry if this post isn’t in the right spot or something like that.

I’m seeking some advice/guidance if anyone is kind enough to offer up their thoughts.

So, on Friday night after having gone out one of my friends and I were lying on an oval. I’ve liked this girl for a little while, and I thought she liked me too as she always seemed really happy to see me, went out of her way to help me and had said things like ‘I love you’ before. But she is also one of those outgoing personalities who is really bright and friendly to everyone, so I wasn’t sure. Anyways, we were lying on the oval next to one another and after a while I asked her if I could kiss her and she said yes. We made out for a little while and then went home separately. I asked a few times throughout if she was ok with it and if she wanted to stop, but each time she wanted to keep going.

The next morning I sent her a message and said we should probably have a chat - just to talk things through. But now she doesn’t want to talk about it, and I’m worried that it’s something she regrets. I don’t mind if we just stay as friends, but I don’t want things to be weird between us.

She’s the first girl I’ve ever properly kissed and I’m just feeling quite confused about the whole situation. I thought she enjoyed it, or at the very least was ok with it and I’m not sure why she doesn’t want to talk about it now. I don’t want to put her in an uncomfortable situation, but I’m just feeling so lost.

I would appreciate any advice. Thanks.

[Adalaide]

Hi dark horse,

First, welcome to the forums! You have definitely posted in the right space.

I want to applaud you for sharing your story as this takes courage when you’re confused about what’s going on.

This situation is unfortunately one where there’s no real right answer.

You asked for consent beforehand and throughout the night so you don’t need to stress about whether you did the right thing.

When it comes to having a conversation with them I do think that it’s a very important thing to do but also remember that this may be a very confusing time for them as well so definitely be gentle about it. If you send them a message again saying that it doesn’t have to be a tell-all conversation or confrontation, it can just be a casual thing to just understand what’s happened.

I hope this help!

[Sophia16]

Hi,

You are in the right place 🙂 Welcome to the BB forums. Thank you for sharing your story.

Nothing you did was wrong. You asked if you could kiss her before you did it, and kept asking throughout it. So don't worry.

I think she may not have wanted to talk about it as she wanted to take it all in. I think you should give her more time. This may be her first time too and she may be confused. Maybe in a few days re-ask her to see if everything is okay and how she felt about the situation. This can clear things up.

Please stay safe and i am here to chat if you need me.

[geoff]

Hello DarkHorse, and a warm welcome.

Maybe she doesn't want to talk about it and rather kiss you again, she could be a person who doesn't want to discuss it just yet, because you told her you would like to kiss her and she agreed and had no objections, plus she told you that she loved you.

A conversation may happen in due course, but now just enjoy your time kissing, it's exciting for both of you, sometimes actions are better than words, so have some fun because what you do doesn't require any explanation.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Kremit the Forg]

You've done everything gently and with permission.

She was obviously interested in kissing you and continuing to kiss you after you asked her if she was ok with it.

But given some time to reflect she may be asking herself some deep questions. It's nothing you've done and you should never feel awkward about it.

If she doesn't want to talk right now about it, give her some time. She may not bring it up again but that doesn't mean she didn't enjoy it.

One thing you could ask her is not about the kiss itself but if she feels your relationship has changed in any way. Let her know you enjoyed the time with her and speak to her like you normally would.

[therising]

Hi DarkHorse_66

You sound like such a thoughtful considerate person, especially in the way you managed that experience with your friend.

Do you think maybe while you'd been able to imagine this scenario taking place before it did, your friend may have not imagined it, so perhaps it kind of took her by surprise when it came to how she naturally felt her way through that experience. Perhaps now she's trying to make sense of it on her own, in her own mind. Maybe it might take her a little while to make better sense of it.

I find sometimes when I go outside the square it can take me a little while to make sense of things. It's more so when I discover a new aspect to myself that perhaps I'd never acknowledged before. Being one of those mind/body/spirit gals and having dyed my hair for years, including back in the day where only 'the weirdos' and 'freaks' did it, there was a lot of self questioning in the beginning. Where do I fit in? Is this who I really am or naturally am? How many people are going to judge my choices or my desires? So it's kind of like your judging your self, your actions, your feelings and your thoughts based on your past beliefs, including a lot of those that are typically conditioned into us, in regard to what's 'normal' or who we should be. Making sense of things can be a challenging task sometimes. Before entering into a relationship with my husband more than 20 years ago, I had a particular female pal. I'd wondered what it would be like to kiss her and she'd, apparently, wondered too. Well, we found out on one occasion and that was it. It was just some harmless wondering between friends.

Personally, I think we should be happy in experimenting with different aspects of our nature, as long as no harm comes to our self or others. Perhaps saying something like 'I think we simply wondered together and shared a wonderful moment. Life is full of wonderful moments, including the ones you don't see coming', could break the ice 🙂

[Mk2692]

Hi DarkHorse_66,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out here. You sound like you care deeply about her and that you are concerned about your relationship with her. You liked her and you made a move, which is not usually easy for people to do. It sounded like she was happy with you taking the relationship further, but maybe she went home and wasn't too sure about her feelings or maybe she is worried about the talk you will have and that's why she hasn't replied or it could be that she is still processing what happened. I think give her some time to respond, if you haven't heard from her, then reach out to her again and explain what you want to talk about. She could be worried about what this means in regards to your relationship and maybe she doesn't want to loose you. Hopefully she responds to you soon.

[DarkHorse_66]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you all for your support and guidance, I really do appreciate it.

A little update; I'm trying to give her some space. But we do actually live very close to one another, so this is easier said than done. We've crossed paths twice in the last few days and kinda just said hi and a bit of typical small talk. The thing that's catching on me is that she won't look at me and really doesn't want to make eye contact 😞

Oh well, I guess time will tell

[therising]

Hi DarkHorse_66

Checking in to see how you and your friend are. Wondering if your friend has managed to make progress and you've both been able to talk about things.

🙂