Immediate support
Immediate support

Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Start a discussion

CJ97 I came out as trans some time ago, I've been wanting to transition but it's very hard to talk about it with my mum and I'm not sure how to continue
  • replies: 2

Hi, sorry if I've doing this wrong, I'm new here. I came out to my mum as trans six years ago, her response was somewhat negative, she didn't try to kick me out of the house but she was in denial about it for the rest of the year, if I ever mentioned... View more

Hi, sorry if I've doing this wrong, I'm new here. I came out to my mum as trans six years ago, her response was somewhat negative, she didn't try to kick me out of the house but she was in denial about it for the rest of the year, if I ever mentioned it she would just leave the room, we had a good relationship before and after that it felt strained and I felt guilty. Over time she reluctantly agreed to help me make an appointment with a gender therapist, there was a very long waiting list though and I only managed to start seeing them in 2018, I was given a prescription for HRT after several sessions, but I didn't feel like it was the best time to transition, because I still felt guilty, I still wanted things to be better with my mum, I was nervous about the potential side effects, confused about how to use a repeat prescription (my first time being prescribed lifelong medication) and I was nervous about transitioning at my university, I bought the medication and I had it sitting in my bedside drawer but it's expired now. So I planned to wait until the end of 2019 when I had graduated from my degree, which I regret, because the bushfires and covid-19 happened almost immediately after, also my cat became very ill and that was a very distressing ordeal, he has recovered though, I'm happy to say, and things did start to get better between my mum and I, but I still want to transition. I've never stopped wanting to transition, I don't feel differently about it after years of waiting, I still feel really bad dysphoria and I can't think about anything else, but I've been putting others before myself and holding it off for a long time, even after coming out, and it seems like there's never an appropriate time to discuss it, and now it's the new year, I really want to restart my appointments, I don't want to waste more time, but my main concerns are: 1) How do I start talking about this with my mum again? At least this time I know how she'll react, it's not as daunting as coming out the first time was but it's still hard for me to bring it up again. 2) Will my psychiatrist and endocrinologist refuse to prescribe HRT to me a second time because I didn't take it the first time? Or additionally because I didn't make another appointment with them for more than a year? 3) How does a repeat prescription work? How do I renew it once it has reached the expiry date and ran out of refills? I don't know if this is the most helpful

Miss_Jane why so curious?
  • replies: 13

im a lesbian and came out roughly 8 years go. im in a relationship with a beautiful girl, but i struggle with being so curious of other lesbian girls, even to the point of cheating.... and no one likes a cheater. it makes me depressed honestly. i jus... View more

im a lesbian and came out roughly 8 years go. im in a relationship with a beautiful girl, but i struggle with being so curious of other lesbian girls, even to the point of cheating.... and no one likes a cheater. it makes me depressed honestly. i just cant seem or maybe want to settle? why do i think of others? why am i so interested and want to follow it? when i follow through with my curiosity... obviously it ends badly as my girlfrind and i fight. im left feeling like im a untrustworthy person, not good enough, a failure, breaking my girls heart into a million of pieces.. etc. this is something i struggle with and its been a while now. just feeling down and out

papasmurf69 confused about my sexuality again
  • replies: 1

I'm a 15 year old female and I came out as bisexual to some of my friends in October. since I figured out I was bi I've been very happy with myself and really wanted to come out to the rest of my friends but I just haven't had the right time come up.... View more

I'm a 15 year old female and I came out as bisexual to some of my friends in October. since I figured out I was bi I've been very happy with myself and really wanted to come out to the rest of my friends but I just haven't had the right time come up. however, I'm getting a little confused again haha. I just wanted to see if any one could tell me what its called if I'm attracted to women in all aspects, and I'm attracted to men but I wouldn't want to engage physically with them. I don't know of anyone whos experienced the same thing so hopefully someone here could help me out

Iceboy I’m so scared to tell my girl friend of 14 years I’m gay
  • replies: 3

Where to start I feel scared I feel bad guilty. For the last year I been hiding a lie me and the mother of my kids have been fighting over every thing so I started to better my self by losing weight I was a big man I got to 160 kg and now I’m 97 kg t... View more

Where to start I feel scared I feel bad guilty. For the last year I been hiding a lie me and the mother of my kids have been fighting over every thing so I started to better my self by losing weight I was a big man I got to 160 kg and now I’m 97 kg the thing is I was doing it for her and kid and ended up doing it for my self y that was happening I all ways new something off I was attached to man but now I no that I’m gay I’m really scared to tell her I don’t want to lose my kids as they r my world she is the best mother and loving person and my bests friend I feel guilty every day and and getting sick to my stomach but I can’t help the way I feel I really don’t no what to say I have come out to my family and they did not care told me they love me and everything but I had the balls to say to them just don’t have them to say to the most important person I’m not shamed of being gay I’m just a person that don’t like to hurt people I’m a loving guy and I no this will hurt her so I really don’t no what to say I no it going to be hard I been waiting for after Christmas and her birthday but it’s really getting to me and I don’t think I can hold out that long I been sleeping on the couch and talking very little but I feel like I’m hurting her even more thanks

CC_Worried_Mum Trying to help trans son
  • replies: 6

Hi, my 14 year old trans son is self harming and has also developed an eating disorder. I hope to get a referral from CAMHS soon. We are trying to give him all the support he needs but it doesn't seem to help. He doesn't want to talk about transition... View more

Hi, my 14 year old trans son is self harming and has also developed an eating disorder. I hope to get a referral from CAMHS soon. We are trying to give him all the support he needs but it doesn't seem to help. He doesn't want to talk about transitioning and I know he's still very young. What can we say to help?

Hootsweet Queer and STRESSED about love
  • replies: 3

I have struggled with my sexuality for a long time. A few close trusted people know that I identify as queer, I am not “publicly” out (I’m not necessarily hiding it I just haven’t told many people?) I’m also in a Christian community and would activel... View more

I have struggled with my sexuality for a long time. A few close trusted people know that I identify as queer, I am not “publicly” out (I’m not necessarily hiding it I just haven’t told many people?) I’m also in a Christian community and would actively consider myself a “god botherer” (so yeah there’s some baggage there ) I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, we grew up together and were good friends for about 5 years before we got together. I love him, I definitely don’t doubt that. He is truly one of the most caring, wonderful people I know. He’s supportive and just everything you can ask for in a long term partner really. I came out to him before we got together, he’s absolutely cool with it and supportive- but I don’t know that he understands it or how hard it can be for me to be in a “straight” presenting relationship when that’s not who I am. we are really serious, he would propose tomorrow and be with me for the long haul if I was ready for it. But lately I’ve been feeling really pulled towards exploring what it means to be queer, and I don’t think I can do that within the relationship. If I’m honest I have always seen myself with a wOman long term. But I love him?? It’s so confusing. The last thing in this world I would want is to hurt him. Why would I break up with someone I love, who is a fantastic partner and who loves me unconditionally for the possibility of a relationship with someone else... who might not even exist! I just want him to be loved in the way he deserves to be. And have someone pour as much out to him as he does, but I question if I am that someone. We have spoken about it a couple of times, he says that I am more than enough for him and he loves the way that I love him. it’s causing me so much anxiety, I think about it all the time. How much it would hurt us both to not be together anymore, whether it’s fair for me to stay if I’m feeling this way. How do I unpack this with him without scaring him? I don’t know what to do I’m feeling so lost.

katelia_89 came out as gay and am dating a girl but i feel so anxious
  • replies: 1

{for context a lot has changed in my life recently: i came out as gay to my parents, they didnt react the best but not the worst either. things at home got stressful everyday, so i moved out. now im struggling with that whole living independently sit... View more

{for context a lot has changed in my life recently: i came out as gay to my parents, they didnt react the best but not the worst either. things at home got stressful everyday, so i moved out. now im struggling with that whole living independently situation so i might move back in} Back in about July i got Tinder as i became more confident with the possibility that i like girls. So i wanted to start dating to see what it would be like. The dates were fun, but it seems that i kept putting myself in a friendzone because i feel this massive anxiety in my stomach whenever i sense something intimate-y is about to occur. This caused so much frustration because i know i get turned on by girls but when im actually with one, it really scares me. Currently ive been dating a girl for about a month and a half - i have loved getting to know her and i am happy to keep seeing her, but i still get crazy anxious about things getting intimate, every morning i wake up with anxiety because i have no idea what im doing, and i feel this terrible sense of guilt. I don’t know if this makes sense, so ask questions if you need, but if theres anyone out there who kinda gets this or has dealt with this in the past, i would love to hear some tips.

Peterjb My fear of coming out as a gay man.
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm 42 and have just started coming out as gay. Only a few know at this stage and it does not include my family or people I work with. I work in the construction industry in a blue collar trade which is not very friendly towards gay men, even in ... View more

Hi, I'm 42 and have just started coming out as gay. Only a few know at this stage and it does not include my family or people I work with. I work in the construction industry in a blue collar trade which is not very friendly towards gay men, even in 2020. This is the only industry I know, and I love my job, however I fear what it could do to my career and my reputation. All I can envisage is my whole life falling apart once word gets out in my job. I want to become fully open but don't feel ready for the tidal wave that will hit me when I do. People in my industry still talk openly about homosexual people in very derogatory terms. I feel I can come out to my family and certain friends not associated with my work but I believe social media will invariably leak the news out to my work colleges. Thats my biggest fear.

ImaStayAnonymous How do I tell if i'm bisexual, pansexual etc.
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl and I was wondering about different sexualities. When I was younger, I used to get crushes on boys, but for the past year I haven't had feelings for any guy. Recently I've been wondering if I have feelings towards girls, th... View more

Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl and I was wondering about different sexualities. When I was younger, I used to get crushes on boys, but for the past year I haven't had feelings for any guy. Recently I've been wondering if I have feelings towards girls, there are two girls that I think I might have had feelings for this year but I find it kind of hard to tell... I feel like when I like a guy It's easier to realise cause I go from thinking their annoying to liking them and its usually pretty clear. The two girls I mentioned earlier are my friends but I find it hard to realise if I actually have feelings for them or if I'm just liking them as a friend. I was wondering if anyone has anyone could tell me what it might feel like to like a girl? Im sorry if the wording in what i've written isn't correct Also just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to realise how I feel or something else like that. Sorry if this is confusing but I'd appreciate any advice a lot.

Guest_8764 Each year becomes that little bit harder. Married 37yr guy
  • replies: 5

I've been with my wife now 20+ yes we have been through a lot together. I love her so much, she is my world, my rock. We have a miracle ivf child 1yr. I came out as bi sexual many years ago so it will be no surprise to her that I'm into guys. I have ... View more

I've been with my wife now 20+ yes we have been through a lot together. I love her so much, she is my world, my rock. We have a miracle ivf child 1yr. I came out as bi sexual many years ago so it will be no surprise to her that I'm into guys. I have always had an attraction to guys. Early on when we started dating i think the 1st time was for about 6months, we remained friends and that was the time i started exploring being with guys. She seemed cool with it, we would go gay clubbing together we became best friends. But over the years things got a little mixed up and we started sleeping together with each other again. Then ultimately I choose to pursue a relationship with my now wife. But part of me deep down inside, wants to admit to myself that I am a gay man.. I have strayed in the marriage with other men. I've become depressed, started taking drugs. But the thought of telling my beautiful wife, that I am ending our marriage to be with a man, sadness me deeply. This might sound narcissistic of me, but she would be devastated. And I would rather leave this world than put her through all that pain and angst. I know I'm not the only one in the world to be going through this. But I just don't want my best friend and moat loving wife to be hurt, but I know she deserves someone that can love her how she deserves to be loved. Not someone like me that only has half his heart in it.