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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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TealRibbon Exploring gender & sexuality in my 40s
  • replies: 4

Good morning everyone, I've posted this in another thread, but think it should be here instead. I feel a bit like a teenager, exploring, reading about LGBT and trying to find my true self. It is interesting and upsetting, but at least I am opening up... View more

Good morning everyone, I've posted this in another thread, but think it should be here instead. I feel a bit like a teenager, exploring, reading about LGBT and trying to find my true self. It is interesting and upsetting, but at least I am opening up to new possibilities. I remember and question things now, like always being a tomboy, my first love being same-sex...and then I got caught up in a hetero life... I feel better for looking into the possibilities, but won't make any life decisions until I feel a bit more stable with my mental health. Same-sex? The words & questions are all still new to me Well same-sex back then was girl-girl. Now I live in a relationship as a woman with a man. I question my own gender and my sexuality and find it all pretty confusing. But I had advise to just explore and not to put pressure on myself and that it will never be too late to make a decision. So I take my time. I actually love my partner, but we haven’t had intimacy for a while now. I’m going through trauma therapy for CSA as well, so my world is pretty much turned upside down I thought more about the question of same-sex, girl-girl. Now this is where I get confused. Yes it was a girl and I was a girl, but back then I passed as a boy, probably until my mid teens and even sometimes in my early 20s. I had a boyish nickname, short hair and I’ve always been around boys, now men. I knew back then that gay people existed, we had a guy in school who was gay. That was pretty much all I knew about sexuality. Gender wasn’t even discussed in my little town. So I went into a hetero relationship and have been there ever since. Refused to have children. And always had this desire that I just wanted people to accept me as me, just the way I am - whatever that is. And that’s what I am trying to figure out. I can’t believe I walked around this world with the biggest blinders on my eyes! Can anyone identify with this? I know I cannot be the only person who just completely blocked any other possibility out of their life, I know I've blocked my CSA very well until a few years ago, I guess gender & sexuality question got lost in that same blockade. Thanks x

HappyGirlTea Feeling really lonely and sad
  • replies: 12

Hi, I am an 18 year old girl and I think I am gay or maybe bi. I don’t really know right now how I identify. I am so afraid that my family is going to hate me because of this. I know that even if my parents accept me the rest of my family definitely ... View more

Hi, I am an 18 year old girl and I think I am gay or maybe bi. I don’t really know right now how I identify. I am so afraid that my family is going to hate me because of this. I know that even if my parents accept me the rest of my family definitely will not which really hurts me. Every time I talk to them I can’t help think about what they would do if they knew. I am also really scared that I will never feel okay with myself and that I won’t ever be able to be open about it because I feel so ashamed. I wish I had people I could talk to who understand but I don’t and I don’t know how to find that. Even if I did I think I would be afraid to speak. Next year I will be going to university and I hope that this will mean I have more opportunity to find such people. But like I said I’m so scared. I don’t even know why but I think it is because my mum always would say negative things about gay people. It was never direct but it was implied and has really affected me. I know that I could speak with people online to feel less lonely but I just want to have real friends who actually understand. I feel so trapped in my situation right now and I don’t know how to get out of it. I also really find it hard because I talk about everything with my mum and so not having told her this is really hard. Even if she did know I doubt she would be able to help me anyway because I think it would really upset her to know that I don’t want a husband and children. I feel so angry at her for making me feel so bad about myself because of this because now I feel I will hate myself forever. Anyway I could write more but this is all I can say for now. Sorry if this is a rambling mess, it’s really difficult for me to put all my thoughts down logically.

DGorBust My moral dilemma
  • replies: 7

40yo IT professional. Together with my wife for 16 years, married for 13, 9yo daughter, 6yo son. A good life.. Highly stressful job, heavily relied upon at times. But good coin, no worries about how to pay the mortgage or fill up the car, or any of t... View more

40yo IT professional. Together with my wife for 16 years, married for 13, 9yo daughter, 6yo son. A good life.. Highly stressful job, heavily relied upon at times. But good coin, no worries about how to pay the mortgage or fill up the car, or any of that. We travel overseas every year.. We have a caravan so we can get away every other long weekend. Good times. I love my kids so much. But lets cut to the chase and be, and no pun intended, straight… I’ve always been bi-curious. I’ve never allowed myself to fully believe it, or admit it, until recently. I have now fully accepted it. In hindsight it was plainly obvious. Clear as day. I just never allowed myself to accept it because I wanted the easy life. Therefor I never allowed myself to own up to who i truly am. That would make life difficult. The stigma, the taboo. It’s not that my family would’ve have supported me.. but I didn’t feel accepted by society. Bear in mind I’m thinking back 30 years here. So now here I am. I’ve admitted I’m very much bisexual to myself, and that feels good.. and also bad, and confusing.. I’m married with kids now. I want to stop fantasising and want to experience. I want to know. But I don’t think I can. It feels morally reprehensible. My wife, my kids, my family, my friends. I’d be cheating on all of them. Then there are times… times when I think “one life, so live it”. I hate myself for these times. I can’t let myself break my vows. I made them in front of our family, our friends, and being a religious ceremony, God. I’m more Agnostic than anything, but still, it is what it is. So all this wins out, and I’ve always remained true. I can hear all the responses before even putting this out there.. just talk about it. Open up. Blah-de-f-ing-blah. I also know how that will end too. not well btw. But it’s probably something I’d like to think I’d admit to if the opportunity arrises. these fantasies come though, they’re driving me nuts. I don’t feel shame for my attractions or my fantasies. I’m proud of every aspect of who I am, and what I’ve achieved. I think what I’m struggling with is I wish i knew this before now, before kids, before marriage. So I could experience this, lived out my fantasies. Got this out of my mind or knew for sure where I fit. Now I feel trapped. I could easily do it. Try this out and no one would any the wiser. But would I hate myself even more for doing so. Or should I live with potential regret for not acting sooner for the rest of my life.

MissBenthos Confused about my sexuality - polyamorous?
  • replies: 4

I have been with my partner for over 10 years now in a monogamous relationship. My high school sweetheart and my very first relationship. During the first few years of our relationship I fell in love with someone else. I never acted on those feelings... View more

I have been with my partner for over 10 years now in a monogamous relationship. My high school sweetheart and my very first relationship. During the first few years of our relationship I fell in love with someone else. I never acted on those feelings or told anyone, I was in denial about even having them. I loved my partner and didn’t want to leave him to pursue a new relationship. I dealt with the heartbreak of a love not explored on my own. Skip to the more recent past. I developed feelings for a friend this year. Being a lot more open this time around I discovered the feelings were mutual and was able to talk about it with my psychologist. She was the first person to bring to light that these feelings weren’t right or wrong which was an incredible relief and breakthrough moment in my therapy. Having grown up in a very conservative family I felt that I must be a pretty horrible person for thinking about anyone other than my partner in this way. I came out to my partner about being polyamorous and I pursued the new relationship. I haven’t felt so happy in years. It was beautiful, I was so sure of myself that I was polyamorous. Unfortunately the new relationship was a pretty unhealthy one and I had to end it. Once again I am heartbroken. Although this time I’m not doing it alone. I am still together with my long term partner. The loss of the new partner is still pretty fresh, it’s been 3 weeks now since I ended it. I have been questioning myself more and more though. I keep seeing negative things about polyamory, like how it means you just haven’t found the right person yet and people who practice it don’t know real love. It makes me question if my long term partner is not the right person for me or is this my broken heart clouding my judgement? I was more content than ever when I had both of them and now I’m unsure about either of them? I don’t understand. Any poly people around to share their experiences and help me make sense of this?

mmmiguess Gay and Conservative
  • replies: 1

I'm often described as being a "gay conservative". Now I'm not Dave Rubin aha, but. I've been deeply considering and thinking though my own academic explorations and exploring these through friends. What is the lgbt community, what does it stand for,... View more

I'm often described as being a "gay conservative". Now I'm not Dave Rubin aha, but. I've been deeply considering and thinking though my own academic explorations and exploring these through friends. What is the lgbt community, what does it stand for, what is the scene. It's a place for me which I've always felt alienated from and from my interactions with it severely underwhelmed. Allegorical experiences with individuals don't mean much however a large collation of allegorical evidence must stand for something. Let's start with my own personal experiences. I went for my first date in my life with someone who purports to be from this gay scene. I mean he's a very large frequenter and sponsor of lgbt clubs. (I also reference this as the club gay scene). He did things unsolicited to me on this occasion. I've seen a lot of things in my life so I wasn't scared and broke off the date when it got too much. There was fleeting moments which I realised and saw my friends in these shoes. I felt this for the first time, first hand. I grew up in a world in which my gay friends sheltered me from this. They told me never ever go towards that scene. I'm grateful for that. My first run in doubtlessly is going to be my last. I'm content in that. No doubt there are good people there. It concerns me however how over represented this perspective of being gay is. I think the objective is at least for myself and for others of my conviction is that, you can be anything and gay. It's too long members of the LGBTIQ community have been confined to stereotypes. I'm tired, and if this isn't coherent, I hope to clarify myself more in future. Thanks heaps Jay

ScarlettR Anxiety after first same-sex date?
  • replies: 5

I'm a bisexual woman. I am 30 years old and went on my first lesbian date with a girl today. The date was good, we talked, had coffee and visited the museum. We didn't hug or hold hands or kiss or anything physical yet. We both agreed to wait until s... View more

I'm a bisexual woman. I am 30 years old and went on my first lesbian date with a girl today. The date was good, we talked, had coffee and visited the museum. We didn't hug or hold hands or kiss or anything physical yet. We both agreed to wait until second date to take the next step. I met her on the HER app (online) and we had been chatting for about a week. I had never been on a same-sex date before. I have dated some guys, but secretly like girls more. Now I'm back home after the first date, I'm feeling some anxiety. My parents are traditional and it would be tough to tell them if I get committed with this girl. Just half an hour ago, I felt physical anxiety thinking about the date - heart racing and sinking at the same time, forehead feeling hot, a overall feeling of nervousness and a bit of fear. Nothing to do with the girl. It's simply my body being weird. In my heart, I am happy that I've been on a same-sex date. I do realise that with girls, it's more emotional and intimate than with guys, and I would hate it if I upsetted a female accidently. I had been diagnosed with schizophrenia so I could mistake someone's facial expression as something hostile and personally directed at me. I don't know if I'm being silly and just adjusting to a new experience?

mary54321 My homophobic parents will never love me again
  • replies: 3

I’m 18 and I’m bi (I think?) I’ve always found girls just as attractive as guys. And for the past few years have found my self wondering why I was only allowed to date guys. I mean if a person is nice and I love them - I want to be with that person -... View more

I’m 18 and I’m bi (I think?) I’ve always found girls just as attractive as guys. And for the past few years have found my self wondering why I was only allowed to date guys. I mean if a person is nice and I love them - I want to be with that person - no matter their gender. I have told 2 friends about this and don’t plan on telling any more any time soon. My parents are very traditional and Christian and have made it very clear since I was a kid what their stance was on homosexuality. They will always comment negatively whenever it is brought up. If they found out about me - I’m scared of what the might do/ say, they will never accept me. I am torn, I love them - but because of them I feel disgusted with myself and live in fear of what other people are going to think of me. How will I ever be able to be myself and love who I want to if I am constantly going to be suffocated by my parents. I can’t escape them.

Donte LGBTIQ+ film recommendation needed for community event screening to tackle stigma, discrimination, marginalization and victimization and equal rights.
  • replies: 5

Hello everyone, I work on one of the non-for-profit Greek welfare organizations in Melbourne and I am currently involved on an LGBTIQ+ project for the Greek community in collaboration with Queerspace and Greek and Gay support network. The project is ... View more

Hello everyone, I work on one of the non-for-profit Greek welfare organizations in Melbourne and I am currently involved on an LGBTIQ+ project for the Greek community in collaboration with Queerspace and Greek and Gay support network. The project is called Skepsi (Thought), and offers mental health service for LGBTIQ+ Greek people and their families. The Skepsi project follows on from last year’s LGBTIQ+ project “Starting the Conversation”, also funded by DHHS, which aimed to raise awareness about LGBTIQ+ issues in the Greek community. The “Starting the Conversation” project identified importance of community education and the need to continue to raise awareness about LGBTIQ+ issues and to advocate for the mental health well being needs of the Australian-Greek LGBTIQ+ community and their families. In addition, the project highlighted the importance of open communication and safe relationships as tools to acceptance, inclusion and security for the LGBTIQ+ Greek community and their families. I would like to ask if someone could please recommend an appropriate LGBTIQ+ film which we can screen in a large community event in September. I am trying to find a film that tackles discrimination, stigma, shame and the challenges and issues the LGBTIQ+ community is faced with. The film has to be appropriate for the general community and particularly elderly and families of culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds who may not have watched an LGBTIQ+ movie before. It also has to be appropriate for public screening in a Council venue. Any ideas? Please help. All recommendations will be considered. Thank you in advance. X

dodiddlyoh Getting really depressed over the thought I may be gay
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm not really sure who I can talk to that has had a similar experience to me that I could get an opinion from so this may be the only place. So my sister asked me whether I was gay one night over the phone which I said that I wasn't but later th... View more

Hi, I'm not really sure who I can talk to that has had a similar experience to me that I could get an opinion from so this may be the only place. So my sister asked me whether I was gay one night over the phone which I said that I wasn't but later that night I got high with my roomate and thought about it with him and like that there was this explosion of a sexual urge. It happened again when I got high as well about this other guy that was a friend of my one of my roomates who is gay. The problem is that there is like this passive urge around that I feel which makes me depressed all the time that I feel it which is alot. Now for some background I have always romantically been interested in woman when I was young but way too shy to go after them and realizing that I couldnt really go after any i liked I did get depressed a little and very isolated became a recluse. I was always anxious about not having a girlfriend but just put it off. I lost my virginity at 24 with a girl i didnt even like physically or emotionally and the next few girls were no different. I have lost my sex drive quite a while ago and am just left with these uneasy urge which doesnt go away. Now i feel awkward around guys because maybe i like them now. Another big problem is alot of people think im gay which just makes me think maybe they can see something that i cant or dont want to. The worst thing is that I met a girl which would have been a younger me's fantasy but the sex wasnt that great just mechanical. One thing might be the fear of showing that i am a loser and not wanting to get rejected. I have only had one night stands but the sex has never been that great like i would have imaigined. I have thought about having sex with a man but I dont want to do it but am worried I could like it. Any thoughts

Neferata Transitioning at last
  • replies: 4

It's a feeling unlike anything else in the world to feel a different yet familiar person emerge from inside of you. Someone who has been kept locked away and hidden all my life is suddenly, tentatively, free to come out. She had always been looking f... View more

It's a feeling unlike anything else in the world to feel a different yet familiar person emerge from inside of you. Someone who has been kept locked away and hidden all my life is suddenly, tentatively, free to come out. She had always been looking for cracks to creep out of and touch something of significance. Things are moving quickly and I am extremely appreciative of my counsellor for the pace, next week begins the processes of blood tests, psychs and endochrinologists. I came out to one of my friends groups yesterday and they were extraordinary, so loving, supportive and very excited to help me learn to be a woman and to help me deal with a second puberty. I have another group of friends which deserve to be told and by happy coincidence we will all be at a friends birthday tomorrow. I have yet to tell my parents, I fear that my mother will want to be involved but I don't want her to be. She drove my sister away because she was too controlling and becoming my parents is the absolute last thing I want in the world. I fear that I'm not going to be able to communicate that well and my counsellor says the mother is an important figure but this isn't something I want to compromise over. My counsellor has given me homework: contemplating a new name. There are names I am fond of but I have no idea what my name actually is. Who am I? I throw around various names in my head but none of them feel quite right.The things I believe in, the virtues and values I hold dear and the injustices and inequalities which rile me into action are more what I am, not exactly who I am. Who I am, I don't quite know yet.