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conflicted

Kara01
Community Member

Hi I am at a very difficult time in my life as I want start a discussion with wife about transitioning to a woman.

I have always felt female and wanted to be female but in my generation this would never have been accepted or respected.

I have been married to a wonderful woman for 39 years and I do love her and my children and grandchildren.

I desperately don't want to hurt anyone but I am struggling more than ever with my identity and I don't know how much longer that I can keep my secret from everyone.

Everyday I feel I am just lying to myself and I don't know how much longer I can do this for.

Every time I see a woman of my age I just ask myself why couldn't it have been me that was born female and not trapped in my male body.

I am very concerned about my current state of mind as I can only think about this issue and nothing else.

I started to cross dress from a very early age and only ever felt a complete person when I was dressed in women's clothes.

I am desperate to try and move on with my life but am terrified of the damage that I will cause to my family.

211 Replies 211

Kremit_the_Forg
Community Member

Heya😊

Where i went wrong in telling work of my transition was not easing into it but just telling everyone I've legally changed my name and and gender and you have to tow the line.

Sigh...

If i had my time over i would have talked to HR and management to implement a transition plan. What i expected from my transition at work, what management expected and how to deal with any problems that will arise. There will be people who are on board, some who hesitate due to their own misunderstandings or fears and then those who flat out refuse to accept you as your authentic self. The latter are toxic and just ignore them if you can.

It's also important that management/employer lets everyone know there is a zero tolerance policy on bullying and discrimination. And you need to call that behaviour out fearlessly.

I left my 'coming out' workplace due to this happening to me. Three people received warnings but it was still going on behind my back sometimes.

With clothing at home one of my little cheats was just to wear women's clothing that was androgynous. I knew it was ♀️ and that was enough hehehe.

Hi Kremit the Forg,

I’m so sorry for the bullying behaviour you experienced at work.

P (my partner) was helped by a coworker in HR in planning her ‘coming out’ at work.

Having said that, P has worked with some toxic people in the past for this company. Fortunately, the two really toxic ones left early last year so she gladly doesn’t have anything to do with them.

Lillylane

Jo8049
Community Member

Hi Kara , LL & Kremit , still here !

Glad the wig fitting was a positive day Kara . Much care and love to you all .

I pretty much stopped working , have only 1 customer now as a disastrous trip in 2019 left me gutted and falling into a nervous breakdown , then covid ? I feel very much for you in all this family and workplace relationships .

When I meet new people as Jo that is fine as they never knew old me !

All we have to do out here is just stay alive , like living in the seventeen hundreds really ! There are many 6 fingered banjo players ?

Much care & love ,Jo ❤❤❤🐾💃🌈

Kara01
Community Member

Hi Jo I am sorry for how you are feeling right now as it seems to be a very difficult time for you.

Because I am working on my outward look I am a bit in no mans land right now but where ever possible I try to present as Kara and avoid my old self as much as possible as my old self makes me feel very uncomfortable.

Depending on the situation I only ever introduce myself as Kara I have made a decision to as much as possible to present as female in public which is challenging but my attitude is take things on head first. I went shopping for new clothes yesterday and I selected my clothes and walked straight into the women's change rooms and just tried on my clothes.

No one seemed to either notice or care because I did it with confidence and I new that I belonged in those change rooms.

Please take care Jo.

Kara

Hi Kermit the Forg, I feel for you as I about to start HRT this week which is very exciting. I have made a decision to leave informing my employer for as long as possible. As the transition will take time to become obvious I am not prepared to risk loosing my job if my employer decides that they don't like having a transgender woman running their warehouse.

When I feel that the time is right I will speak to a few people one on one that I can trust and engage the company and give them some time to sort out education for management and other employees.

I don't have dedicated HR department so I have looked through the HR document and the have only a brief mention about gender identity which I am sure they have no understanding of what so ever.

So I am going slowly and taking advice and guidance from my community in Adelaide about protecting myself.

I have no idea how my work colleagues will react when eventually they find about me but I am a very strong, proud and powerful transgender woman and will stand and fight to the bitter end to get the respect and acceptance in my work place.

Please take Kermit the Forg

Big hugs

Kara

Big hugs back 🤗

I'm soooo excited for you to begin the hormone correction. That's what i like to call it🌸.

It's exciting and a little scary too!

Can i recommend keeping a daily journal of how you feel, changes you notice and changes others notice.

For me i had changes in the most unexpected ways. There's nothing out there that prepared me for it.

It's helpful to have a journal for those times when you think the effects are happening too slowly. You can look back and you'd be very surprised how quickly some things do happen.

Yay!!! Once again, soooo excited for you. I remember the start💖

Hi Kermit the Forg I hope you are well.

I am so excited about my medical appointment this Thursday as I know that it will be a life changing day.

I definitely will keep a journal because I want to be able to remember all of the changes and the experiences.

I have been slowly building my confidence to present as much as possible in public as my true self.

I can be a bit scary but I decided to take it on head first and do everything with confidence. I remember the first time I walked into a women's clothing store and spoke with the girls and informed them that I was transgender I want to purchase a dress. I was overwhelmed by the respect and understanding that I received and it made me feel very special.

I have since done this in a major department store and just boldly walked into the female change rooms as I knew that I belonged and wasn't going to be intimidated by others who gave me some funny looks.

This Saturday I am going to get my makeup done at one of the major makeup stores in Adelaide the bonus is that I can take a support person and I am getting my make done by my niece who works there.

Only two weeks ago I purchase my first wig as unfortunately I am a late starting my transition and I bald as I have lived with GD for 50 years.

Please keep up the conversation as I enjoy talking with others on the transition journey and I love to hear about their life experiences both good and bad.

Big hugs

Kara

Lillylane
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Kara,

How have you been going? Hope the makeup session with your niece went well.

Where are you up to with starting on hormones? From what I’ve seen, the first few weeks my partner felt so tired and very emotional. But after that, it seemed to level out as her body adjusted.

Take care all,

Lillylane

Kara01
Community Member

Good morning Lillylane, I hope you and P are both well.

Thanks for asking about my makeup session it was an amazing experience, at first a little bit intimidating being in the middle of a major makeup outlet amongst so many women. I just decided that I going to just focus on the experience. My niece was a great teacher, she did one side of my face and then I did the other side.

She was very impressed with my first effort and said I was a very quick learner.

Last Saturday I had my first outing fully dressed with hair and makeup, fortunately I had my best friend with me for support and it was a fantastic experience.

We are going shopping in the city tomorrow to add a couple of things to my wardrobe and then out for lunch.

Building a new wardrobe takes time as I am slowly replacing my old clothes with new ones but I still for now need to spend time as my old self.

My wife is still struggling with everything but is slowly accepting little changes at home with how I am dressing and with me wearing nail polish.

Unfortunately we have decided that our marriage is basically over and we are planning on cohabitating as she has moved out of our bedroom. I am hoping that we can still remain friends but time will tell.

Well I am two weeks into my HRT and I found a few little changes I am feeling much calmer and less easily upset and dealing with my work stress much better.

I am feeling okay other wise no physical issues and I guess with the 12 hour days at work I don't have time to be tired.

Tuesday I have my appointment with the psychiatrist so I can get my formal diagnoses of GD and that hopefully all going well I will be able in the future to able to do my name change and document changes.

The big thing is that it will allow me to be able to access bottom surgery if I decide later on that I want to do this.

My next appointment with Shine is next month so I guess more blood tests to check my hormone levels and make any adjustments.

Take care and I will keep updating as thins change.

Big hugs

Kara

Lillylane
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Kara,

Great to hear things are moving along well for you.

Makeup artists have so many clever tips 🙂 It’s a wonderful thing to know an expert in this field.

I always seem to smudge my eye makeup during the day without realising I’m doing it.

12 hour workdays! That sounds very intense!

I think I might refer to P as my X now. It’s a bit of a long story. I’m mostly just wanting to make sure of anonymity. We are going ok but it’s hard work for both of us. I hope too that we can stay friends.

Hope you are doing well too Jo xx

Hugs and thanks for the update xx,

LL