Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 212

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Jack_01234 Choosing harmony over happiness
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am a 30 year old gay man. I came out to my immediate family when I was 24 and they were all fine with it but it has something that we have never really spoken about since the same thing happened with a few close mates. I am still uncomfortable ... View more

Hi, I am a 30 year old gay man. I came out to my immediate family when I was 24 and they were all fine with it but it has something that we have never really spoken about since the same thing happened with a few close mates. I am still uncomfortable with my sexuality and i guess i was waiting for them to encourage me to become more comfortable with it which never happened. I feel like I'm at the point where i need to come out all over again to them which feels silly. I have chosen to hide my true self because it was easier i guess. I'm at a point in life where most of my mates are getting married, buying houses and having kids and i still feel uncomfortable going on dates with guys, I want to get to a point where i can be in a healthy relationship and share life with that person but don't know how to get there Not sure what I'm looking for in response to this post but it feels good to type it out and get it off my chest.

LeeLeeMagee Hey
  • replies: 2

Umm, so hiya. My name is Liam and I am a 15 year old transgender male and things have been really hard, I am suffering and cry everyday. I have some real bad friends and I have been struggling, so I just wanted to connect with someone who understands... View more

Umm, so hiya. My name is Liam and I am a 15 year old transgender male and things have been really hard, I am suffering and cry everyday. I have some real bad friends and I have been struggling, so I just wanted to connect with someone who understands my pain, someone who won't make me feel uncomfortable about my self-harm, i just want to feel heard

Cheersdad Make up
  • replies: 3

My 14year old son came out last year, we’re fine with it now he’s started painting his nails and got some eyeliner. I’m happy for him to express himself but can’t help worrying about him being bullied on attacked when he’s out. We talk and he seems h... View more

My 14year old son came out last year, we’re fine with it now he’s started painting his nails and got some eyeliner. I’m happy for him to express himself but can’t help worrying about him being bullied on attacked when he’s out. We talk and he seems happy plenty of friends doing well at school. It just scares me because I know what people can be like. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Bunjil My children's father is transgender
  • replies: 18

My ex husband of 6 mths has not told our children ( twin boys 20 and a daughter 15 ) that he is transgender and has started to transition to a women. I have struggled big time with it and have started to see a psychologist which has helped. He has ag... View more

My ex husband of 6 mths has not told our children ( twin boys 20 and a daughter 15 ) that he is transgender and has started to transition to a women. I have struggled big time with it and have started to see a psychologist which has helped. He has agreed to tell the kids with his psychologist and me. I have no idea how the kids will react they are good respectful kids but I feel they have no idea this is coming ....I didn't when he told me... I was totally blindsided. Is there any support grps for children with a transgender parent. ( Before anyone comments on me using the words husband and he ... I am not ready to change over just yet ) Thanks

RedGracie My Husband has Gender Dysphoria
  • replies: 5

A year ago my husband told me he likes to wear woman’s cloths. He kept this secret from me for 9 years and I know it was hard for him to tell me and he felt ashamed but I felt and still feel so betrayed that he kept this from me. At the time I asked ... View more

A year ago my husband told me he likes to wear woman’s cloths. He kept this secret from me for 9 years and I know it was hard for him to tell me and he felt ashamed but I felt and still feel so betrayed that he kept this from me. At the time I asked all the questions; are you gay? Do you want to me female? Etc he answered no to both. A month ago he tells me he is now confused about his gender and as of last week has gender dysphoria. He’s going to counseling to try to figure everything out. I do want him to be happy but I don’t know how to deal with this. We hardly talk, no intimacy for over a year and can barely look at each other. I can’t carry on like this. He says he still loves me but I think that’s more of a familiar love than as someone should love a wife. And I don’t love him like a husband now, I can’t love a man who doesn’t know if he wants to be a man now. He’s changed so much and is not the person I married. Im at a total loss of what to do, if we split up there’s finances and pets. If we stay I am in a loveless marriage to a man who can’t touch me and I need to feel wanted as selfish as that may sound. I’ve considered breaching open marriage with him but I don’t know how to say this. Everything is so messed up, I feel alone with no one to talk to. It can’t carry on like this. If anyone has been through this or has any advice I would appreciate it more than you realise.

Niceguy020295 Finding gay friends
  • replies: 13

Hi, this is my first attempt to say that I am gay. I think nobody knows i am gay. The culture I come from doesn't allow to be gay. So until now I wasn't daring to find gay friends or partner. But now I am feeling like I will die living false life & w... View more

Hi, this is my first attempt to say that I am gay. I think nobody knows i am gay. The culture I come from doesn't allow to be gay. So until now I wasn't daring to find gay friends or partner. But now I am feeling like I will die living false life & will regret forever if I don't act now. I am trying to find someone around me who is gay as well. But no success yet. How I can find reliable & trustworthy gay friends. I am scared to search online as I have heard not many good things. Can anyone suggest me a way to find friends? Or are there safe sites for this? Any suggestions are welcome. Thanks

MitchL Gay and single in Adelaide and difficulty socialising
  • replies: 19

Hi everyone. I am new here. I live in Adelaide, I am gay and I am pretty much struggling to find a partner and maintaining a circle of friends. I came across a message from a user who said the following about the dating apps "I was mostly ignored and... View more

Hi everyone. I am new here. I live in Adelaide, I am gay and I am pretty much struggling to find a partner and maintaining a circle of friends. I came across a message from a user who said the following about the dating apps "I was mostly ignored and came away feeling annoyed and frustrated. I did my best to relate to others and tried to find a connection with someone, but I felt as though I was wasting my time because my effort and enthusiasm was not reciprocated." This is exactly what I have been going through myself. In addition, the circle of friends I have are mostly couples who have their own schedule and I see them very rarely and it is usually me who has to take the initiative and organize something. Even then it might take ages for us to decide on a date, time and place. I was wondering if there is anyone out there from Adelaide who has been experiencing the same issues and if you would have any tips/suggestions for me, as I have reached a stage where this is getting me down. Thank you in advance. Have a great day.

Bi_guy 30 yo male, married, bisexual and scared - need help
  • replies: 13

Hi A bit of an introduction. I’m a married bisexual guy and have been with my wife for 10 years. I always knew I was bi-curious but was convinced I was straight because I mainly only had emotional crushes on girls. This all changed ages 27 when I rea... View more

Hi A bit of an introduction. I’m a married bisexual guy and have been with my wife for 10 years. I always knew I was bi-curious but was convinced I was straight because I mainly only had emotional crushes on girls. This all changed ages 27 when I realised I still had a strong sexual desire for guys, almost exclusively Asian guys. It took me another three years to be comfortable identifying as bisexual. My problem is that, I love my wife so much, but I can’t help find I am more sexually attracted to Asian guys. It plays on my mind and I find it hard long term to cope with my primary sexual desire not being my wife. But I am confused because I don’t have much emotional response to guys and I don’t see like I could be with a guy long term and grow old together. My wife and I have built a life together and have a young son. She is at her wits end with my struggles with my sexuality. I just want to know if any other bisexual guys are the same and how do you cope? I find not viewing images or porn of attractive Asian guys helps because it lowers my desire for them. But I can’t help fear that I would be better with an Asian guy and embracing it may help the emotion come. But I don’t want to lose my life and my family on a whim. As you can see, my mind goes back and forth. In short, if there are any bisexual guys who are similar or gone through something similar, I would love to know your thoughts.

_Lee_ Gender confusion, questioning, depression - my 15yo
  • replies: 5

My 15yo son has spiralled into a deep depression and has started self harming himself. Today he asked if I would support him if he was gay/bi/whatever via email and I said that I might struggle with it but I would always love him no matter what. I th... View more

My 15yo son has spiralled into a deep depression and has started self harming himself. Today he asked if I would support him if he was gay/bi/whatever via email and I said that I might struggle with it but I would always love him no matter what. I think he is going to say he is trans - but I'm not sure if he is or not. You see, his greatest and best friend came out as trans mtf about a year ago and has been sooooo much happier. I have never considered my son may be trans too (?I don't even know what I would think I'd be seeing). I feel like my son has been depressed for some time and I wonder if perhaps he's taking on some of the 'happier identity' of his best friend to try to help him feel happier too? So maybe questioning? Maybe asexual? Pansexual? Gay/bi??? I am hoping that he's not been influenced to try to feel a particular way by his best friend as I want my son to be true to himself, and to be happy again. I don't care if he's trans or not but I worry that maybe he's either 'taking on' the friends identity or even that his best friend is encouraging him to 'try to be trans' when he is just depressed and lost at the moment. I've probably put this all wrong, and been horribly offensive but I just want him to find a way out of his depression (with qualified help of course) and to be true to himself no matter who he is. I am trying to think of it in a different way too - so, would someone who was depressed and possibly gay maybe be influenced by a best friend who is straight and happy? Would the depressed person maybe 'try' to be straight in order to try to be happy? Am I just totally full of rubbish here? I'm so genuinely sorry if this hasn't come out right, but my child is hurting horribly and I just want them to be supported to find their own path.

AJ76 Coming out after marriage and kids
  • replies: 4

I have been with my husband for over 20 years, married for 12 of those years and we have 3 beautiful children under the age of 11. For the longest time, I have struggled with my sexuality. Over the years, I have been to counselling with the hope of '... View more

I have been with my husband for over 20 years, married for 12 of those years and we have 3 beautiful children under the age of 11. For the longest time, I have struggled with my sexuality. Over the years, I have been to counselling with the hope of 'turning these feelings off'. Prior to getting married and having kids, I had an affair with a woman for 12 months. While it was an awful time for many reasons, the feelings of intimacy I experienced being with a woman was like nothing I had experienced before. It all felt so right. I have not been with a woman since as I chose to get married and start a family. My husband is aware of these feelings and has been wonderful and supportive of me. After a recent discussion where I opened up to him that these feeling weren't going away, as hard as I was trying to make the, he said that he would be okay with me 'hooking up with a woman if it didn't involve feelings. Personally, this is not something I would want to do. We have an amazing relationship in that we are great friends and enjoy each other's company. We work well together as parents and have curated a lovely family life. But there are times when these feelings really take a toll on my mental well-being. I find it difficult to be present for my family, and even the most menial tasks feel exhausting. I think about being with women more than I care to admit, and over the years have developed crushes on female friends and colleagues. I crave the intimacy of being with a woman. I don't want to leave my husband and split up our family. I don't really see a solution that doesn't result in someone getting hurt. How on earth do I reconcile these feelings? How do I keep my family together and live my truth?