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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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jayskye Experimenting with gender causing problems with my partner
  • replies: 1

I am 19 AFAB, and I have recently been experimenting with how I present and refer to myself. I think I am non-binary, I'm not sure yet, but I've always had these thoughts. I've also had a really strong relationship for the last three years with my bo... View more

I am 19 AFAB, and I have recently been experimenting with how I present and refer to myself. I think I am non-binary, I'm not sure yet, but I've always had these thoughts. I've also had a really strong relationship for the last three years with my boyfriend, who considers himself queer in some way. We are long distance but very close. He very much appreciates my body despite me being openly dysphoric about my large chest and curves for years. Sometimes I worry people only love me for my body, but he reassures me plenty. The last few months have been really rough though, he has some complex anger issues and mental health problems that I simply cannot fix. He will often lash out at anything for the sake of it. Anyways, realising that maybe my severe disconnect from my body may be gender dysphoria, I started wearing a binder to see how I feel. Immediately I felt relieved and like I looked so much more myself. Its the first time I looked in the mirror and really loved who I saw. Binding has made me so confident and radiant in the last few weeks and its making me feel more confident that I might be on the non-binary spectrum. This wasnt the case with my boyfriend. When he first saw me in a binder he was supportive I guess? Because he knew I was happy. But he very quickly turned sour and mean. He was very happy to tell me how much he hated it, how he never wants to see it again, and that i should burn it. He even went as far to pick on my insecurities and tell me I looked even more ugly and disproportionate. This hurt me so deeply. He calmed down and apologised, saying he was just in a bad mood and saw the opportunity to express that negativity and that he just struggles with change (DD's to flat is hard I guess) and it will grow on him. Its been weeks and it is still an issue for him. Again, long distance so with timing he almost never sees me wearing it outside of a selfie a day. It still bothers him greatly. He tells me it doesn't matter if he sees it or not, he still hates the concept of me changing my body when he loves it so much. He still wants me to throw it away. Any time its mentioned he gets in a really bad mood. It's exhausting and makes me feel used, I feel a good lover shouldnt care what you look like and love you the same after three years. At least I dont. What do I do? I feel like if I do decide I identify as non-binary he would make it such a huge problem and hurt me. I don't want to be hurt anymore. How can I help him be just okay with the binder? I'm just really upset. I understand preferences but I dont understand why it bothers him so terribly even when I promised never to show myself in a binder.

MumofTrans Help understanding transgender child
  • replies: 2

Hi all, first time on this site.I am after some help or information if anyone else has the same experience to help me navigate with my 19 yo transgender daughter.We have had a few years of adjusting and coming to terms with this, unfortunately my hus... View more

Hi all, first time on this site.I am after some help or information if anyone else has the same experience to help me navigate with my 19 yo transgender daughter.We have had a few years of adjusting and coming to terms with this, unfortunately my husband could not support our daughter and this along with other reasons has resulted in our separation.It is only after this time where she has been free to transition unencumbered that she has changed.She seems to be a completely different person, and seems false.They are also saying they are pansexual and polyamourous, which makes my head spin for the complexity of their life. I am confused and I want to see if anyone else has had anything similar and how you navigated it. Thanks in advance

Guest_72590747 Am I or am I not
  • replies: 1

I don't like labels we are all just people but after 55 years 30 years married, am I gay, I'm so confused, I don't even know how navigate this, I think I just never aloud myself to think about it too much

I don't like labels we are all just people but after 55 years 30 years married, am I gay, I'm so confused, I don't even know how navigate this, I think I just never aloud myself to think about it too much

Guest_55827051 I can't tell if I'm confused about my body or my gender.
  • replies: 1

For a while now I have felt uncomfortable in my body. When I am in the shower or look in the mirror I see my body and don't particularly like it. The main part that I don't like is my chest. I was born female and now identify as a demigirl (part girl... View more

For a while now I have felt uncomfortable in my body. When I am in the shower or look in the mirror I see my body and don't particularly like it. The main part that I don't like is my chest. I was born female and now identify as a demigirl (part girl, part non-binary). I am currently going through puberty and, therefore, my chest is growing. Whenever I see my exposed chest I feel very uncomfortable and always feel much better when I cover it, can't see it, or unintentionally see it as flat.This may be a contributing factor but I have a trans-male boyfriend and the potential for me to be a boy might be affected by that.Either way, I can't tell if I just don't want to have my chest anymore or if I actually am a boy. If anyone has had a similar experience, please tell me. I just want to have an answer.

Ember_Glow How Do I Know My Gender?
  • replies: 6

I was asigned female at birth. My whole life, up until a few months ago, I identified as a girl. As a female. But now I'm not sure. I feel like sometimes I don't fit in with the other girls. Although most of my friends are girls. I hate the beaty sta... View more

I was asigned female at birth. My whole life, up until a few months ago, I identified as a girl. As a female. But now I'm not sure. I feel like sometimes I don't fit in with the other girls. Although most of my friends are girls. I hate the beaty standards of our society. I don't fit them. I don't like wearing tight and revealing clothing and showing my midriff. I'm also probably underweight. I'm tall but skinny. I'm not busty like the other girls. Everyone sees so confident in what they wear, and then there's just me, hiding in my baggy jeans and hoody, becomming as small as possible. Trying not to be in the way. I don't feel that out of place in my body, but I've got so many different styles. I can't seem to stick to just one. And those styles differ depending on who I'm with and how they dress. I've got ADHD. And Anxiety. And most likely Autism. I mask. To fit in. I don't know if the questioning I'm experiencing is because of that or because I don't feel female. I don't know how to identify bodily internal feelings, like hunger, etc. But that's probably just the AudiHD speaking. Please help. I don't know what I am or who I am but I need to find out.

Internalized Gender Fluid Dilema
  • replies: 5

So this is like a combined intro post and question. I hope my question will lead into some positive responses and start a discussion about being Gender Fluid. I was very challenged to think up a new alias I have not used previously. I choose the nick... View more

So this is like a combined intro post and question. I hope my question will lead into some positive responses and start a discussion about being Gender Fluid. I was very challenged to think up a new alias I have not used previously. I choose the nickname Internalized, because one of my biggest problems is internalized transphobia of all different kinds. I am late diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria, have a host of mental illneses, and unpredictably switch between genders. I am also being treated by several physicians, am prescribed several medications, and was assigned male at birth. When I switch to a masculine way of thinking it is no big deal, I actually feel pretty neutral, and still quite effiminate. If I am wearing a dress in public when this happens, I feel a little silly, but I don't feel reverse dysphoria is a problem. If I switch to a feminine way of thinking while dressed in mens clothing, bad feelings happen. If I cannot change into womens clothes, I will shift my male clothes, so I am wearing them in an effeminate way. I cannot explain what happens if my dysphoria gets out of control. Hence my dilema, most of the time I am adverse to sex, but because I can't talk about it specifically in most support structures, I feel ostracized. My doctors ask a lot of very personal questions, but honestly answering them frankly doesn't make me feel safer, rather it heightens my awareness of uniqueness. The continued onslaught of the toxic political debate means I feel I can no longer go out in public safely dressed part way in womens and mens clothes. This would relieve a lot of my anxiety, but in practice, it attracts a lot more abuse from other people. I feel that identifying as Gender Fluid is not negotiable, it isn't a choice, it is a physical part of me, but even people in the LGBT- (minus sign intentional) community treat me like a freak. So my question is, would there be a simplier way of describing myself, than using MtF Transgender, Transfeminine, Gender Fluid, Bisexual, Skilosexual, and Gray Asexual? Simply saying I am Gender Fluid, raises far too many questions about my veracity.

javixo Support group for single gay men
  • replies: 5

I am an early 40's single gay man of immigrant background and I live in Sydney. My biggest disappointment from the last many years is that I have failed to find a community of like minded individuals, a community that I feel I belong to and people I ... View more

I am an early 40's single gay man of immigrant background and I live in Sydney. My biggest disappointment from the last many years is that I have failed to find a community of like minded individuals, a community that I feel I belong to and people I feel connected with. And I have tried so many different options that ended up being just social events where I would meet people I saw only once. I wonder how many single gay men, in particular those like myself who suffer from episodes of loneliness and envisage themselves being single forever, would like to share their views or even reach out via this forum.

Riggybee Is there a nice way to tell a friend 'grow up' or should I put an end to things? Help!!
  • replies: 2

Hi, currently in year 12 and one of my close friends since year 8 is really bugging me. She spends a lot of time whinging about how stressed she is about school and how she wishes should could go home and how unfair everything is (like wearing a unif... View more

Hi, currently in year 12 and one of my close friends since year 8 is really bugging me. She spends a lot of time whinging about how stressed she is about school and how she wishes should could go home and how unfair everything is (like wearing a uniform or having to go to class - I don't see this as a big deal). It's really draining and I always feel like crap, so have been kind of avoiding her, which makes me feel worse. Sometimes I think she's doing it because she doesn't know what to say and is filling in space, but then wouldn't you ask a question instead? We're graduating in 5 months so I don't really want to rock the boat, plus she's having a really hard time at home (parents separated, mum is unwell) and I don't want to be that crappy friend that ditches someone as soon as things get hard, but shes been getting worse over the last few months. And she keeps asking if I'll still be friends with her after HSC and it wasn't really something I thought about but now it's really irritating me. She's always super loud and defensive and I feel embarrassed for her at times because her reactions are way out of proportion. When it's not so intense I actually enjoy seeing her from time to time but right now am kind of sick of it. Any advice?

Bluejay23 Struggling with being attracted to the same sex while also being a Christian.
  • replies: 4

I identify as a Christian, and my faith is very important to me. I want to be honest and authentic with the people around me, but I struggle with my sexuality. I often don’t want to talk about being gay, but I also don’t want people to assume things,... View more

I identify as a Christian, and my faith is very important to me. I want to be honest and authentic with the people around me, but I struggle with my sexuality. I often don’t want to talk about being gay, but I also don’t want people to assume things, even if they usually guess correctly. My closest friends have said, "It’s not hard to tell about you." Growing up, I didn't have straight male friends because most guys were homophobic. This made me think that all straight guys disliked gay people. However, when I started getting more involved with my wider church denomination, I felt accepted. I made real friendships with straight guys who never questioned my sexuality, and that made me feel free. I'm now at a uni, where most students are Christian and I’ve never felt safer or more comfortable. Most of the negativity I've faced has come from outside the church or even from some distant family members - that really shocks me. My close friend group here at uni is made up of straight guys, and even though we’ve never talked about me being same sex attracted, I still feel secure with them. I haven’t come out to my parents, but I know they love me. I'm just struggling with having to come out when straight people don’t have to. I’m a social person with a big personality and often banter around with everyone, but lately, I’ve started growing crushes on straight guys who have bantered back with me. One guy, in particular, has caught my attention, but I just found out he’s also "talking" to 2 other girls, and that made me feel kinda stupid. I want to stay strong in my Christian faith, but I can’t turn off my feelings. I’m not sure what to do next and would appreciate advice from people who have been in similar situations. PS sorry if this was all over the place!

Confused_gurl My husband just told me he is trans
  • replies: 26

So I have been married for over ten years and have two children with my husband. He told me last week that he feels like a female. I am hoping I am being supportive, asked about pronouns and explored what it means. He doesn't really care about pronou... View more

So I have been married for over ten years and have two children with my husband. He told me last week that he feels like a female. I am hoping I am being supportive, asked about pronouns and explored what it means. He doesn't really care about pronouns right now so when I write he and husband it is on his wishes. But I am so emotionally confused and just want someone to tell me this can work. I am not gay but I love him as a person and think I can still make this work.At the moment we are talking more openly and it feels great.. but he and I work in an environment that I feel if he does transition we will be fired. How do I support him through this without our whole world falling apart. Also how do you tell your kids these things without destroying them (they are 7 and 8). I am going to see a doctor next week to explore therapy and so is he but I guess what I am after is success stories... So yeah... That is my full on news...

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