Sexuality and gender identity

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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219 unread

IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section

replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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questioning my sexuality 17 f

replies: 10

i have started to question my sexuality. i always have assumed i'm straight but i've started to find girls attractive. i'm not attracted to masculine guys but rather more feminine guys that wear makeup, more feminine clothing/androgynous looking. i find androgynous woman attractive. i have never even kissed anyone or anything but i feel as though i would want to get to know and trust the person before i do anything with them and it's mainly about their personality or who they are than what they look like. i also have never touched myself as i'm too embarrassed but i have watched adult movies, erotic manga and i recently watched some porn. i feel disgusted to seeing a penis yet i still find the rest of a guy attractive. i find seeing a vagina kind of weird but i think i find the rest of the female body attractive. sometimes i find myself mainly focusing on the girl. but for some reason i have the thought of i don't want to find girls attractive. i'm really open and left wing but i don't know if this is homophobia but only to myself? i don't have a problem with anyone else being queer in any way. if anyone knows what this means or how to put this into a term of explain i would really appreciate because i'm uncomfortable saying it out loud and not sure i want to talk to anyone i know about this. sorry if this was explicit but this is what i feel and i need to get it out.

Questioning about my bisexuality

replies: 4

Ever since I was 13 I knew that I wasn't straight. I had totally known that I liked guys but i knew there was some sort of attraction to girls too. From then I've been able to tell that I am more physically attracted to guys, although at the time the thought of sex with anyone kind of disturbed me. But as now it has been a few years since that time, I'm starting to get confused where I stand with sexual attraction. Even though it is quite easier to find me having a crush on a guy, I feel if that intercourse for me would be a lot easier with a woman. And this is what gets me confused on where I stand with my sexuality. For a long time I have been uneasy with the talk of sex and that, although just recently I have been opening up to the idea of it, just not with guys,, and I'm not sure whether if that affects me being bisexual, or if I should wait it out and see if that sexual attraction with the opposite sex comes later, even though I am sure that I do like guys. I'd really appreciate if anyone has any kind of advice on this, thanks!

Lonely and Sad.

replies: 3

About me and my issues. I’m 29 years old and up until last year was in the closet and still living at home. I’m an introvert but can socialise at work / with clients etc, but don't consider any as friends. I would say that I haven't had any friends since primary school but instead socialised heavily with my family. I haven't any desire to make friends, as I feel all that friendship entails would be a hassle, I'd prefer to stay at home. Last year my depressed built to the point where I had to tell my family I’m gay, even at the risk of losing their love and support as i was living a lie which was killing me. They accepted my coming out and our relationship/friendship has continued for which I’m thankful. I saw a counselor 3 times at the recommendation of my Dr, however did not see much benefit as I had already help myself by coming out, although we both agreed it would be good for me to make friends or participate in groups etc. I tried but didn't feel comfortable or too much of a hassle. I decided that it was time to move out of home, to branch out / be true to myself and try to meet like minded people, I had this thought that by leaving my parents I would be forced to socialise more so with others. This however has not been the case, instead I seem to have isolated myself further. I see my parents most weekends and it makes me sad/cry when I leave after helping them with their house and yard work. Lately I seem to be going through a cycle of depression and know that its because I’m lonely. I often think about growing old without anyone to love and the thought of my parents (They are my best friends) passing makes me cry. My parents have been concerned as they have noticed my sadness, and when i saw them this weekend it made me want to cry and i was slightly angry (Internally). I've been like a yo-yo feeling ok one minute then crying the next. Today I'm exhausted and struggling to make decisions etc, I have thoughts that I'm inadequate and there is no purpose to life. I feel like a lost cause - 30/Gay and an Introvert. I dont know what to do. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I know that if i wait the feelings will pass but i known they will only return in time. It seems to be getting worse each time however.

Thought I was gay

replies: 10

Hi I am a 54 year old guy was married for 20 years and really loved my wife,when I was 17 I had a meeting in a spa with another guy one thing lead to another and I must admit I liked,this played on my mind for many years and I put it to the back of my mind,around 8 months ago I started having feeling for other men and placed adds but never followed though with then,my wife find an add and lift my causing depression and a believe I was gay which I told my wife,but now that I have time to think and speak to people about my situation I not sure I am gay,I still love my wife so much and don't know how to fix this mess,I feel so depressed I think I cry every day,I wish I could till her but don't know with out causing more problems I need help please

Sexually Confused

replies: 1

Hello, I have identified as straight (and just assumed this to be the case my whole life - I am currently 16), however recently I have been feeling very confused, I know I am interested in girls, which I why I thought I was straight, but I think I may also be interested in guys, I don't really know if this is what I feel or if it is just a close homosocial relationship or if it is more of a homosexual relationship for me at least. In this way I believe I may be bisexual, or not, I might just be bicurious. I do think I could be demi-sexual though as I am not like my friends who just have an attraction to girls, I tend to have to know them before I feel anything towards them, I know people say that you don't need to attach your sexuality to a label, but it is really difficult not to try. I don't know how long I have felt like this for either, I may have been suppressing these thoughts as it wouldn't really be that accepted, I know my mother is very accepting of homosexuality, but my father is ardently against it and I attend a religious school and the school has never addressed their views on bi or homosexuality. Thanks to anyone who can help me through this.

Married with 2 kids but im gay and living a lie

replies: 58

Hello everyone. This is very hard for me to share but I need to do it. I have been burying my head in the sand for a long time and hoping the problem will go away but here goes.. I am 31 and been married 5 years and have two children but have been attracted to males since I was 11 years old. Over that whole time I have mostly hidden my feelings because of the stigma and attitudes toward gay men. Over the last couple of years I have become depressed and unhappy in my marriage. I have been trying to blame other things such as adapting to fatherhood and work and financial stresses but ultimately I think it's my sexuality that is the key thing getting to me. I feel sexually frustrated all the time and am constantly wondering what it would be like to be with a guy and explore the fantasies I have had all these years. Then I feel disgusted with myself for thinking like this. My friends and family are not very accepting of gay people and I can't begin to imagine the devastating impact on everyone if I came out. The people I would feel the worst for are obviously my wife and 2 children. I love them all so much and don't want to hurt them. I can't see any option but to just suffer in silence and get over it. I will most likely remain miserable but I don't think I will be happy if I come out either. It will cause waves everywhere and I worry I will lose everyone important in my life. I don't see a solution at all.

Female, 27, Scared and Confused

replies: 2

I'm about to turn 27 and i'm currently engaged to my boyfriend of 6 years, we live and work together and all our friends are the same. I have always identified to my friends as bisexual (never my family) and have had both male and female partners in the past. My fiance is an incredible person and I really love him so much, he is such a warm and sweet person. But over the last year or two I have found myself thinking of women more and more. I think i'm gay (i'm almost positive i am) and I know there is nothing wrong with that but I really don't want to be. I want to have a traditional family, husband and wife, kids and all that like the rest of my family. I dread the idea of having to have sex but I do it for my fiance because i don't want him to think there is anything wrong. I really do want to marry him and have children with him because i do love him but more like he is my best friend, and i know he loves me and i don't ever want to hurt him, i would rather suffer than cause him any pain or grief. I already suffer from depression and also PTSD, and this is just causing me to feel like i'm insane. I don't know what to do... I don't want to hurt him and i don't want to hurt our friends. I just don't want to ruin everything, but i don't know how to hide this side of me....

Bisexual coming out?

replies: 4

im so confused. i know im bisexual & i want to come out but i just dont know how. i know kids at school will think its weird & tease me about it, and i dont want to straight (haha) up say it to my parents. very confuse! what do? erin

28 female please help

replies: 7

It’s there any other women married with kids and still stuck in the closet and doesn’t no how to or wen to come out I need to talk to someone in same situation I’m really struggling

Probably trans, definitely terrified

replies: 7

I have a long history of gender related crises including a transition attempt 20 years ago. I have managed to not transition and to keep living as a male, I have a lovely partner, kids, a home and a job. Every now and then it feels like I'm falling apart and obsessively think about transitioning, and when I tell myself that I can't, or that if I did it wouldn't work out, the next thought is invariably of suicide (- its just compulsive ideation). I have antidepressants from my GP and my psychologist, who has some experience treating gender dysphoria, thinks I should be planning for a future that features some kind of transition. It feels like to do that I'd be harming those closest to me and might easily make my life worse, so I have a lot of guilt, shame and low self esteem. I can't hold to a vision of myself living in the future as a man or as a woman for more than a few hours. I need it to stop or at least stabilise, which I guess it is doing but slowly. I've read about people who don't transition and live with it somehow. That's what I've been doing but my success has been limited.

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 219

IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section replies: 0

questioning my sexuality 17 f replies: 10

Questioning about my bisexuality replies: 4

Lonely and Sad. replies: 3

Thought I was gay replies: 10

Sexually Confused replies: 1

Married with 2 kids but im gay and living a lie replies: 58

Female, 27, Scared and Confused replies: 2

Bisexual coming out? replies: 4

28 female please help replies: 7

Probably trans, definitely terrified replies: 7