Getting really depressed over the thought I may be gay

[dodiddlyoh]

Hi, I'm not really sure who I can talk to that has had a similar experience to me that I could get an opinion from so this may be the only place.

So my sister asked me whether I was gay one night over the phone which I said that I wasn't but later that night I got high with my roomate and thought about it with him and like that there was this explosion of a sexual urge. It happened again when I got high as well about this other guy that was a friend of my one of my roomates who is gay. The problem is that there is like this passive urge around that I feel which makes me depressed all the time that I feel it which is alot.

Now for some background I have always romantically been interested in woman when I was young but way too shy to go after them and realizing that I couldnt really go after any i liked I did get depressed a little and very isolated became a recluse. I was always anxious about not having a girlfriend but just put it off. I lost my virginity at 24 with a girl i didnt even like physically or emotionally and the next few girls were no different. I have lost my sex drive quite a while ago and am just left with these uneasy urge which doesnt go away. Now i feel awkward around guys because maybe i like them now. Another big problem is alot of people think im gay which just makes me think maybe they can see something that i cant or dont want to. The worst thing is that I met a girl which would have been a younger me's fantasy but the sex wasnt that great just mechanical. One thing might be the fear of showing that i am a loser and not wanting to get rejected. I have only had one night stands but the sex has never been that great like i would have imaigined. I have thought about having sex with a man but I dont want to do it but am worried I could like it.

Any thoughts

[MsPurple]

hi dodiddlyoh and welcome to the forums.

I myself consider myself bisexual. But for me getting to a point of knowing and accepting myself as bisexual was a journey.

So some background. I thought I maybe into girls when I was 16, which confused because I was into boys to. I knew about bisexuality but until then I wasn't entirely sure about it, and what it meant. I ended up getting a boyfriend at 18 and I thought that was the answer. I thought that meant I was straight. Two years down the road we broke up. I then questioned my sexuality again a few years down the road. I was struggling with anxiety. I went on tinder and was attracted to both and had urges for both. I didn't know what this meant, I was straight right? I decided to talk to my therapist about it. He said it made a lot of sense. It is ok to be confused. To like both, (and even if one more than the other). He just told me to be open to dating both guys and girls.

I just wanted to share my story because, I was never one of those people that new I was bi or that I was attracted to the same sex. It was confusing and kinda daunting. I related really well to a youtube video by shane dawson and his video 'I'm bisexual'. I know you may not be bisexual but his story of being confused I found relatable.

I hope this helps. Sexuality isn't clear cut for everyone. For me it was confusing.

[Only_I_know]

Howdy & welcome here dodiddlyoh.

Firstly, if you are gay, then there is nothing wrong with that. Who knows, you may even be Bi. Again nothing wrong.

You shouldn't be ashamed about your feelings, and please don't think of yourself as a loser.

There is an organisation called QLIFE - an LGBT peer counselling service, google them - it may be a start in understanding some of the confusing things you may be experiencing. Talking things through with someone can only help, it may be hard to open up (at least the first time) but I can promise you that it helps.

I came out almost 3 months ago after a long marriage and kids, after hiding my true feelings for all my life and not experiencing the real me. I have received a great deal of support from family and friends (including my wife), and it all started because I came to this forum and received a great deal of support from peers that had experienced these things before.

Sounds like your sister may also be a great support - if she suspects it anyway, is she someone that you can talk to about it?

Don't be afraid to explore, be safe, but not afraid.

There is a lot of support out there, much more than I'd ever imagined anyway.

It may also be worth looking at talking to a counsellor - a psychologist - I thought "no way - I don't need one" but after actually seeing one was thankful that I did. He drew me way from a real dark path that I was on and offered so much clarity that I am now happy with who I am.

Remember, if you are gay, then that is okay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You can't help being who you are!

This forum is a great place for you to start to seek some help, there are many here that can offer you some very sage advice!

Keep visiting and letting us know how you are.

cheers

Darren

[Vegetarian Marshmallow]

Hey dude, there is nothing at all wrong with being gay or bi or straight or whatever. I've got gay friends and they're cool.

And it's okay to be confused. You don't have to commit to anything. If you tell your sister you're gay one day, and then the next day "no wait, I like a girl now", I'm sure it will be fine; she will understand you being confused.

The only reason some people think it's bad.. is because people in the past have thought it's bad, and some people don't ever think about what they believe; they just copy-paste their beliefs from their parents, and literally *never use their brains again for the rest of their lives*. From personal experience, the only people who have a problem with gay people are: (1) 100 years old, or (2) quite dim generally.

Regardless, this is the best time in history for being gay, because the cultural norm (which is where the aforementioned dim people get their beliefs) is now almost completely turned toward "being gay is fine". If you ask any random young person on the street if they think it's fine and "normal" to be gay, most will say yes.