Sexuality and gender identity

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

minaisabelle do i even need to ‘officially’ come out?
  • replies: 3

i’m a lesbian. i’ve known so for as long as i can remember, and i’ve been lucky enough to not struggle with coming to the terms that i like girls. i’m 15, and when i was 14 my coming out came so quickly it was overwhelming. i don’t know if you could ... View more

i’m a lesbian. i’ve known so for as long as i can remember, and i’ve been lucky enough to not struggle with coming to the terms that i like girls. i’m 15, and when i was 14 my coming out came so quickly it was overwhelming. i don’t know if you could call it so much a coming out- my mum told me that she knew, and told my dad and some family members that i was gay so i never had to come out to them. i kinda felt forced out of the closet and i was absolutely not ready to come out to my dad, and he’s been more distant since. it’s kind of an unspoken disappointment. my friends told me they already knew when i managed to send a weak, cowardly coming out message to them. apparently the fact that i was 15 and not raving about boys, and fell asleep at sleepovers whenever they talked about guys was a good enough sign that i may have liked girls. i thought it would get easier from here- and trust me, it has- don’t get me wrong, but it also just feels... strange? i wasn’t relieved immediately after coming out. i felt vulnerable, scared and ashamed even when it went well. it wasn’t a great weight off my shoulders, it was more of a concern. is this really what my life is going to be? telling people that i like girls, feeling scared every time and ashamed no matter if the outcome is good or bad? is it always going to be like this? i hate even having to come out. i wish i could just one day have a girlfriend, it it be as normal as if i were to have a boyfriend. but apparently people feel the need to know about your life, and get upset if you don’t tell them. ‘you could have trusted to tell me! why didn’t you tell me? don’t you feel close enough to tell me?’ is something i have received a few times. it’s not that i don’t trust you- it’s that i get so anxious telling people, but in reality it should just be something normal that i don’t need to tell you! i’ve come across the homophobic friends who tell me i’m going to hell- my school has a few of them, thats why i’m so scared to come out officially . i’m a quiet, femme teen girl who doesn’t have the ‘stereotypical’ lesbian look, whatever that is. There are no gay girls in my grade. i would become gossip in my grade, like the last open lesbian girl in the grade above me. so i guess i was wondering- do i even need to come out officially? i feel obligated to because friends and family expect me to, but it just makes me so nervous. if everyone important to me already knows, isn’t that enough? sorry for the long read xx

licibakes Bisexual Support
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am a 16 year old female and in the past year, I have discovered i am bisexual. I have fully accepted that as a part of my life but I am so scared to come out to my family and friends. I know most of them will 100% support me but my father is ho... View more

Hi, I am a 16 year old female and in the past year, I have discovered i am bisexual. I have fully accepted that as a part of my life but I am so scared to come out to my family and friends. I know most of them will 100% support me but my father is homophobic so I am worried to tell him. I also don’t know how to do it as I don’t feel comfortable sitting them down to talk about it or just telling them. I have tried to drop hints like saying there is girls I like but they just take it as me thinking they are pretty. I just want everyone to know and accept me but I know there is going to be people who will judge me, especially since I go to a very catholic high school. I would love if others could tell me their stories of coming out, or some advice if they have gone through a similar situation.

Esti67 Is it possible to stay friends with your ex husband and have a full relationship with a new female partner?
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone, I have posted as Esti on another thread but my situation and its complications are vastly different to my original post. I am 51 and newly out. After a tumultous 6 months i am now living as a lesbian following separating from my husband ... View more

Hi everyone, I have posted as Esti on another thread but my situation and its complications are vastly different to my original post. I am 51 and newly out. After a tumultous 6 months i am now living as a lesbian following separating from my husband who I've been in a relationship with for 35 years. I am out to the people i care about and i am in a relationship with a wonderful woman who i have known for the last 18 years. Things have been good as we are exploring what our relationship is. We would love to live together, I love her, she loves me. I have been included in her life as fully as possible. I have met her family, friends and kids. This us a very big deal to her. Coming out has been very new to me and only a few people know about her. My kids dont (they are adults) but this is changing as i am telling them on Wednesday as i cant stand the secrecy and its causing major problems in our relationship. I desperately want to have her as fully in my life as i am in hers so I've made the decision after a robust conversation to just tell them. I have been scared to so far but understand why this is such an issue. I am still good friends with my ex but my partner feels that this is really inappropriate considering this is all new and its sending mixed messages. Effectively, she's not prepared to have a relationship with someone who doesnt include her as a fuller part of her life as well as being attached to her ex. I completely understand her point and am putting in boundaries with my ex (as hard as it is) and telling my kids, family and important friends about her. My question is has anyone from the LGBTQI community experienced this before when being with someone who still has a lot of attachment to a previous straight relationship. In her words, i am still having an emotional relationship with my ex which means i still have 2 partners even though i have physically moved out of the family home. This us way harder than i thought it would be.I appreciate your thoughts. E

Kable Can't face my sexuality
  • replies: 3

Hi, I've come here because I didn't know where else to turn. I have a lot of mental health issues and have had a rough upbringing. Being bisexual I feel has only made my situation so much worse. Anyways I feel as though I'm not that great at opening ... View more

Hi, I've come here because I didn't know where else to turn. I have a lot of mental health issues and have had a rough upbringing. Being bisexual I feel has only made my situation so much worse. Anyways I feel as though I'm not that great at opening up. I started to notice my sexuality at 14 when I would sexually experiment and find myself thinking about both women and guys. Although I was obsessive over how wrong it felt to me. I've never been able to truly accept it for what it is. And I hate myself everyday for it. Anyways, before my girlfriend I experimented a few times with guys sexually on one time occasions. And to me it made me feel worse, as though I'm horrible for doing so. And it's been troubling me for such a long time that sometimes I crack under the pressure of having to shoulder that burden of my sexuality. I would love to move past it but it feels impossible. Thank you.

aceinspace My best friend is transgender but doesn't remember telling me
  • replies: 1

I was hanging out with two close friends (both male) at a sleepover, both of them pretty drunk at this point, after playing truth or dare which resulting in my two friends wearing clothes of mine (female). We were talking on the couch and my friend c... View more

I was hanging out with two close friends (both male) at a sleepover, both of them pretty drunk at this point, after playing truth or dare which resulting in my two friends wearing clothes of mine (female). We were talking on the couch and my friend confesses that he likes wearing my clothes and feels gender dysphoria and feels paranoid around people he doesn't know because he thinks they'll kill him for being trans. My friends and I are both supportive of him and talk to him about going to a therapist to talk about these issues. He said that he's scared that a therapist may pressure him into transitioning or into not transitioning. He currently unsure if he wants to transition as his family is conservative and feels that once he transitions he won't be allowed to like girls anymore and be forced to be with guys. He doesn't remember telling us. My friend and I don't know if we should tell him or wait until he feels comfortable telling us sober. And if we should tell him we don't know how to. I don't know what to do. Any help is welcome, thank you

Guest_672 Asexuality
  • replies: 2

Why is asexuality never discussed? Im frequently judged by people including medical professionals when they find out i have never slept or even kissed anyone and im middle aged. I have no desire i have never had any desire abd i will never have any d... View more

Why is asexuality never discussed? Im frequently judged by people including medical professionals when they find out i have never slept or even kissed anyone and im middle aged. I have no desire i have never had any desire abd i will never have any desire to me thats the norm ive always been that way. I dont understand why people gawk when they find out. I was always always made to feel like a freak. When i came across the term asexuality i didn't feel alone anymore. It needs to be brought out in the open more

Marcus_33 Anxiety around sexuality, just want to calm down and let it happen naturally.
  • replies: 11

Hi guys, have read many great threads on here over time and wanted to reach out and get your insight on my personal issue. About 3 years ago, I developed a crush on a male friend (I'm a guy), it was non-sexual or physical but a feeling of deep love a... View more

Hi guys, have read many great threads on here over time and wanted to reach out and get your insight on my personal issue. About 3 years ago, I developed a crush on a male friend (I'm a guy), it was non-sexual or physical but a feeling of deep love and acceptance. We had a great relationship always but this really caught me off guard. I wondered if I felt this way about a same-sex friend then does this mean something more, does this mean I am "becoming" gay, or is it something that's changed in me as I had only ever dated girls in the past. I was just scared and have since had huge anxiety around sexuality in general, I've been seeing a therapist for the last 2 years and discussed topics around OCD, Anxiety, and they have aimed at teaching me to be more self-compassionate and accepting of any confusion as it's very normal. Even though I have no desire towards same-sex people, I still think about it obsessively and just want to make peace within myself. Sometimes I just want to know what this all is and just calm down around sexuality and it not be such a topic of deliberation for me, it's also not something I've felt comfortable to discuss in depth with people close to me, I have spoken about it generally but am not completely clear about what to think or how to just let it be. I've also had some lovely LGBTQ friends that I've only known in a professional setting and not completely comfortable enough to talk to them about personal things only because we don't know each other super well. If anyone has been through something similar I'd love to hear your thoughts and if there's anything that I can elaborate on please let me know (being mindful of word count!) Thanks for reading.

atw503 Genderqueer
  • replies: 2

Hello, I'm someone who is very proud to be female, but at the same time I've never really felt gender was a rigid thing that defined me. Also, due to lack of safety and general sexism, it took me a long time to feel pride and value aspects of myself ... View more

Hello, I'm someone who is very proud to be female, but at the same time I've never really felt gender was a rigid thing that defined me. Also, due to lack of safety and general sexism, it took me a long time to feel pride and value aspects of myself that might be considered female. I tend to sit on the margins of all genders, never quite committing to one too obviously. I'm an American who moved to Australia 5 years ago and it's been a huge cultural adjustment. The amount of sexism I've experienced has been massive here when compared to America. Gender roles are more rigid here and at times this has made my life hard. I feel as if I have to hide who I really am, especially at work. I also feel like I constantly have to choose my battles in calling out people's obsession with gendered ideals. Any other gender diverse folks out there that have found ways to "fit in" without withholding key aspects of who they are? Sometimes it's hard to think positively when it feels like I'm always climbing a hill.

Mike60 Out Late and lost
  • replies: 6

Hi , I am mature in age and in my late 50's came out to my wife that I was Bi sexual but in reality I am gay and have always been that way but have hidden it and other than flirtation never acted on my feeling .Living in a heterosexual marriage with ... View more

Hi , I am mature in age and in my late 50's came out to my wife that I was Bi sexual but in reality I am gay and have always been that way but have hidden it and other than flirtation never acted on my feeling .Living in a heterosexual marriage with a great wife who has respect for my sexuality and wants to keep our marriage together ( I must be a great catch) HaHa. I find a bit of a conundrum in the fact that I can be what I am in an open relationship but feel the guilt of be-trail for having a relationship outside the marriage. I have since coming out had encounters with other men and find it more and more stimulating . The thing is it has becoming more and more obsessive but getting a real connection ( male) companion is very hard .I am feeling like I am straddling two world one foot in the straight world and one in the gay. I find it very hard to find a male as I am reluctant to go out to function that have been organised by gay social groups to meet people in case I am recognized and I embarrass my wife. This very important to me that she doesn't get hurt. Most of my life has been building relationship as a heterosexual and probably over compensating for being gay but in reality you cant stop internal feeling and in doing have developed very up and down mood .