Immediate support
Immediate support

Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Guest_68 Gender transition last straw in my edgy relationship with my mother ?
  • replies: 7

I feel trapped in my life. I live on my own and have for a long time. I’m 54 years of age. I’m no good at relationships. A few years ago I began gender transition – FTM – which has made me feel better in myself. It’s more making the outside match the... View more

I feel trapped in my life. I live on my own and have for a long time. I’m 54 years of age. I’m no good at relationships. A few years ago I began gender transition – FTM – which has made me feel better in myself. It’s more making the outside match the inside. With my mother; we’ve always had an edgy relationship. I feel that she has criticised me my whole life, nothing I do is right. I’m an adopted child and she’s never let me forget that either. One comment I got about transitioning was “But we specifically asked for a girl!” My mother is now elderly and my brother lives interstate. I am feeling a lot of pressure to visit her and do things for her despite her views, but she won’t use my chosen name. Instead there is a long pause whenever you would normally say someone’s name. When I said it wouldn’t kill her to use my name, she said it was too difficult and it had been too long (my life). But this isn’t forgetting, it’s refusal. A couple of years ago my brother and his wife tried to persuade her to go live in their town, but she wouldn’t do it. One reason she gave was not wanting to leave me, even though from my POV she was no support to me. So that means instead of being where there are several relatives/inlaws to help her, there’s only me. Well, there was me. On Mother’s Day there was the episode I mention above where I snapped at one too many nameless remarks and walked out. M followed and when I did not want to embrace her goodbye, accused me of being an unforgiving person. What it was was brain freeze. I just said I had forgiven her for things – I forget exactly how I phrased it – just that I had done it a lot, I think. Then I closed the door and walked away I am feeling horribly guilty because I see it as my duty to help with things but I can't want to see her now. My mother is obsessed with her demise and will not stop with her comments about her stuff, what happens to her stuff and doubting my ability to clear out her place/deal with the situation. I have asked her several times to stop this. So I’m on my own. I usually don’t see friends – internet contact is it. I feel pretty bad and have had bad thoughts, though nothing I’m intending to act on. I just feel despairing about my life and why can’t I get on with my mother as other people seem to or even establish a relationship beyond friendship. I dread her contacting me now, I don’t even know if I want to mend this. I’m just trapped.

CIKMS I hate being trans
  • replies: 2

Is it just me or is this normal. For days I had dreams of judgement from everyone I know and it sucks. My mom thought that if I took testosterone shot it’ll stop making me trans. I want acceptance from my mother, I need it to move on. But she’s super... View more

Is it just me or is this normal. For days I had dreams of judgement from everyone I know and it sucks. My mom thought that if I took testosterone shot it’ll stop making me trans. I want acceptance from my mother, I need it to move on. But she’s super lgbtphobic. I just can’t do this anymore. KMP.

lewiss im bi and the guy i like is ashamed of himself
  • replies: 2

hi my names Lewis and im bisexual i met a guy online we spoke for about 2 months and i started to develop feelings for him despite the fact that i had never met him in person, he was having a party and i was driving around with my friend and he told ... View more

hi my names Lewis and im bisexual i met a guy online we spoke for about 2 months and i started to develop feelings for him despite the fact that i had never met him in person, he was having a party and i was driving around with my friend and he told me to come over so we could finally meet after meeting him i new that i wanted to hangout with him again we organised for our group to all go ice skating but we both wanted some alone time without us saying it. so three days later he picked me up from school and we hung out all afternoon just driving around i know it doesn't sound like fun but somehow with him i was having a blast he dropped me home that night and we were just chatting online and said we were keen for Friday night and he offed if i wanted to stay after and i said yes comes to the next day and we decided to hangout again so he picked me up again and we went to the shops for late night shopping, neither of us needed anything we just wanted to see each other, after a couple of hours it was time to go home so he drove me home that night over snap chat i told the boy i had strong feelings for him, he said that he felt the same way however he was scared as hes never felt this way before we both agreed that we wanted to keep things on the down low and take things slow as this was the first time either of us had felt this way for a boy. over the weekend i stayed at his house twice both the Friday and Saturday night we didn't do much as we said we would take it slow, just cuddled and kissed, the next morning on the Sunday was my birthday so he drove me home rather early so i could spend it with my family he then got really freaked out and started pushing me away and told himself he was "straight" we then argued and were friend on and off for 2 months until recently he messaged me again saying that he was into both but when he thinks about it makes him want to self harm but he has strong feelings for me and he cant denie them we then hangout just the 2 of us again and talked about what we were gonna be he said hes not ready for people to know so we both said lets just hangout a lot more and see what happens less then a week later he tolled me he had feelings for a girl and he just wants to be friends im really confused by the entire situation and don't know what i should do, i care about him a lot he makes me so happy but then is destroying me at the same time someone please help me.

Mil Supporting a friend with gender issues
  • replies: 5

Hello, This forum has been great and I'm happy there is a LGBTQ+ section! I'm bisexual myself and in a loving relationship with a wonderful woman. I was somehow super lucky to not plague myself with questions about my sexual orientation, and even mor... View more

Hello, This forum has been great and I'm happy there is a LGBTQ+ section! I'm bisexual myself and in a loving relationship with a wonderful woman. I was somehow super lucky to not plague myself with questions about my sexual orientation, and even more lucky that I have a very accepting family, but I know a lot of people don't have it that easy. Community support like this, even online, is awesome! I'm writing because a friend of mine just told me she thinks she might be trans/gender fluid. She doesn't know herself what's going on exactly so I'll refer to her with female pronouns here as that's how I've known her most of my life, but of course I will respect her choice of pronouns if/when she makes one. She lives in Europe whereas I have moved to Australia so we communicate online for now, but she will come visit for a few weeks soon and I want to make her feel as comfortable as possible. She's going through some pretty tough stuff right now. Actually, she's been going through a tough time since her early teens. We've known each other since pre-school, but haven't always been super close and kind of lost touch during middle/high school. We reconnected on a more regular basis in our early twenties. I guess you'd consider she had a bit of "behavioural" problems as a kid but it got much worse when she hit her teen years and has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals. She's been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, induced/reinforced(?) by trauma, so she has PTSD too. I think finally getting the diagnosis has helped her tremendously as she was finally able to find answers/resources and she has been doing generally better in the last two years. She's an awesome person, full of energy, and a talented artist. A few days ago she disclosed to me she has recently started to dress like a man and maybe wants to be one. She said she never really felt like she fit the "girl" requirements but not really the "man" ones either. She also told me being a man makes her feel "safe" so she wants to remove all marks of her femininity. As a friend, I will support her in whatever her everyday or life-long needs are. But I'm also thinking it must be pretty hard to navigate between what she really feels she IS and what her brain tells her would be "safe to be" after being sexually assaulted. So how can I help? It's not my place to address this directly with her (I'm a friend, not her psych) but we do talk about it so I don't want to say the wrong thing. Cheers, Mil

Hesse Questioning my gender identity...
  • replies: 2

I'm 16, female, year 12 - always had trouble socialising and connecting with other people. For a while now, but especially recently, I have been unsure about my gender identity and it's causing me a lot of stress. I don;t know what to think about mys... View more

I'm 16, female, year 12 - always had trouble socialising and connecting with other people. For a while now, but especially recently, I have been unsure about my gender identity and it's causing me a lot of stress. I don;t know what to think about myself and my future right now, so I thought I could come here for help and advice. Here are some of the things making me question myself, maybe someone can help me make sense of it: Ever since I was young, I've been more comfortable in men's clothes than women's; I hate wearing women's t-shirts, skirts/dresses, shorts, tank tops, etc. I am also interested in tattoos, piercings, etc., but only in a 'masculine' way; if I get piercings they'll be considered 'feminine' instead of 'cool' (for lack of a better word). The idea of being referred to as things such as 'sister', 'auntie', or 'mum' repulse me, and I always refer to myself as the 'fun uncle' when considering the future relationship I may have with my sisters' children. I also can't stand referring to myself in terms like 'woman' or 'lady'. None of my role-models or idols are women; I can't relate to women as much as men and when I imagine myself in a profession it is always the male version of that profession in comparison to a female in the same role. Male characters in movies/TV shows/etc. are more relatable to me than female characters. I've always hated the idea of becoming a parent (hence the 'fun uncle' thing), but when I imagine being called 'dad' the concept does not seem as unappealing to me. I suppose the real problem is I don't want to be a 'mother'. The idea of bringing a future partner (I'm straight aka into guys) to meet my parents, or even being in a relationship, is terrifying to me; but the same scenario as two men is much more comforting to me. The idea of a homosexual relationship is much more appealing to me than a heterosexual relationship. I have also always gotten along with guys better than with girls, but feel too separated from them emotionally and mentally to be friends. Watching that short documentary about Lauren/Levi-Nathan made me cry because I was scared I might want the same thing. I have always identified as female, but I don't know if that's because it's the gender I truly feel I am, or just the outcome of working with what I have. I have a very feminine face and objective nature; I can't help feeling that the real or only reason I identify as female is because I am biologically female. Please help me understand~

SoupForTheSoul Confused and anxious about my gender identity
  • replies: 12

So I'm turning 20 in a month and I'm not really sure of my gender identity. I am struggling with depression and anxiety as well. I am currently living as a male, but I sometime wish I was born female. I don't experience any gender dysphoria, sometime... View more

So I'm turning 20 in a month and I'm not really sure of my gender identity. I am struggling with depression and anxiety as well. I am currently living as a male, but I sometime wish I was born female. I don't experience any gender dysphoria, sometimes I just feel like I'd be happier as a woman. I've been struggling with this for nearly five years and have recently told my family about it. They're trying to help me through this but they are just as lost as I am. Sometimes I feel confident that i want to transition fully to female, but other times i feel confident that i want to stay male. I regularly feel worried that if i do transition, then i will regret it later in life. I'm scared I'll find out it's just a phase or something. I have been trying to think of myself as a woman or even use gender neutral pronouns when i think about this stuff, but i frequently find myself referring to myself as male. On the one hand, I've referred to myself as a male for almost 20 years and that can be a hard habit to break. But on the other hand, shouldn't it be easier to think of myself as a she if i'm really transgender? Sometimes i feel like i treat my dreams wrong. Sometimes i'll act as if they're what i'm really feeling, because a dream is what my subconscious is showing me. But I also think that they're just dreams and nothing more. Sometimes in my dreams i'm a female version of myself. I like these dreams because i feel so happy, and when i wake up there's an emptiness in my heart. Other times it's the same but i appear how i am now. Should i be putting any stock into dreams? or should i treat them as meaningless fantasies. I'm not unhappy living as a male but i feel like i would be happier as a woman. Another worry is that if i do transition, what if no one loves me? What if i never find a partner because any woman I fall for can only see me as a man? I know i shouldn't base my future on this but it's scary to think that i might be alone for the rest of my life. I find that online, people tend to mistake me for a woman based on how i interact with other players and i find that i like it when they do. But i also feel like i'm putting on a mask when i talk to people online, and that they aren't seeing the real me. But i also worry that my online persona is how i really am and my anxiety holds be back as a person in real life. Sorry for the wall of text, but i just don't really know what to do. Thank you for reading this. It helps to get this off my chest.

ADR Coming out as MtF to wife
  • replies: 2

Hi, I cam out to my wife as a MtF transsexual about a year a go now and every time we speak about (3 times now) if just ends up in a fight and swept under the rug like nothing happened until I have another severe bout of depression where i just want ... View more

Hi, I cam out to my wife as a MtF transsexual about a year a go now and every time we speak about (3 times now) if just ends up in a fight and swept under the rug like nothing happened until I have another severe bout of depression where i just want to end it all. She say that she needs time to get her head around this like always and all she dose it put it to the back of her mind and pretends like noting is happening (her words from about 30mins ago)and i ask her is there anything I can do to help and all i get told is to just leave her alone . She doesn't have any friends to talk about it with and she doesn't want to see my counsellor (I haven't seen in a while as of my last session with her she wanted to see my wife, the wife said she would make an appointment but never did) or anyone about this and i am the only person who she apparently talk her problems through with. I just cant deal with her yelling at me about this when she is "having a conversation" with me about it. I honestly don't know what to do, i am tired of living in constant depression and I hate seeing my wife upset. Am I just going to be stuck on this shitty roller coaster for the rest of my life making no changes and just barely keeping my wife happy with trust issues. What do I do?

Curious_Kiwozzie Advice Or Opinions Please - Should I Tell My Wife I'm Exploring Bi/Gay Contact.
  • replies: 14

Hi, I am a 46 year old man. I'm happily married to my wife, we've been together for 21years. She's the mother of our 3 adult kids, she's my best friend, she's my rock and she really is the love of my life. I still find my wife very attractive and I l... View more

Hi, I am a 46 year old man. I'm happily married to my wife, we've been together for 21years. She's the mother of our 3 adult kids, she's my best friend, she's my rock and she really is the love of my life. I still find my wife very attractive and I love her deeply. We don't have sex very often, barely once every couple of months, I'm just not interested, I think because I have "performance issues" sometimes. For around the last 15 years, at times, I have desired and fantasized about being intimate with another man. My wife doesn't know this, I don't think she'd take it well. I have only recently decided to explore these urges in a safe, discrete way. I've had one encounter with a man, we didn't do everything I'd like to try, but we both enjoyed it, even though my "performance issues" made an appearance. I've decided to search for a partnered gay man or couple to explore with safely, on a regular basis, although I'm still not 100% sure if I'm really into other men sexually, or if it is just curiosity and fantasy, and that once I've done it I won't want to do it again. I feel guilty doing this behind my wifes back, but male intimacy is something that she obviously can't provide and I feel it's something I need to explore, for me. I don't know if I should talk about this with her. I don't plan on starting a relationship, just to explore "getting off" with another man. I don't want to lose everything we've built together, or the plans for our future. Is it wrong for me to not tell her, keep it a secret and once I've "scratched the itch", go on as if nothing has happened?

Anonymous_Man Ashamed & Worried about being Gay
  • replies: 4

I’ve been attracted to men for around 15 years. It’s a secret I’ve kept from everyone in my life. I’ve met up with guys once a month or so discreetly through dating apps. After I meet with them I leave feeling very ashamed of myself and feel depresse... View more

I’ve been attracted to men for around 15 years. It’s a secret I’ve kept from everyone in my life. I’ve met up with guys once a month or so discreetly through dating apps. After I meet with them I leave feeling very ashamed of myself and feel depressed. I know it’s a lot more acceptable and common nowadays to come out as being Gay. But it’s not something I think I want to do. I have massive problems with self confidence and anxiety and hate thinking that people are talking about me behind my back. i want to be straight like my family and friends and meet a girl and marry her, then start a family. Its been such a heavy burden for me personally. I’ve had attractions with straight friends that are close to me over the years as well. I feel like coming out would effect my family, friends and work. But part of me knows that a lot of my friends and family probably suspect it anyway. I constantly put others before myself for the reason that I don’t want to admit what’s going wrong with my life and face the reality of the situation. Ive just watched that new movie Love, Simon and found it very relatable and inspiring for aspects of what I’ve gone through in my life as well. I’m just not sure it’s something I want to pursue. I know people say ‘you can’t choose who you love’. But I’m craving for a straight relationship like my friends and family so I fit in to what’s deemed normal. I just have such little self confidence in myself that I don’t even know where to start...

Rusty123 I'm gay
  • replies: 8

I think to be happy I got to come to terms and realize this is me I attracted to men, it just very hard to admit it to others, I had a few secret relationships with a few guys and my ex wife knows I am this way. How can I come out and be open to ever... View more

I think to be happy I got to come to terms and realize this is me I attracted to men, it just very hard to admit it to others, I had a few secret relationships with a few guys and my ex wife knows I am this way. How can I come out and be open to everyone, maybe get a decent biyfriend