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Bisexual or gay?

Community Member

I’m 23 and until a few months ago had only been sexually attracted to guys. However, whenever I would sleep with a guy I liked I wouldn’t have any feelings or attraction to them afterwards and I always thought it was just because it wasn’t meant to be.

A few months ago though I met a girl and really liked her. After we slept together my feelings for her grew and didn’t disappear like they have with guys. This girl was quite butch and I don’t find myself attracted to feminine girls at all, so is it okay or “normal” to have a specific “type”? Even though I know I have a type of guy I’m into it’s not as specific as the type of girl I’m into (like with a guy it’s iust like blonde hair and specific personality traits, etc.).

Now Im extremely confused as to whether this is a sign that I’m gay or am bisexual and have a preference for one gender? I have always watched lesbian porn but I’ve been told by most of my straight girl friends that so do they. I still find guys attractive but the thought of sleeping with a guy doesn’t entice me as much as sleeping with a girl. And on tinder for instance I find myself saying no to nearly every girl and every guy which sucks.

Im worried that if I lean more towards girls and my type is so specific I will never find anyone. And because I havent met anyone else since the girl I liked I’ve held onto her and cannot seem to move on and get over her and I think fear of never finding someone else is the reason.

Im not concerned about my sexuality in the sense of being judged by family of friends as I was open about my relationship with this girl, I’m just extremely confused and have been finding it hard to like anyone.

Thank you for your help in advance!

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi WF, welcome

I will quote a successful female singer/songwriter a few years ago "I believe love is fluid, I might be with a girl now but I might be with a guy in the future..."

I think you are worrying too much at this time.

Google- beyondblue forums topic worry worry worry

I hope that helps.


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Wildflower123,

In my opinion, i don't think you need to label yourself as one or the either. You can love a male or love a female and it doesn't change anything. We spend too much time concentrating on labels and needing to justify who we are, but it shouldn't matter. If you have a connection with someone, whether its the same sex or opposite sex. Roll with it and see what happens. Love is beautiful in all forms. Attraction is one thing but connection is another and you're allowed to love whoever your heart desires.

I know of a lot of females that watch lesbian porn also or have played around with the idea and a lot of them have been with another female sexually. I think women are just more open about their sexuality and their encounters as opposed to men. Either way, i don't believe it should define you.

Keep doing what makes you happy and investing your time in whomever your heart connects with. Love is beautiful! Smile 🙂