Sexuality and gender identity

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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KeepingStill Relationship-Linked Anxiety and Depression
  • replies: 16

Hello,This is my first time posting on this forum, I'm hoping I can get some perspective and help on relationship-linked negative thought patterns.For the past 2 years I have been suffering from cyclic bouts of anxiety and depression. I saw a therapi... View more

Hello,This is my first time posting on this forum, I'm hoping I can get some perspective and help on relationship-linked negative thought patterns.For the past 2 years I have been suffering from cyclic bouts of anxiety and depression. I saw a therapist last year for a few months but can no longer afford it.My depression/anxiety has a particularly pernicious aspect in that my negative thoughts are almost entirely focused on my relationship with my boyfriend: including thoughts that I don't love him, that he isn't attractive enough, that I will never find him sexually attractive and that things will never work out.This is particularly frustrating because I will have 'moments of clarity' either whilst with him or apart from him where I realise all of this thinking is ridiculous, I have an amazing relationship and we have so much in common, and I find him very attractive. Whenever I get to the point of asking myself: 'do I want to leave the relationship?' the answer is always a very clear 'no' in my head.Yet my thoughts plague me every time I see him. Sometimes I can apply CBD tactics and shut the thoughts to the back-burner, other times they overwhelm me and I feel incredibly sad. We have been together for a year and half now, and I'm kind of at the end of my tether.Treatment options I have tried are mindfulness, stopping negative thoughts through block tactics ('I'll deal with that later' 'lets just refocus' etc), behavioural changes (better sleep, exercise etc) and herbal based anti-depressants. They can help for brief periods, but my cycle of doubt often starts again and lasts for months.We have a very honest and open relationship. He knows exactly what is going on with me and is very supported. We talk about my thoughts often and helps to spot bad patterns. When I get him involved though, I do often feel guilty. Nobody likes to be told they aren't being loved and are being criticised based on appearance. He does appear to take it in his stride though.Because this has continued to plague our relationship since its beginning, I'm often forced to ask myself "Is it all just the relationship?" and I don't know how to get the perspective to figure that out.Should be noted that I'm 25, gay, and whilst I've had semi-serious relationships in the past (couple of months) this is my first long-term one. I never really saw myself as much of a 'relationship' person before meeting him. It is also worth noting that we began dating a few months after an ex-boyfriend and friend of mine committed suicide, so I've struggled to figure out if that has prejudiced my perception of the whole thing.So, I'm here for some advice.(1) Have any of you been plagued by relationship doubts leading to depression/anxiety? How have you dealt with them?(2) Any tips for figuring out how to separate 'real doubts' from mental illness?(3) Any good negative thought-stopping techniques I can try?

Diseraph I'm not LGBT, but I want ideas to help a friend who is special to me
  • replies: 6

Hey guys, I have a friend I video-game with routinely who recently came out to me about being transgender after we met IRL. (We've met before but this is first time since he commenced HRT). Beyond his own words of going on a journey and struggles, I ... View more

Hey guys, I have a friend I video-game with routinely who recently came out to me about being transgender after we met IRL. (We've met before but this is first time since he commenced HRT). Beyond his own words of going on a journey and struggles, I couldn't get specifics but I felt helpless because despite offering a place to stay if needed, or just being a friend there they've really not engaged at all. Partially I know my husband comes across as ignorant and redneck but generally he dislikes ppl equally and when we discussed it, he didnt' hesitate to see our friend as a friend, not as a label. I also work in mental health which (may/may not surprise you) that put off a lot of LGBTI from chatting/depending on me. I guess what I'm asking here, is for some ideas of what people would find helpful from a friend if you are/could/have been be in this position. He's told me he lost friends and having difficulty getting a job (not sure directly related to all this) and I want him to know I'm out there as a resource/friend. N.B. I know I used him/his wrong but I really don't want this post being about political correctness.

who_am_i What am I?? Please help.
  • replies: 6

I've know I was 'queer' since I was about 14 years old. I'm 22 now and physically female but I still don't understand who I am. I lived in a small town so I just repressed any 'abnormal' thoughts and ignored my sexuality up until this year. I know th... View more

I've know I was 'queer' since I was about 14 years old. I'm 22 now and physically female but I still don't understand who I am. I lived in a small town so I just repressed any 'abnormal' thoughts and ignored my sexuality up until this year. I know that I am attracted to both men and women. I am in a open relationship with a girl. But I still don't feel right? I have always wished I was born a male. Most days I wake up and hate my large hips and my chest. But some days I do feel girly. I don't understand who I am and don't know where to start. Please help Also, although I know that I find women sexually attractive, when ever I try to be intimate with my girlfriend I have a panic attack?

Grints40 I've conceded I'll always be lonely, how do I cope?
  • replies: 5

I'm a 40 year old guy who has finally realised I'm never going to have friends, will never wake up with anyone again, will never have anyone to just "hang" with. I need help accepting this and coping. A bit of background, I moved to Perth from Victor... View more

I'm a 40 year old guy who has finally realised I'm never going to have friends, will never wake up with anyone again, will never have anyone to just "hang" with. I need help accepting this and coping. A bit of background, I moved to Perth from Victoria 15 years ago and despite getting involved with 2 groups of people, after 18 months and a couple of silly falling outs I found myself with no one to do anything with, no one to talk to, broke and stuck in a city thousands of kilometers from my family. Its in this environment I met a guy who I ended up being in a 10 year relationship with (I am gay). In this 10 years I failed to make any friends so when we split I found myself very much alone. Over the past 4 years I've tried to join groups of people with common interests, approach work people with common interests who I get along well with but still my phone never rings and every time I ask anyone if they want to do anything outside of the setting we've met in I get the "I'm pretty busy..." line followed by excuses as to why we can't catch up. I get that I'm very socially awkward and this makes it hard, and I'm also aware that by my age most people have their group or families but it doesn't make constantly doing the things I enjoy alone any easier. I'm constantly watching groups of friends have a blast when they get together and wondering why I can't, or have never been included... As in where's my group? I guess the final kick in the guts came just before new Years last year. Not long after leaving my relationship I had a chance meeting with someone who actually seemed to like me and have lots of common interests. Despite the fact I'm in Perth and they are in the eastern states I decided to pursue the friendship. For a while there was genuine interest but when we caught up again it felt like he would have been happier alone than with me - I tried to ignore this but it was impossible to when a few months later I asked to catch up again and got the "I'm busy" crap. This is someone who fly's all over the country to spend time with people but wouldn't even spend time with me when it was me willing to make all the effort. Im basicly only still here because I have a dog. Without him I have no reason to wake up. The constant rejection from everyone I approach has got me so depressed I can't even think how I'm going to survive another maybe 30 or 40 years alone. I've conceded - how do I accept this??

Dangerous_D First post romantically confused
  • replies: 12

Hi all just a little/ lot confused what to do, about 5 years ago we lost a child which led to depression both my wife and I (unbenone to me for 4 years) I sort help just getting back on my feet but my wife stopped early, long story short we separated... View more

Hi all just a little/ lot confused what to do, about 5 years ago we lost a child which led to depression both my wife and I (unbenone to me for 4 years) I sort help just getting back on my feet but my wife stopped early, long story short we separated we have 2 kids together but she has 2 to her first husband which one lives with me full time, but my big issue is for a long time even when married I always thought/ looked at the same sex I’ve never acted on anything but I can’t stop looking and thinking I want something to happen but I’m scared as it could affect the kids (Society stigma ect) I feel lost and scared I don’t care what people say about me I worry a lot for the kids they r my world but after seeing a therapist for depression I was told to put myself first but that was for small things these thoughts could affect too many people

Emily1963 So I search the internet seeking a cure.
  • replies: 6

I struggle with who I am. So I search the internet seeking a cure. I know I'm a female. I know I'm transgender. And in my heart I know I must be me and want to be me. But I'm still conflicted with my confused and inconsistent feelings. So I search th... View more

I struggle with who I am. So I search the internet seeking a cure. I know I'm a female. I know I'm transgender. And in my heart I know I must be me and want to be me. But I'm still conflicted with my confused and inconsistent feelings. So I search the internet seeking a cure. I have tried to hide and when I could no longer hide the price I paid was high. But the price others paid was much higher than the price that I paid. And the price goes on and the expenses and strains on life are real. So I search the internet seeking a cure. Now that I'm transitioning, I like to be who I am. And all the while I struggle with who I am. I have HRT so my body can also be who I am. But changes are slow and very inconsistent. So I search the internet seeking a cure. All the time thinking, What if I find it? Because I want to be me. What if there is a cure? But I need to be me. What then? So I search the internet seeking a cure. My life is a struggle and yet still I push on. Because I secretly hope that one day I'll wake up and just be me. But in a world that hates the transgender I am, How can I ever be me? So I search the internet seeking a cure.

Internalized Gender Fluid Dilema
  • replies: 4

So this is like a combined intro post and question. I hope my question will lead into some positive responses and start a discussion about being Gender Fluid. I was very challenged to think up a new alias I have not used previously. I choose the nick... View more

So this is like a combined intro post and question. I hope my question will lead into some positive responses and start a discussion about being Gender Fluid. I was very challenged to think up a new alias I have not used previously. I choose the nickname Internalized, because one of my biggest problems is internalized transphobia of all different kinds. I am late diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria, have a host of mental illneses, and unpredictably switch between genders. I am also being treated by several physicians, am prescribed several medications, and was assigned male at birth. When I switch to a masculine way of thinking it is no big deal, I actually feel pretty neutral, and still quite effiminate. If I am wearing a dress in public when this happens, I feel a little silly, but I don't feel reverse dysphoria is a problem. If I switch to a feminine way of thinking while dressed in mens clothing, bad feelings happen. If I cannot change into womens clothes, I will shift my male clothes, so I am wearing them in an effeminate way. I cannot explain what happens if my dysphoria gets out of control. Hence my dilema, most of the time I am adverse to sex, but because I can't talk about it specifically in most support structures, I feel ostracized. My doctors ask a lot of very personal questions, but honestly answering them frankly doesn't make me feel safer, rather it heightens my awareness of uniqueness. The continued onslaught of the toxic political debate means I feel I can no longer go out in public safely dressed part way in womens and mens clothes. This would relieve a lot of my anxiety, but in practice, it attracts a lot more abuse from other people. I feel that identifying as Gender Fluid is not negotiable, it isn't a choice, it is a physical part of me, but even people in the LGBT- (minus sign intentional) community treat me like a freak. So my question is, would there be a simplier way of describing myself, than using MtF Transgender, Transfeminine, Gender Fluid, Bisexual, Skilosexual, and Gray Asexual? Simply saying I am Gender Fluid, raises far too many questions about my veracity.

Etho Confused. I'm in love with him.
  • replies: 10

Hi. Thanks for having me here. My name is Ethan. I've been married for 3 years and I have 2 children. I am 29 years old. But I have a problem. I am also into men. Until now, this has never been an issue for me. I have kept it secret. I have no reason... View more

Hi. Thanks for having me here. My name is Ethan. I've been married for 3 years and I have 2 children. I am 29 years old. But I have a problem. I am also into men. Until now, this has never been an issue for me. I have kept it secret. I have no reason to tell a single soul about it. Why would I when I have a good relationship, great kids and a great job - Life is great. I don't believe my wife needs to know this as I've never seen why this is relevant for her or to anyone else to know that I also find males attractive. (I find females as as, possibly more attractive in some ways). I have continued to live my life and enjoyed it. However, life has thrown an epic curve ball at me. I have fell in love with a friend. A male friend. He is all I ever think about. It's been like this for the past 6 months or so. Not only is he very attractive, he has an amazing personality. To make things even more confusing, I have a feeling that he is also bixsexual, based on some of the things he has said to me in the past etc. I won't go into them all here, but some were sexual (just joking around, but some were out of context and I was like....why would he even say that?) and some were just lovely things he said about me. There's other mannerisms and things as well. I have also suspected. The makes the situation a whole lot worse because I know now, that if I happened to tell him the way I feel, I fear that something could happen between us if he also feels the same way. I don't really want that? I feel like just never telling him. Just leaving it at that. Somehow get over it perhaps? But I can't. How can you just "get over" love? How?? A few weeks ago I decided that there was no point ever telling him. Since then though, it's got worse. I have serious anxiety problems. It's all I think about. If I receive a text message, I wonder if it's from him. I replay stuff in my head constantly about him. What he would say if I told him. Can I trust him NOT to tell anyone else? If he tells someone else and it gets around, my marriage is ruined. My life is ruined. I am happy with how my life is today, I don't want that to be ruined! I feel that urge to tell him. This urge is getting worse and worse to the point where I was out with him the other day and I felt like pulling him aside and just telling him. I feel as though I should just tell him how I feel. Just to "get it out there". I don't care if it's via text, I think I have to do it. But what if it turns out to be worse? Help!

Lyf_is_hard What am i?
  • replies: 3

So im really confused. I'm 15 and male and have been confused about my sexuality for around a year now. I go through periods were i will have primaraly gay thoughts but then a period where i have primaraly straight thoughts. I am not physically attra... View more

So im really confused. I'm 15 and male and have been confused about my sexuality for around a year now. I go through periods were i will have primaraly gay thoughts but then a period where i have primaraly straight thoughts. I am not physically attracted to men and never really have been. I dont naturally find them atttactive and always naturally find girls attractive. I would never consider a relationship with a guy. I definetly would be inteterested in a relationship both sexually and romantically with a girl. The issue comes with sexual attraction. Althoigh i dont find men physically appealing i have sexual thoughts about men. I have stronger sexual feelings towards girls. But this small lingering sexual desiers for men that i get occasionally is really confusing me. I need help because this is all i think about and its causing me heaps of anxiety and depreasion.

Callum_a Am I bisexual?
  • replies: 13

I sit here struggling to put words on the page. I am not comfortable with this topic at all. I’m currently seeing a psychologist and I haven’t been able to discuss anything about sexuality yet. I’ve always thought of myself as a straight male, I neve... View more

I sit here struggling to put words on the page. I am not comfortable with this topic at all. I’m currently seeing a psychologist and I haven’t been able to discuss anything about sexuality yet. I’ve always thought of myself as a straight male, I never had any thoughts about being gay when I was younger though I was shocked when people said they thought I was gay. I feel like I have to confront this. I get thoughts about men all the time. I get the same thing with women as well, I grew up attracted to girls. It’s recent that I’ve had thoughts about men. I know that I’m somewhere on the spectrum but I am absolutely terrified of taking any action. It’s like I’ve been slugged with this issue that is affecting all other areas of my life. Also, I am 21 years male.