I have been with my partner for over 10 years now in a monogamous relationship. My high school sweetheart and my very first relationship. During the first few years of our relationship I fell in love with someone else. I never acted on those feelings or told anyone, I was in denial about even having them. I loved my partner and didn’t want to leave him to pursue a new relationship. I dealt with the heartbreak of a love not explored on my own.
Skip to the more recent past. I developed feelings for a friend this year. Being a lot more open this time around I discovered the feelings were mutual and was able to talk about it with my psychologist. She was the first person to bring to light that these feelings weren’t right or wrong which was an incredible relief and breakthrough moment in my therapy. Having grown up in a very conservative family I felt that I must be a pretty horrible person for thinking about anyone other than my partner in this way.
I came out to my partner about being polyamorous and I pursued the new relationship. I haven’t felt so happy in years. It was beautiful, I was so sure of myself that I was polyamorous. Unfortunately the new relationship was a pretty unhealthy one and I had to end it. Once again I am heartbroken. Although this time I’m not doing it alone.
I am still together with my long term partner. The loss of the new partner is still pretty fresh, it’s been 3 weeks now since I ended it. I have been questioning myself more and more though. I keep seeing negative things about polyamory, like how it means you just haven’t found the right person yet and people who practice it don’t know real love. It makes me question if my long term partner is not the right person for me or is this my broken heart clouding my judgement? I was more content than ever when I had both of them and now I’m unsure about either of them? I don’t understand.
Any poly people around to share their experiences and help me make sense of this?
