Sexuality and gender identity

Pinned discussions

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

•

22-08-2017

•

219 unread

IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section

replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a discussion

Coming out and advice to cope.

replies: 1

I am not out to my family and I go to a catholic school. I was just looking for advice, and I have actually asked one of my friends out. She said yes... but we both hate labels. I am nervous to tell people. Plz give advise. Thx. P.s. she is in Americ... View more

Gay, Unmotivated and Frustrated

replies: 9

I thought I'd write this to try and sort out my life, I think being sexually deviant is pretty conducive to a train wreck. I've known I was gay since late primary school. I've hated myself since I was around 10, and am now 18 and the feelings are only just starting to subside. I looked at myself and saw a weak weedy boy who was an embarrassment to be around, and anyone that fostered him was doing a favour. I lack the sophistication of words to really explain what I've felt over the years, especially because I have a terrible memory (which scares me, because I forget what I've been through). My "friends" tease me on group chats, targeting me for fun. The very same friends are also those I have deep and meaningful conversations with when I'm drunk, and they say they value me as a friend. I feel like I'm being exploited as a part-time friend for when they need help. They teased me about being gay (my last name rhymes with "gay"), and they never knew (maybe suspected). I feel trapped in the wrong group of friends; they are generally very different people. They dislike intellectual discussions, they're not very empathetic and they're also very reliant on and heavily perpetuate groupthink and toxic peer pressure, which is especially awful when targeting me in what they excuse as "banter". Naturally I sought validation in other areas - I joined clubs at university, but feel as if I'm constantly in the shadow of my brother, who is selected frequently to participate in competitions where I fail. I recently had the opportunity to sleep with another guy, but typing or even thinking the word "gay" is hard enough for me, let alone overtly entering into a relationship (I was too scared to do more than stroke his hair). My family doesn't know, and are quite conservative. I think my parents may suspect something, and have pried a few times, but ultimately having lived with them for all my life I know what they really think about "the gays" and would probably just pity me rather than actually support me. I know I shouldn't feel this way, as I study a respectable degree, have several constructive hobbies and exams would suggest I'm reasonably smart, but sometimes I just feel incredibly stupid, unattractive and helpless to anxiety. My family has never been really supportive of anything I've engaged in, and I just feel very mediocre. I know I'm nothing special, but I consistently feel unmotivated and pessimistic. Thank you for reading

Middle Aged Transgender and Newly Out

replies: 6

I'm just gonna plunge right in here... I'm Cheyne, I'm 42 with a teenage daughter and a male partner... and in the very recent past realised I am FtM transgender. How on earth did that happen, I hear you ask. I was AFAB, and conformed to the female gender typicalities merely because other people told me I was a girl. I was never really *comfortable* with the idea, but went along to get along. Even as a kid, I preferred short hair, mud, Lego and the few friends I had were boys. I'd run around on weekends in shorts with no shirt on and no shoes on, then Monday would come and I would have to wear a school dress for five days in a row. I hated that dress, but I got used to it. Puberty hit at 11 and I immediately told my paediatrician that my newly budding boobs hurt and looked ugly and I didn't want them. He laughed and said that most girls were upset at "that age" and that I would get used to them. I still hate my boobs. But he was right. I got used to them. Every boy I dated in high school was either an unrealised homosexual or if he did suspect, he was closeted. I just always preferred those kinds of guys. So anyway, it turns out that yes, I am a transman, I'm gay and I have issues....

Coming out Anxious & Depressed

replies: 7

Hey Everyone, I'm at a bit of a loss on how to support/help my partner. We have been together for almost 6 years, I came out when I was a kid at 15/16 and my partner is not outto anyone other than his mum and sisters. He has met a few of my friends where we live but he does not feel comfortable going to any venue near where we live due to his work industry. We have travelled to Sydney (I grew up there) a few times and he has met a few more friends that he can relate to thankfully as a few of mine have been shallow assholes it turns out. He has told me that he had a situation in the past where he tried to commit suicide and was in hospital and had interaction in open rooms with health professionals of some description, unsure if they were Pschologists or Psycotherapists. That experience has left him with a bad taste in his mouth. He suffers from Panic Attacks often, generally hates life and himself and is rather miserable. We used to have rip roaring fights which have calmed quite considerable since he lowered his consumption of white wine, when we travel he tends to relax quite considerably and it's the only time he can be 'him' as such. Depending on the length of the holiday ie a week he is already dreading going home when we get there wishing the time away. He recently did a quiz of some description which pretty much said he was depressed, which could quite possibly be. His family life is very complicated with DV on his mum's side and failed marriges etc. I tried supportivley years ago to try and get him to a GP to start a mental health plan with a different Dr rather than his usual GP, the appointment was made and then we cancelled. He has spoken to a Social Worker about a year and a bit ago, I was also seeing the same guy; however, he was a bit useless to be honest. I have been unable to help get him back to one. As I said at the start, he is miserable, hates himself and as a distorted view of himself. He's not an ugly bloke and carries less of a gut than me but thinks he's fat constantly. I realise everyone has their own journey to take when they are ready, but at times the negativity of it can be so fing heavy it brings me down as well. Booking a holiday is a nightmare at times due to his indecivness, I have had to set boundries as I reckon organising a wedding would be easier. Has anyone else been in the same situation? I just want to see the guys smile and be happy. N

Bi, shamed, and disowned from my family

replies: 2

This is the first time I’ve been with a girl so I myself am trying to understand my feelings. My mum has spat in my face (literally), called me a slut, and told me to go to hell when I told her I wouldn’t leave my girlfriend just because she wanted me to. From there, things got physical. I already suffer from major anxiety and depression and have had suicidal thoughts in the past. I don’t know how to overcome this. Every time I settle, the image of her spitting in my face comes back again and again. I feel terrible. I don’t know how to get back up from this...

Asexuality

replies: 21

Hey Does anyone identify with this or have some experience with it? To me it makes a lot of sense but.... I dont know.

Just realised my dad is gay and thats why he hates me

replies: 8

yeah, just realised my dad is gay and thats why he's hated me my whole life because he saw it in me too. Years of emotional and physical abuse that have made me hate myself too. Now Ive created a life that everyone else wanted me to have with a wife and family, and yet I feel lonely and hate myself. Recently Ive started self harming just to see what it would feel like. I do want to die. Ive been seeing 2 therapists each week for the past few months, they just keep bringing up more and more issues. My wifes coming soon, so I will have to put on a fake face to hide the emptiness inside.

Not really sure what to do from here

replies: 6

Hey guys. Just after some advice. I am 39 years old, I have always identified as a lesbian. I was never really interested in guys, and I have always had sex / relationships with women. I still love women but I have been a little curious of late. I want to sleep with a guy. I am not sure how to go about doing this as it has never been some thing I have wanted to do. I just want to know what it is like. Do I tell the guy that it is my first time? I don't exactly want to get into a relationship or whatever. My two closest friends are very supportive but no one else knows. It's pretty confusing but I really want to do it.

Gay was married came out and have 2 kids

replies: 8

Hi, i thought I’d share a little of my story it may help other men that are gay in heterosexual relationships. I recently came out after being married for just under 7 years. I have 2 kids under 6. The last 12 months have been tough but I’m so glad I decided to come out. Without doubt it was the hardest thing I have ever done. The thought of hurting the 3 people that I loved most in the entire world haunted me for several years before taking the plunge. However, looking back, I’m so glad I did. Things are working out better than I had ever imagined. Sure, it wasn’t all roses, it was really hard and at many times I felt lost and confused. Yet, when you break it all down into bite sized peices, step by step, it becomes much clearer. Once you seek some professional advice and work up the courage to ask for help and seek answers to the “at the time” frightening questions you want answered, it does become easier. Feel fee to ask me any questions that you have. I may be able to help. Regards, Landon.

I'm so tired of being confused

replies: 5

I'm mid forties and I've only ever been with men, lots of them. But very unhappily. I've fantasised about women since high school. Yet I put the brakes on every time I feel an emotion for a woman. I squash it down deep and keep pursuing men. I like men, I flirt with men. I just don't let my deeper self show. I'm so scared of making a fool of myself or being judged. Everyone knows I have questioned my sexuality including my family and close friends. I talk about it all the time and do nothing. I went on one date with a woman, and she was really angry and I ended the date fairly quickly. I'm not angry anymore and don't want to be around anger. I have had serious mental health issues and all associated with identity and being a good girl, not disappointing, not expressing myself, catching my words in my throat before they come out. I've had enough. I feel even if I was with a woman I wouldn't have my answer, but because I don't give myself the opportunity to be open to it, I won't let myself try it. Even as I write this I feel alienated from the words. Sometimes I just think I am scared of men but am straight. I've never been sexually assaulted or physically hurt by a man, I just feel inferior and tired with them. I have no idea what this all means. Any words of help are most welcome.

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 219

IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section replies: 0

Coming out and advice to cope. replies: 1

Gay, Unmotivated and Frustrated replies: 9

Middle Aged Transgender and Newly Out replies: 6

Coming out Anxious & Depressed replies: 7

Bi, shamed, and disowned from my family replies: 2

Asexuality replies: 21

Just realised my dad is gay and thats why he hates me replies: 8

Not really sure what to do from here replies: 6

Gay was married came out and have 2 kids replies: 8

I'm so tired of being confused replies: 5