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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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BMelb31 Deciding whether to leave my partner
  • replies: 7

Hi All, I'm 31, male and living in Melbourne. I've been with my girlfriend for over 6 years. We have been very much in love the whole time we have been together. All our friends are getting engaged etc so people are beginning to ask when I'm going to... View more

Hi All, I'm 31, male and living in Melbourne. I've been with my girlfriend for over 6 years. We have been very much in love the whole time we have been together. All our friends are getting engaged etc so people are beginning to ask when I'm going to pop the question. However, I've become very anxious and worried over the last 12 months as I've had to accept that I'm also attracted to men. I hate going to bed at night as I never sleep well, wake up early and consistently thinking about what my life would be like with a man. I suppose being honest I have noticed I'm attracted to men since I was about 18 but it was never something I wanted to try out. I always wanted to be with my girlfriend but now I'm worried that this isn't for me and I should break it off with her. I broke down a few months ago when I came home from work and told her that I was bi-sexual. I'm finding it extremely difficult to deal with this. My girlfriend was upset at the time but thankfully was very supportive. I told her I still loved her and that we could try work it out together. I'm just worried that I'm wasting her time and I should just get it over and done with. We have such a great life together I know it would break her heart if I did. However, being 31 now, I also realise I need to be true to myself whether that involves being with a man, I'm not sure yet!. I have started looking up encounters with men online. I haven't written to anyone and I haven't met up with anyone. I know this is completely not fair on my girlfriend. It's hard to know whether I should leave her when I've never actually been with a man. I'm so confused, its taken over my whole life. To deal with the stress I have started doing lots of meditation and also practicing the beyond blue 10 anxiety steps. However, my thoughts are still quite overpowering. It's so hard to leave someone you've been with for so long but I need to be happy with my life and at the moment this is definitely not the case. Does anyone have any thoughts/experiences or advice they can give me?

Questioninglife Confused by sexuality
  • replies: 2

Not sure where to start...I’m 36, married to a beautiful woman (my best friend) with 2 young children. My wife & I started dating young and have been together 18 years. before meeting my wife I was almost certain I was gay. I worked with a guy and we... View more

Not sure where to start...I’m 36, married to a beautiful woman (my best friend) with 2 young children. My wife & I started dating young and have been together 18 years. before meeting my wife I was almost certain I was gay. I worked with a guy and we both shared a mutual attraction but nothing ever happened. I always had an attracted to the same sex growing up. I grew up in a loving home but in an environment where being gay was not accepted and was an ongoing joke with negative remarks...I hid/ suppressed my feelings and attractions and hated myself when the feelings arose. I then met my wife and for the first time I stopped questioning my sexuality and we were both happy. However every 3 years I seem to go through a cycle of depression, analysing my life which in turns leads to depression. Questioning my sexuality has always been part of that cycle. Some how I’d manage to bury the questioning and depression only for it to return again later. I’m currently back in that depression cycle. My wife questioned my sexuality last weekend and I finally told her how I was feeling and I’d been questioning my sexuality. She has been amazing and supportive, I’ve since told some family closest to me that I’m confused about my sexuality- they have all been supportive. my problem is I really don’t know if I’m gay, or if I’ve suppressed it so long that I’ve really confused myself about how I’m feeling. Initially I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders but had only been replaced by more confusion. I question if the confusion is more due to my head telling me to stay where it’s safe- married, home etc and that’s my I can’t make the decision, Hoping someone has been in a similar situation that can help me gain some clarity. thanks

CA4836 Suicide support
  • replies: 3

Hi.I am trying to find and reach out to anyone in the LGBT community whose partner has committed suicide. I recently experienced this. I found my partner which has caused me stress and more. Counselling has been good, helps for the moment, but kinda ... View more

Hi.I am trying to find and reach out to anyone in the LGBT community whose partner has committed suicide. I recently experienced this. I found my partner which has caused me stress and more. Counselling has been good, helps for the moment, but kinda need someone who has experienced this to chat to or any referrals. Thankyou. This is very much appreciated.

ImConfuuuused Hi, I'm really confused about my gender?
  • replies: 7

Hi, so I'm 14 years old, and I was born female. For the past 2ish or more years, especially the past 6 months (which is when puberty kind of became noticeable? idk sorryyy) I have had periods where I HATE the female parts of my body, and I just want ... View more

Hi, so I'm 14 years old, and I was born female. For the past 2ish or more years, especially the past 6 months (which is when puberty kind of became noticeable? idk sorryyy) I have had periods where I HATE the female parts of my body, and I just want to hide my body from the rest of the world because it doesn't feel right, periods where I'm uncomfortable with those parts of my body, but it isn't that bad, and periods where I don't notice/I can kind of forget because I have bras that when I wear loose clothes it is much harder to tell that they're there. For a long time I kind of put off thinking about it, but now I have, and I don't really feel that she/her pronouns are right. The problem is that I don't know what pronouns are? I don't know if I would prefer he/him or they/them pronouns and I would like to somehow change my appearance, but I'm not sure in what way or how much? I was wondering if anyone had any tips on how to figure it out?

Guest_553 Need help with gender identity.
  • replies: 4

A bit of context - I am 19, born female and have multiple mental disorders, some which were caused by past trauma. Now I've always been masculine. Even as a child, I felt like one of the boys. It was when I hit puberty when the issues started. As I d... View more

A bit of context - I am 19, born female and have multiple mental disorders, some which were caused by past trauma. Now I've always been masculine. Even as a child, I felt like one of the boys. It was when I hit puberty when the issues started. As I developed breasts and started to physically mature. This was a tough time for me. I always opted for short hair, NEVER wore feminine clothes. I always shopped in the masculine section because I felt most comfortable there. My family would joke and make fun of me for looking like a lesbian. They're extremely homophobic and transphobic. Obviously this made me hide in my little shell for a long time. I was kicked out at age 17 and have been living with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He isn't exactly transphobic or homophobic but he pulls jokes that make me extremely uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, I love him TO DEATH. He is an incredible person and really sweet but I have been terrified of coming out to him. That isn't my issue at the moment, however. My issue is that I feel like I am a male. I have major dysphoria. Yet sometimes I like to act feminine? I'm scared of asking people to call me he/him (my preferred pronouns) but then accidentally acting slightly fem? I FEEL male... I'm just really confused. I want to be male. I want to pass as male yet I am terrified of being called out as fake by other people saying how I'm putting it on... Is being FtM and still a little fem in how you act valid? Is it wrong? I'm scared of being who I really want to be. I am still attracted to males only but feel male myself. I am so confused, mostly because I don't know if what I am feeling is valid.

Alwaysanxious I’m afraid my bisexual boyfriend is gay
  • replies: 1

I’m currently in a loving relationship with an amazing man who I’ve known is bisexual for a long time. Very early on (2nd date) he blurted it out to me unprompted. I hadn’t even suspected he was anything other than straight and was actually quite sur... View more

I’m currently in a loving relationship with an amazing man who I’ve known is bisexual for a long time. Very early on (2nd date) he blurted it out to me unprompted. I hadn’t even suspected he was anything other than straight and was actually quite surprised. Being raised in a very open and accepting family - I’ve always had the “gay is okay” attitude but myself I am very heterosexual and honestly if you’d asked me before I met this man - I’d probably have said I can’t date a bi person. I feel horrible about admitting that but it’s true. Anyway, I’m a pretty anxious person and I’m always ruminating on thoughts that aren’t helpful. I’ve been with this person for almost a year, we’ve lived together almost from the start, we have developed a serious and loving relationship. HHe’s my best friend and we are in love. Sometimes I worry though if he’s really gay and using me as a beard of sorts. I know bisexuality exists and more people find themselves on the spectrum than not. I also know my partner is a truthful and loving human. But there’s always the worry in my mind of “what if he’s gay?” His low sex drive leaves me questioning and is the only thing our relationship lacks. But he doesn’t act overtly sexual towards men or women. there are so many questions I ask myself: Is he repressing homosexual feelings or is he just not a sexual person ? Does he love and feel attraction for me or does he just want a wife and kids and that “normal” life? Will I waste these formative years on the wrong person and find myself 50 years old with a husband who comes out as gay? Most importantly, how do I stop these thoughts? It’s not fair to my partner to constantly question his sexuality and his love for me. I need to trust that if he says he’s bi- he’s bi. But what if I can’t trust it? How do I decipher projection of my own insecurities from actually warranted doubt? I feel like if he wasn’t bi then he wouldn’t have told me and been so honest upfront? Is that a good sign? i don’t want to lost this partner as he makes me so happy and is so loving and caring and fun. He’s my best friend. I just can’t seem to get rid of these insecurities.

Tracytron Does depression alleviate after you start transitioning?
  • replies: 3

Does depression start to dissipate once you start transitioning? I'm a 17 year old genderfluid translesbian (Use She/Her for me please) and have been on medications for my depression literally since I was 7 (I'm not even exagerating) I've switched me... View more

Does depression start to dissipate once you start transitioning? I'm a 17 year old genderfluid translesbian (Use She/Her for me please) and have been on medications for my depression literally since I was 7 (I'm not even exagerating) I've switched medications countless times but it never helps, and since I realised I was trans I've been wondering if maybe that has something to do with why it's not working or if transitioning will help with it?

ChoreoGirl How do you know if you're not straight?
  • replies: 5

I'm 13, female, and I think I'm bisexual. I have been having dreams about kissing a girl about twice or three times a month, and I normally can't remember my dreams. I don't really know if this makes me Bi. I understand that a lot of people don't lik... View more

I'm 13, female, and I think I'm bisexual. I have been having dreams about kissing a girl about twice or three times a month, and I normally can't remember my dreams. I don't really know if this makes me Bi. I understand that a lot of people don't like labels with this sort of thing, but I'm a Virgo, so labels help me to understand. I am scared that if I come out then it will make my friends weird around me, especially as I think I'm starting to crush on one of them. I always finding myself looking and the boobs and buts of girls when I'm in the school change rooms, does this make me bad? I feel different, and I feel like I'm not the sort of person that would be LGBT+. And I know that I wouldn't be able to date at school because most of the boys would be weirderd out by me liking girls as well, and there are very few Bi or Lesbian people, let alone girls at my school. My dad and his friends are always making jokes about gay people, and I feel uncomfortable when they do, but I don't know what to say without coming out, which a part of me is not sure I am comfortable to do yet. But the other part just wants to come out and be free. So with all of this, am I straight and going through a phase or am I actually Bi?

Emce New to this- Struggling to stop thinking about something that happened in the past
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m new to this so I don’t really know where to start, I don’t really have issues with my sexuality, I just feel more comfortable talking about my life in here. I’m a 38yr old married lesbian with 2 kids. My wife and I have been together for 13 y... View more

Hi, I’m new to this so I don’t really know where to start, I don’t really have issues with my sexuality, I just feel more comfortable talking about my life in here. I’m a 38yr old married lesbian with 2 kids. My wife and I have been together for 13 years this Year, 2 yrs ago we went through a rough patch, we worked in the same place and we got a new boss. My wife got quite close to our new boss, to put a long story short I got it in my head she was cheating on me with her. I had been cheated on by my previous 3 partners and I saw a lot of similarities. I think we argued for about 3 months. She had pushed me aside, I felt alone and unloved, while she was giving all of her attention to her new friend. My wife told me she didn’t know if she wanted be with me anymore that I was being controlling. I asked her if she had feelings for this new friend of hers and she told me she didn’t know. In the end she told me she didn’t have feelings for this new friend (to this day I don’t know if she told me that just to get me off her back). A lot went down in those 3 months, sometimes I replay things over and over in my head and I just can’t stop. She didn’t cheat on me I know she didn’t, but it felt like she did. I hate my job but I can’t afford to lose it, I’m a groundskeeper and it gives me way too much time to think, but that’s not the only thing I hate, I hate everything about it I’m just not a Gardener, I’ve been trying to get a new job but so far have been pretty unsuccessful. Im a fairly nervous person, and I don’t have much confidence. I want to stop thinking about the stupid things I think about and stop replaying stupid things in my head, my wife and I are going well now. I haven’t told her that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what happened, I feel if I do it will just start a whole new argument and I don’t want that.

lunamaree7 questioning my sexuality 17 f
  • replies: 10

i have started to question my sexuality. i always have assumed i'm straight but i've started to find girls attractive. i'm not attracted to masculine guys but rather more feminine guys that wear makeup, more feminine clothing/androgynous looking. i f... View more

i have started to question my sexuality. i always have assumed i'm straight but i've started to find girls attractive. i'm not attracted to masculine guys but rather more feminine guys that wear makeup, more feminine clothing/androgynous looking. i find androgynous woman attractive. i have never even kissed anyone or anything but i feel as though i would want to get to know and trust the person before i do anything with them and it's mainly about their personality or who they are than what they look like. i also have never touched myself as i'm too embarrassed but i have watched adult movies, erotic manga and i recently watched some porn. i feel disgusted to seeing a penis yet i still find the rest of a guy attractive. i find seeing a vagina kind of weird but i think i find the rest of the female body attractive. sometimes i find myself mainly focusing on the girl. but for some reason i have the thought of i don't want to find girls attractive. i'm really open and left wing but i don't know if this is homophobia but only to myself? i don't have a problem with anyone else being queer in any way. if anyone knows what this means or how to put this into a term of explain i would really appreciate because i'm uncomfortable saying it out loud and not sure i want to talk to anyone i know about this. sorry if this was explicit but this is what i feel and i need to get it out.