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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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PernicketyPony Is it okay to come out when I'm in a monogamous relationship
  • replies: 8

Hi! I am in what may seem to be like a dumb scenario, but it's causing me some grief. I am in a monogamous relationship with someone of the opposite sex. We are married. Our relationship is great, but in recent years I've come to accept the fact that... View more

Hi! I am in what may seem to be like a dumb scenario, but it's causing me some grief. I am in a monogamous relationship with someone of the opposite sex. We are married. Our relationship is great, but in recent years I've come to accept the fact that I am attracted to women as well as men. I've told my husband this, and he is not bothered one way or the other. I confirmed that I only want to be in a monogamous relationship with him and he feels the same way about him. Is it...okay to tell people I'm bi? Even though my only romantic relationship is with someone of the opposite sex? I feel uncomfortable hiding this part of myself, but I am concerned that if I start telling my family and friends they will think I'm just seeking attention and am not genuine. Also, would I even be welcome in LGBTIQ spaces, or would I just be taking up room that could more legitimately be occupied by someone else? Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Hmm_name I'm so lost rn
  • replies: 2

Hi so.... weird posting this up for people to see but it can't hurt I suppose Ever since I was young I have always like the "boyish" stuff and was told to act and look and dress more female, I hate looking at myself because I have the hips and breast... View more

Hi so.... weird posting this up for people to see but it can't hurt I suppose Ever since I was young I have always like the "boyish" stuff and was told to act and look and dress more female, I hate looking at myself because I have the hips and breasts most girls want and I actually despise myself my family are Mormons and are so trans and homophobic that even I found myself thinking maybe I'm sick and disgusting maybe there is something wrong with me I haven't been able to leave my bed or room, I can barely be out in public anymore, I have gaingained so much weight and I feel that I wish I never felt this way that I was normal and could accept myself and my body but it isn't my body...I'm lost

LittleMissAlice Scared about coming out to my parents
  • replies: 11

Hello... Righto, so I've been trans female for a while now... I've kinda cone terms with everything about that, as much as possible anyway, but I'm absolutely utterly completely terrified about telling my parents. I've spent most of my sentient life ... View more

Hello... Righto, so I've been trans female for a while now... I've kinda cone terms with everything about that, as much as possible anyway, but I'm absolutely utterly completely terrified about telling my parents. I've spent most of my sentient life hearing my family ranting on about the evils of the LGBT+ community, and I know that there's no way that telling them will go well for me, but I feel like I need to tell them or I'll never be able to , you know, be myself or whatever. What to do? Do I even need to tell them? Help please...

Soouncertain Straight men and underwear
  • replies: 5

Hi all, hoping to get some feedback and advice. Have been with my partner for 3 years, we have a child together etc. Very happy and love each other. But recently found out he's been on gay/trans site and enjoys womens lingerie. I trust he's never phy... View more

Hi all, hoping to get some feedback and advice. Have been with my partner for 3 years, we have a child together etc. Very happy and love each other. But recently found out he's been on gay/trans site and enjoys womens lingerie. I trust he's never physically been with anyone else but I still worry. He sad he only used those sites as it was a quick easy way to boost self esteem and validate certain kinks of underwear, not any actually attraction to men. That a sexual feeling to men has never crossed his mind. Has sworn on life that there's no actual attraction to men etc. But enjoys the power of womens underwear. A little background, he grew up around all women and never had much of a strong male rolemodel to look up to. A past relationship that caused a lot of self esteem issues and in and feeling of worthlessness. I accept him whole heartedly, but do worry that there is more to it than he'll admit. Have done my best to give him a safe place to talk an open up. As I also suffer from depression and anxiety, which I know causes me to overthink. If anyone has had similar experiences themselves or with there partner I'd love to hear talk. It doesn't bother me, everyone has there kinks, but I want to know if I'm being nieve here or have genuine concern. Really hoping this makes sense to someone out there. Thank you all for reading!

Bakura Trying to find who I am
  • replies: 1

To this day, i still cannot seem to accept who i am as a person. I am 29yrs old and I have never dated anyone. I thought it was because I put work first and that was why. I struggle to make close male friends because I start to become infatuated with... View more

To this day, i still cannot seem to accept who i am as a person. I am 29yrs old and I have never dated anyone. I thought it was because I put work first and that was why. I struggle to make close male friends because I start to become infatuated with them all the time. I am currently deeply in love with my best mate who is straight. I just love having someone who i can be around and spend time together. I dont think sex is something i am interested in. This is why i fall for straight guys. I know they don't want sex. I just want company but want to be able to have physical interactions with someone. I sometimes cry myself to sleep because I am just lonely and want something more. It has gotten to the point where i have given someone alot of money because i just want to feel needed. Each night I just sit down and try to work out what I am doing and what my purpose in life is.

kokemanjoki9 relationship wanted and getting desperate
  • replies: 4

I have been single for six years now and everyone around me can find someone except me. Single life is the root cause of my bouts of depression, pugnacity, vituperation and bellicosity. WHAT THE HELL DO I NEED TO DO!!!!! Online dating doesn't work, a... View more

I have been single for six years now and everyone around me can find someone except me. Single life is the root cause of my bouts of depression, pugnacity, vituperation and bellicosity. WHAT THE HELL DO I NEED TO DO!!!!! Online dating doesn't work, and the amount of times I have been lied to and people not answering messages is absurd.

BoltRog Newbie... Anxiety, sexuality issues and more
  • replies: 14

I'm new here. I suffer from anxiety and wonder if it's normal to often feel like I'm totally detached from people. In my current relationship sometimes I feel like I'm acting as if i'm a good partner, but it feels a little unreal. I do all the right ... View more

I'm new here. I suffer from anxiety and wonder if it's normal to often feel like I'm totally detached from people. In my current relationship sometimes I feel like I'm acting as if i'm a good partner, but it feels a little unreal. I do all the right things, say all the right words but I feel detached. I don't know how to be physically attracted to my partner and I feel like a robot. I try and listen to my mother when she talks to me on the phone, and I find myself barely listening, and not for lack of effort. I'm generally trying, and just sometimes not even comprehending the conversation. I stand in a crowd and feel invisible but in the spotlight at the same time, like it's obvious how much of a loner I am... then I need to go and stand with a random bunch of people so that I can camouflage myself. I'm too scared to talk to my friends cause I feel unwanted or like someone will talk over me. When I do want to engage with them, I have no words in my head and don't know how to act normal around them and don't know what to say - my mind is empty. The relationships in my life don't feel real, and I don't know how to make them feel real - I feel out of place in most situations. Context: Bullied quite a bit, through school and work. Sexuality issues with unknown sexual orientation, but settling on bisexual.

Lovepugs Lonely and gay need friends
  • replies: 2

Hello. my name is Steve and I new to this. I’m 45 and live in southeast suburb of Melbourne. My partner decided to leave after 19 years together. I have a lot of back pain and have had deep depression and anxiety which started about 4/5 years ago. Al... View more

Hello. my name is Steve and I new to this. I’m 45 and live in southeast suburb of Melbourne. My partner decided to leave after 19 years together. I have a lot of back pain and have had deep depression and anxiety which started about 4/5 years ago. Although I’m so much better then where is was, I felt useless after my love of my life decided that he couldn’t deal with it any longer and left me after 19 years. I’m not into Grindr or any of these hook up apps and finding it hard to find new people and make new friends. It time for me to move forward and look at making new friends and hopefully find someone to spend my life with. So for now I’m hoping to find new gay guys to make some new friends. In regards to a relationship, it’s something that I would love to be in but my problem now it that I’m not very sexually active currently. I’m not sure why and I must be the only person that doesn’t need sex to make me happy. And being gay everyone seems to want sex. I’m not saying that I don’t have sex but I just don’t need it all the time. So rather that give you my life story I would be happy to talk to someone who may want to get to know me more. So at the moment I’m hoping to make some new friends. Thank you for reading.

TigerLily187 Spouse of coming-out trans mtf
  • replies: 8

Hi, firstly im sorry if I get all the terminology and acronyms wrong, my experience in all of this is zero. I’m 31, About eighteen months ago my partner of 13 years came out to me as being transgender when I came home unexpectedly and disturbed him d... View more

Hi, firstly im sorry if I get all the terminology and acronyms wrong, my experience in all of this is zero. I’m 31, About eighteen months ago my partner of 13 years came out to me as being transgender when I came home unexpectedly and disturbed him dressing. He was very emotional, however I wasn’t really phased by it and reassured him that I didn’t want him to be upset and that it was ok. Ive noticed lately he has been having lows and very depressive spouts. I know it’s because of his inability to act or do anything about transitioning and the guilt he feels about it. We have two children (10 and 9) who don’t know, and I don’t know how to approach this. His next issue is we live in a tiny community of 800 people and he worries about the backlash on him and us if he acts on his wishes. He wont be able to earn an income here. I know this is where a lot of his guilt comes from. You can imagine the backward thinking we’re dealing with out here in the middle of nowhere! We’re not in a position to leave, I wish we bloody could. I may be getting ahead of myself, but now after all this time eighteen months later, I can’t sleep with worry. I don’t know if he does proceed with this what it will mean for our relationship? I love him and have no intention of leaving him, I just don’t know where I fit here and what to do. Also, does this now make me a lesbian? What does it mean for my sexuality, and his? I support him fully but I am terrified of losing him aswell. any advice will be grately appreciated. thanks V.

IfThenElse Bisexual son questions
  • replies: 8

Hi all, my son sends myself, partner and other brother a text the other day stating that he is bisexual. It appears he wanted to "let the immediate family know". I replied with a "whatever makes him happy" etc (because at the end of the day that's al... View more

Hi all, my son sends myself, partner and other brother a text the other day stating that he is bisexual. It appears he wanted to "let the immediate family know". I replied with a "whatever makes him happy" etc (because at the end of the day that's all I ultimately want for my kids) response. His brother responded much the same. I'm happy to talk to him about it (and have a little) but wanted to canvass others in what I should be considering... if anything. We have a great relationship, but i'd like to have an informed discussion rather than go in 'boots and all'. He is young, so I'd like to at least be aware of things I should consider and understand. You can see I have absolutely no idea... For example, would it be appropriate to consult a professional together? Purely aimed at understanding where he is coming from and if there is anything I can do to support him. Thanks