Sexuality and gender identity

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section

replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Toying with the idea of telling my wife that I'm gay

replies: 296

The last 4 weeks have been sickening. I've cried countless times with the guilt and I'm so terrified. We've just celebrated 20years of marriage but I ruined it having cancelled our dinner date and night out in the city, because of the guilt had made me feel so sick. I'm not eating properly and now lost 10kg. She is the most beautiful woman I know and I hate myself for being gay. I just bloody hate it. No one else knows and it scares me to death. I have no one that I can vonfide in, and tggat makes me cry too. I've been mentally all over the place this last week, it's gotten so bad that I've started to think alot about death. Not that I think I'd do something dumb, but I can't stop thinking about suicide. I'm terrified about what my kids will think and my folks, who have shown themselves to be homophobic bigots in the past. I know they love me to death, and would probably be ok, but I'm really scared, like never before in 47 years. I question why I got married in the first place knowing I am gay, but I think I thought I could live a life hiding these feelings. I've never been with a guy in any way, but between the stress, guilt and anxiety, is all I think about. and I have been faithful as I really do love her with all my heart and it saddens me to break her heart, and mine. I've been playing it over and over in my head, I almost had a car accident today as I was crying and distracted, it's all totally consuming me. I think it may have been better, if not easier, if I had died, then No one would ever know, and her broken heart wouldn't be for knowing that her husband wasn't who she thought he was. It's really tough right now, talking to others over the last couple of weeks on this forum helped a bit, but I'm not sure if it is anymore, I know I'm sinking into some sort of depression and dont know what to do. I went to the dr about not eating, went for blood tests to see why, but I knew why. I was only going for the sake of my family. I wanted the dr to send me to a psychologist or something, but he wouldn'thave it. I'm really sick to death of it all, the lies, the confusion and the anxiety, and now lack of sleep. I'm thinking of telling her tomorrow but don't really think I'm brave enough. I'm a good person. It's just freakin fair.

I can't come out to my friends I've known the longest

replies: 1

I came out as gay to my parents and my family. Most people at school know too, I just can't seem to come out to the friends I've known since I was really little. Like 12 years of friendship and I can't do it. What do I do?

I came out this week.. but I'm married, trapped & living a lie

replies: 21

I posted somewhere here about a year ago... about the idea of knowing I'm gay.. but trapped in a marriage with small children. I came out this week.... to my oldest friend...to my therapist... and to another health professional. They have all been super supportive and told me I have their support no matter what i do. The implications of leaving this marriage are huge though. I do love my husband and kids... I don't want to hurt anyone purely to pursue my own sexuality. I've known for a long time .... but denied it and put it down to trauma experiences as a kid. But I've loved the same woman for 20 years... she's my soulmate. We can't be together... she will never come out even though she feels the same. I'm living a lie. I can't imagine leaving my life as I know it behind. But I also can't fathom the idea of living out this lie for the rest of my life. I have severe depression as it is... and right now my head is such a mess. I guess after all these years I just had to finally be honest with someone. Thanks for listening...

New life, but afraid.

replies: 5

Hi all, I am finding it hard to find the words as I have told no-one, I have been in denial for so long sometimes I don't believe it myself. But I am bisexual. Was just wondering how I could go about telling friends and family about who I really am? I ended a 12 year relationship about a year ago and started finding myself again and came to the realisation that I need to be the real me. But I am also scared of this journey to the point I will probably go back into denial. I hope this makes sense just after a bit of advice.

New Here - Married, Father and Transgender

replies: 3

Hi all, I am 46 years old and it has really sunk in over the past 2 years that I'm transgender. I'm married and have two wonderful daughters but know I can't live in denial anymore. When my wife and I first met I told her that I was a crossdresser and she told me that she never wanted to see me dressed as a woman, that was 10.5 years ago. Once while there was a show on TV re Caitlin Jenner my wife looked straight at me and told me she never wanted me to do that. Over time my feelings to transition have increased so 12 months ago I started seeing a therapist who agrees that I am transgender and is helping me think about what I truly want and also helping me to prepare to tell my family and friends. We have discussed medication and she is ready to prescribe them when I am ready. The problem I really have now is that my wife and I are having marriage issues (fighting and arguing) and I get cranky alot and know that bottling up the fact that I am transgender is not helping. I get cranky with the kids as well. I am thinking of moving out and getting my own place but am afraid of loosing my daughters, they mean so much to me. I'm in a place where I know that family life isn't good but have always been told that splitting up isn't the thing to do. Either way I scarred of hurting my girls, but at least if I do leave I might have a chance to finally let Alison be herself. Axx

Confused about own gender?

replies: 3

I've recently turned 25 and have begun to find myself overly stressed over, and conscious of my own sex very heavily. I was born as, and currently still am physically, a female, but never found myself to be interested in feminine clothes, or dolls, and liked things like 'hotwheels cars' and boys/mens clothes (which I still wear and enjoy) but I mostly just thought of that as me being 'tomboy' and didn't think much of it. But, recently over the past few years, I got heavily into online gaming, and enjoyed online forums and message apps, where I found that I was often mistaken for a man, but didn't really wish to, or feel the need to correct people about my gender, rather I felt a little bit like I liked it, people seeing/thinking of me as a man. But despite this, I somehow didn't give it much thought--that aside, I never found myself overly uncomfortable looking at my body as a woman, nor did I strongly feel as though I were born in the wrong body, which led me to believe that I don't have gender dysphoria. However after joining a chatroom recently, I don't know why but when the subject of gender came up, I introduced myself as male, and was left feeling guilty, like I'd lied--if somehow I were to meet any one of these people, they'd see me and think 'you aren't a man, you're a woman' and think I'd been lying to, or playing them, which makes me feel horrid, but them thinking I'm a male makes me feel comfortable, even though I don't explicitly feel like myself being a female is necessarily WRONG, I prefer to come across as a man? Which leaves me confused, if I were trans wouldn't I feel strongly like I AM be a man, instead of sometimes finding myself wishing I were? Lately, my confusion has been at it's highest, due to the fact that while I don't feel like it's WRONG that I'm a woman, I tried binding out of curiosity, and found that I enjoyed it? Seeing myself flatter, with a more masculine figure in the mirror and looking a little boyish left me with a strange feeling, something a little like being giddy, like I’d been praised, or I was proud? It’s difficult to describe, but I liked it, it made me want to try it more. But after experiencing this, I’ve come to be stressed—I’ll sometimes lay awake and realize I’m thinking things like ‘WHAT am I actually?’ I’ve spent 25 years as a woman and it didn’t feel overly ‘wrong’, but I’ve never been ‘girly’ and I’ve found myself liking being mistaken for a man lately. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

New!

replies: 1

I’m new, bisexual and masculine and not living for the hate I get

Demigirl maybe? Only dysphoria with part of my body

replies: 1

I am 14, almost 15, and I am biologically female. I identify as panromantic asexual, and I recently started dating a girl. For most of my life, I have identified as female. I am comfortable with having a female body, in fact I love wearing dresses and skirts, having long hair, giggling with my friends, I'm pretty feminine overall. However, I don't like having a vagina. I hate getting my period (I realise no one likes their period, but I promise it's different) and reading, watching or even talking about sex scenes or childbirth my lower abdomen does the same thing every time. It's like it shakes itself out in disgust. I find having a vagina unnecessary, like it's an extra spleen or something else that's equally useless. I am fine being a girl, in fact I have this really nice bodycon dress that accentuates my curves, and it makes me feel really nice. I have recently begun researching the idea of 'demigirl' but I don't even know whether what I'm feeling is actually dysphoria. Please somebody help, I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about this so the internet is my only hope.

Double life

replies: 52

It’s hard to know where to start. First of all, I’m a 35 year old gay man who came out to his wife about one year ago, just prior to our 6th attempt at IVF (8 years of trying). I still don’t think I’ve been able to move past that conversation, which was fairly traumatic for my wife to say the least. Not because of my sexuality, but because she thought I was leaving her. We met at the age of 19, and have been married for 11 years, together 16. The key driver to come out to my wife was due to a beautiful man that I had met, who I had developed strong feelings for. Like most of the stories on here, I identify with having strong feelings about my wife also, as a best friend, confidant and partner. I think the reason I haven’t left (and the reason why she hasn’t) is because of the shared feeling of not being able to live without each other. The idea of divorce terrifies me as well I must admit. To add further complications, we now have a 5 week old son, who I love very dearly, especially after so many years of trying. Leaving his side even for a night makes me very anxious. So here I am... a new father who happens to be married and gay, and in love with a man and a woman (in different ways), but unable to leave either of them. What do I hope to achieve on here? Clarity and direction I suppose, some kindred spirits and a way to move forward out of this mess. Also worth noting that yes, I’ve spoken to psychologists over the years, some better than others... but all of them expensive!

Trans, Lonely, and Scared

replies: 7

Hi, so I've been on this forum for a little while now, and have recently come to the realisation that I want to be a woman, what follows is a hazy recollection of the 3 or so weeks since that happened. At first I was so excited, finally I'd found out who I really was! But that excitement soon gave way to the rollercoaster of anxiety and depression I'm all too familiar with. For the first couple of weeks I thought I was a fake, that I just wanted to be "different" somehow to spice up my horrifically boring existence, and the terrible reality of what an enormous task I'd have to undertake began to sink in. Now I sit here at 1 in the morning, miserable, feeling that my dreams will never be achieved, a feeling that is in no way helped by my anxiety, which keeps me thinking that every day might be my last. I came out to my brother, and he was accepting and supportive, but I'm not sure how much help he can really be due to his own mental problems, and deep down I wonder if he even believes me. Coming out, it's supposed to be such a momentous, relieving event isn't it? Well, for me it holds nothing but terror. The only person in my family that I'd feel comfortable talking about this with, my Mother, passed away 3 years ago, likely believing that I hated her due to the crap way I treated her as a teenager. My Father is controlling, and has Asperger's Syndrome, which makes it very hard to get him to understand a lot of things. Add to that the fight we had at the start of the year when he threatened to throw both me and my brother out of the house over trivial things like cleaning, food etc. and you see why I'm dreading telling him about me. There is some small ray of light in here though, my grandmother has always loved and supported me through the years, and she seems like the best person to tell about this next, though I don't imagine she'll be able to offer much support, it'll be nice to let someone else know at least. I just feel so lost right now, there are no women in my life at all, I have no friends, and I'm practically a recluse, only leaving the house for groceries, exercise, and the occasional job interview or game night. I also feel an immense amount of guilt regarding my mother, and in some ways I feel that what I'm going through now is a redemption of sorts, though I often wonder if I deserve a chance. Please help, I'm barely holding it together at the moment, I need someone to hug me and tell me everything's going to be OK, but there's no one here.

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 219

IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section replies: 0

Toying with the idea of telling my wife that I'm gay replies: 296

I can't come out to my friends I've known the longest replies: 1

I came out this week.. but I'm married, trapped & living a lie replies: 21

New life, but afraid. replies: 5

New Here - Married, Father and Transgender replies: 3

Confused about own gender? replies: 3

New! replies: 1

Demigirl maybe? Only dysphoria with part of my body replies: 1

Double life replies: 52

Trans, Lonely, and Scared replies: 7