good idea to confess to bi bff who’s in a relationship?

[CJ43]

hi all,

believe me, i know the title sounds bad, but bear with me as there’s a bit of backstory here.

roughly 2yrs ago my best friend came out as bi, & was the first to come out in our friend group. not only was i the last one to know, i was also the only one who didn’t know the identity of this mysterious girl who “went to another school” that caused her gay awakening.

cutting a long story short, mainly consisting of myself being insanely dense, enough to miss her obvious flirting with me (she described her crush, me, to me but i still didn’t take the hint)

funnily enough i felt strangely jealous of this girl & even started questioning my own identity, which i told the friend in question about. i even came to a point where i was about to ask her out, as a friend has accidentally let slip it was me she liked.

now to this day i still question what happened, but somehow i suddenly forgot about my sexuality crisis for two whole years??

it was only earlier this year i realised im a demi-aro/ace lesbian, & have been in love with her for 2 years.

but by this time it was too late, as a couple months prior i’d moved across the country (somewhat permanently), and i knew i’d missed my chance.

ive always held onto the hope that once i finish school (less than a year away) i would move back and we could be together, but 3 months ago she got a boyfriend. this threw me for a loop, as i’m not jealous (he’s been really good for her, insanely so) but sometimes i guess i can’t help but with it had been me.

ive been talking with her more lately, and getting a lot of mixed messages. she’s been telling me more about her bf, but also made me a playlist with love songs very personalised to us and our history?? i think she’s always suspected i liked her but i was too deep in the closet to see past my denial.

i’ve brought up polyamory before, as we talk a fair bit about how we both don’t feel like monogamy is the thing for us, and i would definitely be down to work out some sort of relationship with her and her bf, i guess it’s just hard because physically i’m so far away.

sometimes i just think about telling her how i feel, just to get the anxiety off my chest and so i can stop constantly mulling over the what-ifs. i doubt it would greatly affect our friendship, even if she doesn’t return my feelings, but i fear im only being brave cuz i’m not there in person.

maybe it’s just a nasty combination of first love and ‘distance fosters fondness’

am i out of my mind???

[Fantastic_Mr_Fox]

Your story doesn't sound awful at all. I think that happens to most people on a regular basis 'the fish that got away' .. but the distance might be good to start. You also have to remember that they are a couple now and whilst she may be in to you. He may not be okay with sharing. But then again you might also just be one question away from finding out. Goodnight

[Jo8049]

Hello CJ 43 , I have just discovered Polyamory and it seems liberating ? You have time and distance on your side at present . You are not concerned about her man and rejoice her happiness , this quite possibly is the foundation for a very beautiful life long friendship .

Friends care and love each other , have each other's back etc . Intimacy on many levels to . Enjoy the journey and if you truly feel wrong with anything just don't go there .

Hugs Jo ❤️