Coming Out?

Bee_001 · ‎01-07-2018

Hi I’m 15 and am female. I identify as bisexual but no one knows this yet. I haven’t told my parents or my friends as I’m too scared of what they might think. One of the reasons why I’m too scared to come out is because at school some people make mean jokes about people that aren’t straight, but I must add that my school in general is very LGBTQ friendly. I started to suspect that I was bisexual at 11. At first I didn’t know what to do and thought it couldn’t be real, it was all really scary, but now I am happy to label myself as bisexual. I just don’t know how or when to come out. If anyone could give any advice it would be much appreciated.

stormcloudz · ‎01-07-2018

Hi Bee

It's great that you are comfortable with yourself now.

Coming out is different for everyone, but a good place to start is with someone who you think will be supportive and won't talk to others (it's your business who you tell and when).

That might be your parents, or a good friend. It might be the friendly people on the BeyondBlue line (1300 22 4636) or Qlife (1800 184 527), just so you can practice talking about it.

One thing that really helps is to have a few other LGBTIQ people of your own age in your life. If you don't have any now, QLife may be able to help with a local support group.

Lastly, coming out can be a gradual process. You can take your time if you want. You can tell just a few people, or everybody. It's your decision.

I hope this helps a little, but I'm hoping smarter people than me can advise you on the helplines above : )

CJames · ‎02-07-2018

Hi Bee_001

Welcome,

Stormcloudz, thanks for the response 🙂 You're as smart as everyone else, every little bit helps.

It's great to see you've turned to the forums to ask for some help in a time of need. The great thing about these forums is that it's judge free and anonymous. It's full of like-minded people who have gone through similar issues.

I too am in the same situation as you 🙂 I'm currently 17 years old and identify as gay. Nobody knows :(, and I'm way to scared to tell anyone due to the fact I know I will be judged. It's undoubtedly a normal thought.

It's good to see your school has some sort of accepting concept to it, I don't know if I could say the same for mine. It's a little bit more male orientated; I don't know if you get what I mean?

15, that makes it year nine right? What do you do as subjects, What's your favourite?

It's quite hypocritical that I'm going to try help you with your going to be amazing coming out experience when I'm not out myself lol :), but I'll give it a go.

As storm clouds mentioned coming out is different for everyone, for some, it's easy for others it's extremely difficult for a range of issues. Mentioned above, QLife can be a great way to practice your coming out for when you're ready.

I know myself, I'd love to tell someone, I think about it all the time, but I just don't know who to tell first, I feel incredibly uncomfortable with telling my parents but also with my friends too, they're not the most supportive bunch let me say that.

What is your relationship like with your parents? Do you have a best friend that you trust?

Even try speaking your school counsellor, it can work wonders 🙂 I too discovered my sexuality around 10-11, I've had a few years to think about it 🙂

It's great to see you've found yourself at such a young age, but be prepared if your sexuality changes or have thoughts for other genders.

Remember there is indeed no rush to come out :), take it as slow as possible, I might wait till I've finished school.

I hope we can continue contact over the threat, especially throughout your coming out experience. Here are a few songs I listened to while writing the thread (how crazy that they played while I was writing this) I love music sooo haha:

Calvin Harris - Feel So Close
Hailee Steinfeld - Colour feat. MNEK
Jonas Blue - Rise ft. Jack & Jack

I reckon you'll understand these just fine 🙂

I wish you the best of luck Bee,

Keep in contact,

Connor ❤️

Just Sara · ‎02-07-2018

Hi and welcome Bee and Connor; (Shout-out to Stormcloudz too for your great response!)

Wow! You guys rock! So young yet so in tune. I came out on here as a matter of fact; at 56 I might add. Ha! Who would'a thunk?

I too was 11 when I started having thoughts about my best friend as well as a boy at school. Talk about naive; the 70's weren't laden with info on lgbti folk or forums like this unfortunately.

As for you honey's, teen yrs are so confusing and full of emotions. Sexuality is only one of many learning curves that'll fall on your path to adulthood. Falling in love for instance is a wonderful experience. Harder though is wanting everything to happen 'now' and 'perfectly' eh? Impatience is a curse!

Worrying about coming out in my view is lost time and energy that could be put towards study and developing as 'people' first. Being part of the lgbti community isn't a priority when you think about it. I mean, it's not about 'us' as much as it is about 'them'.

"What will they think of me?" Hmm...what do you think of yourself? Developing a positive sense of self is far more important at your age. (Sorry to lecture) Once you're more confident, coming out might not seem as urgent and, you'll be far better equipped for 'saying it' as well as coping with responses. There's no rush lovelies..

Take your time with this important decision ok. Not 56 yrs though. (Laughing) The right time will present itself; you'll just know...

I'm so glad you found each other. I'll be looking on with interest now and then like a caring Aunt. If you need advice or have questions, I'll try to be there for you when I can.

Lovely to meet you both. I really mean that..

Warm thoughts;

Aunty Sez (Ha ha ha ha..)

Bee_001 · ‎02-07-2018

Thank you so much, both of you. I’ll definetly take this advice with me and will add those songs to my playlist. As for my parents my mum is very supportive and open and my dad is at times but sometimes is a bit homophobic. Most of my friends are supportive and open but one of my closest friends is catholic and doesn’t support gay marriage or anything like that. I want her to know but don’t want to ruin our relationship.

Just Sara · ‎02-07-2018

**Oops! When I wrote;

'Being part of the lgbti community isn't a priority when you think about it' I should've written;

'Coming out's not a priority when you think about it'

Sorry guys.. being part of the lgbti community's wonderful. Two thoughts in one sentence doesn't work..

Sez x

CJames · ‎02-07-2018

Thanks for the advice Just Sara, you're a ball of fun :).

Hi Bee,

I would definitely suggest speaking to your parents. First, that's if you're comfortable of course. You know you might not even have to tell anyone right, some people see it that way, other's let it out as I know it can be a daunting thought to keep in ay?

I wouldn't worry too much about your father, sometimes things slip out even somethings being jokes, you're his daughter, and he will support you and so will we as much as we possibly can.

It's terrific to see you have such a supportive friend group, and remember just because someone doesn't support gay marriage doesn't mean they're opposed to the whole idea. It's up to you if you wish to speak to her, I'd suggest hinting at it towards her to see how she'd react or something of the sorts.

Remember it's your coming out, you choose when to do it, how to do it and where to do it.

Make it special ❤️

Connor.